MORE
The ewes in our flock are alone -- I believe it is wise to conclude A malodorous printer named Spink Now avian and apiculture, You're right. When one's giving a portion Some visitors remain in the dark One husband in three, maybe four, A male frog named Nevile went wooing. "An odd comination!" you say? It took Mousey a while to decide, A frog who was English, the bloke, The male frog's approach was insidious; Though frogs look quite pretty in pools, There was a young lady called Black A princess who lived near a bog, A fairytale princess from Sprogg There once was a delicate lass There was a young lady in Prague, There was a young lady from Maine There was a young man from the South, (an Australian frog actually does this)
Dear Frog, would you take it amiss Oh, my sweet ovipositing Miss! There once was an old goosey-gander Miranda is one of life's beauts, That rather reminds me of Babs, When spunk in her pussy congeals, A foolish young filly named Fogg, There was an old lady down the road A frigid girl, wanting to come, "That toad had been on a wild ride There was an old person of Rhodes, There once was a girlie named Karen, There once was a princess called Grace, Young Gertie the frog was away A spinster in Kalamazoo, And she added, "You're rough, yes, and hairy, There once was a dame from the Cape, There really are some sex dregs, Lady Jane longed for sex through and through, In the spring, an old maid from Purdue Raped by four apes in Rangoon, There was a young fellow named Lee A kinky young man from Mauritius There was a young man from Manila There was an old Scot named McTavish, A year later, with ass not so sore, There once was a lass named Priscilla Nude 'neath her coat of chinchilla, A sexy street walker named Willa As encore our lovely Miss Willa, It's not quite as strange as it seams, But later the horny young Willa Now Godzilla was not in the mood But Willa went back on the street A zookeeper's wife, Mrs. Daw, There once was a girl from Manila There once was a man who one day In books by T Pratchett, a hairy 'un, Now Pratchett don't give him a name, Now after an evening of sin, you are And thus fell our ape through the ether, a You see, then, through matter etheral, Now attitudes racist have long So poor Fred's career literary, ...A seedy hotel called the Joy Now Mr and young Mrs Offerstone They send up Fred with his banana,
The rams are at mass with a bone.
Old Dobbin is throbbin'
And Ferdinand's sobbin'
And Rover's beginning to moan.
--- H Welchel
That a cat or a dog can be shrewd.
If the doorbell should ring,
Just ignore the whole thing,
Or the animals will eat your food!
--- Observer
Concocted a new kind of ink:
Lampblack and feces
Of various species --
A skunk and a squid and a skink.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Are subjects ideal, but to jolt your
Brain with a gimmick,
Use words synonymic...
"Consider the wasps and the vultures..."
--- Anon
To beasts, you should act with precaution;
Beware that a male
May be on your trail;
You'll find your ass meets with distortion.
--- Anon
About eagles and crows and don't mark
The bears or the deer,
But what bring the folks here
Is still the wild life in the park.
--- A N Wilkins P8610
Is a wolf, Elk, Moose, deer, or more;
And some wives say that pigs
Are sharing their digs,
One even said hers is a boar.
--- Ann Gasser P9011
He tried the usual billing and cooing.
But the she-frogs just laughed,
Which drove Nevile daft,
So Miss Mousey, he went a-pursuing.
--- June Sullivan P8405
Well, Miss Mousey was quite a good lay,
She could cook, she could spin,
She could even brew gin,
And a mouse doesn't croak in the hay.
--- June Sullivan P8405
But she finally became the frog's bride.
Then she littered thrice --
Wee Morogs and some Frice,
Depending on who was astride.
--- June Sullivan P8405
(As though he invented the joke)
Said, "First I subdue her
And then I just screw her,
And when I start coming, I croak."
--- Al Willis a
His intentions entirely perfidious.
She said that he might
Mount from left or from right.
He said, "Either will do -- I'm amphibious!"
--- Professor a
To kiss them is only for fools.
So girls if you're thinkerin'
Of romance amphibian,
It's best to examine toads-tools.
--- Anon
Who keeps a pet frog in her crack.
It devours every tool
That comes into its pool,
And these tasty snacks never come back.
--- Professor
Met a prince in the form of a frog.
Now she and her prince
Are the parents of quints,
Four boys and a fine pollywog.
--- Ogden Nash
Had a passionate affair with a frog,
But try as she might
She just couldn't quite
Get her jollies while perched on a log.
--- G1268a
Who loved getting laid in the grass.
Till a toad hopped inside her,
Pursued by a spider,
Now she's an insane piece of ass.
--- G1268
Who hopefully kissed a green frog;
That's all she could give it;
The frog just said: "Brivet",
And its quick long tongue set her agog.
--- Anon
Who said, "I shall make it quite plain.
That from Innsmouth I shan't
Choose a husband who can't
From dating young tadpoles abstain."
--- Andrew Nellis
Who shifted to live in West Louth.
Green frogs he collected,
Their spawn he ingested
And grew tadpoles right there in his mouth.
--- Peter Oz
If I asked for a deep lingual kiss,
With your tongue long and flicky
In-and-out double quicky,
Of my ovaduct's ripe orifice...?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That type of sex would be bliss.
And wanking, moreova,
All ova your ova.
Is something I'm not going to miss....
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who said to a young salamander,
"You may tell all the geese,
Both the thin and obese,
That tomorrow I start to philander."
--- Limber Limericks
But carries on most strange pursuits.
She's terribly fond
Of a dip in the pond,
Where she fills up her pussy with newts.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who used to drive taxis and cabs,
From Billingsgate fish
Market, filling her niche
With the biggest and juiciest crabs.
--- Peter Wilkins
Some slow-worms she takes by the heels.
