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A crocodile, looking for food, A worn out old harlot named Dole The crocodile cleaned all its teeth, There was a poor croc in despair (Ranger Rick magazine)
I would rather be known for virility While swimming across the Zambezi, A tip for those tourists who're thick: A tip for those tourists who're thick, Sadat lived real close to the Nile; There once was a tourist in Niger, There was a young girl from the Nile, While swimmin' across the Zambezi, Clarence Croc is a swimmer with style; A careless zookeeper named Blake, Out dining, a young alligator, Now Suzie, the zoo's new curator, The first child of Annie, a daughter, At a swamp in the Florida Keys, Don't play by the lake, my dear Fred. A circus stunt girl of Decatur Behold the armored crocodile, Sunday morning dawns bright, full of cheer; Kids look anxious; and that's no wild hunch; A law-breaker captured in Skokie The General, a fascist dictator, A friendly young woman from Slater, Found a big reptile, kept it for later. Please pardon me now if I knock "Bull gator" you finally say! Father listened to his daughter; we note. An impatient old spinster in Florida An undernourished allosaurus An arthritic old Ankylosaur If theories you ate high, are porous, In the perilous age that has fled, Voracious insidious bees "I feel the end nearing," said Boris, There once was an old brontosaurus I had me a fine brontosaurus; The folk in the street don't ignore us, He's really a cute brontosaurus. "Come here with that nice brontosaurus. Dinosaurs with small brains and slow wits, Dinosaur brains were duplex, A dainty demure little dinosaur Such erotical beasts were the dinosaurs; Though Dinosaurs strutted their mass, My friend George, an old Diplodocus, I said, "George, you need no magician, If you go down to Jurassic Park, Arguments 'midst those in the know 'Twas an ichthyosaurus no less, An ichthyosaurus, no less, A wonderful bird was the dinosaur, Aunt Elizabeth's gifts used to bore us, A dinosaur stomped in a mall There once was a plesiosaurus, No, tactful was no pterodactyl. The old pterodactyl's extinct; Salt Lake City is on the alert The dinosaur no longer reigns The reason all saurians have died A museum bequest in Toronto The bone digger said, "I am sure. There once was a dinosaur Fred, What happened to ancient T. Rex,
Had a thought that was horribly lewd:
He dreamed that for lunch
He was eating a bunch
Of Hollywood stars in the nude.
--- Lims Unlimited
Had a pussy as large as a bowl.
She fell into the Nile
Where a big crocodile
Attacked her and swallowed her whole.
--- Al Chaplin P0304
And massaged the gums underneath,
Then wished in reptilian
Tones for a million
More meals that he'd just made of Keith.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Because his false teeth hurt to wear.
With relief and delight,
He would place them each night
In a fish tank he'd perched on a chair.
--- Ray Driver P9108
Than for any pronounceable ility,
And a big crocodile
Afloat on the Nile,
Feels likewise about crocodility.
--- Limber Limericks
Two crocs played a game of parcheesi,
By moving cig butts
'Round their teeth to their guts...
But the winner felt terribly queasy!
--- Prof M-G
You can't fight off a croc with a stick!
So if you're attacked,
Don't over-react,
Just fake an orgasm real quick.
--- David Miller
You can't fight off crocs with a stick!
So if you're attacked,
Don't over-react,
Just fake an orgasm real quick.
A dip now and then was his style.
Now he's lost prick and arms
Not to speak of their charms;
(That's thanks to a mean crocodile).
--- Armand Singer
Who went off in search of a tiger.
But, imagine her shock
To be munched by a croc,
For there aren't any tigers in Niger.
--- Graham Lester
Who screwed with a large crocodile.
He had no self-control
And he swallowed her whole;
She got out of his side with a file.
--- Albin Chaplin
The croc biting comes mighty easy,
For our Texas boys
With our tricks and ploys,
But they taste just a little too greasy.
--- Observer
Looks for tourists that visit the Nile.
