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Said the artist, "All holes is my sculpture,
And one of them's shaped like a vulture.
A vulture of air --
He'll cling to your hair,
The swallow you down in one gulpture.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Loudly the birds in the trees
Deliberately twitter to tease
Me awake before dawn,
Though I frequently warn
Them to cease if they value their knees.
--- Anon

They whistle and chirrup and squawk,
As around one another they stalk
And go strutting their stuff.
I've had more than enough,
So it's time for more action than talk.
--- Anon

I'll rig up a jet-powered cat
Launcher; stuff it with pussy cats that
Are acutely pernicious-
Ly, horribly vicious
And aren't in the slightest bit fat.
--- Anon

Next Sunday at four in the morn
(And disguised as a part of the lawn)
I shall aim for the trees
And fire cats at the knees
Of those birds as they twitter at dawn.
--- Anon

My cat launcher's ready today,
Stuffed with pussy cats hissing away.
They have razor sharp claws
And incisor filled jaws,
And they're eager to join the affray.
--- Anon

I'm holding my breath as I wait
With my heart full of avian hate;
For those birdies are rauc-
Ously screeching and squawk-
Ing and soon they'll be meeting their fate.
--- Anon

They're flapping around in the trees
And creating a helluva breeze.
Now the pussy cats glare
With a venomous stare,
As I aim for those avian knees.
--- Anon

Set light to the fuse. What a Crash!
And a Bang! As those pussy cats dash
Past my eyes at a rate
Of a hundred and eight
Miles an hour -- a furious flash.
--- Anon

They're gnashing their teeth and their jaws
And extending their razor sharp claws
As they aim for ... Oh blast
It! Too high and too fast!
Now they've landed next door on all fours.
--- Anon

Exploring I went, so ambitious;
And I found on the Isle of Mauritius,
A strange flightless bird,
That looked so absurd.
I ate the thing -- tasted delicious.
--- Tiddy Ogg

That wasn't the last one, you know,
For if close to the sea you did go,
You'd have found you an egg,
(It's mum called it Peg.)
It made a nice omelette -- I'd know!
--- Gabrielle Hannah

A pupil I had in Grade Three,
Once asked me, "Do little birds pee?"
I replied with some wit,
"I know that they shit,
'Cause look what just happened to me!"
--- Barbara Tepper

Oh Teacher, I know that you're smart
In science and music and art.
But you don't have a clue
About bird-pee and poo;
But tell me, do birds ever fart?
--- Barbara Tepper

The answer is, sometimes on cars.
I once fed some gulls from some jars
Of seltzer and shad.
Some blew up on the pad,
Some took off like rockets for Mars.
--- H Welchel

So perhaps it's the orbiting birds
Full of shad and seltzer-fueled turds,
That on every flyby
Causes servers to fry,
And stupidity spout forth from nerds...
--- F Ormatsee

The cormorant sits on the crags;
The guillemot on rocky jags.
The puffin and chough,
Too, like places rough,
But all that I'm after are shags.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Then mister, you must join the queue;
Of shags there are preciously few.
There be boobies galore,
But their nipples are sore
And I really don't like the curlew.
--- Frank

There's a bird in the chimney, it seems,
But it's one that the EPA deems
Illegal to move
Because it can prove
That this species no longer teems.
--- Peter Gardner

Well Socks, I know well your chagrin
For having that bird move right in;
It happened to me
In seventy-three,
And still roosting, here's my old hen.
--- Travis Brasell

They fly; they so gracefully soar --
Like a dance and I call out for more.
But up close those old turkey
Buzzards make my eyes murky,
As they feast on some road-kill galore.
--- Hilda

Collisions with cars, trucks and trains,
Give many poor creatures great pains.
Though buzzards aren't pleasant,
If they were not present,
Who else would clear up the remains?
--- Tiddy Ogg

On the roadside I saw a dead skunk;
To the vultures and magpies, 'twas junk;
On the roadside it stays;
All those road-kill gourmets
Love road pizza, but this morsel stunk!
--- Allen Wolverton