They have a good thrash
In her foul smelly gash,
Then she sells them as fresh jellied eels.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Being bored by Big Bill in a bog,
Yelled, "Another such poke,
And I swear I will croak!"
But that's silly, of course...she's no frog!
--- Grand Prix Lim 764
Who liked to have sex with a toad.
Says I to her "Fine,
But he does taste of slime?'
"Maybe, but he has a big load!"
--- Anon
Tried shandy, tequila, and rum,
To end inhibition,
But lost all volition,
And woke with a toad up her bum.
--- Anon
And somehow got stuck up inside."
That's what her date said
As he left her bed.
She never suspected he lied.
--- Anon
Who was greatly obsessed with young toads.
He paid several cousins
To catch them by dozens,
For unspeakable acts in commodes!
--- Edwardian Leer 037 P9306a
Who proved it to all, she was darin'.
She jumped on a log,
Got humped by a frog,
And now all her warts, they're a flarin'.
--- Anon
Who carried an nice can of mace,
Since the frog she did kiss
Got a bit amorous,
And gave her warts in a very strange place.
--- Raymond
This is file mpk
With her mom for an overnight stay,
Which left Bertie the frog
All alone with his log,
Viewing frog's porn and tossing all day.
--- Peter Wilkins
Once stolled after dark in the zoo.
She was seized by the nape,
And raped by an ape,
And she murmured, "A wonderful screw."
--- L0611
But I hope, yes I do, that I marry,
A man with a prick
Half as stiff and as thick
As the kind that you zoo-keepers carry."
--- L0612
Who had intercourse with an ape.
The result was most horrid,
All ass and no forehead,
And one ball that hung down like a grape.
--- Anon
Against which most states have their regs.
If you like beasts so much,
I can put you in touch
With some beasts who walk on two legs.
--- Annie Jay
But her offering was sampled by few.
Life is now wild and glad
Since the night she was had
By a blue-bottomed ape in the zoo!
--- G1337
Asked the keeper on guard at the zoo,
"Won't the monkeys come out
For those peanuts about?"
And he said to her, "Madam, would YOU?"
--- Limber Limericks
A torrid young tourist named June
Said, "I dug the wild screwing
Those heathens were doing,
But why did they all come so soon?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 171 G0686
Who screwed a baboon in a tree.
He said, "I admit
I'm a bit of a shit,
But them monkeys will do it for free!"
--- Nelson Seggley
Considered himself real ambitious.
He determined to screw
Every ape in the zoo --
To me that is simply capricious.
--- Armand E Singer P9812
Who made love to a female gorilla.
He found her attractive --
But their sex was so active,
It pretty much fucked up his villa!
--- Writerman
Who attempted an anthropoid ravish.
In his haste for the rape,
He got the wrong ape,
And the anthropoid ravished McTavish.
--- Anon L0617
McTavish was back for some more.
The same ape, with much glee
Jumped McT. from a tree.
Now his ass is sore, worse than before.
--- Michael Weinstein P8507
Who spent Christmastime with her gorilla.
They'd wear red bandanas,
And roast their bananas
With cinnamon, grubs and vanilla.
--- Christine Brim
The duchess set forth from her villa.
She said, "James, to the zoo,
I have nothing to do,
So I'll service their bachelor gorilla."
--- G1214
Got a john that was really a thrilla.
To a zoo Willa went
And over she bent,
To be fucked by a lowland gorilla.
--- Anon
Having not had enough of a filla,
So still being wet,
Off to Scotland she set,
To get fucked by a highland gorilla.
--- Anon
That Willa would like primate cream.
That chimp'd often say,
Before he started to spray,
That Willas' the gorilla my dreams.
--- Anon
Decided to go for the killa.
So she took a long flight
(In fact, overnight)
To get fucked by the famous Godzilla.
--- Anon
(He was ailing, had gone off his food)
But he beat on his chest
When Miss Willa undressed,
And our heroine once more was screwed.
--- Anon
And she said "Fucking apes may be neat,
But they don't have a cent,
So I must pay my rent
With nuts and bananas - how sweet!"
--- Anon
Said, "Though menfolk may jabber and jaw
Of their prowess in bed,
The gorilla," she said,
"Is much better at it than pa."
--- A N Wilkins P8408
Who gave head to a two-ton gorilla.
Now when she described
The taste she imbibed,
She stated, "It sure ain't vanilla!"
--- Anonymous Bosch
Sailed with a zoo to Bombay.
He was strapped to the tiller
By a sex-mad Gorilla,
And Bombay is a fucking long way!
--- P J John
You might think a total barbarian
Was once a real man,
Now an orang utan,
And acts as a college librarian.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But such are the rules of my game,
To aid later rhymes,
When I fall on hard times,
I'll call the ape Fred, just the same.
--- Tiddy Ogg
OD'ing on granny's sloe gin, you are
Both kneeling and reeling.
That's much like the feeling
Of a drop through the space-time continua.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Split second, he's now in Ibiza;
A flash, then he's found;
He's slipped to the ground,
Like the leak in an old maid's urethra.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He's landed on solid material.
Down there in old Spain,
Where it rains on the plane,
In a manner most wholly sureareal.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Existed on Earth, But King Kong
Shows clearly the schism
That pure speciesism
Is wholly and utterly wrong.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He finds is now quite staionary.
He can't get a job,
Till he meets Cockney Bob,
Who runs, with his half-brother Barry...
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of Sax, (as such sounds they enjoy,)
Who says, "Hey, you oughter
Come be our hall porter
For peanuts, most all we employ."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Were taking a trip far away from home,
But she's getting angrier.
He's off drinking Sangria,
And calls the receptionist on the phone.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He finds Phyllis there sans pajama.
The great big orang
Soon gives her a bang,
And takes her damn near to Nirvana.
--- Tiddy Ogg
MORE