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There was an old Dragon named Lou,
For dinner, eats a knight or two;
I've one suggestion
For his digestion,
Wait until they're done cooking through.
--- Toolman

There once was a bold British Knight
Who went hunting a Dragon to fight.
But when it smelled Dragon,
His horse started laggin'...
And then ran away out of fright.
--- C M Joserlin

The knight was left standing alone
To face the fierce Wurm all alone;
This warrior so brave,
Followed smoke to a cave,
Where the Dragon lay deep in the stone.
--- C M Joserlin

"Bold knight," said the well-hidden beast,
"Your visit shows courage, at least,
But wisdom is lacking
In knights who go hacking
At mountains, instead of a feast."
--- C M Joserlin

"Go home and carve pork-pies instead,
And chickens, and cheeses, and bread...
Come back with a share --
Folks'll be free from care,
For no Dragon hunts when well fed.
--- C M Joserlin

The knight walked all day down the road,
Then rode back with a wagon-full load
Of savory feast
To feed to the beast,
And as for the Dragon, it growed!
--- C M Joserlin

It ate 'til its stomach was swelling
To fill all its cavernous dwelling.
And true to its word,
The Dragon preferred
To dine home instead to go killing.
--- C M Joserlin

So now we may lift up our flagon
In salute to the knight and his wagon,
And wash down our feed
With good whiskey and mead,
And give a big share to the dragon.
--- C M Joserlin

Dragons were a terrible sight;
They put timid peasants to flight.
They seem inestimable
But they proved comestible;
MacDragonburgers won over night.
--- Tony Burrell

A dour old dwarf named Fritz,
Was burned right where he sits.
That happens, they say,
When you get in the way
Of a dragon, just as he spits.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

My parents began to have fits,
When my dragon developed the shits.
For wherever he farted,
A great fire started,
Blowing our house into bits.
--- Lims For Year - 01

He's seen by both Christian and pagan,
The horrible fire-breathing dragon.
But never, you'll note
Is he ever remote
From acetylene tanks in the wagon.
--- VOL 6

We've all missed this very strange plot,
For tablets we no more have got.
That tree has its owls
And some of my towels,
Wait, now it's beginning to trot.
--- Archie

If Marlene stays inside her head,
And if I can use mine instead
That big bright green sky,
(Where elephants fly)
Will kill all the dragons stone dead!
--- Archie

Marlene, it's now safe to come out,
Although all the hippos are stout.
I've saved you again
From the sound of Big Ben.
But Kiss let the butterflies out!
--- Archie

The butterflies hold up the sky;
The elephants pissed in my eye.
The dragons live still;
They're not easy to kill,
But since when did fat hippos fly?
--- Archie

The three-headed dragon of Thrunn,
Considers life not too much fun.
His heads disagree
'Bout where to have tea,
So his legs don't know which way to run.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Head #1 says "Let's go to the West;
There's sheep there; I like mutton best.
Head #2 says "Oh no.
'Tis North we should go,
For man-flesh." Head #3's not impressed.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There's cows in the East. Let us race
And roast us some beef in that place."
And thus every brain
Tries to set legs in train.
And the poor beast falls flat on its face.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Come folks, show the poor thing some pity.
Of food he will not get a bit. He
Acquires far from ample,
A classic example
Of government by a committee.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A dragon named Ernest Balfour,
Who lived in a dark palace tower,
Played a dark violin
Of dried out sharkskin,
Hour after hour after hour.
--- William Jay Smith

An Indian princess one day,
Who happened to wander that way,
Said: "The sound of that thin
Dried out violin
Has stolen my heart quite away."
--- Archie

So she climbed the steps of the tower,
And there beheld Ernest Balfour,
Who was changed by her glance
To a handsome young prince;
She had broken the Old Witch's power.
--- Archie

They were married the very next minute,
By a neighbour, Sir Larchmont of Linnet,
And they danced to a thin
Dried out violin
Accompanied by a very shrill spinet.
--- Archie

And Ernest said: "Princess my dear,
I will never blow smoke in your ear.
No Dragon am I
But a Prince till I die;
You have nothing what ever to fear.
--- Archie

Let me buy you some angelfood cake,
That we'll munch while we walk by the lake,
Enjoying the smile,
Of the sweet crocodile
And the music the Bullfrogs make.
--- Anon

When a Dragon roars down from the hill,
Having come to do us both ill,
Belching up flames,
And calling us names,
I will say GO AWAY! And he will."
--- William Jay Smith

The Queen Dragon with five different heads,
Screams to send warriors to their beds.
With fire and death
And a dose of bad breath,
She scares Greenspan, the head of the Fed.
--- Dan S

When that Saint George hadde sleyne ye draggon,
He sat him down furninst a flaggon;
And, wit ye well,
Within a spell,
He hadde a bien plaisant jag on.
--- Carolyn Wells (Bibby)

To dragons I'm crunchy and taste
Good with ketchup or tomato paste.
Before you engorge,
Remember St George,
And do not proceed with much haste.
--- Archie

Big Daffyd's my dragon; he's strong;
He's from Wales where they burst into song.
And when he is bored
From guarding his hoard,
At Eisteddfords he does sing along.
--- Archie

But don't touch his big pile of sparklies;
His views on jewel theives are quite darklies.
He'll breathe hard on you,
Like a big barbeque,
Then eat you just like some great sharklies.
--- Archie

The dragon is often dismissed;
People say it just did not exist.
But our good St George
A career did forge,
By not letting this myth persist.
--- Tony Burrell

This is file myk

There was an old man of Cape May
Who reeled in a mermaid one day.
He said, "She's a queen!
But you should have seen
The one I threw back in the bay!"
--- Anon

The smelt, a prolific sea creature,
(Like mermaids, who lack a key feature),
Makes more smelts by eggs,
While sad mermaid begs,
"Please how?" Even French wench can't teach her,
--- Elois

A young SCUBA diver named Lee
From a mermaid one time had to flee,
For she wanted to marry,
But the diver was wary --
There were plenty of fish in the sea.

