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I tried it just once on my pet; But what to do if there's no chick; There was a young fellow, a Kurd, I once a canary had, too; But green would be better, think I; A certain professor named Yarrow A raven cock sat full of woe; There was a young preacher from China, "I've examined this birdie's vagina," There was a young sailor from Yarrow There was an old maid from New Haven There once was an Old Man of Whitehaven, A gymnastic raven named Pete, Ther was a young man from New Haven, There was an old lady of Harrow, "Tits like coconuts!" he said. There once was a sergeant named Schmitt, The absurd and antique Annie Besant (this doesn't make a lot of sense)
Said a young dude who decided to bribe his "Rate, did you say," cried Cadger, "rate? (spadger - a sparrow or small boy)
On the duck, he did excellent work; he A professor of ethical culture Paul Proper vowed virtue a cinch is: His twin brother, Puritan Peter, She said, "There you go! False alarm again! A fellow who fucked as but few can A frantic fanatical friar, A clergyman said to a girl, "You Like the virgin who pouted, "By Jingo, A hoary old sinner named Sinnet, The boy who buggered a sea mew The son of a merciful Mandarin In France I once met a flamingo; Well you may be just quite a bard, Herons and cranes have been squawking; John's fowl play has caused him bad luck; Oh yes! Poor old John. Once he used I admit to fowl play -- but abused? The girls I once courted, full throttle, In grade school, I had the bad luck; That hard blow, it addled my brain. Young Olive the Ostrich was shy Of course, she stayed firmly on land "That hurts! Now just stop it, I beg." A science researcher, my bro, He said it (I swear that it's true, I quickly replied, "I declare, My parrot flies into a rage; I told him one day quite emphat- After 25 minutes or so There once was a young man from Harrow, He then tried it on with a duck; He even had a go at a hawk At last, on a date with a hen, There once was the Bird and the Bee, Next about Birds and the Bees, Next for the Birds and the Bees Next of the Bird and the Bee, My dad explained that a bird All the bees walk through flowers with glee. A Boy Scout from Stockton-on-Tees A bee was perturbed with lips pursed. The children of birds and the bees A bird and a bee make a date. Little Al said, "Dad, tell me, big guy, A conundrum which is yet extant,
And experience I won't soon forget.
I was thrusting about
And she turned with a pout,
Then squawked, "Have you got it in yet?"
--- Tom Allen
I guess I need to jerk my prick.
Or walk to a club,
Find a girl that will rub
Or suck my dick so it's not thick.
--- Joschi
Who attempted to bugger a bird.
He picked up a sparrow
Whose ass was too narrow--
The whole bloody thing was absurd!
--- G1335b
Decided I'd paint the bird blue.
Folk said it would die,
But I gave it a try,
It squeaked a bit but it pulled through.
--- Anon
The bird though, did curl up and die.
It wasn't the paint
That caused this complaint,
The blowlamp was turned up too high.
--- Anon
Had trouble seducing a sparrow.
When he'd given up hopin'
He pried her jaws open,
And filled up her bill with his marrow.
--- L1737
His ladyfriend had just told him "No!
You, bub, I ain't marryin',
You're too full of carrion;
You'd better go off and eat crow!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who loved boys but thought birds diviner.
But he gets no tail;
In fact, he's in jail,
Being charged with corrupting a mynah.
--- Donald Dimock
Said the vet, "and in South Carolina,
An indictment is due
For contributing to
The delinquency, suh, of a mynah!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Who tried to bung-scuttle a sparrow.
But he failed to succeed
In this dastardly deed,
For the bones of its ass were too narrow.
--- G1335a
Whose desires were unhealthy and craven.
She scattered live ants
On the seat of her pants,
And had them pecked off by a raven.
--- G1291
Who danced a quadrille with a Raven;
But they said, "It's absurd
To encourage this bird!"
"But," he sobbed, "It's this raven I'm craven'."
--- Edwardian Leer 066
Could juggle his balls with his feet!
Said Pete with a tweet,
As he fondled his meat,
"Now ain't that a helluva feat?"
--- Magunda
Who had an affair with a raven.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"Nevermore!"
--- L0625
Whose views were exceedingly narrow.
At the end of her paths,
She built two bird baths,
For the different sexes of sparrow.
--- Anon
She overheard -- her face turned red.
"Let me explain;
Come to the pane,
See, sparrows prefer the bread."
--- Fred
Who wanted a crime to commit.
He thought raping women
Was a little too common,
So he buggered an aged tomtit.
--- L0643
Accosted an innocent pheasant.
It said, "Of a surety
I'll tell Krishnamurti,
And that would be very unpleasant."
--- A Crowley G1187
Mamma to procure him an ibis:
"Don't get me a crane,
It would give me a pain
If you knew how exclusive the tribe is."
--- G1188 A Crowley
I fuck at the regular spadger rate!
Bring me a duck!
I'll teach you to fuck:
I swear I would scorn to exaggerate!"
--- A Crowley G1189
Destroyed it; he never got jerky.
He smoothly went on
To a goose and a swan,
And we left him untired with a turkey.
--- A Crowley G1190
Once said to his class, "'Twould insult your
Intelligence if
I said I got stiff
For anything less than a vulture."
--- Crowley G1191
His tool was a foot and four inches.
He thought it was legal
To bugger an eagle,
But utterly wrong to fuck finches.
--- A Crowley G1192
Whose prick measured one millimeter,
Thought Hell would break loose
If one got a goose,
But a saint may be stuck on a skeeter.
--- A Crowley G1193
You bally old bounder, get calm again!
I once taught a starling
To answer to 'Darling,'
But I'm usually faithful to ptarmigan."
--- A Crowley G1194
Had a fancy to try with a toucan.
