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'Twas Jacob Bronowski began Incontinent, that's Charlie Kraus: I so rarely have time for regret, Billy Bob suffers from halitosis, In adulthood I can't to this day, There was a cheese-maker named Scott I just heard your encounter with Riff The fisherman bathed all his life A sailor stood out on the sponson, There was a fishmonger named Gus And on the next floor there is me, The B.O. that most people get If you want to study B.O., A soiled, odorous Dervish, a churl "Hi Grandpa!" "Hi Joey, my lad!" My dear husband's feet smell of cheese. I've got a sister called Melly, If ever you visit Miss Otis-- The minute you enter her room, I thought when you entered my room, About this I am most emphatic; You're gorgeous, from head down to feet; Tried to raise you right -- you never listened! There was a young beatnik named Howard A man who had big hammer-toes, An obstetrician, name of Defoe, That part of the bod is unsung, My dearest, I'm feeling content Charlotte the harlot from hell, Oh how lush are the scents of Khartoum He's as cool and as baked as Alaska You say that all perfume is bosh, Maggie's the one makes me wet; A comic book called HBS (Horny Biker Sluts by John
Howard) She likes when I rhyme of her skill, Maggie smells nice when she sweats. Comic strips really imitate life Fernando, the seller of cheese, My uncle smells funny, no doubt; Say "musk" and I think of Rebecca; A fat lady who called herself Sue There once was a girl from Point Loma, Then, to be sure, some clown A poet with a hairy pelt, The magazine publisher, Scott, A pustule on some old whores ass -- There was a tall welder named Runyan On the shores of the Sea of Marmora Clearly, one must have a defense An archer was bonking a wench, There once was a girl named Michelle And why's your proboscis stuffed under 'Tis the pheremones 'pon which he's bent; Since he does display pheremonal To prepare for my dates, as a man, Some scurrilous lies 'bout my sox When he gave her a single red rose, A perfume inspector was Scott, My Valentine, your ass is just swell; The professor, a mean old punk, Though he was a good-looking gent, I met a young fellow named Bradley, The world is so full of a number of things, There was an old fellow and what do you think? This charming old chap had a sister as well: What a wonderful family! What marvellous style! The marching band from Westphalia,
This stuff, with his "A-scent of Man",
And if my aroma
Puts you in a coma,
I'll poke you wherever I can.
--- Anon
He's old, feeble-minded, a souse;
Vomit, pee, and real gems
From assorted BM's
Drive all who can smell from the house.
--- Armand Singer
While I'm screwing a virgin nymphette;
But they always turn off
And their eyes tear--they cough;
It's the smell I exude when I sweat!
--- Mark Levy P9706
So his breath smells just like his toes's,
Crusted with day old lox,
In sixth period gym socks.
Asked where his dentist was, said "Who know'es?"
--- Anon
(Ergo sports it's my choice not to play)
Enter a locker room
From which foul odors zoom;
Country Club equals Y.M.C.A
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9706
Who found the new flavor he sought.
When he took his first sniff,
His pecker got stiff,
So he labeled it Essence of Twat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2291
Had backfired by scaring you stiff.
Said you scowled and you frowned
On the chair you were bound...
And then fainted when given a whiff.
--- Anon
And swore that he'd never be rife
With the odor of fish,
But failed in his wish,
For now he smells just like his wife.
--- John Miller
And he called for the first mate named Bronson.
He said, "One would think
I could lessen the stink
Of the fisherman's wife on my johnson.
--- Heekster
Who said, "Me? I don't care a cuss
For the smell on my clothes.
See, I just hold my nose
And sit by myself on the bus.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Holding nose most delicately,
And I sarcastically say
In my usual way,
"Was THAT after shave for free?"
--- Anon
Is caused by a gland that's upset.
Upset that you play
And work every day
And simply just hate to get wet.
--- Irving Superior P9706
A whorehouse--the right place to go.
