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"Oh look, love, our baby Melissa." The midwives all gathered around, It doesn't matter, I agree, They called in a doctor ere long, "Oh no," said the paediatrician, So what if Melissa's a he; What if she's a hermaphrodite? The frustrations of Johnny Carruther, There was a young lady named Venus, We dedicate this to the cunt, To moralists, sex is a sin, This abstract denies all androgyny A deceptive young lady named Dare There was an old fellow named Al Her little sweet pussy's a beaut; There was a young girl of Lahore, My wife's balls are so hairy, A gal called an Oz radio station, "Well Hon, this is quite a strange perv; Before the old quack could say more, The whole of that story is true; ...As to whether we need to resort No one ever better come near At the auction of Mabel's vagina, Egyptian boys, being demented, There's a woman in Greece named Deciderus Deciderus felt like a freak The story of Deciderus is no fraud; A curious thing, the vagina, If the Final Frontier is in Space; From women I've learned such a lot, A launcher of rockets called Nero, That elusive sneaky G-spot! There was an old man of Westphalia All hail to the naked female, I once knew a girl from Belize I spotted her squatting one day, Women have interesting parts; A sultry young slut from South Asia A rather strange maid from Japan I would say that they have quite an aura, An artiste called Carly Fiora So pretty when seen from the rear, When it comes down to menopause, While the Danube may look nice and blue Said Clarence, our family mortician, Said I, "It was there when she died A contortionist born in Bengal I'll admit that I was self-taught; There was a young man from Aberystwith, An ancient biologist, Heine, The moniker "Retard" applies There was an old sheila named Maggie, A woman has gonads, you know, Let us venerate treasure on earth There was a poor woman named Gist I'm practicing 'body-art' painting Be careful and use some restraint; I pondered your 'masking-tape' tip A delicate segment, the taint, A naive young lady named Moore, To be young with good looks is no brag. (It's call PMS because Mad Cow Disease was taken - McW)
Said a certain delightful old nut, Consider this sanitary pad Let's see, how many holes have I got, But let's not forget, Dear, your ear The cervix, it seems, is connected
"Melissa? You certain, Clarissa?"
"Of course I'm quite sure."
"But my dear, I implore!
Please check on the size of its pisser."
--- Peter Wilkins
Staring down at Melissa and frowned;
"Well we think it's a Pisser
Attached to Melissa,
But no sign of Bollocks we've found."
--- Peter Wilkins
Whether she sits or stands to pee.
And if up she stands,
Hope she'll wash her hands,
Then put the lid back down for me.
--- Carol
Who said, "Hold it, Melissa; they're wrong.
Although more than a stub
It's a Clitoral-Nub,
And most certainly isn't a Dong."
--- Peter Wilkins
Who studied Melissa's condition;
"At nearly a metre
That Nub is a Peter;
Her Balls are just out of position."
--- Peter Wilkins
Or as likely as not is a she?
For whatever she's got,
Does it matter a jot,
If she stands or she squats for a pee?
--- Carol
Would it be wrong or be right?
Having both hole and dick,
There's a neat trick;
She could fuck herself every night.
--- Anon
Must stem from this fact and none other:
There just wasn't room
To return to the womb,
Occupied, at the time, by his brother.
--- J D Dunham, 1935
Who body was shaped like a penis.
A fellow named Hunt
Was shaped like a cunt,
So it all worked out fine, just between us.
--- Jim Weaver Collection V
The kind the broad-minded guys hunt.
All hail to the twat,
Willing, thrilling, and hot,
That wears peckers down, limp and blunt.
--- G0048
Yet Nature suggests we begin.
She arranged it, no doubt,
That a fellow juts out
In the place where a damsel juts in.
--- Isaac Asimov A
While debating gonadal homogeny.
All difference aside,
One truth must abide:
You need both to generate progeny.
--- Veronica Michaelsen
Removed her fake tits, ass and hair.
But her boyfriend was slick,
For he pulled out his prick,
And he fucked all the stuff in the chair.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1770
Who wouldn't take any old gal.
He preferred one with boobs
And Fallopian tubes
And perhaps a vaginal canal.
--- Garrison Keillor P9111
Her ass is equally cute!
Her tits are the best;
She gives head with zest,
And her brain is equally astute.
--- Little Richard
The same shape behind as before.
Since no one knew
Which side to screw,
It baffled the spermatozoa.
--- G1676
Makes Neanderthal look like a fairy.
And she has a dick
To make King Kong sick,
And no asshole's safe, so be wary.
--- MrMalo
Said: "Doc, I've this strange aberration.
A quick navel rub
Excites my twat nub;
A sort of remote masturbation.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I think that your clitoral nerve
Must nearly abut on
Your old belly button,
In an odd subcutaneous curve."
--- Tiddy Ogg
The phone calls came in by the score,
From ladies who, too,
Got a virtual screw,
By tickling their navelly door.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So ladies, I'll leave it to you.
Please try, and report
If there's thrills of that sort
And thereby to give us a clue...
--- Tiddy Ogg
To that southerly hair-cladded port,
Or whether a flick
And a nibble and lick
To your navel prepares you for sport.
--- Tiddy Ogg
My belly button 'cause I fear,
Though quite an attraction,
My knee-jerk reaction
Will surely disable your spear.
--- Carol
All her lovers bought parts they thought fine: a
Coal miner, a rajah,
Bought labia major,
And a major her labia minor.
--- G0478A
Were happy at first, then lamented:
"It's too hard to hold
The damn centerfold."
And thus was the staple invented.
--- Travis Brasell
Who has an unusual clitoris.
It's two foot and a half,
And hangs past her calf,
So she ties it 'round back where her shitter is.
