Everyday in algebra class

Alfred eyed his neighbor's fine ass.

She put ab with c,

Coefficiently,

And figured out that she'd rather pass.
*--- Big Little Playoy Lims*

There once was a fellow of Trinity,

Who raised xyz to infinity;

And then the old brute

Extracted the root.

He afterwards took to divinity.
*--- Anon E O Parrot*

To bear offspring, Noah's snakes were unable.

Their fertility was somewhat unstable.

He constructed a bed

Out of tree trunks and said,

"Even adders can multiply on a log table."
*--- Anon A*

Do logs give you logarrhea?

Is a logjam drawing nearer?

Just use your credentials

And take exponentials

To make those old logs disappear.
*--- Anon*

"I'm convinced," said a father named Bath,

"That hell hath no fury or wrath

Like a man who's begun

Assisting his son

In trying to work modern math."
*--- A N Wilkins P8506*

(Napieran bones - early logarithmic method)
*--- G2378*

There once was a log named Lynn,

Whose life was devoted to sin.

She came from a tree

With base shaped like an 'e'.

She's the most natural log I've seen.
*--- Eve Andersson*

Minus one is a special case,

Delicious and dainty as lace.

So don't play the hero;

Don't divide by zero;

If you do, be sure to erase.
*--- Anon*

'Tis a favorite project of mine,

A new value of pi to assign.

I would fix it at 3,

For it's simpler, you see,

Than 3.14159
*--- Harvey L. Carter*

If inside a circle, a line

Hits the center and goes spine to spine

And the line's length is 'd'

The circumference will be

d times 3.14159
*--- Anon*

Are you bored with the powers of x?

Then what would you like to do next?

Some powers of g

Will do quite nicely,

But watch out for the special effects.
*--- Anon*

A tutor came down from the attic,

With a formula, super quadratic.

He let out a sigh,

And solved it for Y,

With detail and style, quite dramatic.
*--- Versifier P9601*

A quadratic function ambitious

Said, "It's not only wrong but it's vicious;

It's surely no sin

To have both max and min--

To limit me so, is malicious."
*--- Leo Moser*

To Algebra, God is inclined.

The world is a thought in his mind.

It seems so erratic

Because it's quadratic,

And the roots are not easy to find.
*--- J C B Date*

If her clenching vaginal sensations

Cause loss of control on occasions,

Then slow yourself down,

As you solve with a frown

Simultaneous quadratic equations.
*--- Peter Wilkins*

The quadratic roots, you'll agree,

Are minus b plus the square root of b

Squared minus four

ac and no more,

All over two a, do you see?
*--- Don Laycock P8412*

Said a wise-guy named Georgy-O-Porgie,

Let's have a Quotient Rule orgy.

On top, to be nice,

G appears twice,

And then on the bottom, one more g.
*--- Anon*

N roots of unity on a wheel;

Among them, at most 2 are real.

The others must go,

Half above, half below.

But they get paired off in the deal.
*--- Anon*

I attended a school in North Junction,

Where I learned how to insert expunction.

And in algebra class,

The old prof beat my ass,

For my failure to solve for dis function.
*--- Al Chaplin P0101*

A subject we did had a facility,

For testing equations' stability.

When things did not work,

The class went berserk,

And erupted in violent hostility.
*--- Anon*

"We need f and g-prime;" said Mitch,

"And it matters so much which is which."

"But not to worry,"

Said his cousin Jerry,

"If it doesn't work out, we can switch!"
*--- Anon*

My favorite number is e

Two point seven one eight three.

It's the base of a log

Not wetted by dog,

But the sort of exponency.
*--- Tim Main*

There once was a number named 'e',

Who took way too much LSD.

She thought she was great,

But that fact we debate;

We know she's no greater than three.
*--- Eve Andersson*

Factorialized five minus nine,

Divided by three and then 'sined',

When product'd with ten,

And rounded, will then,

Give twice the smallest odd prime.
*--- Anon*

A dozen, a gross, and a score,

Plus three times the squareroot of four,

Divided by seven,

Plus five times eleven,

Is nine squared plus zero, no more.
*--- Armand Singer P9602*

Minnesota adults can be savage,

In getting their kids extra leverage;

Whatever it takes

To wipe out mistakes,

So the children are all above average.
*--- Dr Limerick*

Says a medical doctor named Loundes,

"Take the relative mass of girl's mounds,

Add the weight of both boobs

To the cube of their tubes;

This will give you the answer in pounds.
*--- Armand E Singer 720*

There once was a young Pakistani

Who had a mathematical fanny.

Most especially prided

Was the way it divided;

A skill we all thought most uncanny
*--- MrMalo*

Don't know if the math is OK

But I found the "Calculator" today

On my PC; so I

Thought to give it a try.

The solution just blew me away.
*--- Sweet P*

In my tribe I'm the smartest of men,

For I'm able to count up to ten.

Over ten, wisdom lingers

For I've run out of fingers,

And have to start over again.
*--- Laurence Perrine P8506*

On the glamorous African shore,

An old chieftain's fifth wife wanted more.

They said, "It's no use

To scream out abuse.

A Hottentot can't count past four."
*--- Isaac Asimov P9902*

Multiplication is vexation,

Division is just as bad.

The rule of three

Perplexeth me,

And practice drives me mad.
*--- Desmond MacHale*

There was an old man who said, "Do

Tell me how to add two and two.

It may not be more

Than just three or four--

But I fear that is rather too few."
*--- Anon*

Said my grandma, with smile pure and sweet,

"This computer age just has me beat.

