What happens when hubby comes home,
On finding his wife not alone?
The tale's pretty groovy,
It's all in the movie:
"Hairy Porter and Phyl Offerstone."
--- Tiddy Ogg

While screwing an ape in the Congo,
Dr. Livingston once felt his wand go
As limp as an eel.
"Though," he said, "No big deal,
I was sad disappointing the pongo."
--- A N Wilkins P8408

"Sire, why does the navy bring all
Of these female apes in the yawl?"
King Solomon sighed,
And then quietly replied:
"They're for times with the concubines pall."
--- A N Wilkins P8408

The latest reports from Good Hope,
State that apes there have pricks thick as rope,
And fuck high, wide and free,
From the top of one tree
To the top of the next -- what a scope!
--- L0304

A horny young princess from Bangkok
Paid dearly for dollar or franc cock;
She would pay through the nose,
But of all those she chose,
Her favorite: orangutang cock.
--- Armand Singer

Don't tickle my ape on the nape.
He can't handle a jibe or a jape.
Though he's usually tame,
When he's teased, then he'll maim,
Kill, wreak mayhem, loot, pillage and rape.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8408

Here on,
We discuss nature's grand sensuality.
In reading the news
And chatting with zoos,
We salute man's inherent duality.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old man of the Cape,
Who buggared a barbary ape.
Said the ape, "Sir, your prick,
Is too long and too thick,
And something is wrong with the shape."

(The ape said, "You fool, You've got a square tool,)(1879)
--- Norman Douglas L0584

I had a girl with a large quim,
I just couldn't wait to get in.
But as I could not fill her,
She found a gorilla
And made a monkey out of him.
--- Anon

King Gorilla, the monarch of roarers,
Warned his mate, "Stay away from explorers.
If they fuck like we do,
They'll be sure after you,
And I don't want no half-human horrors."
--- G1309

Said the horrible whore of Lahore,
While ape-fucking against a door,
"This orang-utang
Is better than bhang--
The penis of man's quite a bore."
--- L1721

A zookeeper, one Ellie Slater,
Found that no man could satiate her.
She attained her nirvana
With a large peeled banana,
But alas, an orangutan ate her.
--- Karen B

The wang of the orangutan
Way down by its ankles doth hang.
But it stands three foot eight
In its tumescent state--
No wonder it loves a good bang.
--- Michael Horgan

A pongo felt quite like an ape;
He always got into a scrape
Resulting in purges.
His natural urges
Would lead him from conquest to rape.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8409

My monkey can play a Stradivarius
And walks a high wire quite precarious.
He's a contortionist, too!
In great demand at the zoo
Where he boffs she-apes in positions most various.
--- Hungarian

The duchess of Whiteside cried, "Rape!"
When she found in her bedroom, an ape.
The ape said, "You ass!
Go look in the glass."
And left by the fire escape.
--- Anon

The eminent Mrs. DeVue
Was born in a cage at the zoo.
And the curious rape
Which made her an ape,
Is highly fantastic, if true.
--- Anon

The Queen of the Jungle, Liana,
While traversing the lowlands of Ghana,
Was the victim of rape
By an underslung ape
With the balls of an overhung bwana.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8408

Lewd ways have led lecherous Otto
Deep down in a moss-covered grotto.
From the barks and the squeals,
One undoubtedly feels
That Otto has ravished a potto!

(That "All roads lead to Rome" is his motto.)
--- G1296

Last night, I was watching Blind Date
When they brought on a chimp in a crate.
Cilla said: "Who's for you?"
And the chimp said: "You'll do!"
And immediately started to mate.
--- Kevin Hale Q

An anthropoid lover named Fossey
Was pigheaded, stupid, and bossy;
From multiple rapes
By silver-backed apes,
She had to be saved by a posse.
--- Armand Singer

There was an Old Man of the Cape,
Who knew a large Barbary Ape
In the biblical sense;
Dear Ladies and Gents --
A seduction that bordered on rape.
--- Edwardian Leer 111 P8407

