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Everyday in algebra class There once was a fellow of Trinity, To bear offspring, Noah's snakes were unable. Do logs give you logarrhea? "I'm convinced," said a father named Bath, A mathematician named Jones (Napieran bones - early logarithmic method)
There once was a log named Lynn, Minus one is a special case, 'Tis a favorite project of mine, If inside a circle, a line Are you bored with the powers of x? A tutor came down from the attic, A quadratic function ambitious To Algebra, God is inclined. If her clenching vaginal sensations The quadratic roots, you'll agree, Said a wise-guy named Georgy-O-Porgie, N roots of unity on a wheel; I attended a school in North Junction, A subject we did had a facility, "We need f and g-prime;" said Mitch, My favorite number is e There once was a number named 'e', Factorialized five minus nine, A dozen, a gross, and a score, Minnesota adults can be savage, Says a medical doctor named Loundes, There once was a young Pakistani Don't know if the math is OK In my tribe I'm the smartest of men, On the glamorous African shore, Multiplication is vexation, There was an old man who said, "Do Said my grandma, with smile pure and sweet, An eight-year-old maid in Vermilion I've noticed again and again, Don't let bad counting raise one hackle; Said a certain young lady named Gwen, Extraction of cubes is child's play A mathematician named Newt If there's one thing that gives me the fidgets, Some people count sheep, using numbers The stripper was quite an attraction, Mathematics just makes me concussed, A schoolboy was given the nod There was an old man who said, "Gee! A child of the new generation Mathematics means only to me Said a rather dense schoolboy named Pete, There're only two sexes, it's true; Mighty Eminem stunned the whole nation A math teacher's son from Port Leaven A mathematician named Madder, An algebra teacher named Drew A mathematician was Ewing -- A few, when it's cubed, might be trouble, A teacher of math named Miss Kitt A teacher of math named Miss Hunt There's a phenomenon now, you know, While counting, a fellow named Springer A theorist evaluating a weight, The boy really knew his math primer, The trees which a math prof named Lutz Let's begin with one and a dot. And now here's a grave admonition Calculus marked the end for me
Alfred eyed his neighbor's fine ass.
She put ab with c,
Coefficiently,
And figured out that she'd rather pass.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
Who raised xyz to infinity;
And then the old brute
Extracted the root.
He afterwards took to divinity.
--- Anon E O Parrot
Their fertility was somewhat unstable.
He constructed a bed
Out of tree trunks and said,
"Even adders can multiply on a log table."
--- Anon A
Is a logjam drawing nearer?
Just use your credentials
And take exponentials
To make those old logs disappear.
--- Anon
"That hell hath no fury or wrath
Like a man who's begun
Assisting his son
In trying to work modern math."
--- A N Wilkins P8506
Was fonder of cunts than of cones.
Said he on his rambles,
"Ah whoors an' Ah gambles--
Gonna roll them Napierian bones!"
--- G2378
Whose life was devoted to sin.
She came from a tree
With base shaped like an 'e'.
She's the most natural log I've seen.
--- Eve Andersson
Delicious and dainty as lace.
So don't play the hero;
Don't divide by zero;
If you do, be sure to erase.
--- Anon
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3.14159
--- Harvey L. Carter
Hits the center and goes spine to spine
And the line's length is 'd'
The circumference will be
d times 3.14159
--- Anon
Then what would you like to do next?
Some powers of g
Will do quite nicely,
But watch out for the special effects.
--- Anon
With a formula, super quadratic.
He let out a sigh,
And solved it for Y,
With detail and style, quite dramatic.
--- Versifier P9601
Said, "It's not only wrong but it's vicious;
It's surely no sin
To have both max and min--
To limit me so, is malicious."
--- Leo Moser
The world is a thought in his mind.
It seems so erratic
Because it's quadratic,
And the roots are not easy to find.
--- J C B Date
Cause loss of control on occasions,
Then slow yourself down,
As you solve with a frown
Simultaneous quadratic equations.
--- Peter Wilkins
Are minus b plus the square root of b
Squared minus four
ac and no more,
All over two a, do you see?
--- Don Laycock P8412
Let's have a Quotient Rule orgy.
On top, to be nice,
G appears twice,
And then on the bottom, one more g.
--- Anon
Among them, at most 2 are real.
The others must go,
Half above, half below.
But they get paired off in the deal.
--- Anon
Where I learned how to insert expunction.
And in algebra class,
The old prof beat my ass,
For my failure to solve for dis function.
--- Al Chaplin P0101
For testing equations' stability.
When things did not work,
The class went berserk,
And erupted in violent hostility.
--- Anon
"And it matters so much which is which."
"But not to worry,"
Said his cousin Jerry,
"If it doesn't work out, we can switch!"
--- Anon
Two point seven one eight three.
It's the base of a log
Not wetted by dog,
But the sort of exponency.
--- Tim Main
Who took way too much LSD.
She thought she was great,
But that fact we debate;
We know she's no greater than three.
--- Eve Andersson
Divided by three and then 'sined',
When product'd with ten,
And rounded, will then,
Give twice the smallest odd prime.
--- Anon
Plus three times the squareroot of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Is nine squared plus zero, no more.
--- Armand Singer P9602
In getting their kids extra leverage;
Whatever it takes
To wipe out mistakes,
So the children are all above average.
