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If the Mad Cows deserve euthanosnia, As the bull charged the scared matador, All those years of bullying vacas, A clever young farmer named Binns There was a young lady from Gloucester El Pedro, that mincing old matador, A talkative fellow named Lister, The heifer named Elsie LaRue, There was an old man of Lucknow It is daring, but not very wise, A cow in a field cried, "Awake! Those bulls you describe, known as oxen, The cow is a pastoral ruminant, He ran with the bulls at Pamploma With a sly grin the bull joins the line Our milkmaid calls the bull Nijinski, Tiddy, using new hay as bait, Cows are of the old bovine ilk; Alas, since early this morning, To describe the Tibetan yak: There once was a milk cow whose udder A tenderfoot known as Maxine Ten cows munching grass by the wall. If you want to raise cows, take my word, Gladys, Drusilla, and Ruby, Take note of the beautiful Yak. There was a young farmer named Max, It's amazin' how cows go a-grazin'. A farmer I knew once said, "How There once was a cow who said "Moo. Her life must be boring, I guess. Sometimes I think you are right, Oh dare I believe what I've read; For firewood I made many trips, A man that was named Farmer Bean, A cow's a milk-making machine; A young urbanite from North Philly A cattleman isn't a cow; The cautious collapsible cow, A rural bedroom is where I Cows 'round the outhouse are nosy; A prudish old person named Lear, Tended by a fair-looking young lass, The prominent dairyman Butters At El Rancho, of all that we changed, There were two nudists from Dover, The dairyman Borden, with wit, That charming old cud-chewing cow Said the bull, "I'm so cold I can't piss; Brazil is no place to keep cool, Iowa cows feel at ease I've never considered cows pure. Old Bessie, the milk cow said, "Ow!" A saucy young milkmaid of Dorset Attracting much more than just moooooos, There was an Old Man of Reading The veterinary surgeon was stuck (you wouldn't believe how they test for pregnant cows - McW)
There was a young lady from Slough There was an old man who said, "How, I don't think it's mad cow disease, Will you check out the tightness of fit, What a mountainous pancake of poo. If you wish to descend from a camel, A camel, when ridden, they say The poor camel's a grouse and a grump, The camel is an ungainly beast,
We could ship them directly to Bosnia.
They could tromp the mine fields,
Till they're head over heels,
Then conceal them with good comouflosnia.
--- Al Willis P9606
He could not find a safe corridor.
He fell down in despair
To his knees for a prayer,
Till a spectator yelled, "Pick a door!"
--- Al Chaplin P9206
Has affected your 4th and 5th chakras.
Had you meditated
The cattle ill-fated,
Your nuts wouldn't shake like maracas.
--- Anon
Fed his cows on scrap metal and pins.
It was always the same;
When milking time came,
It was neatly delivered in tins.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who married a farmer named Foster.
Next day, she said' "Now
I will milk this nice cow."
But the cow was a bull--and it tossed her!
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Bolts either through thees or through thatador.
He's much less ambitious
When bulls are real vicious,
And finds no more use for the latador.
--- David A Brooks
Went walking one day with his sister.
A bull with one poke,
Tossed her into an oak,
And 'twas six weeks before Lister missed her.
--- R S Sharpe published 1822
She never did learn how to moo;
But she felt right at home
With a bull named Jerome,
Because he never learned how to, too.
--- Cap'n Bean P0102
Who was frightfully anxious to plough;
But the family bull
Wasn't anxious to pull,
And his apathy spread to the cow.
--- RD P0010
To face Toro's rear end, not his eyes.
But the facer should know
That it's best to let go,
Should a problem materialize.
--- William N Nesbit P0108
We have all made a ghastly mistake.
I've been forced to conclude
That this herd has been screwed;
We're not here for shakes but for steak!"
--- Graham Lester
Are neutered; somebody's done rocks in,
To keep colossal
Power beasts docile,
Without administering toxin.
--- Daniel Ford
That sometimes eats grass that is luminant.
They glow ultra-violet;
So says a jet piolet,
But I'm not really sure he is humanant.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He was first past the finish -- a loner.
When asked, "Why such speed?"
He said, "I took heed,
The bull behind me had a boner."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0301
Of cows to be milked 'fore they dine
Imagine the shock
That milker'll have got,
When he grabs a hold of that pine.
--- Anon
On account of his ballocks, I thinkski.
To milk him she toyed
Which the bull quite enjoyed.
Now she's got a dress like Lewinsky.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Pinned Bessy's head in a gate;
He then donned a glove,
To penetrate his love,
And this cow he'll now vaccinate.
--- Anon
One end gives moo, the other milk.
But you will often find
Cows of a different kind,
Those talking bull, but wearing silk.
--- Al Lichtman
The steers have lost all their adorning;
They went through the chute,
Pausing en route,
For branding, castrating, dehorning.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
He's not so hairy on the back.
Yak's milk's to make butter;
To describe it, we can't utter.
His legs and flanks are white and black.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Dragged on the ground in the mudder,
And some of that ilk
So flavored the milk
That drinking it made us all shudder.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Thought she knew how to give some vaccine.
She shoved the sharp point
In the little calf's joint,
And had hoof-in-the-mouth when last seen.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Two bulls wander out of their stall.
The young bull shouts, "Run!
We can each fuck us one!"
The old bull says, "Walk, and fuck all."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2039
Math involved might seem rather absurd.
Dairy, hybrid or beef,
To solve lots of grief --
A good bull will be worth half your herd.
--- Tom Patton
Were three bovines directing a movie.
But the plot fell apart
When the diva lost heart,
And sued them for wringing her boobie.
--- M A McFadden
He has hair all over his back.