Not only of body
But also of bawdy,
Which very few laymen would know.
--- Irving Superior P9706
Had among mindless "Groupies" one pearl,
Who'd break-dance on her head
Then spiral into bed
With her goatskin robes all awhirl.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9706
I'm happy to see you." "I'm glad."
"So how 'bout a hug?"
"Yeah, hold me up snug.
I love you, although you smell bad.
--- John Miller
I say, "Keep your socks on, if you please!"
Gorgonzola and brie
Don't appeal much to me;
They cause me to choke, retch, and wheeze.
--- Jayne
And obviously she's quite smelly.
She lives up to the rhyme
And stinks all the time;
We can't wait 'til she moves to New Dehli.
--- Anon
The lady with underarm otus--
On raising her arm,
A nasal alarm.
You'll search her abode--where the goat is?
--- Irving Superior P9706
it's as though an exotic perfume
That makes you recall--
A few, but not all--
Of many an lady friend's womb.
--- Irving Superior P9706a
You were wearing some special perfume
Made of garlic and stuff.
The odor was rough;
I was lucky you left there so soon.
--- Bernie
I do like a girl aromatic:
That smell that she gets
As she puffs, pants and sweats,
In sex acts with me, acrobatic.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Your sexual skills can't be beat.
But what makes me clench
My teeth is the stench.
You smell like a vixen in heat.
--- Anon
And now you're your Ma's little pissant.
There's a striking resemblance;
To encourage remembrance,
Why even the smells reminiscent.
--- Anon
Whose girl for a month had not showered.
When there blew a slight breeze,
She would smell like ripe cheese.
He backed off and she called him a coward.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2885
Met a girl with a bone through her nose.
He asked, "Can you smell?"
She replied, "Very well
And those toes don't smell like a rose."
--- Anon
Said to interns following in tow,
"The strangest thing yet
Is that when I sweat,
They accuse me of O.B.B.O."
--- Tom Patton P9708
But the thought of it keeps me quite young.
The name I can't tell, (It has sensitive nerves,)
But it does have a smell, (And it tastes like preserves.)
And it's right on the tip of my tongue.
--- Al Willis P9706a
As I lie on your breast, but the scent
Of your perfume is too
Overpowering -- ACHOO!
Can't you fucking well open a vent?
--- Anon
Said, "I wish that my body would sell.
But it seems that no buyer
Is filled with desire,
'Cause the peculiar way that I smell."
--- Richard Plaistowe
And exotic, agreed? I presume;
But the best native pussy,
Sure's my name's Claude Debussy,
Perfumes a plump concubine's room.
--- Armand Singer
(And he brings his own bowl for his hashka.)
But a whiff of that spice
that makes dirty girls nice --
And damn! He's as hot as tabaska!
--- Anon
And with natural scent you're awash.
Though sometimes the pong
Is a little bit strong,
Those pheremones get me, by gosh.
--- Anon
The sexiest girl I have met.
We're very good friends,
Or lovers, depends
On whether she's quenching my jet.
--- H Welchel
This is file mhm
Depicts what she looks like undressed.
She's quite like the chick
With mouth full of dick,
And little skull ring in her breast.
--- H Welchel
Or how she last gave me a thrill.
Now if you'll excuse,
The thought of her cooze
Requires me to pickle my dill.
--- H Welchel
Her pheromones make me forgets
To think conscious thoughts.
My limbic cumshots
Conclude when the coma onsetsszzzzz.
--- H Welchel
And a couple with stinkers were rife.
Pig Pen, B.O. Plenty,
Transcended mere "scenty".
They'd a smell you could cut with a knife.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9706
Was at best a purveyor of sleaze.
It came from his toes,
So offending the nose,
That it brought a grown man to his knees.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'm trying to figure it out.
The aroma's not sweet;
Could it be from his feet?
It reminds me of old sauerkraut.
--- Anon
For the horny, her pussy was Mecca.
