Everyday in algebra class
Alfred eyed his neighbor's fine ass.
She put ab with c,
And figured out that she'd rather pass.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims

There once was a fellow of Trinity,
Who raised xyz to infinity;
And then the old brute
Extracted the root.
He afterwards took to divinity.
--- Anon E O Parrot

To bear offspring, Noah's snakes were unable.
Their fertility was somewhat unstable.
He constructed a bed
Out of tree trunks and said,
"Even adders can multiply on a log table."
--- Anon A

Do logs give you logarrhea?
Is a logjam drawing nearer?
Just use your credentials
And take exponentials
To make those old logs disappear.
--- Anon

"I'm convinced," said a father named Bath,
"That hell hath no fury or wrath
Like a man who's begun
Assisting his son
In trying to work modern math."
--- A N Wilkins P8506

A mathematician named Jones
Was fonder of cunts than of cones.
Said he on his rambles,
"Ah whoors an' Ah gambles--
Gonna roll them Napierian bones!"

(Napieran bones - early logarithmic method)
--- G2378

There once was a log named Lynn,
Whose life was devoted to sin.
She came from a tree
With base shaped like an 'e'.
She's the most natural log I've seen.
--- Eve Andersson

Minus one is a special case,
Delicious and dainty as lace.
So don't play the hero;
Don't divide by zero;
If you do, be sure to erase.
--- Anon

'Tis a favorite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3.14159
--- Harvey L. Carter

If inside a circle, a line
Hits the center and goes spine to spine
And the line's length is 'd'
The circumference will be
d times 3.14159
--- Anon

Are you bored with the powers of x?
Then what would you like to do next?
Some powers of g
Will do quite nicely,
But watch out for the special effects.
--- Anon

A tutor came down from the attic,
With a formula, super quadratic.
He let out a sigh,
And solved it for Y,
With detail and style, quite dramatic.
--- Versifier P9601

A quadratic function ambitious
Said, "It's not only wrong but it's vicious;
It's surely no sin
To have both max and min--
To limit me so, is malicious."
--- Leo Moser

To Algebra, God is inclined.
The world is a thought in his mind.
It seems so erratic
Because it's quadratic,
And the roots are not easy to find.
--- J C B Date

If her clenching vaginal sensations
Cause loss of control on occasions,
Then slow yourself down,
As you solve with a frown
Simultaneous quadratic equations.
--- Peter Wilkins

The quadratic roots, you'll agree,
Are minus b plus the square root of b
Squared minus four
ac and no more,
All over two a, do you see?
--- Don Laycock P8412

Said a wise-guy named Georgy-O-Porgie,
Let's have a Quotient Rule orgy.
On top, to be nice,
G appears twice,
And then on the bottom, one more g.
--- Anon

N roots of unity on a wheel;
Among them, at most 2 are real.
The others must go,
Half above, half below.
But they get paired off in the deal.
--- Anon

I attended a school in North Junction,
Where I learned how to insert expunction.
And in algebra class,
The old prof beat my ass,
For my failure to solve for dis function.
--- Al Chaplin P0101

A subject we did had a facility,
For testing equations' stability.
When things did not work,
The class went berserk,
And erupted in violent hostility.
--- Anon

"We need f and g-prime;" said Mitch,
"And it matters so much which is which."
"But not to worry,"
Said his cousin Jerry,
"If it doesn't work out, we can switch!"
--- Anon

My favorite number is e
Two point seven one eight three.
It's the base of a log
Not wetted by dog,
But the sort of exponency.
--- Tim Main

There once was a number named 'e',
Who took way too much LSD.
She thought she was great,
But that fact we debate;
We know she's no greater than three.
--- Eve Andersson

Factorialized five minus nine,
Divided by three and then 'sined',
When product'd with ten,
And rounded, will then,
Give twice the smallest odd prime.
--- Anon

A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the squareroot of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Is nine squared plus zero, no more.
--- Armand Singer P9602

Minnesota adults can be savage,
In getting their kids extra leverage;
Whatever it takes
To wipe out mistakes,
So the children are all above average.
--- Dr Limerick

Says a medical doctor named Loundes,
"Take the relative mass of girl's mounds,
Add the weight of both boobs
To the cube of their tubes;
This will give you the answer in pounds.
--- Armand E Singer 720

There once was a young Pakistani
Who had a mathematical fanny.
Most especially prided
Was the way it divided;
A skill we all thought most uncanny
--- MrMalo

Don't know if the math is OK
But I found the "Calculator" today
On my PC; so I
Thought to give it a try.
The solution just blew me away.
--- Sweet P

In my tribe I'm the smartest of men,
For I'm able to count up to ten.
Over ten, wisdom lingers
For I've run out of fingers,
And have to start over again.
--- Laurence Perrine P8506

On the glamorous African shore,
An old chieftain's fifth wife wanted more.
They said, "It's no use
To scream out abuse.
A Hottentot can't count past four."
--- Isaac Asimov P9902

Multiplication is vexation,
Division is just as bad.
The rule of three
Perplexeth me,
And practice drives me mad.
--- Desmond MacHale

There was an old man who said, "Do
Tell me how to add two and two.
It may not be more
Than just three or four--
But I fear that is rather too few."
--- Anon

This is file mcl

Said my grandma, with smile pure and sweet,
"This computer age just has me beat.
As arithmetic goes,
I use fingers and toes;
I'm glad I have two hands and feet."
--- Reminisce P9310