I can't comprehend how you feel;
Why, the tone of your lim is unreal!
While there's sun-ripened meat
Lying right at your feet,
You would pass up a lovely hot meal?
--- John Miller

When it comes to the hunting of snipe,
The real one's the least chosen type.
The one with the bag
'S an unpopular slag
Who gets left there until he gets ripe.
--- Hilde na Beag

On one trip, my wife and Girl Scouts,
For snipe for lunch they sent out.
The had lots of fun
But came back with none.
The pizza was greeted with shouts.
--- Hilde na Beag

With his pecker, he pounded the hole;
For his size, one would think he'd console
His mate who was rating
Each peck in her waiting,
From her perch at the top of the pole.
--- Anon

The pecker must use his whole head,
Even when all the pecker turns red.
His mate keeps stammering
But he keeps hammering;
It's a wonder the pecker's not dead!
--- Anon

"Buy that one--the prize of the year!"
Thus whispered a voice in my ear.
But later I frowned.
The beast was not sound.
I'd been given, I found, a bum steer!
--- Laurence Perrine P9409

An amourous bull known as Morton,
Was arrested for stampin' and snortin'.
When released from his cell
He was madder than hell,
For the season had passed for cavortin'.
--- Cyber Geezer

When the cows spied the bull in erection
They observed, with soft moos of affection:
"Bulls are sure heifer shockers--
Get a load of them knockers!
They hang to the ground in perfection."
--- Grand Prix Lim 213 G1231

A bull was in a china shop
And made the shopkeeper blow his top,
For this giant wild bison
Was breaking the Meissen,
And no one there could make it stop.
--- Anon

An old farmer from County Kildare,
Had a cow that he showed at the fair.
To quench his big thirst,
When the beast gained a first,
Took five gallons of beer for the pair!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

This is file lzk

The brockle-faced cow had a fit
When her calf caught hold of a tit.
"Oh, surely this tot'll
Survive on the bottle,"
She said, "Not on me, 'cause I quit!"
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

A buffalo weary of grass,
Fancied eating ice cream, but alas,
Very much to his ire,
His only supplier
Refused his American Exprass.
--- Ryan Waldron

The buffalo mom had a price on
Her head. Her fear it was risin'.
The shot arrow was true;
Cut her heart right in two.
To her offspring she said, "Good bi-son."
--- Kirk Miller

A bull was observing a farmer
Put his arm up a cow--out to harm her?
In defense of the cow,
The bull charged, and how!
For undies, the man now wears armor.
--- Actaeon

An athletic young lady of Clewer
Once incited a bull to pursue her;
But she vaulted the gate
Just a fraction too late;
Now when she sits down she says: "Oo-er!"
--- Explosion of Lims P0211

Although we may think they're just tights,
To him they are his 'suit of lights'.
And they can get torn
If he gets the horn,
Performing an old pagan rite.
--- Archie

Quoth a cow in the marshes of Glynne,
"All the world is divine, even sin!
As a natural creature,
I worship all nature,
But most when the bullrush is in.
--- Conrad Aiken

There was a young lady named Foster,
Whose parents both thought they had lost her,
Until in an oak,
They saw her red clcoak,
Wher the horns of a bull must have tossed her!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young bull they called Treadwell
Who snorted, but couldn't see red well.
After running around
And pawing the ground,
He was stabbed, and they say that he bled well.
--- William K Alsop P8910

At a bullfight in sunny Madrid,
A tourist went clean off his lid.
He made straight for the bull,
While the crowd yelled, "The fool
Will go home on a slab!"--and he did.
--- Out on a Limerick P0503

That bull is getting so randy!
He'll boff anything that is handy.
The horses and sheep
Are afraid now to sleep.
And the nanny goat's going all bandy.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I may have to resort to castration,
To relieve all his bovine frustration.
Though the cut may be cruel,
His ardor will cool.
I'll rely on the vet's ministration.
--- Tiddy Ogg

