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The HAIKU, that Japanese sport, A limerick is usually rude; Do I like those haikus? Yes, ever! I shall, with cultured taste, There was a young man named McNamiter, A wonderful thing is the limerick, It's doggerel only I send. There's a ponderous pundit MacHugh Conversation I heard after class: The lim and the sonnet and ode Who does not love the poet Bill Yates? Milton's "Paradise Lost" explained, There was a young poet of Thusis, I'm not really much of a fan This poetry, I thought at first glance, No editor normally seeks Sternly warned that the magazine I thought she was being contrary. Gentle readers, I was quite distraught; But why deviate from the norm? There once lived a poet named Jeux, If money to me you'd disburse Who is that, whom I hear on the door knock? When approached by a person from Porlock, Said a pornographistic young poet, This limerick's FIRST is a letter. And when a clock's tocking is heard (answers 1. ACROSSTIC 2. THE CHARADE [read down])
A raffine poet named Partz, (raffine - ? raffish - unkempt, tawdry)
Limericks are poems, you nerd! If I had a girl named Delores, I bought it expecting suspense; (A Rhyming Dictionary)
The Voyage of the Ancient Mariner; Having rid Hamelin town of its vermin, If you find for your verse, there's no call, It may seem amusing and neat Sometimes when I sit by the sea, On the ground lay the needles of pine, Winter's gone--ain't that some thing. There's a slow tolling bell in the dark, Life is sad and so slow and so cold I wandered alone as a cloud, As I ambled along like a clod, And those bloody clouds are a pain. Why did I come to Grassmere. And as for the fish in this lake, It's all due to my sister Dot, Xanadu's too expensive for Khan; A dome and some caves cut in ice, My poetic muse now is dry My manner was that of a boar, There once was a person named Book I guess that's what's known as blank verse; A couplet and three of quatrain Verse; a la form villanelle There once was a fellow named Clerihew, As you know, the most typical clerihew (invented by Edmond Clerihew Bentley)
Double dactyls are really quite fabulous; There once was a lady gorilla This book on erotical theme With elegant timbre sublime, Humtydump Dublin squeaks through his norse I dreamed I had struck a bonanza, Observed a verse monger named Cash, (Suggested by Joe Prentiss)
I wanted to write something pretty, There once was a man who could rhyme, At my age, I'm now in the throes
Is seventeen syllables short.
A limerick's song
Has double as long,
In which for two folks to disport.
--- Nick
Sometimes it is even quite crude;
But now I propose
That somebody compose
A haiku that's funny and lewd.
--- Anon
They just need some thought that's clever.
Needing not rhythm nor rhyme,
They require just some time.
But give up on limericks? No, Never!
--- Monique de Plume
Distinguish gems from paste,
And High diddle diddle
Will rank as an idyll,
If I pronounce it chaste!
--- W S Gilbert
With a tool of prodigious diameter.
But it wasn't the size
Gave the girls the surprise,
But his rhythm, iambic pentameter.
--- L0194A
But its consequence is a slimmer chick.
For when she's in verse,
Her appetite's worse
(Which also accounts for my slimmer dick).
--- Macsam
It's doggerel only I've penned.
Catechism I shun --
Too rigid, no fun.
It's doggerel, man's better friend.
--- Laurence Perrine P8307
Who wears goggles of ebony hue.
As he mostly sees double
To wear them why trouble?
I can't see the Joe Miller. Can You?
--- James Joyce P9008
"Why's the bookstore so crowded?" "I pass."
"There's a book they all want."
"Is Monica on it?"
"No, they're snapping up Walt's 'Leaves of Grass'!"
--- Prof M-G
All take a very different road.
The lines and the rhymes
And the rhythmical chimes
Are fixed and are set for each mode.
--- Archie
Who'd refuse him his place 'mid the greats?
Oh, those poems filled with porn,
Or the one showing scorn,
For some hooker who just raised her rates.
