There was an old Dragon named Lou, There once was a bold British Knight The knight was left standing alone "Bold knight," said the well-hidden beast, "Go home and carve pork-pies instead, The knight walked all day down the road, It ate 'til its stomach was swelling So now we may lift up our flagon Dragons were a terrible sight; A dour old dwarf named Fritz, My parents began to have fits, He's seen by both Christian and pagan, We've all missed this very strange plot, If Marlene stays inside her head, Marlene, it's now safe to come out, The butterflies hold up the sky; The three-headed dragon of Thrunn, Head #1 says "Let's go to the West; There's cows in the East. Let us race Come folks, show the poor thing some pity. A dragon named Ernest Balfour, An Indian princess one day, So she climbed the steps of the tower, They were married the very next minute, And Ernest said: "Princess my dear, Let me buy you some angelfood cake, When a Dragon roars down from the hill, The Queen Dragon with five different heads, When that Saint George hadde sleyne ye draggon, To dragons I'm crunchy and taste Big Daffyd's my dragon; he's strong; But don't touch his big pile of sparklies; The dragon is often dismissed;
This is file myk
There was an old man of Cape May The smelt, a prolific sea creature, A young SCUBA diver named Lee (Why buy a cow with milk free. - McW)
A mermaid is a dish A mermaid, I'd seen on the shore Said a mermaid one day by the sea, A Norse from the isles of Lofoten I once wandered down to the shore An unlucky fellow named Foster Once a Florida boater called Hockney Mermaids lack some paraphernalia; How often and often, I wish If you're out in the straits they call Georgia, The outside of mermaids, no doubt, After fishing all day, Mr. Heldt There once was a saialor named Jed, A mermaid, half girl and half fish, A woman who wore just one stocking The Abominable Snowman's a creature, There is a snowman in Tibet. He It may be that there is no man In a young Canadians crotch A logger on top of Mt. Hood A hiker along with his toots A hiker once happened to meet On the slopes of Mount Everest indomitable, "You ate Yeti? But hold on a tick. You can't let that part go to wasty, There once was an amorous yeti By Loch Ness, they can toss, like confetti, I must place Himalayas' chilled yeti There was a young lady named Betty, If you go to Tibet, where you think
For dinner, eats a knight or two;
I've one suggestion
For his digestion,
Wait until they're done cooking through.
--- Toolman
Who went hunting a Dragon to fight.
But when it smelled Dragon,
His horse started laggin'...
And then ran away out of fright.
--- C M Joserlin
To face the fierce Wurm all alone;
This warrior so brave,
Followed smoke to a cave,
Where the Dragon lay deep in the stone.
--- C M Joserlin
"Your visit shows courage, at least,
But wisdom is lacking
In knights who go hacking
At mountains, instead of a feast."
--- C M Joserlin
And chickens, and cheeses, and bread...
Come back with a share --
Folks'll be free from care,
For no Dragon hunts when well fed.
--- C M Joserlin
Then rode back with a wagon-full load
Of savory feast
To feed to the beast,
And as for the Dragon, it growed!
--- C M Joserlin
To fill all its cavernous dwelling.
And true to its word,
The Dragon preferred
To dine home instead to go killing.
--- C M Joserlin
In salute to the knight and his wagon,
And wash down our feed
With good whiskey and mead,
And give a big share to the dragon.
--- C M Joserlin
They put timid peasants to flight.
They seem inestimable
But they proved comestible;
MacDragonburgers won over night.
--- Tony Burrell
Was burned right where he sits.
That happens, they say,
When you get in the way
Of a dragon, just as he spits.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
When my dragon developed the shits.
For wherever he farted,
A great fire started,
Blowing our house into bits.
--- Lims For Year - 01
The horrible fire-breathing dragon.
But never, you'll note
Is he ever remote
From acetylene tanks in the wagon.
--- VOL 6
For tablets we no more have got.
That tree has its owls
And some of my towels,
Wait, now it's beginning to trot.
--- Archie
And if I can use mine instead
That big bright green sky,
(Where elephants fly)
Will kill all the dragons stone dead!
--- Archie
Although all the hippos are stout.
I've saved you again
From the sound of Big Ben.
But Kiss let the butterflies out!
--- Archie
The elephants pissed in my eye.
The dragons live still;
They're not easy to kill,
But since when did fat hippos fly?
--- Archie
Considers life not too much fun.
His heads disagree
'Bout where to have tea,
So his legs don't know which way to run.
--- Tiddy Ogg
There's sheep there; I like mutton best.
Head #2 says "Oh no.
'Tis North we should go,
For man-flesh." Head #3's not impressed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And roast us some beef in that place."
And thus every brain
Tries to set legs in train.
And the poor beast falls flat on its face.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of food he will not get a bit. He
Acquires far from ample,
A classic example
Of government by a committee.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who lived in a dark palace tower,
Played a dark violin
Of dried out sharkskin,
Hour after hour after hour.
--- William Jay Smith
Who happened to wander that way,
Said: "The sound of that thin
Dried out violin
Has stolen my heart quite away."
--- Archie
And there beheld Ernest Balfour,
Who was changed by her glance
To a handsome young prince;
She had broken the Old Witch's power.
--- Archie
By a neighbour, Sir Larchmont of Linnet,
And they danced to a thin
Dried out violin
Accompanied by a very shrill spinet.
--- Archie
I will never blow smoke in your ear.
No Dragon am I
But a Prince till I die;
You have nothing what ever to fear.
--- Archie
That we'll munch while we walk by the lake,
Enjoying the smile,
Of the sweet crocodile
And the music the Bullfrogs make.
--- Anon
Having come to do us both ill,
Belching up flames,
And calling us names,
I will say GO AWAY! And he will."