While there in his stall to be fed,
The vet said: "Now Tids, hold him stead-
y, I'll anesthetise
Him right 'twixt his thighs."
The poor beast's eyes rolled in his head.
--- Tiddy Ogg

"I'll soon have his balls off," says he.
With a slit and a chop they were free.
"Now put on the pan
As fast as you can.
I like son-of-a-bitch stew for my tea.
--- Tiddy Ogg

In the kitchen the vet did the cooking;
When he ate them I couldn't face looking.
"Come have a taste,"
Said he, but in haste
I'd left, and was heavily puking.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A limerick writer named Geezer
Was arrested for writing a teaser.
He opined as how
A bull, spotting a cow,
Checks the date before trying to seize her.
--- Cyber Geezer

The farmers of distant Bombay
Feed coffee to cattle in hay;
If a cow catches cold,
They bring out a mold
And milk her for chocolate frappe.
--- Glimmerick Book P9009

Once a young man from the city,
Wanted to milk a cow's titty.
Though he squeezed and he stroked,
Barely a pint was provoked!
Seems the "cow" was a bull, what a pity.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

My cows stand in all kinds of weather
And graze on alfalfa and heather;
I'm filled with great pride
To think that their hide
Is able to hold them together.
--- Travis Brasell

Now this has started me thinking,
Skin can change jobs in a twinkling.
Keeps dry from rain spout,
But lets the sweat out,
And all of that done without shrinking.
--- Tony Burrell

Since he down to thinking is prone,
Perhaps when he gets all alone,
He'll ponder the magic
That makes it not tragic,
When skin stretches fully sans bone.
--- Travis Brasell

Poor Farmer Giles is dead;
The services held; prayers all said.
He just didn't know
How fast small bulls can grow.
Fancy dying his overalls red!
--- Anon

A howling mad cow down from Leeds
Insane 'cause of industry's greeds,
Lives a life that is dull;
Never once sees a bull,
But on their cadavers she feeds.
--- Snaggletoth

A local boy shouted "El Toro!"
It ended for him in great sorrow.
The bull's mood was bad
And he charged. The lad
Was butted half-way to tomorrow.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Timmy, a Tibetan yak,
Searched the snowdrifts in vain for a snack.
"This climate's so frigid
It makes me quite rigid.
Eureka! I found a Big Mac!"
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9306

There was a young lady of Glost,
Whose friends quite thought they had lost,
When her handbag they spied
Coming back from a ride,
On the horns of a bull that had tossed.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

A foolish old farmer called Brow,
Gummed feathers all over a cow.
He said, "Go and sing,
You stupid great thing!
Don't you know you're a dicky-bird now?"
--- Edward O'Neil

A woman named Mary McGowen,
Once said to her old husband, "How in
The world can I wear
My new hat to the fair,
If you've used it for milking the cow in?"
--- Anon

This farmer's daughter teaches how
With expertise to milk a cow.
She takes your cock in hand...
A squeeze...release... and...
I'll graduate next month, not now.
--- Irving Superior P9011

If charging clowns lead you to boredom,
And matadors gripe when you gore them,
Consider a change --
Try life on the range!
And if cowboys show up, just ignore them.
--- Paul M Hoffman

It would be nice to create
A bull you need not castrate.
With no effort at all,
He'd give you his balls,
And you would leave him intestate.
--- John B T9801

A farmer once named a cow Zephyr;
She seemed such an amiable heifer.
But when he drew near,
She kicked off his ear,
Which made him considerably deafer.
--- Gwen Grosley P9202

Thunder-storms can be a big killer,
Of cows and the Texan oil-driller;
And some little bird
Told me a whole herd,
Were killed by a 'bolt' from John Miller.
--- Q

A French country sign is writ large
With, "This field is farmed by Lefarge.
There's a stile by the tree --
You can cross here for free --
But our four longhorn bulls often charge."
--- H Myers TP9804


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