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A high-scoring bowler named Corey, To unlock the mystery of "soul", Now wonder young women would cower A midget said, "In the end, it'll Now sex is a series of knocks, An aircraft designer named Quinn, (fin - the last limerick of the issue)
A young body builder, Camille, A certain young man from PA Wedded life's not all bliss for the Garritys; If the testes and ovary thwart A researcher called R V Short Melinda -- I so like to screw her, She knew all about men, thought Eulalia, To the newsmen of Iran, we hail ya, The pubes are pubs, plus an "e" In the make-up of all womankind, And all men should stay in their places -- A very clever blonde name Bea There was a young nympho named Pease Have all the girls other than me got "The testes are cooler outside," "It's good news!" the 'Butch' surgeon said, Now the female hyena does not Well now, you've got my brain flexed; 'Bout hyenas, got facts second-hand, I shed tears when I think of the grit; A G-spot that's easily kissed, Why David, I've known since quite young, You usually do it at night I wonder what made God decide There are some things we mustn't expose, A pretty dumb bastard named Bowles, You men who give names to your bits, That body parts should all have names; It's a fact, they should truly have names. Efficiency expert McGraff, Little Jane and her brother had fiddled, Statistical proof would suggest, I can help if you let me watch, But if what you've got in the middle, Behold this most curious species, "I'm hung like a horse!" they all say; The prisoners' cheer was uproarious. She's a lady who happens to care The dissolute doings of Doris (concupiscent - ardently desired)
As for things that go bump in the night, A fortyish woman named Atlas The difference between the two sexes (Valbonne - town in France where Legman lived)
There once was a man from Great Falls There was a young woman from Venus As youngsters when life had no flaws, I think that raptures would be fine; I've wearied of limericks mentalia, There was a young man of Penang My gonads are those of a monkey. There was an old pander from Perth, Miss Wilkerson thought it her duty. Said bisexual, Harry La Rue Heart throbs with a tingling sensation; If you donate that organ to me, And after the breathless gyration, An anatomy student, Jane Doan, A jock put excessive demands There was a young maid from Shalot, Who mournfully said it was not!
My brother, his name it is Toff. Said the yogi, "My twisted position
Who was asked by the Press for his story,
Said, "I'll give you a tip;
It's all in the grip,
Which I owe to my fiance, Laurie."
--- Anon
Monogamy should be our goal,
But if it is our fate
To have only one mate,
Why does every key fit every hole.
--- John K Roberts P9302 a
On meeting bold Owen Glendower;
They say he had balls
Like the dome of St Pauls,
And a prick like the Post Office Tower.
--- Michael Horgan
Not matter a jot or a tittle,
When it comes to size;
But teasing's unwise,
Because it's not nice to belittle!"
--- Observer
'Cause the girls know we think with our cocks;
But this isn't true,
I put it to you,
Our brain's in a small bag of rocks.
--- Tim Fisher
Whose wife would roll over and spin;
Which caused him to fail,
So he built on her tail,
Elevator and rudder and fin.
--- Ed Potts P8602
Was proud of her hard buns of steel;
Detractors concurred
But asked to be heard:
"Her cunt, like her boobs, no big deal."
--- Armand Singer
Collected weird things every day,
Like short witty ditties,
On tushes and titties,
And sexual organs at play.
--- Anon
They do suffer from many disparities;
When they try to cavort,
Hers is deep, his is short:
That's just one of the dissimilarities.
--- Armand Singer
Your attempts to examine and sort;
And you find you're confused
About how they are used,
Simply speak to the wise R V Short.
--- Elena Lonergan
Wrote this breakthrough gonad report.
The difference? Please note 'em;
One's found in a scotum.
The other is further up norte.
--- Heather Hewitt
Though sometimes she smells like manure.
If God is so smart,
Why put the best part
Of a woman right next to the sewer.
--- Aussie owl
And all about their genitalia.
When along came a Negro --
They grow larger than we grow --
And distorted her paraphernalia.
--- G0323
We pray ingenuity won't fail ya,
For the word "Dole", you see
In Persian Farsi,
Is the word for a man's genitalia.
--- Anon
And it is not silent, you see.
No, pubs are quite loud,
And they draw a crowd.
Well, pubes do too, believe me!
--- Larry Davis P8601
There are only two sides you can find:
You don't have to hunt:
One side is the front,
And the back of the front's the behind.
--- Limber Limericks
In loincloths tied with leather laces.
And what is their spot?
You'll hear "G" a lot,
As women put men through their paces.
--- Marlene Lewis
Was questioned while she was on TV.
"During the act of sex,
Which thing really connects?"
She smiled demurely and said, "Oh G!"
--- Tom Patton P0506
Whose G-spot was easy to please;
Her lover laughed, "Mabel,
It's south of your navel,
To just to the north of your knees."
--- Armand Singer
A place in their cunts called the G-spot.
I've tried with vibrators
And big sweet potatoes,
But so far I haven't found THE spot.
--- Michael Horgan
Said the doc to the curious bride.
"For the semen must not
Get too fucking hot,
And the bag fans your ass on the ride."
--- L0210
"As I saved both your balls 'though they bled;
And your penis too!
But the bad news is you
Will find them all under the bed.
--- David Miller
Have your average mammalian twat;
When you see it up close,
Her clitoris is gross!
It's no wonder she laughs a whole lot.
--- Allen Wolverton
At my wits, I really am vexed.
How could you get close
To a clit that is gross.
I'm afraid I'm completely perplexed.
--- Steve Hocking
But a lass with a big clit is grand.
Put your mind well at ease;
She'll be easy to please,
Just as long as you stay out of sand.