He lives in a zoo
With room service too.
He sounds like a good Democrack!
--- C O Ingamelis P8411
Who avoided the gasoline tax.
It was simple, you see,
For his Vespa burned pee
From his grandfather's herd of tame yaks.
--- G1427
The sly way they pollute is so brazen.
The thing that does pain us:
Methane from their anus.
It is quite a big stink they are raisin'.
--- Ward Hardman
Shall I manage to carry my cow?
For if I should ask it
To get in my basket,
I think it would make a big row."
--- Anon
I really have nothing to do.
I stand here all day,
And chew on some hay.
And then chew it again when I'm through."
--- ROE
She should save some prime time with old Bess.
Then all of us boys
Could double our joys,
And less waiting in line means less stress.
--- John Miller
And I do sympathize with your plight.
What one cow could do
Would be doubled by two,
And you boys could go at it all night!
--- ROE
We're adding a cow to the shed?
Don't take me to task,
I really must ask...
Will bossie perhaps give us head?
--- Frank Specter
This is file lyk
And damned near wore out my two hips;
I brought in old Bess;
She makes quite a mess,
But keeps my fire hot with her chips!
--- Anon
Had a cow that was simply a dream.
Bean's hands were so cold,
That without being told,
The cow squirted out ice cream.
--- Samson
You can always tell where they've been.
They leave little pats
Rather like Frenchmen's hats,
But they're brown, they stink, and they steam.
--- Tony Burrell
Said, "You're kidding me! C'mon, really?"
I think it's absurd
To cavort with the herd --
Cow-tipping is udderly silly!"
--- Scott Oliver
Human half-breed, with horns on his brow;
He's a person who tends 'em
And now and then sends 'em
For slaughter, to turn into chow.
--- Anon
Gives milk by the sweat of her brow;
Then under the trees
She folds her front knees,
And sinks fore and aft with a bow.
--- Arthur Guiterman
Awake to birdsong from on high.
Then some cows join in,
Which creates quite a din,
But I'm thankful that they cannot fly.
--- Matahourua
Their moos make you feel warm and cozy.
They graze and they share
What is fertilized there,
While depositing many a posy.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
On seeing a cow from the rear,
Said, "Its milk is delightful,
But that figure is frightful--
I shall knit the poor beast a brassiere."
--- G2396
A heifer was out eating grass.
Ruminating with bliss,
She had a big piss,
And crapped right up to her ass.
--- Archie
Worked hard as a youth in the gutters,
And he purchased one cow --
He has ten thousand now,
But he swears that he owes all to udders.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2486
The cows are the most disarranged;
In the barn now all day,
They seem rather fey --
Not crazy, but clearly de-ranged.
--- Norm Storer
Each painted purple all over.
We don't know how,
But they were munched by a cow,
When they were mistaken for clover.
--- Ogden Nash
Disclosed how his fortune was knit.
It began, he did vow,
With one Elsie, the cow,
And he showed how he pulled Elsie's tit.
--- Albin Chaplin
Gave us milk by the sweat of her brow.
She got pampered for life
By both farmer and wife.
Have you read enough fairy tales now?
--- David A Brooks
I'd consider it heavenly bliss
To get out of this ice
And slip into a nice
Warm Jersey -- or else a Brown Swiss!"
--- John Miller 0023
So Bessie has jumped in the pool!
This cow's a 'Dutch Treat';
She's hot from the heat
And friction of Dirruk's big tool.
--- David Miller
When floating on oceans and seas.
They relax as they drift,
But the plankton they sift
Tastes of Iowa farmers' cream cheese
--- Jim Weaver Collection
There's Bull Shit, not to mention manure.
And I know that it's corny,
But they're kinda horny,
And a cow ain't no lady, I'm sure.
--- Anon
When bit on the tit by a sow.
With her trusty hind foot,
She took aim and put
That pig out of reach of the chow.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Works outdoors in a lacy black corset;
Farmer Brown thinks it lewd
To milk cows semi-nude
But bossy (who's gay) just adores it.
--- Steve Brown P8802
She's the one the limerick guys choose.
It seems our dear Bess
Now needs a chic dress -
Something that will go with her shoes.
--- Anon
Had a house, with a yard, with a shed in;
'Twas meant for a cow,
But so small that I vow
The poor creature could scarce get its head in.
--- Published 1822
Right up to his shoulder in muck.
"Oo ar," said the farmer,
"Already she's calmer;
Our Bessie were wantin' tha' fuck."
--- Peter Wilkins
Who drank her milk straight from the cow.
To her udder delight,
She could drink through the night;
Amazing, but don't ask me how.
--- Anon
Shall I flee from this terrible cow?
I will sit on this stile
And continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that cow."
--- Vivien Noakes (ed) P0401
For she's not falling down on her knees.
Diagnosis? No pump
For a month up her rump;
May I offer you, sir, the first squeeze?
--- Anon
While I chew on her udders a bit?
Oh my god, it's now clear;
It's a case of diarrhea.
Stand back, mate, she's going to shit.
--- Anon
Not surprising dear Bessie was blue.
So it seems that your dick
Did the ultimate trick;
Do you hear her contentedly moo?
--- Anon
That oddly superior mammal,
You just have to jump
From the hump on his rump:
He won't just stop dead like a tram'll.
--- Anon
Will fart every step of the way.
On camel trains therefore,
What you pay the fare for
Is more when the lead beast you pay.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who won't gambol or gallop or jump.
For he's always too troubled
By wetly bewobbled
Warm water what waits in his hump.
--- David A Brooks Q
And is the rudest, to say the least.
When kneeling, he moans,
And rising, he groans.
Perhaps his joints should be greased.
--- William K Alsop Jr
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