There once was a timid young pongo
Who knew that he didn't belong, so
He thought a prospectus
With Homo erectus
Would make even him quite a strong beau.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8409

On the street where I live there's this monkey,
Who screeches quit loud and smells funky.
And right next to his door
Lives Winnie the whore,
Who he visits when he's feeling spunky.
--- Dudesdead

This arrangement you might think is odd,
But Winnie does not mind his small bod,
'Cause Winnie, you see,
Is just three-foot three,
And the monkey just loves eating cod.
--- Dudesdead

A horny zoo keeper named Mapes
At the apes often lustfully gapes.
He avers: "All the flunkies
Get to diddle the monkeys.
Us zoo keepers should rate the she-apes."
--- Grand Prix Lim 498 G1279

When a man seeks a woman to hump,
But can't find a suitable rump,
What could be more divine
Than a willing bovine
That's been trained to back up to a stump.
--- MrMalo

Have you tried, Mr Malo, a sheep?
They're horny as hell and they leap
On you morning and night
For your sexual delight,
And they're tighter than cows (and Bo Peep.)
--- PeterW

Perhaps you've not played with young llamas
Clad loosely in black silk pajamas.
A tight Viet Cong
Backing onto your dong:
The ultimate war flashback drama!
--- H Welchel

There was a young man named Ducharme
Who spent his whole life on a farm.
He made love then and now
To a sheep or a cow,
But he never did girls any harm.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1130

You should have seen cousin Ray,
Who once on a nice summers day,
Shagged Tess, the sow,
Then Bessie, the cow,
While standing on a bale of hay.
--- Anon

Charles, an acquaintance of mine,
Thought his sex practices fine.
All day he made passes
At laddies and lasses;
At night he chased cows, sheep and swine.
--- Macsam

After downing a six pack or two,
Young Albert took off for the zoo.
His sick bestial quest,
Brought his timely arrest,
For screwing two deer and a gnu.
--- Anon

This is file mok

A zookeeper named Harry McGraff,
Once tried to fellate a giraffe.
But the orgasmic splatter
Knocked him from his ladder.
So this is McGraff's epitaph.
--- Pat McGregor

My friend said it would be a laugh,
If he could service a giraffe.
With the aid of a ladder,
The dirty sod had her,
And he now has a twenty-foot calf.
--- Milford

A hippo is never inclined,
Not even the agile kind,
To climb a tall tree.
He will not agree.
But for sex, I just know he won't mind.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said the young hippopotamus, Flo,
Of her lumpy, lugubrious beau:
"When I'm near him I sigh;
He's a really fun guy,
And the hunkiest hippo I know."
--- Cyber Geezer

An oversexed male hippopotamus
Was taken with feelings quite sodomous.
He thrust with a grunt
But instead of her cunt,
He shoved his dick in where her bottom is.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Although sex in most beasts is dichotomous,
I have read that the gay hippopotamus
Does exist still in nature,
Though nothing is stranger --
Or vulgar, I venture, when sodomous.
--- Pat Byrnes

Some horses were teasing a gnu;
A fence blocked his path, not his view.
He could see the mares woo him,
But he couldn't get to 'em,
So his testes are now somewhat blue.
--- Actaeon

When I see a handsome young buck,
I fantasize what I might suck.
I'd kneel and I'd stroke
And drink come till I choke.
But I never get that kind of luck!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

And lastly, but surely not leastly,
We have Arabella from Eastleigh.
On men she's not keen,
But she'd be obscene
With pigs, goats and other things beastly.
--- Anon

A girl bathed a male antelope,
Then bent down and gave him a grope.
He lathered her face
And gave her a place
To hang up her Soap-on-a-Rope.
--- Actaeon

We take care of our animals; pets,
When they're sick, we take them to the vets.
But some cowboy mentality
Practices beastiality,
Like sheep and calves 'en brochette.'
--- Jane D Hughes P9012

