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The farmer said, Sure as I'm born, I consider I really am through A painter of Pop, known as Jacques, An eccentric old bag named Revere, The monarch of old Asgalun, A gallery patron's distractedness A guy took his gal to the Tate Not Manet, but Rubens for me; Growls a portraitist, "Some of my clients The Nude Descending The Stair -- There was a man of Swinoujscie On canvas, the OGEES one sees, There was a young man from Dubai Shove your landscapes, you boring old fart! The rose gives a tremulous glance, A painter, his canvas still wet. There once was a flock of wild geese, An artist mas moved to portray, Most modern art seems waste of paint, My painting inspired a poet? In order to rhyme this work "POINTE", A curator fellow named Halls A diminutive lady named Gretchen An old abstract painter of Wheeling I picture a nice work of art, The conclusion I reached at the Tate, To prison the thief's been remanded There once was an artist call Pat, Said a penniless artist named Bess, Arnolfinis both sat to Van Eyck; The conservator had to decide Last night at his VERNISSAGE Whistler's Mother said, "James, It's not right The great speed she revealed was a shocker; Winnigan, an artist had an ache The world's short poem - The Fleas - is just A pedant who writes on catharsis A mordant and decadent youth (mordant - sarcastic, biting)
I offer my verse for your measure, Your verse offered is pure pleasure, This poem is a copyright copy; I often make this remark: I spotted these daffs by the lake; (I wandered lonely as a cloud...)
For years it has long been an end of mine Which light verse's eight short choppy lines, (sounds like double-dactyl to me - McW)
That old double dactyl's extinct. One day I did feel really queer; A double dactyl just came to my bed I heard him go into the kitchen And then there was silence, dear me! My god what a pterable sight; That dactyl was probably me; So how 'bout this evening we meet? To limericks some folks are adverse; There was a young poet of Kew, A confined Philistine named Delury, I like a poem with rhyme, What you see's what you get, I suppose. A verse libre young poet from Reeder Her eyes, the glow-worm lend thee, There was a young poet named Peck There once was this geezer from Bern There was a kind lady named Gregory, HAIKU, from the Nippon nation, There are Japanese poets I like who Short Nipponese poetry, HAIKU, If you only accept that there haiku,
My son's got a BA in 'Porn';
He's got books full of boobs,
Snatches, asses, and pubes
He calls 'History of Art'. What top corn!!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8312
With Hobbema's Dutch Avenue.
The trees are so tall,
Their tops are so small,
And they utterly ruin the view.
--- Elizabeth H Lister
Intends each new canvas to shock.
Outsized genitalia,
Gave the critics heart-failure,
But one dubbed it pure Poppycock.
--- Playboy Mag G2374
Had tattoos that were mostly unclear.
When she chose, though, to spread,
There was one such that said,
"In his cups, boys, old Kilroy was here!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Was said to be struck by the moon.
He leaped from his bed,
With his rump painted red,
And cried, "I'm a Kushite baboon!"
--- Anon
Can tell us about her impactedness.
How the art makes her feel
And whether it's real,
Or whether there's too much abstractedness.
--- Anon
Where they saw lots of nudes 'bout to mate;
He got an erection
At a Manet selection,
And kept it 'til quarter past eight.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For the well-rounded women you see
In his paintings are just
Pulchitrudinous lust,
With their bosoms of 44D.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Object to my frequent reliance
On using old gears
To help draw their ears--
For they claim it's not Art, then, but Science."
--- Norm Storer
No more need you view with despair.
If you'll notice, please,
How close are her knees.
She thinks that the bathrooms's down there.
--- Irving Superior P8312
Who drew a woman with a tusch.
He gave her blonde hair,
Big boobs (here and there)
And between her legs, a black bush.
--- Anon
The forms which Art's fancy will seize,
Are those pastels warm
Of feminine form,
Intended to stir and to please.
--- Chris Papa
Who painted a piece of the sky.