--- Dr Limerick
"Take the relative mass of girl's mounds,
Add the weight of both boobs
To the cube of their tubes;
This will give you the answer in pounds.
--- Armand E Singer 720
Who had a mathematical fanny.
Most especially prided
Was the way it divided;
A skill we all thought most uncanny
--- MrMalo
But I found the "Calculator" today
On my PC; so I
Thought to give it a try.
The solution just blew me away.
--- Sweet P
For I'm able to count up to ten.
Over ten, wisdom lingers
For I've run out of fingers,
And have to start over again.
--- Laurence Perrine P8506
An old chieftain's fifth wife wanted more.
They said, "It's no use
To scream out abuse.
A Hottentot can't count past four."
--- Isaac Asimov P9902
Division is just as bad.
The rule of three
Perplexeth me,
And practice drives me mad.
--- Desmond MacHale
Tell me how to add two and two.
It may not be more
Than just three or four--
But I fear that is rather too few."
--- Anon
This is file mcl
"This computer age just has me beat.
As arithmetic goes,
I use fingers and toes;
I'm glad I have two hands and feet."
--- Reminisce P9310
Decided to count to a trillion,
But at one count a second,
If rightly I've reckoned,
At forty she got to a billion.
--- Limber Limericks
So many folks can't count to ten.
Quite often, I see
Them ahead of me
In the grocery express lane I'm in.
--- Observer
Just talk to old Marge, then you'll cackle.
She'll tell of the claims
Men make to the dames
On the size of their old wedding tackle.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of her tally of smitten young men,
"One less and three more
Divided by four,
Together give one more than ten"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When you've learned how to do it this way.
You don't need calculations
With cubic equations --
Just hot water all over the tray.
--- Leo Mosher
Possessed a rectangular beaut.
He once screwed a whore;
She said, "There's the door.
You came, so extract your square root!"
--- David Miller
It's adding or taking the digits.
When I see a large number,
My heart does a rhumba,
And shrinks to the size of a midget's.
--- Jonathan Munn
To hasten and length their slumbers,
But my nostrum entails
Counting curvacious females,
For I prefer figures to numbers.
--- Laurence Perrine P8506
Because of her skill at subtraction.
As she took off each piece,
What was left would decrease,
Until what remained was a fraction.
--- Warrick Elrod
My brain cannot seem to adjust
To the idea of minus,
(I'm getting blocked sinus),
The concept just leaves me non-plussed.
--- Doug Harris P0605
To count to a hundred, by God!
'Stead of "...9, 10, 11,"
He went "...3, 5, and 7."
Said his puzzled instructor, "That's odd!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8506
I can't multiply seven by three!
Though fourteen seem plenty.
It might come to twenty.
I haven't the slightest idee!"
--- Carolyn Wells
Refused to learn multiplication.
He said, "Don't conclude
That I'm stupid or rude;
I am simply without motivation."
--- Lowdown Higher Ed P9307
That a one and a two equals three.
Just why they do so
Is more than I know,
But most people seem to agree.
--- Laurence Perrine P8506
"Mathematics has fair got me beat.
I'm sure a square root
Is some sort of fruit,
And Pi is a nice thing to eat."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
And his wife couldn't count beyond two.
But the y's and the x's
Account for the sexes
And the multiple powers of two.
--- Laurence Perrine P8506
When he rapped a mathematic equation.
It ain't the tradition
To rhyme in addition.
Had Slim made a miscalculation?
--- Rory Ewins
Could often count right up to seven.
He sometimes was fine
With an eight or a nine,
But never made ten or eleven.
--- Joe Guerin
His snake scared his wife up a ladder.
Was asked by her, "Pray,
Can you take it away?"
He replied "No I can't; it's an adder."
--- Prof M-G
Tried to find the square root of two.
He found it between
1/4 and 14.
But he couldn't get closer. Can you?
--- Anon
His cock was in need of renewing,
But for years he got by
With his formula sly,
Which was using a square root for screwing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2034
But squared just after it's doubled,
Take three halves and then,
Toss two gross, take ten,
And the twelfth root of this is a couple!
--- Anon
Made certain her students were fit.
She would clear up distractions
And explain vulgar fractions
By exposing a fraction of tit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0506
Developed a fine teaching stunt.
She would clear up distractions
And explain vulgar fractions,
By exposing a fraction of cunt.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0476
Which was not extant some years ago.
Kids' math skills disappear
With time, telling I fear,
When the batteries weaken, then go.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0102
Would check off each toe and each finger,
And he reached twenty-one
With his zipper undone,
By checking the knob of his dinger.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0622
Neglected what he should calculate.
He said, "What the hell.
I will do quite well,
When two is much larger than eight."
--- Amikam Aharoni
And was a good scholastic climber.
He was very profuse
Multiplying by two's;
Yes, he was a real two-timer.
--- Kirk Miller
Sent home with were both substitutes.
Friends said he should choose
Not buckeyes by yews,
Since those were the ones with square roots.
--- A N Wilkins P8506
Then throw in some zeroes, a lot.
Adding zeroes, you'd think,
Wouldn't matter a blink --
But it does if they hit the right spot!
--- Laurence Perrine P8506
Delivered with proper precision.
It's all about k,
Which steps down in ONE way,
And the x doesn't go where it isn't.
--- Anon
Of my earlier mathematic glee.
Not like all before
It was such a chore,
But there's 'limits' to all things, you see.
--- Anon
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