You know quite a lot about cows,
And probably more about sows.
They're pleasures and joys,
Enjoyed by farm boys,
While taking a break from their plows.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Oversexed is the word for friend Howe,
Who in one day, twice mounted his frau,
Several sluttish she-neighbors,
The maid at the Tabors,
Two sheep, and an old brindle cow.
--- G0618

There was a young man from Peru,
Who attempted to bugger a gnu.
Said the gnu, "Pederasty
Is decidedly nasty,
But you may slip up my slough for a sou.
--- L1654

I was thrilled when I went to the zoo;
They allowed me to bugger a gnu.
An F.R.Z.S.
Remarked to me, "Yes,
It's a privilege granted to few."

(F.R.Z.S. - Fellow of Royal Zoological Society)
--- Victor Gray

I met her in Kalamazoo.
She seemed to be up for a screw.
I filled her with potion;
She showed no emotion.
What more d'you expect from a gnu.
--- Tiddy Ogg

When bored with the old tried-and-true way,
As well as the dildo-in-lieu way,
A zookeeper's wife
Put zest in her life
With a fling at "a fabulous gnu way!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

The virgins of Essex are few;
There's Mary, Melissa and Sue.
But Mary's a nun,
Sue's a hundred and one,
And Melissa resembles a gnu.
--- Peter Wilkins

But that's just because she's a gnu;
She lives here in Colchester zoo.
She's new to the town
And now word's got aroun',
There are thousands lined up for a screw.
--- Peter Wilkins

Not me, though, I'm going away;
I'll miss that unseemly affray;
But shhh! I shall smirk
On and off as I work,
For I've screwed her already today!
--- Peter Wilkins

My laughter, it sticks in my craw;
So hard that my ribs are all raw.
But I want to know
(Please tell if it's so)
Like Sister Chris, do zoo gnu gnaw?
--- Travis Brasell

When hunters mounted gnu on the wall,
The memories of VELDT came to call.
There was at its rear
A growth there I fear
Was a Hottentot caught in the fall.
--- Daniel Ford

A gnu in the Kalamazoo Zoo,
Was dressed in a navy blue tu-tu.
She lifted her skirt
For a squirt or to flirt;
The view caused a hullabaloo.
--- Pierce Evans

A mammalian maven named Lew
Was looking for fat cows to screw.
So he leapt the fence:
And in the biblical sense,
He knew the new gnu at the zoo.
--- Anon

Did she douche when his long penis blew
All that semen that shot into Sue?
The little fool was too lazy,
Now she's caught and half crazy,
For she laid a buck gnu at the zoo!
--- G1203

I feel so torn and lost
When I see how much a good fuck costs.
All the girls are hot and randy
But their price not so handy,
So, I'll pork an albatross.
--- Anon

Owls get frisky at night;
They say it's a hell of a sight,
When a barn-owl gets horny
With a Snowy or Tawny,
They keep at it 'till dawn's early light.
--- Anon

Fucking birds is, for old Mister Widgeon,
A comfort not unlike religion.
He fell madly in love
With a gay, big-assed dove
Whom he named (here's the pun) Cal E. Pigeon.

(callipygian - nice looking ass)
--- G2744

There once was a geek who would growl
That love was, at best, the most foul.
Till he bit off the head
Of a chicken in bed,
And fell in love with a saucer-eyed owl!
--- Madcat

That bird in your hand looks excited.
I wonder just what you invited
That birdie to do
In the bushes with you.
Take care that a riot's not incited!
--- Anon

When asked by the Duchess at tea,
If an eggplant I ever did see,
I said "Yes", rather bored.
She said, "Sir, you've explored
Up a hen's ass much further than me.'
--- L0756

Would these cats be young, or adult?
Would the rocket be difficult?
Could you build it with ease?
Should you aim for the knees?
Would you call it a catapult?
--- Anon

A lovelorn young birdie named Sue,
Got so horny while visiting a zoo,
She decided to try
Everything that went by,
But quit after one cockatoo.
--- Pierce Evans