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The man of the mountains, I'd heard I faced up to the snowman abominable As misses go, that was a near one; Two, carelessly climbing Tibeti You may think it quite serendipitous, Good shepherds with their sheep will trod The little sheep, white, black or brown, Last night all was peaceful and calm Which lamb would it be this fair night? 'Tis Mary of fluffiest fleece, But lo! It's not Tiddy the Ogg A slaughter-bound sheep they called Dorsey A clever old sheep from the Marne There was a sheepherder named Sutton Said the ram, "They're a motley crew -- A bighorn sheep's headgear's imperious. Those old Dolly sheep-chasing coots (brass belt-buckle manufacturers also affected - McW)
While visiting Santa's North Pole, I hate all those sheep; read my lips! Young Mary, an animal petter, Cloning of sheep is a breeze, A naturalist we know is queer; Young Mary, an animal petter, Said the shepherd, "No fun in this game-- A handsome young shearer named Bull, A matronly sheep named Maude Dupets Said a sheep to her child, "My dear Ruth, There once was a Welsh mountain sheep, All Tiddy Ogg fans should dig deep, Our weeds are now growing quite huge; Slick Wills got a big shiny button, This sheep bomb will sure kill us all, When the last consciousness fades away, A New Zealand sheep shearer, Phillipe, The sheep shearing gang, every male, The workers would then drink their fill; And if one should offer to sleep But Betsy had hots for Bill Crumm, How how should I put it? Let's see... To guard against forays by leopard, The shepherd had a rival, a ram, A sheep is a cute woolly creature Said a pious old lady of Bingham, There was a young girl of Tacoma Do you like it when they are fresh shorn? A chameleon, when he's feeling blue, You heard 'bout the beer-drinking lizard, The gecko is not very bright A glass lizard, female or male, Come celebrate the flora and fauna; An adventurous lady, Diana, An iguana seems like a small dinosaur, Iguana, he lie in the sun; There once was a fellow named Claude, If the years are about fours or threes, You could look at the femoral pores, I have two lizards, they're skinks. A larking young lady named Lillian, There was a young man by the Nile In the Zambezi jungle old Deazy A hasher, disgustingly vile, While swimming across the Zambezi, A jolly young artist named Bruno, While swimming across the Zambezi, You will find by the banks of the Nile, In the outback, by twilight's last glimmer, Rick There was an old man of Darwin,
Was a legend that some thought absurd.
So I took expedition
And fulfilling the mission,
My encounter with yeti occurred.
--- Anon
With courage and spirit indomitable.
But then I had to go, man,
When I saw that the snowman
For me had a hard on phenominable.
--- Anon
I never thought I'd ever fear one.
I had thought I was ready
To encounter a yeti,
But I wasn't expecting a queer one.
--- Anon
Were savagely mauled by a Yeti.
The rescuing Sherpas
Remarked to good purpose,
"You askee for trouble, you gettee."
--- John Dole P9612
When climbing a snowfield precipitous,
In peaks Himalayan,
If ropes don't start frayin',
And you don't meet a creature yetiperous.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Across miles and miles of hard sod;
The sheep lay at night
In the cool of moonlight;
They're comforted by shepherd's rod.
--- Travis Brasell
Never awaken the town.
They always stay calm.
The remember the psalm,
"He maketh me now to LIE DOWN!"
--- Jeanie
On the Tiddy Ogg sheep-dip and farm,
When a shuffle of feet in
The wheat caused a bleatin'
Of ovine distress and alarm.
--- Peter Wilkins
Which poor darling would suffer a plight
Worse than having a ram
Shove his ham up her clam,
And shoot sheep-dip with all of his might?
--- Peter Wilkins
Who will suffer an Ogg in her crease.
(All the others sat down
With a bleat and a frown
And awaited a breach of the piece.)
--- Peter Wilkins
He's in bed in his shed in the bog,
With his Erm in his arms,
So the ovine alarms
Must be caused by his faithful old dog.
--- Peter Wilkins
Said, "I won't drink so do not force me!"