An eight-year-old maid in Vermilion
Decided to count to a trillion,
But at one count a second,
If rightly I've reckoned,
At forty she got to a billion.
--- Limber Limericks

I've noticed again and again,
So many folks can't count to ten.
Quite often, I see
Them ahead of me
In the grocery express lane I'm in.
--- Observer

Don't let bad counting raise one hackle;
Just talk to old Marge, then you'll cackle.
She'll tell of the claims
Men make to the dames
On the size of their old wedding tackle.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Said a certain young lady named Gwen,
Of her tally of smitten young men,
"One less and three more
Divided by four,
Together give one more than ten"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Extraction of cubes is child's play
When you've learned how to do it this way.
You don't need calculations
With cubic equations --
Just hot water all over the tray.
--- Leo Mosher

A mathematician named Newt
Possessed a rectangular beaut.
He once screwed a whore;
She said, "There's the door.
You came, so extract your square root!"
--- David Miller

If there's one thing that gives me the fidgets,
It's adding or taking the digits.
When I see a large number,
My heart does a rhumba,
And shrinks to the size of a midget's.
--- Jonathan Munn

Some people count sheep, using numbers
To hasten and length their slumbers,
But my nostrum entails
Counting curvacious females,
For I prefer figures to numbers.
--- Laurence Perrine P8506

The stripper was quite an attraction,
Because of her skill at subtraction.
As she took off each piece,
What was left would decrease,
Until what remained was a fraction.
--- Warrick Elrod

Mathematics just makes me concussed,
My brain cannot seem to adjust
To the idea of minus,
(I'm getting blocked sinus),
The concept just leaves me non-plussed.
--- Doug Harris P0605

A schoolboy was given the nod
To count to a hundred, by God!
'Stead of "...9, 10, 11,"
He went "...3, 5, and 7."
Said his puzzled instructor, "That's odd!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8506

There was an old man who said, "Gee!
I can't multiply seven by three!
Though fourteen seem plenty.
It might come to twenty.
I haven't the slightest idee!"
--- Carolyn Wells

A child of the new generation
Refused to learn multiplication.
He said, "Don't conclude
That I'm stupid or rude;
I am simply without motivation."
--- Lowdown Higher Ed P9307

Mathematics means only to me
That a one and a two equals three.
Just why they do so
Is more than I know,
But most people seem to agree.
--- Laurence Perrine P8506

Said a rather dense schoolboy named Pete,
"Mathematics has fair got me beat.
I'm sure a square root
Is some sort of fruit,
And Pi is a nice thing to eat."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

There're only two sexes, it's true;
And his wife couldn't count beyond two.
But the y's and the x's
Account for the sexes
And the multiple powers of two.
--- Laurence Perrine P8506

Mighty Eminem stunned the whole nation
When he rapped a mathematic equation.
It ain't the tradition
To rhyme in addition.
Had Slim made a miscalculation?
--- Rory Ewins

A math teacher's son from Port Leaven
Could often count right up to seven.
He sometimes was fine
With an eight or a nine,
But never made ten or eleven.
--- Joe Guerin

A mathematician named Madder,
His snake scared his wife up a ladder.
Was asked by her, "Pray,
Can you take it away?"
He replied "No I can't; it's an adder."
--- Prof M-G

An algebra teacher named Drew
Tried to find the square root of two.
He found it between
1/4 and 14.
But he couldn't get closer. Can you?
--- Anon

A mathematician was Ewing --
His cock was in need of renewing,
But for years he got by
With his formula sly,
Which was using a square root for screwing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2034

A few, when it's cubed, might be trouble,
But squared just after it's doubled,
Take three halves and then,
Toss two gross, take ten,
And the twelfth root of this is a couple!
--- Anon

A teacher of math named Miss Kitt
Made certain her students were fit.
She would clear up distractions
And explain vulgar fractions
By exposing a fraction of tit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0506

A teacher of math named Miss Hunt
Developed a fine teaching stunt.
She would clear up distractions
And explain vulgar fractions,
By exposing a fraction of cunt.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0476

There's a phenomenon now, you know,
Which was not extant some years ago.
Kids' math skills disappear
With time, telling I fear,
When the batteries weaken, then go.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0102

While counting, a fellow named Springer
Would check off each toe and each finger,
And he reached twenty-one
With his zipper undone,
By checking the knob of his dinger.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0622

A theorist evaluating a weight,
Neglected what he should calculate.
He said, "What the hell.
I will do quite well,
When two is much larger than eight."
--- Amikam Aharoni

The boy really knew his math primer,
And was a good scholastic climber.
He was very profuse
Multiplying by two's;
Yes, he was a real two-timer.
--- Kirk Miller

The trees which a math prof named Lutz
Sent home with were both substitutes.
Friends said he should choose
Not buckeyes by yews,
Since those were the ones with square roots.
--- A N Wilkins P8506

Let's begin with one and a dot.
Then throw in some zeroes, a lot.
Adding zeroes, you'd think,
Wouldn't matter a blink --
But it does if they hit the right spot!
--- Laurence Perrine P8506

And now here's a grave admonition
Delivered with proper precision.
It's all about k,
Which steps down in ONE way,
And the x doesn't go where it isn't.
--- Anon

Calculus marked the end for me
Of my earlier mathematic glee.
Not like all before
It was such a chore,
But there's 'limits' to all things, you see.
--- Anon