--- Armand Singer
Women's subjugation's ordained;
And when his wife died,
He sat down and cried,
And then wrote "Paradise Regained."
--- David Miller
Who took twilight walks with the Muses.
But these nymphs of the air
Are not quite what they were,
And the practice has led to abuses.
--- L Reed (L Untermeyer?)
Of poems with no rhyme in their plan.
But there's nothing worse
Than to read someone's verse
And finding the lines do not scan.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9509
Is timely, and maybe enchants.
People may recognize
That it warrants a prize,
But I don't think that it stanza chance.
--- Kirk Miller
To publish books cherished by freaks;
The market, they say,
Is too small to pay--
So one may as well stick with Doc Deex.
--- Norm Storer P9507
Is quite choosy 'bout what lies within,
My face was quite red
When the editor said,
"All verse here must be strictly clean!"
--- Phil T
She said, "This is a mag literary,
And content obscene
Would cause quite a scene.
Your naughty verse is just too scary."
--- Phil T
Clenching fists, I said "This shall be fought!"
She said "Why don't you
Write a nice Haiku",
So my anger had all come to naught.
--- Phil T
The next day I wrote up a storm.
With eyes heavenbent,
I hereby present
My resonse in my favorite form.
--- Phil T
Who only composed in Haiku.
But for all of the praise,
For his wit and set phrase,
He's read less than he is reviewed.
--- Phil T
For odes that were raunchy or worse,
In that case, I should say
In my deviant way,
I guess that my pay'd be per verse.
--- Kirk Miller Dick Hull?
The PESTILENT person from Porlock!
He'd have pox on his skin
And a plaque on his kin,
If I were a wizard or warlock.
--- Eva Amata
It is best to take time by the forelock.
Shout, "I'm not at home,
Till I've finished this poem!"
And refuse to unfasten the door-lock.
--- Richard Leighton Greene
"Although I perhaps do not show it,
My interest in sin,
Is wearing quite thin,
And I'll soon tell those fuckers to stow it.
--- Anon
Her heralds B, C, D or better.
Excitable, snappish,
Coleric as crap (pish!):
His SECOND's limerical fetter.
--- Michael Polo P8606
Rebutting this sound is his THIRD.
A puzzle, it's true.
Damn tricky one, too...
ENTIRETY's that type of word.
--- Michael Polo P8606
Took a rather high view of the arts.
He was quick to proclaim
His hard gemlike flame,
But the best he could manage was quartz.
--- John Ciardi
And poetry's meant to be heard!
So read it aloud!
Alone -- if you're proud!
But so you can hear every word.
--- Larry J Davis P8412
I would change my first name to Morris.
I would write poems of love;
They'd be sexy, sort of,
And these names rhyme quite well with clitoris!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The let-down was quick and immense;
Though it rhymed very well,
And the words sounded swell,
Not a page of it make any sense.
--- Laurence Perrine P8409
Two guys and a gal -- they were sharin' her.
'Tis true that the crew
Was bigger than two,
But more would have too much wear on her.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
And been tricked by a noddy in ermine,
He lured girls and boys
With his pipe's pleasant noise.
Where they went, not a soul can determine.
--- Ted Thompson
This is file nim
And you can't afford paper at all,
For the poet true-born,
However forlorn,
There's always the lavatory wall.
--- Anon G1365
To tackle this challenging feat,
In extra-fast times,
But all the best rhymes
Are those that you slowly accrete.
--- Rory Ewins
The sound of the waves breaking free,
Relaxes my mind
And induces a kind
Of transcendent reality.
--- Bob D
Gently dappled in sunlight so fine.
As I walk 'neath the trees
In the late summer breeze,
I am grateful this moment is mine.
--- Cap'n Bean P0510Q
Birds are again on the wing!
But something's so odd,
I gotta ask God:
What have you done with our Spring?
--- Ogden Nield
As the keepers are clearing the park.