But they filled up her trough
With neat creme de menthe,
In hope she might taste more mint saucy.
--- Jarmo
Was spinning his wool in the barn,
And those who may doubt it
Or argue about it,
Can see that he makes a good yarn.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who got from a ram quite a buttin'.
So he mounted astride it
And to death he did ride it;
For dinner young Sutton had mutton.
--- Albin Chaplin
A sort of bucolic Who's Who --
There are mares, there are cows,
There are bitches and sows --
But I only have eyes for ewe."
--- Basil Wentworth P0103
They butt heads till they are delerious.
Though women may fake
An occasional ache,
When a ram claims a headache, he's serious.
--- Actaeon
Want to take all the fun from the 'fruits'.
But consider the impaction
On this minor fraction--
Us folks who make sheepherder boots!
--- Stu Lucas P9705
A sheep from the stable I stole.
I was quickly erect,
But what's this I detect?
The cold air has frozen its hole!
--- CyberCelt
I helped Farmer John with sheepdips.
That farm's a latrine;
Can't get my shoes clean.
Ever since I have hated lamb chips.
--- Al Willis T9711
Liked puppies, but lambs even better;
She said, "This one's white--
I could stroke him all night--"
But the damn little lamb wouldn't let her.
--- Norm Storer P9605
Increasing your flock with great ease;
While also enhancing
Domestic romancing,
It saves wear and tear on the knees.
--- James M Menger P9705
Of women he has a strange fear.
He spurns their advances
And takes his chances
On buggering male sheep and a deer.
--- G1305
Liked puppies, but lambs even better;
She said, "This small fellow
Is snow-white, not yellow--
And someday he'll make a fine sweater."
--- Norm Storer P9605
I might just as well chase a dame.
Cloning is bleak;
When we play hide and seek,
These nubile ewes all look the same."
--- Arthur Deex P9705
Loved pretty young sheep, well and full.
But he'd never abuse
The ugliest ewes,
Because that's where we get virgin wool.
--- CyberCelt T9711a
Gave birth to a set of quadruplets.
"Oh what shall I do?"
Cried the motherly ewe,
"My faucets come only in two sets!"
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Such precipitate haste is uncouth.
When you come down a stair,
Use some caution and care,
And restrain the wild impulse of youth."
--- J G Francis
Who sang Gregorian Chants in his sleep.
When local monks heard,
They thought it absurd,
That a ram should intone strains so deep.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And purchase from me, on the cheap,
For our Pommie friend,
To whom I'll then send,
Our best Aussie seeing-eye sheep.
--- David Miller
The sheep will be having a chewge;
Eating up their greens,
They'd best leave my beans,
Or they might end up in a stewge!
--- Anon
And so's my mate big Jim Sutton.
When the buttons are pressed,
In unison carressed,
All sheep instantly now are mutton.
--- Anon
But who cares, and I ask "Why the stall?"
In destroying this earth.
We're all doomed and cursed,
To spend the rest our lives on a ball.
--- Anon
There'll finally be no more gays,
Or Slobos or Russians,
And slobering Prussians,
So it's worth it, you see what I say?
--- Anon
This is file mxk
So skillful at shearing the sheep,
He could shear in his sleep,
The whole flock in his keep,
Thus producing a great big shorn heap.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0508
Would work dawn to dusk without fail.
The farmer'd then let
His young daughter, Bet,
Come bring a great bucket of ale.
--- Travis Brasell
The farmer a-watching them still,
To see if those peasants
Perhaps had the presence
Of mind to ask Bet for a thrill.
--- Travis Brasell
With Betsy, that man's pay he'd keep;
That man was a shirker,
The truly hard-worker
Was sheared out from shagging the sheep.
--- Travis Brasell
And fancied him banging her drum.
So in fields late at night,
Far away from Dad's sight,
With foam squirting Bill, Betsy'd come.
--- Travis Brasell
While counting sheep I dreamed young Betsy
Had drawn from my well
More foam for her pail --
This morning my bed was all wet, see!
