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There once was a dirty old beast Hickory Dickery do, There was a young lady of Ulva, (culver - dove, rock pigeon)
You hen fuckers, this you will love: There was a young person of Kent, At the bird zoo, a man from Korea Great woe befell Bernadine Gotch, A lusty farm lad, for a joke, I'd rather have feathered than furred. A rooster on heat's always clucking, A man in fair St. Domingo, (Published 1880)
A tale of two flaming flamingos, But they wanted so bad to conceive They asked for an egg, every year, So they went to a nest down the street The chick that the two commandeered Years passed, and the new generation In the throes of an avian lust, While fucking an ostrich, young Buck When you are old and need specs, There was an Old Man with a beard, A princess of spirit most gallant There once was a pretty young eagle, A New Zealand playboy named Greaves With his spyglass went bird watcher Bashur; Just how many times must I tell you? A nubile bird lover named Frieda A nice young ostrich named Gary The ostrich is smart; you can teach them. There was a young owlet called Tawny, A gruff anthropoid of Piltdown, There once was a girl named Monique A bird-loving fellow named Garrett, There was an old maid in Peru, An amorous parrot named Stu Henry was born at the zoo. Some people are fond of debating The Rector then summons a response: There once was a penguin we knew, Chinstrap penguins at Manhattan Zoo, All penguins are found, so I hear, In Bremerhaven Zoo, they say, All penguins are found, so I hear, Passionate penguins at night I don't have a pecker, but maybe I should - King Jonathan Edward the third There was a young man who preferred, The native guide, Sacajawea Duckies and swannies and chickies!? There was a young fellow named Spiegel, There once was a man called Tim Teagle There was a young man named O'Rourke, A young ornithologist's curse There was an old bird watcher, Perce, The Thing from the Peruvian zoo Though a goose makes a much better fit A marvelous bird is the toucan, A filthy old man of Helena The birdwatcher looks in dispair I'll tell of a fellow named Zeke, Big Betty lies flat on her back, Woodpeckers are strange birds, indeed; A love-sick young barn owl in Kew That cow is easy to beat. Once a farmhand outside Alexander Oh Canada Goose you're a dream, That running and hiding and giggling,
Who, when asked to confess by the priest,
Said, "Bugger religion!
Let's look at your pigeon."
And gave him two inches, at least.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I wish I could go to the zoo.
To sit on the train
While I look at the crane
As it tries to woo a gnu.
--- J Davie and C Hilditch
Whose music hall turn with a culver,
Evoked great applause
As she tore off her drawers
And induced it to swoop up her vulva.
--- Russel Lucas
For small peckers wanting a shove,
I've just hired the best;
She's straight from the nest.
Our sale now includes a plump dove.
--- Travis Brasell
Who was famous wherever he went.
All the way through a fuck,
He would quack like a duck,
And he crowed like a cock when he spent.
--- L1646
Said he thought it a brilliant idea
To have all the birds dyed,
But all kidding aside --
How the devil does one dye a rhea?
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9102a
While camped by Franconia Notch.
She was raped by a eagle,
Or maybe a seagull,
Which then built a nest in her crotch.
--- G1245
Gave the hens in the barnyard a poke.
But the vice was betrayed
When the eggs that they laid
Were nothing but whites with no yolk.
--- G1259
Although some folk say it's absurd,
Try stickin' your dick in
A duck or a chicken,
And no damn cat scratches incurred.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And for Pete, it's ripe for the plucking;
For his dick's unique,
It'll fit a bird's beak!
While getting a fowl cock-sucking.
--- Anon
Being blase and worn, said, "By Jingo,
Blast all women and boys,
I'll try some new joys."
So he went out and fucked a flamingo.
--- Published 1879 L0636
Who, since gay, couldn't breed like wild dingoes.
They, five years together
Built nests on the heather.
'Twas better than living life single.
--- James
A chick, to whom they would leave
Their values and morals,
Collection of corals,
And condo, of fine birchtwig weave.
--- James
But the other birds said, "What we fear --
Chick'll turn out a gay blade,
Be unable to wade
In the pond, without looking...'sincere'"
--- James
And made, of their neighbors, jerked meat,
To expedite matters,
To hear some small patters
Of tiny flamingo webbed feet.
--- James
In a certain gay manner was reared.
It developed a passion
For style and for fashion;
Soft colors, pastels, it revered.
--- James
Continues with nests and migrations.
But, as they poise on the brink,
Red plumage's now pink;
The effect of one chick's veneration,
--- James
I joined up with a birdwatchers trust.
I like the loud squawk
Of owl, crow or hawk,
As they flock to my cock for a thrust.
--- Anon
Said, "They're ten times more fun than a duck.
As you'll notice, Miss Moultrie,
I'm queer for all poultry,
So glue on some feathers--we'll fuck!"
--- G1208
Then the thought will no longer perplex.
When you're wanting a bunk,
But your thingy has shrunk,
You'll find birdies are tightest for sex.
--- PeterW
Who said, "It is just as I feared! --
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Are having an orgy, that's weird!"
--- Julian I Edison P8808
Was known to be daring and valiant.
Fed up with dog cocks,
She essayed to screw hawks,
And soon she'd developed a talont.
--- Actaeon
Whose manner was haughty and regal,
Till lustfully soaring
Behind her, and scoring
Was Jonathan Livingstone Seagull.
--- Ed Potts P8710
Has his girls each way round, but believes
In abandoning dames
After one night of games,
For a Kiwi just eats, roots and leaves.
--- CeeJay
He discovered a new bird; 'twas a smasher!
And he first documented
The behavior demented,
Of this redhead, two breast mattress thrasher!
--- Albin Chaplin
I've never laid hands on your cockatoo!