--- William Jay Smith
Screams to send warriors to their beds.
With fire and death
And a dose of bad breath,
She scares Greenspan, the head of the Fed.
--- Dan S
He sat him down furninst a flaggon;
And, wit ye well,
Within a spell,
He hadde a bien plaisant jag on.
--- Carolyn Wells (Bibby)
Good with ketchup or tomato paste.
Before you engorge,
Remember St George,
And do not proceed with much haste.
--- Archie
He's from Wales where they burst into song.
And when he is bored
From guarding his hoard,
At Eisteddfords he does sing along.
--- Archie
His views on jewel theives are quite darklies.
He'll breathe hard on you,
Like a big barbeque,
Then eat you just like some great sharklies.
--- Archie
People say it just did not exist.
But our good St George
A career did forge,
By not letting this myth persist.
--- Tony Burrell
Who reeled in a mermaid one day.
He said, "She's a queen!
But you should have seen
The one I threw back in the bay!"
--- Anon
(Like mermaids, who lack a key feature),
Makes more smelts by eggs,
While sad mermaid begs,
"Please how?" Even French wench can't teach her,
--- Elois
From a mermaid one time had to flee,
For she wanted to marry,
But the diver was wary --
There were plenty of fish in the sea.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2668
Who always makes you wish
When she ascends,
That both her ends
Were either flesh or fish.
--- William K Alsop P8910 a
So I anchored my boat for a score,
But my craft, it was stolen
By pirates Angolan:
As the raven would quote, 'never moor'.
--- Anon
"The sun is no menace to me.
As summer gets hotter,
I'll stay under water,
And thereby avoid the UV."
--- June Skene P9308
Was out on the fjord one day boatin'.
He was greatly delighted
When a mermaid he sighted,
With an upper half well worth notin'.
--- MrMalo
For a tryst with a mermaid-like whore;
I liked her physique --
So scaly, so sleek!
But her odor was hard to ignore.
--- Norm Storer P0011
Caught a mermaid while fishing off Gloucester.
To his lasting regret,
When he reached in the net,
She slipped through his hands and he lost her.
--- Cyber Geezer
Saw a mermaid on River Ochlockonee.
Though he didn't capsize,
He'd now blind in both eyes,
From her looks, and has permanent knock-knee!
--- Prof M-G
It seems making love ends in failure.
With no legs to spread,
They give their man head,
Wipe their chin, then rub their genetalia.
--- Dirruk
I lived in green depths like a fish.
No noise, not a thing,
But the mermaids who sing,
Whilst their tails give a slippery swish.
--- Francis Cornford
And a mermaid starts swimming right towargia,
Insist that you think
She's a sweet salmon-pink,
And explain, "I just cannot afforgia."
--- Hugh Oliver 110b
Is covered with scales like a trout.
Inside, I think
They are pretty and pink,
But they rarely appear inside-out.
--- Paul Bowman
Was thrilled with the pride that he felt.
He collected the catch
That few anglers could match,
For two mermaids he caught, and one smelt.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2615
Who took a cute mermaid to bed.
He said, "To be blunt,
I can't find your cunt,
So give me a blow job instead."
--- David Miller
Met an octopus, who was feeling RAFFISH.
He used all eight hands
To stir up her glands,
And left her giggly and laugh-ish.
--- Norm Brust
Was considered remarkably shocking.
The men were pissed 'cause
They found that she was
A mermaid to whom they were flocking.
--- Barry Rosenberg P0608
That has a singular feature,
A rather large eye
That looks up at the sky.
It reminds me a lot of my teacher.
--- Jonathan Munn
Is locally known as the Yeti.
He's a marvel at swimmin',
For abominable snowwomen
All reside on the wide Serengeti.
--- Cyber Geezer
Who's seen the Abominable Snowman --
Who's known also as Yeti,
Yet I think if we met, he
Might run as fast as I could go, man.
--- Macsam
There lives a ferocious Sasquatch.
And one day said he,
How long is my yeti?
A whole great Big Foot of debauch.
--- Phil T
Saw a Bigfoot quite near where he stood.
As the creature drew near,
The man trembled with fear,
As only the petrified would.
--- Gerry Busch
Was maimed by a pair of Bigfoots.
The rescuing sheriff
Said, "Always take care if
You disparage some hairy guy's putz."
--- Arthur Deex P9612
And get abused by a pair of Bigfeet.
The rescuing ranger
Said, "You all look out, stranger,
Them ape guys is most indiscreet."
--- Arthur Deex P9612
I tracked down a snowman abominable,
And slew the poor Yeti
And cooked he and et he;
It was good 'cept the nuts which were vomitable.
--- MrMalo
You neglected to mention its dick.
You rejected his balls
(Which no one recalls)
But you ate his dick? (I feel sick!)
--- Mike
Nor let Tibetan vacations be hasty.
Though your climb may take hours,
You must pause to smell flowers,
And besides. "Himalayan oysters" are tasty.
--- Anon
Who used as his lure amaretti;
He found one macaroon
Makes a yeti girl swoon,
So he knew pretty soon he'd get sweaty.
--- David Morin
The proofs that they've snapped, from the jetty,
Abominable Snowmen,
Apparently no men
Have every quite filmed them, as Yeti.
--- Bill Greenwell
On Africa's baked Serengeti.
A sweltering clime,
But the only fit rhyme
For a yeti poetically petty.
--- Anon
Who was having sex with a Yeti.
When they started to come,
The resulting hum
Upset the big scanners at SETI.
--- Elvo Feek
You'll discover that old Missing Link,
Do beware; don't forget he
Might well be a Yeti,
With furry big feet that may stink.
--- Cyber Geezer