--- Travis Brasell
A shotgun was kept by a shepherd.
But one of his flock
Tripped over the stock;
The sharp-shooting sheep's shepherd's peppered.
--- Archie
Who thought shepherd Sam was a sham.
They queued all the ewes
For their personal use,
But the ram had the lambs and not Sam.
--- Archie
Whose coat is its very best feature;
It feels so forlorn
Whenever it's shorn,
That it won't even bleat to greet yer.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
"I have seven sheep and I bring 'em
To church when I go,
For they love the hymns so,
And it does my heart good when the sing 'em.
--- C Ray Wylie P0609
Who rejected her sheepskin diploma.
She knew it was made with
A lamb she had played with
And recognized by the aroma.
--- Ogden Nash
Or perhaps when they are newly born?
Does a suckling yearling
Give the ultimate feeling?
Or is mutton what gives you the horn?
--- Julie
Can alter his glum point of view,
By changing his hue
To a color that's new;
I'd like to do that , wouldn't you?
--- William K Durr
Who shoved the frog out in a blizzard?
Frog said, "Damn his eyes,
I'll see that he fries,
And I'll be the one eats his gizzard!"
--- Marlene
When it comes to its own appetite.
A bug or some lice,
It's all eidelweiss
With no gustatory hindsight.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Doffs its tail tip when other moves fail.
So when caught by a snake,
Off it comes with a shake,
Plus, their mates always get some nice tail.
--- Actaeon
You may pet Scaly, my pet iguana.
Iridescent gray and green,
Prettiest you've ever seen.
Thanks so much, but I really don't wanna!
--- Lynn Mostafa
Had a favorite jungle liana.
For if she could cling
For the length of its swing,
She could see a nude lounging iguana.
--- Archie
'Cause he sure has the outfit that dino wore.
He must be his brother,
Or something or other
And he looks like he really could roar.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0106
Iguana, he havin' his fun;
Coyote come roun'
An' gobble him down;
Iguana, his life is all done.
--- Cap'n Bean P0305
Asked if iguana sexing was hard.
You can't really tell
An iguana by smell;
You just have to ask it, by God!
--- Dave Jersey
Just feel below where it pees.
If you feel a rod,
It's a boy by God;
Info that is sure to please.
--- Dave Jersey
One of life's nastier chores.
Boys are bigger than girls,
Never mind spikes or curls;
To me this comparison bores.
--- Dave Jersey
When they get thirsty they drink.
They piss off the cats,
By hanging like bats,
The cats want to eat them, me thinks.
--- Anon
Protruded her tongue at a Chilean.
Her mother said, pleading,
"Remember your breeding.
That trick is distinctly reptilian."
--- Langford Reed
Who decided to swim for a while.
But why did he pause?
He saw the great jaws
Of a perfectly huge crocodile.
--- Anon
Makes weak-stomached bystanders queasy:
With soft words and smiles,
He castrates crocodiles,
Which on the Zambezi is easy!
--- G2311
Was swallowed by a crocodile,
Who digested his skin,
And most things within,
But choked on his Membrum Virile.
--- Anon
I was starting to feel a bit queasy,
When a wandering Croc
Grabbed ahold of my cock.
Now pissing is not very easy!
--- Anon
Went to sketch in the bright month of June-o,
On the banks of the Nile,
Where a huge crocodile
Quickly tucked him away in his--you know!
--- Anon
I met with a crocodile sleazy.
His ugly old grin
Was soon wearing thin;
All those teeth made me feel most uneasy.
--- K R Swift
The haunts of the great crocodile.
He will welcome you in
With an innocent grin,
Which gives way to a satisfied smile.
--- Anon
Went swimming. And, though a good swimmer, Rick
Was not quite as fast
As the croc he swam past.
Now all that remains is this limb o' Rick.
--- Jerry Nordal P0303
Who lived on the beach in a bin.
He ceased to reside
One night at high tide,
When a crocodile took him right in.
--- Don Humphries
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