He made it bright pink,
But how do you think
He got a scaffold up that high?
--- Lord Emsworth
I'm dada! R. Mutt Anti-art!
It's the end of the old;
It's exciting; It's bold.
Here, I'll sign this urinal as a start!
--- David Morin
And sighs, "He is lost in a trance!"
"Let us wait," cries the pink,
"He is coming, I think"
But the passion flower weeps: "Not a chance."
--- Ann Norris
"No, we're not finished as yet.
When you pose in the nude,
There's a short interlude,
While we wait for the colors to set."
--- Laurence Perrine
Whose numbers were on the increase.
Remarked Peter Scott,
"I must paint the whole lot."
Which he did, and still does without cease.
--- B and C Semeonoff
A middle age church cart display.
'Twas well done to be sure,
And will always endure,
To picture a Gregorian dray.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9807
But only the crude voice complaint.
They show little skill,
No purpose fulfill,
While maybe art, pictures they ain't!
--- Dr Wryme TP9802
I'm flattered, although it does show it.
No great artist am I!
Shall I tell you why?:
It's a self portrait, didn't you know it?
--- Anon
I'd have to be smoking a joint.
And I can't stand the stench;
And I'm not frigging French,
So this time I must disappoint.
--- John Miller
Displayed on his gallery's walls
Some sketches he'd found
That he felt were profound,
That were drawn in the shitting room stalls.
--- Cap'n Bean
Spent her life, it seemed, grumblin' and kvetchin';
Then she woke with a start,
That has set her apart,
And her new life is sketchin' and etchin'.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Was painting a cunt on the ceiling.
The cunt was so real,
An urge he did feel,
And he blew on the ceiling with feeling.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1916
Like one you might buy at Wal-Mart;
A snow-covered scene
With tall evergreen
And as cold as a mother-in-laws heart!
--- Observer
When I stand by this work and debate,
On the stiffs easing out,
Is that quite without doubt,
They are all of them going to be late.
--- Tallis
And "Guilty" this fellow was branded.
A painting still lingers
On his sticky fingers;
At an art show they caught him red-handed.
--- LIM-R-IDDLES P8507
Who carried her paints in her hat.
Friends said, "It appears
From the state of your ears,
That your ultramarine is squashed flat."
--- Margaret Galbreath
"I'll never make money, I guess.
Then a dealer in town
Hung her work upside down --
And now she's a raving success.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Said the wife: "Though it's ugly, it's like.
Even if the truth mattered,
I'd rather be flattered.
Why didn't we wait for Van Dyck?"
--- Robert Witt
If the "Venus" by Rubens (so wide
That the canvas had ripped)
Should be stretched and then stripped,
Before stitching her ample backside.
--- Chris J Strolin
An artist of the school called "sauvage",
Displayed his art,
A visual fart,
The color of intestinal lavage.
--- Norm Brust
That the Art World's lost sight of my plight.
Have you noticed that they
Say, 'Life's all shades of grey'
But then claim that mine's just Black and White?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9808
This is file mjm
Back and forth, so fast no one could clock her.
Then came the tragic end
Which they never could mend:
Whistler's Mom, on the floor, off her rocker.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
To paint his great work of a lake.
But it turned out sloppy
A very poor copy;
The critics called it Winnigan's Fake.
--- Tom Patton
To me a plagiaristic must.
Line one - Adam
Line two - Had 'em.
The author is Anonymous.
--- Irving Superior P8207
Got his thesis mixed up with his arses.
On the cud, he did chew
Of Poetics, Book Two,
The test of which he alone parses.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Said, "Beauty is greater than truth.
But by beauty I mean,
The obscure, the obscene,
The diseased, the decayed, the uncouth."
--- Thomas Thorneley
Whenever you've patience or leisure.
Though you eschew the idyll,
And gainsay the bridal,
I fain would become your new treasure.
--- Anon
Reading it induces a seizure
Of delight in erudition
On this mixed-bag expedition,
Saved now for non-erasure.
