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Buster was a dog that was yellow, Our Dog needs a pill twice a day; I once had a dog named Ambrose Maggie, my dog, she is three; A dog must be man's best friend, Yes, dogs are the noblest of creatures. My dog is so smart that he greets I once had a dog I named "Sit." An excitable fellow named Gomez A breeder of dogs -- what a dastard! The dog is a creature of habit; This here pup from a flea-market booth, Wee Prada would get very sick, A girl who we all know as Corky There once was a young man from Kent; There was a small doggie named Treadwell The was once a very small fox, I was really rolling in clover A pushy young man in Pachogue, Here's a question designed to perplex, A man coming home in South Bend There once was a guy named Ben, Responsible owners will tend There was a young pup named O'Malley; My doggie makes sounds like a grunt, It don't get much stranger than that: "There's a bear on my roof," Raymond said, My dog's favorite part of the day A blind parachutist named Jack, You Bozo, I am not a tart. A tough dog who stole everyone's lunches, My dog took me out for a stroll; In my town there has been an influx My three-legged dog wakes with the larks; "Where's your essay?" the teacher asked Truitt. A student of canine biology, Old dawg Ty passed away Monday night; Dogs are held to be mankind's best friend; A lady from Florence named Feller, A dog is what I have not; My neighbor owns a strange dog; My dog's a bit frosty and slow, I once met a Japanese man I have a nice dog, an Alsatian; There was an odd farmer called Boodles, My dog, a mis-wired Border Collie My friend has a fierce bulldog named Mark, There was an old bulldog named Caesar, The bulldog belonging to Clegg That Indian gal, Minnehaha, Our Chihuahua did charge his first skunk. A dog from the port was taken to court; A man with a chihuahua named Prada, The chihuahua's a finicky breed A white cocker spaniel from Poole There was a young lady named Jolly On account of his very short wheels, There once was a Dalmatian named Spot; A poodle who lived in Deer Park Where do scientists idea's come from? A baby with parents from Perth He's Archie, the dingo-boy, My dog is called Tara, of course; A lady named Abigail Fenture The dazzling Miss Dolly from Dixon, Hear the ringing of bells, how it swells.
Who belonged to a crazy old fellow.
His toys, they were queer;
They were kept soaked in beer,
And that helped to keep Buster mellow.
--- R L Arnold
We sneak 'em in gobs, like gourmet;
Peanut butter'll upset
The gut of our pet;
Cheeze Whizz better suits Old Dog Shay!
--- Anon
And I taught him to speak through his nose.
He wore funny pants
And could sing and tap dance,
And wrote all his limericks in prose.
--- Neal Wilgus P8307
She would never harm a flea.
If she got one,
She'd love him a ton,
And show him off quite gleefully!
--- Anon
Who will be with you till the very end.
Kids who get bit,
And great piles of shit,
Are the things with which we contend.
--- Larry Brash
Their tale is twice-told in their features.
They honor their maw,
And they honor their paw,
And their eyes melt with tears when they meet'churs.
--- Laurence Perrine P8307
All my friends and he shows them some treats.
But the skeptics don't scoff
When he takes his shoes off --
They go wild when the see my dog's feats.
--- Al Chaplin P9711
And now I must really admit
When I called him,
Confusion'd set in.
Here Sit! I'm just a big shit.
--- Jon Gearhart
Told his dog "I don' wanna no mess.
Cleaning the floor
I ain' doing no more
And I've had it with nasty aromas."
--- Michael Palin
A chastity belt for dogs mastered:
A device to ensure
That the breeds remained pure,
And no son of a bitch was a bastard.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1221
When he sees running game, he will grab it.
But the dog, fine and fit,
If he stops for a shit,
I'm afraid he will not catch the rabbit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2609
For our furniture has a sweet tooth.
This wee beastie we've bought,
Was house-broken, we thought.
But we soon learned the most offal truth.
--- Allen Wolverton
If tacos he hastened to lick.
No more would he sniff,
He'd be dead and stiff,
And look like a Pet-on-a-Stick.
--- Anon
Had a little dog that she named Porky;
When she was asked why,
She replied with a sigh:
"'Cause he'd rather fuck pigs than a Yorky!"
--- MarcoM P8307
His dog followed him wherever he went.
He said, "Piss off mutt!
I'm meeting my slut!"
He was such a kindly young gent.
--- Jayne
Who put on an act when not fed well.
He would lie on his back
And mutter, "Alack!"
Then roll over once and play dead well.
--- Alsop P8307
Who used to live in a box,
One night very late,
He stood near a gate
And there he caught the chicken pox.
--- Christine Dogman
At a dog show with my champion Rover;
He forgot pedigree
And raised his leg to pee...
The judge said, "Your pup runneth over!"
--- Observer
Runs a radio hour for the dog.
His program of growls,
Barks, bays, whines and howls,
Is setting the dog world agog.
--- Morris Bishop
Why a great many dogs are called Rex.
But the number is minor
Of those called Regina,
Amongst mutts of the opposite sex!
--- FCA T9712
Found his wife in bed with his best friend,
Who he smacked with a paper
Because of this caper,
And then had old Rover re-penned.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9010
Who summoned his dog and then,
Scared her away
By shouting out "SPAY",
And his dog has not been seen again.
--- Anon
To the doings of man's best friend,
By stooping to scoop
The loopings of poop
That come from the nether end.
--- MrMalo
On the rug he would dilly and dally.
The dilly's not bad,
For it's only a tad;
But the other's a fairly good tally.
--- S A Latham
Then shits on my shoes, the damn runt;
I'd shoot her, ya know,
But where would I go
When I needed me some strange cunt?
--- Anon
Screwing poochie who on your shoes shat.