Blow-up dinghies he'll thank
With a nice hefty Yank,
And he welcomes them all with a smile.
--- Val Burns P0609
Fell into a tropical lake.
Said a fat alligator,
A few minutes later,
"That's nice, but I still prefer steak."
--- Ogden Nash
When asked, if he'd have coffee later,
Just shook his large head,
And pleasantly said,
"I was planning on having the waiter."
--- Gunjan Saraf
Fell in love with her pet alligator.
They made love in a swamp,
A reptilian romp
And after he'd had her, he ate her.
--- Paddy Prosser, Blenheim
Exploring not quite where she oughter,
Disturbed a big 'gator
Who reared up and ate her!
(She ran really fast but he caught her.)
--- Florida Jim
In the water, up over his knees,
He slipped and he fell,
As he screamed bloody hell,
When the 'gators consumed him with ease.
--- Cap'n Bean P0607
That's what this boy's mother had said.
But obey he did not
And so goes the plot.
A 'gator then chomped off his head.
--- Rory Ewins
Performed as a crocodile ate her.
But a skeptic did smile,
"It was no crocodile,
It was simply a large alligator."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1128
Who fixes his prey with a smile.
His cousin, the 'gator,
Came a little bit later.
I think the croc dwells 'long the Nile.
--- William K Alsop Jr
See, the Easter Alligator's been here!
Long and pink, has short legs;
Scatters wild-colored eggs;
The old Bunny's been eaten, I fear!
--- Allen Wolverton
Gotta find all those eggs -- crunch or punch.
'Cause from strays left about,
Baby 'gators hatch out;
They'll seize the wee tykes for their lunch!
--- Allen Wolverton
Disappeared when released from the pokey.
His bod was found later
Devoured by a 'gator,
In the wilds of the Okeefenokee.
--- Island Singer
Suspected his mum was a traitor.
Turns out he was right,
So one stormy night,
He fed her to his alligator.
--- Anon
Upon meeting her first alligator,
Assumed he was dead
And patted his head,
Whereupon he awakened and ate her.
--- Lims Unlimited
I took my cue from the potater.
Dried that sucker out,
Ground it up to the snout.
Wanna buy a bag of insti-gator?
--- Anon
A real flakey post -- it's a croc.
If I reconstitute
The whole beast to it's snoot,
It'll run over the sides of my wok.
--- Glenn Gardner
Too late for this reptile buffet.
The brahma was randy
And thought gators dandy,
Until he became a filet.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
And then laid the law down and I quote:
"If you try to date that souse,
I'll restrict you to the house,
And I'll buy one more 'gator for the moat!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
Whose dreams grew progressively torrida,
Leapt onto a 'gator
In hopes that he mate her;
But nothing so crude -- he just swollida.
--- Hugh Oliver A033B
If living today would adore us:
He'd gobble and munch
On our bodies for lunch,
Right after to pieces he tore us.
--- Rory Ewins Q
Couldn't tolerate life any more.
"My knuckles are fine,"
He was heard to opine,
"But blimey, my ankles are sore."
--- David Morin
This is file mwk
Why such a long neck, Brontosaurus?
Perhaps it affords
You the long vocal cords,
To sing bass in the dinosaur chorus!
--- Prof M-G
Pterodactyls were seen overhead;
The great Brontosaura
Were munching on Flora,
And that is why Flora is dead.
--- Lims Unlimited
Inhabit sassafras trees
And stung brontosaura
Encircled by flora
With incomprehensible ease.
--- William K Alsop P8910
An amazingly wise brontosaurus.
"The air will turn cold
Before we've grown old --
It makes me feel quite sorry for us."
--- Teri Sloat Robt Sloat
Who sang in an opera chorus.
He did not know the score
But because of his roar,
The ceiling became very porous.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I rode him just like a horus;
And once every spring,
You'd hear the beast sing
The great Halleluia Chorus.