(Why buy a cow with milk free. - McW)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2668

A mermaid is a dish
Who always makes you wish
When she ascends,
That both her ends
Were either flesh or fish.
--- William K Alsop P8910 a

A mermaid, I'd seen on the shore
So I anchored my boat for a score,
But my craft, it was stolen
By pirates Angolan:
As the raven would quote, 'never moor'.
--- Anon

Said a mermaid one day by the sea,
"The sun is no menace to me.
As summer gets hotter,
I'll stay under water,
And thereby avoid the UV."
--- June Skene P9308

A Norse from the isles of Lofoten
Was out on the fjord one day boatin'.
He was greatly delighted
When a mermaid he sighted,
With an upper half well worth notin'.
--- MrMalo

I once wandered down to the shore
For a tryst with a mermaid-like whore;
I liked her physique --
So scaly, so sleek!
But her odor was hard to ignore.
--- Norm Storer P0011

An unlucky fellow named Foster
Caught a mermaid while fishing off Gloucester.
To his lasting regret,
When he reached in the net,
She slipped through his hands and he lost her.
--- Cyber Geezer

Once a Florida boater called Hockney
Saw a mermaid on River Ochlockonee.
Though he didn't capsize,
He'd now blind in both eyes,
From her looks, and has permanent knock-knee!
--- Prof M-G

Mermaids lack some paraphernalia;
It seems making love ends in failure.
With no legs to spread,
They give their man head,
Wipe their chin, then rub their genetalia.
--- Dirruk

How often and often, I wish
I lived in green depths like a fish.
No noise, not a thing,
But the mermaids who sing,
Whilst their tails give a slippery swish.
--- Francis Cornford

If you're out in the straits they call Georgia,
And a mermaid starts swimming right towargia,
Insist that you think
She's a sweet salmon-pink,
And explain, "I just cannot afforgia."
--- Hugh Oliver 110b

The outside of mermaids, no doubt,
Is covered with scales like a trout.
Inside, I think
They are pretty and pink,
But they rarely appear inside-out.
--- Paul Bowman

After fishing all day, Mr. Heldt
Was thrilled with the pride that he felt.
He collected the catch
That few anglers could match,
For two mermaids he caught, and one smelt.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2615

There once was a saialor named Jed,
Who took a cute mermaid to bed.
He said, "To be blunt,
I can't find your cunt,
So give me a blow job instead."
--- David Miller

A mermaid, half girl and half fish,
Met an octopus, who was feeling RAFFISH.
He used all eight hands
To stir up her glands,
And left her giggly and laugh-ish.
--- Norm Brust

A woman who wore just one stocking
Was considered remarkably shocking.
The men were pissed 'cause
They found that she was
A mermaid to whom they were flocking.
--- Barry Rosenberg P0608

The Abominable Snowman's a creature,
That has a singular feature,
A rather large eye
That looks up at the sky.
It reminds me a lot of my teacher.
--- Jonathan Munn

There is a snowman in Tibet. He
Is locally known as the Yeti.
He's a marvel at swimmin',
For abominable snowwomen
All reside on the wide Serengeti.
--- Cyber Geezer

It may be that there is no man
Who's seen the Abominable Snowman --
Who's known also as Yeti,
Yet I think if we met, he
Might run as fast as I could go, man.
--- Macsam

In a young Canadians crotch
There lives a ferocious Sasquatch.
And one day said he,
How long is my yeti?
A whole great Big Foot of debauch.
--- Phil T

A logger on top of Mt. Hood
Saw a Bigfoot quite near where he stood.
As the creature drew near,
The man trembled with fear,
As only the petrified would.
--- Gerry Busch

A hiker along with his toots
Was maimed by a pair of Bigfoots.
The rescuing sheriff
Said, "Always take care if
You disparage some hairy guy's putz."
--- Arthur Deex P9612

A hiker once happened to meet
And get abused by a pair of Bigfeet.
The rescuing ranger
Said, "You all look out, stranger,
Them ape guys is most indiscreet."
--- Arthur Deex P9612

On the slopes of Mount Everest indomitable,
I tracked down a snowman abominable,
And slew the poor Yeti
And cooked he and et he;
It was good 'cept the nuts which were vomitable.
--- MrMalo

"You ate Yeti? But hold on a tick.
You neglected to mention its dick.
You rejected his balls
(Which no one recalls)
But you ate his dick? (I feel sick!)
--- Mike

You can't let that part go to wasty,
Nor let Tibetan vacations be hasty.
Though your climb may take hours,
You must pause to smell flowers,
And besides. "Himalayan oysters" are tasty.
--- Anon

There once was an amorous yeti
Who used as his lure amaretti;
He found one macaroon
Makes a yeti girl swoon,
So he knew pretty soon he'd get sweaty.
--- David Morin

By Loch Ness, they can toss, like confetti,
The proofs that they've snapped, from the jetty,
Abominable Snowmen,
Apparently no men
Have every quite filmed them, as Yeti.
--- Bill Greenwell

I must place Himalayas' chilled yeti
On Africa's baked Serengeti.
A sweltering clime,
But the only fit rhyme
For a yeti poetically petty.
--- Anon

There was a young lady named Betty,
Who was having sex with a Yeti.
When they started to come,
The resulting hum
Upset the big scanners at SETI.
--- Elvo Feek

If you go to Tibet, where you think
You'll discover that old Missing Link,
Do beware; don't forget he
Might well be a Yeti,
With furry big feet that may stink.
--- Cyber Geezer


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