Although, on the whole,
For the sake of your pole,
It is prob'ly much safer than cat.
--- Anon
"But I'm scared I might fall off instead;
So if one of us falls,
And dog goes for MY balls,
Please shoot my best friend in the head."
--- David Miller
Is when a good meal comes his way.
When he is replete,
He sits at my feet,
Content and quite willing to stay.
--- Maggie
Through landing hard, injured his back;
Then a method he found
Of detecting the ground...
When his guide dog's harness went slack.
--- Tiddy Ogg a
Damn! Stop sniffing my private part.
I demand more respect
When you that wish neglect,
I will let out a foul smelling fart.
--- Dirruk
When hit, simply rolled with the punches,
Till a black belt named Rick
Gave that dog such a kick,
He now hides while their lunches he munches.
--- Martin Elster P0305
He's always the one in control.
I try to keep up
With my lively pup,
But soon I run out of petrol.
--- Terry Braaten
Of beggars, and that really sucks.
One fellow named Greg
Taught his dog how to beg,
And that sucker came home with ten bucks!
--- Observer
This is file lwk
One-eyed "Lucky" gives a few barks.
I depart for a swim,
But I will not take him,
'Cause he lost both his balls to the sharks.
--- David Miller
"My dog ate it, along with some suet,
Then threw up on my head.
The result," Truitt said,
"Is my story, and I'm sticking to it."
--- Jerry Nordal P0209
And using the latest technology,
Takes vomit from dogs
To study -- which Ogg's
New dictionary calls dogsickology.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And the yard now's the lonesomest sight;
Soon we'll see some new paws,
But we'll first have a pause,
'Til her old turds have all turned to white!
--- Anon
A friend upon whom you depend.
Some are large; some are small;
Some have no hair at all;
And some are pure bred, some a blend.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Had a dog that was such a good smeller,
He could sniff out a meal
From as far off as Lille,
And if it was nice, he would tell her.
--- Michael Palin
I have fleas, some crabs and a spot.
No bills from the vet
For some stupid pet.
I suppose for this lim, I'll be shot.
--- Bob Mornington
The poor mutt thinks he is a hog.
He roots in the ground,
And so far has found,
Three worms, two moles and a frog.
--- Bob Mornington
She always makes "dew" in the snow,
And she'll never pee
Behind a big tree,
As most Frigid-airdales might go.
--- Mark Levy P9507
Taking two lovely dogs from his van.
"They're Akitas," he said,
As I patted one's head.
"It's a breed that was bred in Japan."
--- Anon
When I bought him, he'd a reputation.
One day he went wild;
He bit a small child,
Without any justification!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who raised lots of beagles and poodles.
He fed them raw bones,
And fruit without stones,
And some soup with oodles of noodles.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Thinks cold frosty mornings are jolly.
He hurries off, fast,
Where the horses have passed;
There's nothing quite like a turd lolly.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whose bite wasn't as bad as his bark.
To those not invited,
He sounded quite excited;
He is fearsome to meet in the dark.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who went for a cat just to tease her;
But she spat and she spit,
Till the old bulldog quit.
Now when poor Caesar sees her, he flees her.
--- Anon
Was trying to make-out on my leg.
A powerful kick
Inverted it's dick,
And now it can't sit-up and beg.
--- Anon
Sat down on a little chihuahua,
And this sure did botha
Her mate, Hiawatha,
Who thought things had gone far too faha.
--- Anon
No brains! But Igor had spunk!
The polecat let fly! Whee!
But dog too tiny
To get stuck with much odorous gunk.
--- Anon
It was charged with molesting his father.
Said the Judge to the pet,
"How low can you get?"
Said the pet to the judge "A chihuahua?"
--- Duncan Brown
Saw a Taco Bell ad in Granada.
He fumed at his pet,
"You love tacos, yet
You never say 'Yo quiero' nada!"
--- ROE
And I don't think this one found a need,
To sink to fast food,
When not in the mood:
Good for him if he sticks to his creed!
--- Anon
Had a thing about Peter O'Toole.
When he came on the telly,
He'd roll on his belly
And do funny things to the stool.
--- Michael Palin a
Who spread wide her thighs to a collie.
The girl, as she spent,
Went nuts with content,
And the collie certainly felt Jolly.
--- G1260
My Dachshund can no longer feel
His wee thing. On the ground
It keeps dragging around,
And he brakes with a helluva squeal.
--- Peter Wilkins
Dalmatians get named that a lot.
She would answer instead
To Rover or Fred,
But mostly she liked the name Dot.
--- James Brown
Refused to be taught how to bark.
When told to say, "Woof!"
He always said, Rrrrrroof!"
Then added a nasty remark.
--- Alsops Foibles
More often than not, they are wrong.
Dingoes don't spread rabies,
Wreck ozone, eat babies,
And they don't need to fart, they just pong.
--- Balto
Was lost in the outback at birth.
Dingos in the wild
Raised the manchild,
When his parents gave up the search.
--- Gearhart
On a mission to seek and destroy
The parents he thought
Threw him out like snot,
Or like a discarded foreskin. (Oi!)
--- Gearhart
A Doberman-Staffy type cross.
The runt of the litter,
You'd think she'd be bitter,
But she's soft, like good fairy floss.
--- Archie
Received from her colleagues a censure.
She being a vet
Accidentally let
A mischeivous Doberman Pincher.
--- William D Robinson
Detested fox hunting, did mix in
With wildlife protection
(With all her affection)
As stand-in, and neighborhood vixen.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P8606
From the collar of the dog, it repels.
That German Shep
Whose full of pep;
The Rin Tinnabulation of bells.
--- Tom Patton P9807
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