Though her hot little body
Was not at all shoddy,
'Twas her odor that stiffened my pecka.
--- John Miller
Hadn't bathed since the year '92.
She thought she'd an aura
Of fauna and flora;
She smelled like the St. Louis Zoo!
--- Tom Patton P9708a
Who gave off a revolting aroma.
The mephitic stench
Of that odorous wench
Would send men off into a coma.
--- Anon
Will come in with a whiff and a frown.
"Holy Saint Pete,
Whatever you eat,
You can smell the shit all over town"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had a terrible blow to him dealt.
When thinking of jigs
And shagging of pigs,
It was his own fingers he smelt.
--- Cyberhog T9711
Found his sales were increasing a lot
When he showed pictures lewd
Of young girls in the nude,
Which were sprayed with the odor of twat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2289
A putrid and swollen green mass --
Was pinched by a turd,
And spewed out a curd
That smelled of sweet cream and cut grass!
--- H Welchel
Whose pecker came down with a bunion.
When he had an erection,
This painful infection
Gave off the faint odor of onion.
--- Larry Wilde
The people sniff goats from Angora;
They turn up their noses
At lilies and roses,
Preferring the fauna to flora.
--- Lims Unlimited
From one's sexual opposite's scents.
A stench of your own
Staunches whore-moan-al tones,
And separates ladies from gents.
--- Anon
In the kitchen one night, on a bench.
And when he was through,
He asked, "Good for you?"
She replied, "Yes, except for your stench!"
--- Anon
Who washed her hair daily with Prell;
She used Listerine
To keep her breath clean,
But her underarms still stunk like hell.
--- Travis Brasell
The arms of Michelle? We wonder
What make you just tarry
In armpits quite hairy,
Instead of her pussy to plunder.
--- Travis Brasell
Uncontrollably drawn to the scent
From which others would run
Thinking, my what a bum,
Is for his perversion, a vent.
--- Andy
Behavior, he's probably clonal.
He goes around sniffing
And panting and whiffing
At odors that give him a bonal.
--- Travis Brasell
I'd use Arrid and Dial and Ban.
All just to quell
That over-ripe smell.
Great -- now they sell sweat in a can.
--- Tom Accousti
Have been spreading like wildfire or pox.
I would just like to say
They smell sweeter than hay;
(Though less sweet, I admit, than my jocks.)
--- Anon
And she suddenly, wordlessly, froze,
Blind Freddy could tell
That the outcome would smell.
Even blokes with bad eyes have a nose.
--- Rory Ewins
At work he sniffed perfumes a lot.
At the end of the day,
He would come home and say,
"You can't beat the odor of twat."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2290
Here's some perfume to help with the smell.
Just spray it all over;
Smells just like fresh clover,
So if you spray on too much...oh well.
--- M Foster
Ate Limburger cheese by the chunk;
Combined with BO,
And the farts that he'd blow,
It was worse than a run-over skunk.
--- Anon
He put off the girls with his scent.
In accents quite scathing,
One asked, "And your bathing--
I guess that's a yearly event?"
--- Norm Storer P9705
Whose grammar confounded me, sadly.
Though a high school grad,
When he said, "You smell bad!"
What he meant was, "You smell very badly."
--- Alex Heydon P0505
I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings.
I'll they you a story--
It won't take me long--
Of a brother and sister whose tale is my song.
--- G1520
He lived on the cheese that he scraped from his dink.
He whacked it, he hacked it,
He ate it with glee--
Was there ever a fellow so happy as he?
--- G1521
He was ugly and gaunt, with a horrible smell.
He cunt was so dirty
It stank like a beast,
And the odor killed flies as they gathered to feast.
--- G1522
I'll bet you and I aren't close by a mile.
Their odor and diet
Won't soon be forgotten,
And one day you and I may be equally rotten.
--- G1523
Dressed in their finest regalia,
Aborted their march
Because of the starch
In their shorts, which chafed genitalia.
--- Bob Moers A
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