--- Allen Wolverton
One slip and you'll be in the shit.
It brings tears to my eyes
I can hardly disguise;
It's enough to make one have a fit.
--- Steve Hocking
Would really be high on my list;
And then move her clit
So I can find it,
In darkness when totally pissed. (drunk)
--- David Miller
You start with your thumb in her bung.
Then drunk as a skunk,
You work down her trunk,
And locate that thing with your tongue.
--- John Miller
Without any need for a light;
Creating a spasm
Down deep in that chasm,
At least if you're doing it right.
--- John Miller
Girl's pee holes are something to hide.
It's not easy to see,
For she must sit to pee,
While the man's thing is hanging outside.
--- Anon
So we hide them away in our clothes.
Oh, it's shocking to stare
At what's certainly there --
But why this is so, heaven knows.
--- G2329
Who's one of your misinformed souls,
Claims women have dinks,
And what's more, he thinks,
That men are endowed with two holes.
--- Armand E Singer 276
Then talk about them like they're "its" --
You mystify me.
We women, you see
Don't go around naming our tits.
--- Anon
This is file mgm
It comes from the roosters, not dames.
You all cock-a-doodle
While naming your noodle;
We women aren't into those games.
--- Anon
I know a young lady from Ames,
Says when meeting a gent,
The first minutes are spent
With him chatting her titties, she claims.
--- Anon
Thought nine months for birth was a laugh.
He emerged from seclusion
With his studied conclusion,
That two men would reduce it by half.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1416
And she wept that, by God, she'd been diddled,
For she found he'd a cock
Where she, 'neath her frock,
Had only the hole where she tiddled.
--- G0066
(And my own calculations attest)
When all data's compiled,
Each man, woman, and child,
Has on average, one nut and one breast.
--- Scott
As you strip off and show me your crotch.
If it's soft pink and runny,
We call it a cunny,
And it means you're a woman, top notch.
--- Chimera
Hangs down like a single stringed fiddle,
With a blue vein and wrinkles,
And one eye that twinkles,
You're a man who must stand up to piddle.
--- Chimera
A creature of boundless caprice, he's
With three apertures wrought,
One with prurience fraught,
And the other two spew forms of feces.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8901
Each hoping to get his own way.
But, I'm not impressed
I have seen the best --
Out in the barn one fine day!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The Warden became NOTORIOUS.
For efficiency's sake
He decided to make
The colony both penal and clitorious.
--- Norm
For those gentlemen's skulls that are bare;
And for having a ball,
What she digs most of all,
Is to play with the part in their hair.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8601
Once shocked, but now only bore us.
This concupiscent frail
Is so hot in the tail,
That her asshole has now become porous.
--- G0960
I prefer those that don't give me fright.
What I would include
Are best enjoyed nude,
Are rounded, quite soft, and don't bite.
--- Macsam
Was uncommonly lanky and fatless,
And telling her front
From her back was a stunt,
When all of the best parts were patless.
--- Limber Limericks
Is the same in both China and Texas,
Korea, Valbonne,
Cairo, Crete, and Athlone,
For the same genitalia connexas. (connex - join together)
--- G0449
Who bragged of his big prick and balls.
He told a companion
"I'll fuck the Grand Canyon
If you vaseline both the walls!"
--- David Miller
Who was suddenly growing a penis,
And also a beard.
It was truly weird
And the sound of her voice was quite heinous!
--- Anon
A boy and a girl oft would pause.
And one would opine
With, "I'll show you mine
Provided that you show me yours."
--- Irving Superior P2005
You show me yours, I'll show mine.
'Course this is 'bout looks
At each other's books --
Or anything else we can find.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who writes smugly of others' phallia.
Though their style is inane,
It shows that their brain,
Is smaller than their genitalia.
--- Randy Wilkinson
Who believed in letting things hang.
But one day when he sneezed,
Something fell past his knees,
And hit the floor with a clang.
--- Spike Mulligan
My Cowper's is naught if not spunky.
My prostate is chimp-like;
My testicles blimp-like;
And Percy? He's long, stuff and hunky.
--- H Welchel
Who's ma nearly died giving birth.
His head wasn't bad
But then came his gonad,
Which stretched her for all she was worth.
--- Stephen A Rooney
To maintain her conjugal beauty.
She mixed up a paste
Like industrial waste,
And applied it to her sweet patootie.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"There are things to do, other than screw.
I can tell you post haste,
That dicks have no taste,
But pussies most certainly do!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0409
Blood rushes to cause an inflation.
Tongue drags on the floor
And what's it all for?
A temporary organ donation.
--- SFA
I double-god-damn guarantee
A permanent use
For the meat and the juice;
Especially if hung to the knee.
--- Sister Christina
There follows a mutual elation.
Then old phallic pride
Begins to subside
Without any standing ovation.
--- SFA
Took a Yankee to bed in Boulogne.
When she saw his tool,
She laughed like a fool,
Saying, "that's just a third funny-bone."
--- Ed Wolfert P8309
On overworked sexual glands.
He'd hump thrice a night
Any female is sight,
Plus in-between bouts with his hands.
--- Mervyn Cripps collection
Who claimed she was hotter than hot.
She burned of the hair of a priest from Adair,
Who said it was worth what he got.
She burnt off the balls of a priest from St Paul's,
--- Big Little Playboy Lims
This gal asked to take his pants off.
Sexy knowledge he lacked;
When she reached for his sack,
He just turned his head and he coughed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Has deep meaning -- it's not exhibition.
My aura expands,
Giving glow to my glands,
Thus increasing my powers of coition.
--- Grand Prix Lim 227 G0433
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