--- Logophilia
By the author, 1983.
Prior written consent
Is required to present
It on radio, film or TV.
--- Elliot Moreton
A candle is only a spark.
I think it's too small;
It lacks wherewithall.
It's better to curse the dark.
--- Al Willis A
And a right pretty picture they make.
Because of these flowers,
I'm dreaming for hours,
Which gives my libido a break.
--- E O Parrot E
To get up a book for a friend of mine;
This man is a medic
(Genus orthopedic)
Who else would I let mend a bend of mine.
--- W S Baring-Gold
Oft writ by the brilliantest minds,
Showing great lapse of taste,
Or an excess of haste,
In dactylic name-dropping off-rhymes?
--- Robin K Willoughby P8508
A dinosaur bird, so I think,
It ran out of luck
When an asteroid struck,
And so 'neath the waves it did sink.
--- Anon
'Twas a double dactyl, I fear.
It emerged from the toilet
And I don't want to spoil it,
But he could at least have poured me a beer.
--- Anon
And asked me to give it some head.
I said "Begone, you foul thing"
And I then heard it sing:
"OK, I'll have a beer instead!"
--- Anon
(I tell you my body was twitchin')
He took out some beers
And burped and said "Cheers!
To confound you, my brain is just itchin'."
--- Anon
As I wondered where he could be.
But dactyls at night
No longer cause fright.
'Cause he'd made me a nice cup of tea!
--- Anon
Those horrible dactyls in flight.
Are they mega or giga
Or ptera or bigger?
Whatever they are, they're a fright!
--- Anon
I remember the beer and the tea
And the cries of alarm,
When you thought I might harm
You 'tween midnight and quarter to three.
--- Anon
You can play with my metrical feet
Or possibly fiddle
The one in the middle
And double my dactyl, my sweet.
--- Anon
'Tis said that no odes could be worse,
So a prudish man pondered
And he had them all laundered,
But they all ended up as blank verse.
--- Albin Chaplin P8212
Who failed to emerge into view.
So he said, "I'll dispense
With rhyme, meter, and sense",
And he did, and he's now in Who's Who.
--- Anon
Had slain a young poet in fury.
The corpse, a wine-bibber,
Had dealt in 'verse libre',
So Delury was thanked by the jury.
--- Isaac Asimov
With meaning, and meter, and time.
It just drives me crazy,
When the message is hazy.
And free verse is simply a crime!
--- Zachary Nicolai
It's just like the Emperor's new clothes.
Free verse is a crime,
No meter, no rhyme.
I can't tell the shit from bad prose!
--- Bob Moers TP9802
Affirmed art without rhythm is sweeter.
But when she met Pete,
With his four metric feet,
She'd applied her technique to his meter.
--- Lims For Year - 01
The shooting starres attend thee;
And the elves also
Whose little eyes glow
Like the sparks of fire, befriend thee.
--- Robert Herrick
Whose poems had earned a great check,
He had gathered them all
From the urinal wall
Of the Parliament House in Quebec.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9501
Who thought that some money he'd earn
And some major credit
When he started to edit
The Ode to a Grecian Urn.
--- Rudolf Ammann
Said, "Come to me, poets in beggary",
But found her imprudence
When thousands of students
Cried, "We are all in that category."
--- James Joyce
Suffers from cultural inflation.
Japanese: They're a treat!
Anericans: Where's the meat?
Almost nothing survives the translation.
--- Norm Brust
Write short little poems, not unlike you.
But your verse, perverse is
Compared to theirs, worse is.
Suggest you should just take a HAIKU.
--- Gary Hallock
Takes nature serenely, like Mike who
Cannot wait for Spring,
Flowers blossoming,
Long walks and listening to his tyke coo.
--- Daniel Ford
I think I'll go pedal my bike, Lou.
All that syllable countin'
'Bout a stream and a mountain,
Puts a strain on my little old I.Q.
--- Gene
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