As arithmetic goes,

I use fingers and toes;

I'm glad I have two hands and feet."
*--- Reminisce P9310*

An eight-year-old maid in Vermilion

Decided to count to a trillion,

But at one count a second,

If rightly I've reckoned,

At forty she got to a billion.
*--- Limber Limericks*

I've noticed again and again,

So many folks can't count to ten.

Quite often, I see

Them ahead of me

In the grocery express lane I'm in.
*--- Observer*

Don't let bad counting raise one hackle;

Just talk to old Marge, then you'll cackle.

She'll tell of the claims

Men make to the dames

On the size of their old wedding tackle.
*--- Tiddy Ogg*

Said a certain young lady named Gwen,

Of her tally of smitten young men,

"One less and three more

Divided by four,

Together give one more than ten"
*--- Jim Weaver Collection*

Extraction of cubes is child's play

When you've learned how to do it this way.

You don't need calculations

With cubic equations --

Just hot water all over the tray.
*--- Leo Mosher*

A mathematician named Newt

Possessed a rectangular beaut.

He once screwed a whore;

She said, "There's the door.

You came, so extract your square root!"
*--- David Miller*

If there's one thing that gives me the fidgets,

It's adding or taking the digits.

When I see a large number,

My heart does a rhumba,

And shrinks to the size of a midget's.
*--- Jonathan Munn*

Some people count sheep, using numbers

To hasten and length their slumbers,

But my nostrum entails

Counting curvacious females,

For I prefer figures to numbers.
*--- Laurence Perrine P8506*

The stripper was quite an attraction,

Because of her skill at subtraction.

As she took off each piece,

What was left would decrease,

Until what remained was a fraction.
*--- Warrick Elrod*

Mathematics just makes me concussed,

My brain cannot seem to adjust

To the idea of minus,

(I'm getting blocked sinus),

The concept just leaves me non-plussed.
*--- Doug Harris P0605*

A schoolboy was given the nod

To count to a hundred, by God!

'Stead of "...9, 10, 11,"

He went "...3, 5, and 7."

Said his puzzled instructor, "That's odd!"
*--- Laurence Perrine P8506*

There was an old man who said, "Gee!

I can't multiply seven by three!

Though fourteen seem plenty.

It might come to twenty.

I haven't the slightest idee!"
*--- Carolyn Wells*

A child of the new generation

Refused to learn multiplication.

He said, "Don't conclude

That I'm stupid or rude;

I am simply without motivation."
*--- Lowdown Higher Ed P9307*

Mathematics means only to me

That a one and a two equals three.

Just why they do so

Is more than I know,

But most people seem to agree.
*--- Laurence Perrine P8506*

Said a rather dense schoolboy named Pete,

"Mathematics has fair got me beat.

I'm sure a square root

Is some sort of fruit,

And Pi is a nice thing to eat."
*--- Mary Danby Armada 1*

There're only two sexes, it's true;

And his wife couldn't count beyond two.

But the y's and the x's

Account for the sexes

And the multiple powers of two.
*--- Laurence Perrine P8506*

Mighty Eminem stunned the whole nation

When he rapped a mathematic equation.

It ain't the tradition

To rhyme in addition.

Had Slim made a miscalculation?
*--- Rory Ewins*

A math teacher's son from Port Leaven

Could often count right up to seven.

He sometimes was fine

With an eight or a nine,

But never made ten or eleven.
*--- Joe Guerin*

A mathematician named Madder,

His snake scared his wife up a ladder.

Was asked by her, "Pray,

Can you take it away?"

He replied "No I can't; it's an adder."
*--- Prof M-G*

An algebra teacher named Drew

Tried to find the square root of two.

He found it between

1/4 and 14.

But he couldn't get closer. Can you?
*--- Anon*

A mathematician was Ewing --

His cock was in need of renewing,

But for years he got by

With his formula sly,

Which was using a square root for screwing.
*--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2034*

A few, when it's cubed, might be trouble,

But squared just after it's doubled,

Take three halves and then,

Toss two gross, take ten,

And the twelfth root of this is a couple!
*--- Anon*

A teacher of math named Miss Kitt

Made certain her students were fit.

She would clear up distractions

And explain vulgar fractions

By exposing a fraction of tit.
*--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0506*

A teacher of math named Miss Hunt

Developed a fine teaching stunt.

She would clear up distractions

And explain vulgar fractions,

By exposing a fraction of cunt.
*--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0476*

There's a phenomenon now, you know,

Which was not extant some years ago.

Kids' math skills disappear

With time, telling I fear,

When the batteries weaken, then go.
*--- Loren Fitzhugh P0102*

While counting, a fellow named Springer

Would check off each toe and each finger,

And he reached twenty-one

With his zipper undone,

By checking the knob of his dinger.
*--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0622*

A theorist evaluating a weight,

Neglected what he should calculate.

He said, "What the hell.

I will do quite well,

When two is much larger than eight."
*--- Amikam Aharoni*

The boy really knew his math primer,

And was a good scholastic climber.

He was very profuse

Multiplying by two's;

Yes, he was a real two-timer.
*--- Kirk Miller*

The trees which a math prof named Lutz

Sent home with were both substitutes.

Friends said he should choose

Not buckeyes by yews,

Since those were the ones with square roots.
*--- A N Wilkins P8506*

Let's begin with one and a dot.

Then throw in some zeroes, a lot.

Adding zeroes, you'd think,

Wouldn't matter a blink --

But it does if they hit the right spot!
*--- Laurence Perrine P8506*

And now here's a grave admonition

Delivered with proper precision.

It's all about k,

Which steps down in ONE way,

And the x doesn't go where it isn't.
*--- Anon*