Like a desert, it's bare
And each tree and each chair
Is a blurred indeterminate mark.
--- Gavin Ewart
As the leaves that were green turn to gold,
As the lonely lake fills
And there's ice in the hills
And the long loathly winter takes hold...
--- Gavin Ewart
And my feet pushed their way through a crowd
Of vile yellow weeds,
That nobody needs;
Those damned things should not be allowed.
--- Tutta Gioia
Those disgusting daffs I now trod.
With their foul slimy sap,
They really are crap;
I'll trample the bastards, by God!
--- Tutta Gioia
Yes, now it's beginning to rain.
I should be indoors
With a couple of whores.
They wouldn't be taxing my brain.
--- Tutta Gioia
The countryside's so bloody drear.
I should be in town
At the old Rose and Crown,
with a couple of pints of good beer
--- Tutta Gioia
No sign of a salmon or skate.
Just a minnow or sprat,
Not fit for the cat.
I could do with a good fillet steak.
--- Tutta Gioia
That we're in this infernal spot.
She said she'd give head
When we went to bed,
But so far, the bitch, she has not.
--- Tutta Gioia
He's at work on converting a barn.
But there's talk of a dome,
And of rivers that roam,
Then drop down to an underground tarn.
--- Anon
Some rocks and a fountain sound nice;
But Alf -- he's the chippie --
Says Khan is quite dippy!
It still can't be done at that price!
--- Anon
And no matter how hard that I try,
It just seems that today
I have nothing to say.
So for that I do apologi.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But, please know with verses I soar.
Such a poor introduction!
I owe you a reduction,
And hope that this time I don't roar.
--- Q
Who came to this place for a look.
But naught could be worse
Than a page of blank verse,
Which makes him an obvious schnook!
--- Observer
To suffer from such is a curse.
The solution I find
Is to creep up behind,
And have a good grope with my nurse.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Would most surely damage my brain.
Five lines is the limit
Of grey matter in it;
Any further would all be in vain!
--- Doug Harris P0505
Has blown my 5-liners to hell.
A quatrain and five tercets
Will show me no mercies;
I'm out of my depth (can you tell?).
--- Doug Harris P0505
Who thought that but three was a very few.
While reaching to five
He'd never quite strive;
Insisting, "I really must hurry you!"
--- Doug Harris P0504
Is an epitaph sort of a merry brew.
If you state, "Evidently,
It's a car, like a Bentley,"
Such a follly's enough -- well -- to bury you.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8404
They ain't extinct birds, they're syllabulous.
They're very effectuous
In helping make sexuous,
A limerick thats otherwise drabulous.
--- Anon
Who went by the name of Priscilla...
(If anyone knows,
Tell how this verse goes --
I haven't the faintest scintilla.)
--- R J Winkler P8408
Contains a poem, "Doigts Obscene,"
The which, who can doubt,
Is the author's bold shout
How he felt up some twats "boheme."
--- G2736
I embark, and bite into rhyme;
Ever suave, ever subtle,
My puns never scuttle;
'Tis in-F-able verse every time.
--- Laurence Perrine P8604
Humtydump Dublin hath a horrible vorse
And with all his kinks english
Plus his irismanx brogues
Humtydump Dublin's grandada of all rogues.
--- James Joyce P9008
And would write me an extravaganza.
Like Wordsworth or Browning;
No more silly clowning;
But all I could write was this stanza.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whose maxims were candid if rash,
"I've no talent, few skills,
And my rhymes pay no bills,
But who steals my poems steals trash."
--- Armand Singer
That was highbrow and learned and witty.
But alack and alas!
I hookahed some grass,
Then couldn't write naught but this ditty.
--- Hugh Clary
But not very well all of the time.
He tried to rhyme coop,
With tire and goop,
And ended up out of his mind.
--- Leon Blum
And now have the full set, I suppose.
Baby out with the bath,
Water, up (on the path),
Spanners (in the works)...
--- Doug Harris P0512Q
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