I rarely do pets,
Not even on bets,
And I've never had sex with your emu!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Decided to emulate Leda;
Her Doc said, "Don't blush,
That's no swan, it's a thrush;
And it's not caused by Zeus, but Candida."
--- Greg Howell P9308
Pined for the zoo's cassowary.
The Director said,
"All right, share your bed,
But with your genes, you can't marry."
--- Dr Wryme TP980
So the elephant handlers beseech them.
When the bulls are away,
The cows moan all day,
And those birds are all that can reach them.
--- Actaeon
Who thought to himself, "I will forni-
cate." Girl called Sue
Said, "It's too wet to woo."
And she left him frustrated and horny.
--- Anon
Had a strange way of going to town.
With maniacal howls,
He would bugger young owls,
And polish his balls on their down.
--- L0631
Whose sex life was rather unique,
For her large well-trained parrot
(For a radish or carrot)
Would diddle Monique with its beak.
--- G1288
Enjoyed making love to his parrot,
Till one day the squawker
Bit off his big dawker,
Thinking the thing was a carrot!
--- Writerman
This is file mnk
Who had sex with a yak and a gnu.
Then some sailors came by
With a glint in their eye,
And they gave her a nice cockatoo.
--- Professor
Loves humping his peers in the zoo;
Since birds of a feather
Fuck best all together,
He's joined a sex club in St Lou.
--- Armand Singer P0402
He is a bright white cockatoo.
He eats seeds and grubs,
And peanuts and bugs,
And he's bored 'cause there's nothing to do.
--- William K Alsop Jr
From politics to masturbating.
They'll argue the merits
Of buttfucking parrots,
And other things they're contemplating.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Mr DeLeon, first name Ponce.
His lastest discovery:
A Gallic nunnery --
Just horny pengiuns from France.
--- Anon
He liked nothing better than to screw.
Give him a sheep,
He's put it in deep,
And then try to give it to you.
--- Anon
Are devoted, and have sex too;
But they are both male
And breeding will fail;
Who'd presuppose penguins pack poo?
--- David Miller
In the down-under, South hemisphere.
A long way to go
For a screw or a blow...
They'll settle, I guess, for a queer.
--- John Miller
All six Humboldt penguins are gay;
Introduced to these males
Six Swede femme-fatales,
Now put on a Lesbian display.
--- David Miller
In the down-under, south hemisphere.
A long way to go
For a screw or a blow;
I'll settle, I guess, for a beer.
--- John Miller
Are quite an unusual sight;
The reason is not
That lust isn't hot,
But rather the fear of frostbite.
--- Nick D Kim
I told the red hen that I would if I could.
She envies the cows
The nannies, and sows,
Since she heard that some bird has one made out of wood!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Was caught pederasting a bird.
He'd rammed the thing through
With his long, slender screw,
And pushed out a seven-inch turd.
--- Tony Davie Collection
Having sex with some kind of bird.
The rarer the species,
And the fuller of feces,
The better -- that guy really loved turd.
--- L1670
Was seduced one hot night by a rhea.
Before they made love,
He spoke from above:
"I use condoms, you've nothing to fea."
--- Actaeon
You guys must be some kind of sickies!
I think it's absurd
To have sex with a bird.
(Though road runners serve for some quickies.)
--- Irish
Who had an affair with a seagull.
What's worse, do you see,
It wasn't a she,
But a he-gull, and that is illegal.
--- John Ciardi
Who tried fucking a bald-headed eagle.
It was lust all gone wrong,
The bird clawed his dong;
He had much better luck with the seagull.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Heard babies were brought by the stork.
So he went to the zoo
And attempted to screw
One old bird. End result: didn't work.
--- L0628
Was a lust quite depraved and perverse.
His desires, so they say,
To indulge in "fowl play"
More than once took a tern for the worse.
--- Vassar W Smith P9304 a
Who indulged in behavior perverse.
Since young birds he would fuck,
Sometimes goose, sometimes duck,
But he once took a tern for the worse.
--- Albin Chaplin
Was hard up for something to do.
So he took out a parrot
And fed it his carrot.
The result is the King of Peru.
--- Neal Wilgus P8507
'Twixt women and birds, I'll admit
When legs open wide,
It's hard to decide;
But I do like a pert little tit.
--- John Miller
Who when engaged in a screw can
Stand on his head,
Shove beak in instead.
If you think that's a cinch, see if you can.
--- G1339
Regressed from obscene to obscener.
What he did, I won't say,
But included fowl play
With a turkey, two tits, and a weiner.
--- Hugh Oliver A074A
As birds 'round him fuck everywhere.
Though he strains through his glasses,
For a view of their asses,
He cannot see what goes in where.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1129
Who, lost in the woods for a week,
Put his dong in a hole
Of a massive oak's bole...
Found a woodpecker's beak, so to speak.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So Woody can hammer her crack,
With hard, steady pounding,
To give it a rounding,
Before other 'peckers come back.
--- Travis
With their peckers, they don't eat birdseed.
Instead their hard peckers
Are tree and house wreckers;
Be interesting to see how they breed.
--- Floyd Moody
Had a pretty young she-owl in view.
He twittered, "I oughter
Endeavor to court 'er,
But I don't have enough wit to woo.
--- Anon
I once new a farmer named Pete;
He had a big duck,
He'd repeatedly fuck,
Until it would piss on his feet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Attempted to goose a big gander.
But the ganders got even--
Shat all over Stephen!
Moral: Don't rile a big gander's dander.
--- Grand Prix Lim 489 G1181
But one that might just make me scream.
You tease and you taunt
And all the while flaunt
Those parts that you know make me steam.
--- Anon
And setting all nice bits a-jiggling,
Shows you want the tickle.
You know that my dick'll
Give you in the part that you're wiggling.
--- Anon
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