--- MrMalo
Until she met Zorba the Greek,
Whose thirty foot foreskin
Grew twenty foot more skin
And burst when he went for a leak.
--- PeterW
She was given that body by God.
But her real claim to fame
Was her lovers' nickname;
They referred to her just as "Tripod".
--- Eric Arthur Blair 1984
Said the Doctor of cology (gyne),
It has lips that don't talk,
And goes 'squish' when you walk,
But I've never seen anything fina!
--- Ogden Nield P9601
And the Spinal Frontier is a Face;
I think I can show,
Therefore and ergo,
The Vaginal Frontier is First Place.
--- Dick Ford
I'm now better at giving than not.
So my dearest sweet Jayne,
Let us give love free rein --
I long to search out your G-spot!
--- Tutta Gioia
Was hailed by the ladies a hero.
For believe it or not,
He could find the G-spot,
While they counted down three two one zero.
--- Professor
It migrates all over the twat!
Sometimes near the clit
Where I wish it would sit...
Wherever your are, it is not!
--- Tutta Gioia A
This is file mfm
Who was always prepared to regalia
With lewd exposes
Of his numerous lays,
And descriptions of their genitalia.
--- G0223
Big of bust, round of rear, pretty tail!
Her lack of resistance
Keeps the race in existence;
May our yen for her tail never fail.
--- Grand Prix Lim 145 G0065
Who had flaps that hung down to her knees.
When the weather was hot,
She would flap them and squat,
Thus causing a southernly breeze.
--- Peter Wilkins
Smiling calmly and flapping away,
When she lifted and rose
Drifting off. I suppose
That's the hovercraft principle, eh?
--- Peter Wilkins
There's pairs of them over their hearts.
And down near the middle,
A place you can diddle,
But keep clear of the place where she farts!
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
Has a body that's sure to amasia:
Her boobs are rectangular,
Butt quite triangular--
And internal organs still crasia.
--- Norm Storer
Spent half of each day in the can,
Thinking thoughts Oriental,
Some vulgar, some gentle,
And keeping it cool with her fan.
--- S D Bismark
In Texas or in Bora Bora.
They're called 'curly gates'.
Just ask your bedmates;
I refer to the Labia Majora!
--- Al Willis P9809
Had 20 foot labia minora.
She flapped them one day
And then flew away,
To perform in the land of Angora.
--- Donald McGill
They all have that part in their hair;
And those rosy cheeks.
Could kiss 'em for weeks,
Before sending my beast to the lair
--- Anon
I think it's a blessing for whores.
For their business gets worse
When they're having the curse
Due to layers of cotton and gauze.
--- Bob Mornington
To a myopic moron like you,
To me it looks red
From the menstrual blood shed
By ten million females plus two!
--- G2264
"I don't mean a grand inquisition,
But why is her cunt
Not there in the front --
Which I'm sure is the proper position?"
But I thoughtfully wrenched it aside
To cover a mess
From her brother, I'd guess.
We DO have our family pride!"
Kept her many admirers enthralled
With erotic embraces;
She'd muscles in places
Where most girls have nothing at all.
--- CeeJay
I never could tie a square knot.
I get lost when downtown,
As I drive 'round and 'round.
And I never could find the G-spot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who said to the girl that he kissed with,
"That hole in your crotch
Is for fucking and such,
And not just a gadget to piss with."
--- Anon
Taught some girls that the female vagina
Was the seat of their joy,
But they shouted back, "Oy!
We've got something much more diviner!"
--- Carol Rumens
To the nubby that's found 'tween your thighs.
It's growth is so stunted,
For days Carol hunted.
Now she just craves my grand prize.
--- Anon
Whose nips were all hairy and saggy.
When she opened her bucket,
The blokes wouldn't fuck it,
'Cause both of the lips were too baggy.
--- Dave
Except that with us, they don't show.
Why have nuts or dicks?
Vulnerable to kicks,
And often they have "one hung low!"
--- Jayne
Where we celebrate pleasure and birth --
Hidden there 'twixt her thighs
And though tiny in size,
Can hold rods of great measure and girth.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9001
Who had an ovarian cyst;
Not harmlessly small,
No, not that at all,
But roughly the size of your fist!
--- Armand E Singer 734
On Lucy, but she keeps on fainting,
Whenever the stroke
Of my brush makes a poke,
Between her two holes where there's tainting.
--- Travis Brasell
Stick masking-tape there 'fore you paint.
And thusly protected,
Your brush, when erected,
Will spray no more paint on her taint.
--- Peter Wilkins
And used it on Lucy's last trip
To hide her taint part;
However my art
Required me to give it a rip!
--- Travis Brasell
And poking might make a girl faint.
Get rid of that brush;
Don't be in a rush.
Next time, dear, use some finger paint.
--- Anon
Giving birth to a daughter, felt sore.
They then went to market
To get a new parquet,
'Cause she needed a new pelvic floor.
--- Donald McGill
As a woman there's only one snag,
That I can conclude
Is that females get screwed;
PMS once a month, what a drag.
--- Goin2later
"I guess I am just in a rut,
Made of breasts and of lips,
And vaginas and hips,
And sometimes a well-rounded butt."
--- Isaac Asimov
Used monthly by Doris and Glad...
Though recycling stuff
Maybe worthy enough,
They're exceeding the limits, a tad.
--- Peter Wilkins
Besides the sweet one that's my twat.
Please do not pass
Up the one in my ass,
Or my mouth, which is ever so hot
--- Anon
Whose hot throbbing pulse I hear here.
Inviting a sluice
Of precious love juice,
(But your ASSHOLE? You must think I'm queer!)
--- Anon
To neurons which can be detected,
By pounding it soundly
And bouncing it roundly,
With sentiments deeply directed.
--- H Welchel
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