He owned like a man
The collapse of his plan:
"I can't -- but I bet none of you can!"
--- A Crowley G1195
In love with a large lammergeier,
In spite of his sins
He knew why, when it spins,
Is a mouse--for the fewer the higher.
--- A Crowley G1196
Love fucking: Jehovah will hurl you
To Hell if you love it
So much that you covet
The criminal cock of a curlew!"
--- A Crowley G1197
I never yet fucked a flamingo!"
We bought him a bride,
But he fumbled and sighed,
"Here, damnit, I can't make my thing go!"
--- A Crowley G1198
Took his prick out and started to skin it.
He muttered, "though that key
Was fat old Blavatsky,
I could do in a pinch with a linnet."
--- A Crowley G1199
Was tempted to tackle an emu.
He said, when he lost,
"Though our love has been crossed,
I shall always sincerely esteem you."
--- A Crowley G1200
Once said, "Could I but get a gander in
The family way,
I should openly say
I considered it fancy philanderin'."
--- A Crowley G1201
'Twas love at first sight. I said "Bingo!"
And stalked it all day
In the sea and soleil,
Then I pounced and I stuffed it, by jingo!
--- Peter Wilkins
This is file mkk
But to catch this pink bird is not hard.
It stands very still,
Looking down its crooked bill,
On the edge of my neighbor's front yard.
--- Jeanie Taylor
They've heard John's after some porking.
Don't believe all you've heard,
Because he's just a bird
Watcher accused of a storking.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He's now sneezing and starting to chuck.
It's from stuffing the ends
Of his fine feathered friends;
He's caught avian flu from his duck.
--- David Miller
To boast of the girls he had goosed.
They're now all old hags,
So it's cormorants and shags
And gannets by him are abused.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of the ducks and the ganders I've used,
They mostly come back
For at least one more whack
And then waddle away quite enthused!
--- John Miller
Are bitch and all on the bottle.
And can't be accused
Of acting enthused,
But all of them now tend to waddle!
--- John Miller
Bold Tammy said, "Go fuck a duck!"
"How loud can you quack,"
I asked; got a smack,
Just like I'd been hit by a truck.
--- John Miller
But I think that it may explain
Why Dad found six hens
Lying dead in their pens,
Their faces showing pleasure and pain.
--- John Miller
And when pestered by Ossie-the-guy,
Turned as red as a beet
From her beak to her feet,
As she flapped in an effort to fly.
--- Peter Wilkins
So she buried her head in the sand;
A mistake -- for her rump
Thus exposed for a hump,
Caused young Ossie to slam in his gland.
--- Peter Wilkins
Said Olive, "Now take out your peg."
"If you think that my flirting",
Said Ossie, "is hurting
Just wait 'til you're laying the egg."
--- Peter Wilkins
Said, "There's something that you ought to know.
Not ewe, mare, or duck
Is the beastie to fuck,
An ostrich's the best place to go."
--- SantyClz
Though I wonder just how he knew)
"An ostrich vagina
The most human kinda"
(Did he try every beast in the zoo?)
--- SantyClz
That's why, when an ostrich you scare,
It so cowardly stands
With its head 'neath the sands,
And its ass waving high in the air."
--- SantyClz
His libido he needs to assuage.
In the absence of Pollys,
Joe gets all his jollies
From screwing the bars of his cage.
--- Anon
ically, "Shut it!", and threw in the cat;
Let the terrible din
Of the fighting begin,
As they slashed at each other and spat.
--- Anon
Of this battle which went to and fro;
'Midst the feathers and fur,
Heard a satisfied purr
From my cat, who lay flat beneath Joe.
--- Anon
Who wanted to make love to a sparrow.
The sparrow said, "No!
You can't have a go.
The hole in my arse is too narrow."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He thought he'd have much better luck.
As he attempted to pass
That feathered fowl's ass,
They both got run down by a truck.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With a plan involving a fork.
But that bird too, said "No
You can't have a go!"
Just fancy a bird that can talk.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He got the come on just when
With a hellova cluck,
Now it can't give a fuck,
So he's settled instead for blond men!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Symbolic of what sex should be.
But now they're passe
'Cause children today
Have talk shows and Cable TV.
--- Irving Superior P9604a
In red-lighted districts one sees
A male and female
Arranging a sale,
Exchanging their words and the fees.
--- Irving Superior P9604
To help in avoiding disease,
And/or masturbation
And phone conversation,
Buy condoms with full guarantees.
--- Irving Superior P9604
On condoms with full guarantee,
If doubts still endure
And still you're not sure,
Instead of one condom, use three.
--- Irving Superior P9604
Has a lot to do with that word,
And sex for the bees
Involves peonies,
But the answer he gave is absurd.
--- Al Willis P9604
Then they fly away to a tree.
The birds touch the pollen,
And I know it's appallin',
But that's what I think, and I'm three.
--- Al Willis P9604
Was exceedingly anxious to please.
He said "For a bob
I will do any job,"
So he learned about birds and the bees.
--- Eric Bent
She said, "Things out to be reversed.
The birds and the bees,
Should be changed, if you please.
And now it's our turn to be first."
--- Al Willis P9604
While sitting on their parents knees,
As asking about...
Are told without doubt
Of microbes, mosquitoes and fleas.
--- Irving Superior P9604
But they find that they simply can't mate.
So the bird finds a bird
Who knows the F-word,
And the bee chases bees interstate.
--- Al Willis P9604
How the birds and the bees multiply.
Are they able to ball
With their peckers so small?
Do they manage to screw on the fly?"
--- William Nesbit P9604
But to which I'll now give a new slant.
For the answer I thirst.
Which do you think came first,
Was it the chicken or the eggplant?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9912
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