--- Tiddy Ogg
In fact quite a lot of them chorus:
"Where did you get
That?" It's just my pet.
I've got me a fine brontosaurus.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But some people simplly abhor us.
As we stroll down the street
With his 15 yard feet,
The road workers often implore us.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Will he flatten this street surface for us?"
And he does it with pleasure,
In quite even measure,
And the workers shout "Bravo, encorus."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Didn't realize they'd soon be quits.
Seeking a spot to rest,
Most thought La Brea best.
Others though said, "This place is the pits."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0203
With the smaller part up on their necks.
With most of its mind
In it loins, we find
The species was soon rated ex.
--- Decline and Fall P9309
Made daddyosaurus feel kinosaur.
He was pained that her romp
In that steamy old swamp,
Would now lead to the need of a gynosaur.
--- David A Brooks Q
They had the most monstrous posteriors.
There phenomenal cocks
Could shatter large rocks,
But alas, there were no use on meteors.
--- Actaeon
The truth was their sex lives lacked class.
This dearth of distinction
Caused sudden extinction...
A lesson, if you're a young lass!
--- Mark Levy P9309
Has eyes that are bad, they're lost focus.
"Find a wizard for me;
He will soon make me see,
With a touch of his old hocus-pocus."
--- Tiddy Ogg
To give you some near-perfect vision.
Just come into town;
There's a fellow I've found;
They say he's a real fine optician."
--- Tiddy Ogg
You'll see him, he thinks it's a lark.
Embarrassed he's not,
By the glasses he's got;
He's glad he'd not left in the dark.
--- Tiddy Ogg
About dinosaurs rapid or slow;
Did T-rex use probocsis
Sniffing fetid deposits
Of dead prey, or hunt like a pro?
--- Barb
Who was plesiosaurus undress.
But I chased it away
As we started to play,
And had fun on the shores of Loch Ness.
--- Peter Wilkins
Met a plesiosaurus called Bess.
They frolicked all day
In an amorous way,
And bred monsters galore in Loch Ness.
--- Peter Wilkins
That the forests of primeval China bore,
For its genes were such winners,
That they led to the dinners
The modern-day KFC diners store.
--- Graham Lester
Till she told us we'd get a thesaurus.
We were thrilled past belief,
Till we found, to our grief,
She had not bought a dinosaur for us.
--- Stargazer
Where people are tiny and small.
"Now why did you think
I was really extinct?"
The dinosaur roared with a drawl.
--- Agustin E DeMello
Who lived when the earth was all porous.
But it fainted with shame,
When it first heard its name,
And departed long ages before us.
--- Devlin McHenry
Haphazardly hacking, he hacked till
His offspring were fed,
After which nothing fled
Till the time that he wouldn't be back till.
--- David A Brooks Q
A dinosaur bird, so I thinct.
It ran out of luck
When the asteroid struck.
And so 'neath the waves it did sinct.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For an aircraft that's dumping its dirt...
But an airline has blamed
A strange dinosaur, named
Sauradropitryx by their expert.
--- Prof M-G
In the marches or forests or plains.
The beasts might have survived
Where once they had thrived,
If only they'd grown bigger brains.
--- Paul Lusch P9310
Has theories that range far and wide;
But mostly agree,
At catastrophe,
Most difficult for them to hide.
--- Irving Superior P9310
Left it stuck with a saurus called "Bronto".
Equipped with a dong
Some seven feet long,
The prudes want it out of there, pronto.
--- Armand Singer
My sample's remarkably pure.
And I've run several checks.
It's the shit of T. rex,
And tomorrow it's going on tour.
Who liked to eat nothing but bread,
But it had not been invented,
So be grew thin and dented,
And soon he was lying there dead.
--- Rebecca Read age 12 P0112
And the brontosaurs with their long necks?
Their kind are extinct
For one reason succinct:
They didn't have quite enough sex. (They suffered from small
--- Jerry Nordal
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