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One religious Golden Retriever My hair-trigger greyhound, Fleet Pete, A notorious gooser of people The sleek greyhound can't always be swift, A Jack Russel Terrier from Hunstanton, (areas around Norfolk)
I have a Jack Russell named Tilly, He was gentle, and loyal, and kind; Dear Helen, does she understand? Did he realize what I had to know -- Will the cats that he chased up a tree Could the squirrels than he used to kill How Bear loved the big garbage can With death he's erased any stain, A malamute said to a peke, Moaned the Malamute sled dog, "Oh, God! A Manhattan dog-trainer is famed, A woman who pampered her Peke I lived in Alaska with ease; An Ilford dog-trainer called Mellish In that Province of God, Manitoba, "I one had a hound dog named Herv; A French poodle espied in the hall, (gamp - large umbrella)
There was a young poodle in Shaw My favorite's the Ridgeback from Rhodesia. Said Mary, "Please don't be deterred, Said Mary, "Just turn on the charm; "Is Netscape the ultimate browser?" There's a small breed of dog called a Scottie, An intrepid old lady of Troon I heard that you were melon Collie, 'Twas a Chinese Sharpei spin debarked, An alert Chinese canine Shih'Tzu A slumbering infant named Daniel An ambitions young puppy named Daniel There was a small man named Girard A terrier that was named Pugs Rolling in crap, that's the pits. Who A dog-catcher out in his yard Of corgis, I do like to tease; A lady who lived in Cohasset A basset's short legs and large balls By the shore lived a colorful beagle, The way he survived on the beach His canine friends often would come But then one day a giant bald eagle Said a beagle, "I make it a habit, The judge's decision is legal, There was a curious beagle, There was a musician named Seagel A curious dog is the beagle, It's sad about No-Ribbon Judd, Victoria winters, they say, The most noted event of last year A dachshund named Nemo once ate A dachshund from out of Van Nuys, A decrepit old dachshund was found I floated with consummate ease 'Twas that damn mongrel dog in my bed; "Can't you sleep in your basket, you hound, Guilty? Felt guilty as hell She turns around three times one way, She's dead now and all I can feel I'm running a home for old pets; So humor's my only recourse I have a dog named Blue; At times I admire his wit; The mailman, Mr. Glass
Was a singular sort of believer.
He fetched his own bible,
Sued detractors for libel,
And mauled all agnostic achievers.
--- Martin Maier
Like many hipshooters you'll meet,
Will whip up his leg
To take a quick peg,
And piss on his own two front feet.
--- Ronald Jay P8307
The greyhound has no equal.
With no lack of guts,
He goes for their butts,
And eagerly awaits a sequel.
--- Arthur Deex P9205
So his owners can end up real miffed.
They tote up the cost
Of the winnings they're lost,
And then cruelly cast him adrift.
--- David A Brooks
Ran non-stop from Hunstanton to Dunstanton.
It was easy for him;
He had springs in each limb
That were made of the very best tungsten.
--- Anon
Who is tiny and totally silly.
She barks night and day
Till the neighbors all say,
"Strangle the bitch with a lily."
--- Anon
A Lab just as good as you'll find.
Now he'll sniff no more shit
Before rolling in it,
Or smell of his own rank behind.
--- John Miller
Does she know, as she digs in her sand,
That no more will Bear
Dig up what lies there,
When his usual stuff seems to bland?
--- John Miller
Did he feel, then, that he had to go?
Did he think that I'd seen
What he did, so obscene,
With the kitty who trusted him so?
--- John Miller
Rejoice now he's gone and they're free
To piss on his grave?
(I try not to rave
That he got far more pussy than me!)
--- John Miller
(And bury, and dig up until
They'd ripened a bit
And smelled like prime shit.)
Miss their target for chattering shrill?
--- John Miller
Of the neighbor, a small swarthy man,
Who'd come to complain...
Bear's contempt was made plain
As he'd piss on the tires of his van.
--- John Miller
Relieved now from trouble and pain.
So, God rest his soul,
He's into a hole
He'll never get out of again.
--- John Miller
"I ain't had a crap for a week.
I've only peed twice,
And it came out as ice.
My bum's frozen and I'm up the creek!"
--- Anon
What did I do that got me the nod?
Just the thought makes me wince
And I'm depressed ever since
I was tapped for the Iditarod."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9604
For fresh ways, with his leash, dogs are tamed.
The terriers and pugs,
That he heels with his tugs,
With pride, New Yank Yorkies are named.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9407
Said, "I wish my wee doggie could speak."
"I can," snapped her dog,
And she fell like a log,
And lay in a faint for a week.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
No worries, not once did I freeze.
I slept with my Pinscher
And when it was winter,
I dragged in my three Pekinese!
--- Anon
Made a miniature poodle's life hellish.
It was thought well deserved.
When a dog so reserved
One night ate him, with evident relish.
--- Michael Palin
Dwelt a lady more senile than sober,
And often confused
By the words that she used;
Called her poodle a pinschermandober.
--- Hugh Oliver 79a
Part poodle, part boxer, part perv.
But the girls didn't mind
When he'd sniff their behind,
And he taught me to do it with verve!"
--- John Miller
A pool that a damp gamp let fall.
And said, "Oui! Oui!
This time, it's not me!
But I'm bound to be blamed for it all."
--- Anon
Who learned to shake hands with his paw.
When told he was smart,
He said, "It's a start --
Now I'll learn to shake hands with my maw."
--- Lims Unlimited
They'll do all they can just to please ya'.
They snuggle up tight
On a cold winter night,
So the frigid cold air will not freeze ya.
--- Rob Weiner
My Rottweiler's all that you heard,
Who'll only attack
If you should hold back,
Or an orgasmic failure's occurred."
--- John Miller
My doggie will do you no harm.
Unless you're too quick,
Or inept with your prick,
Or I don't moan and cause him alarm."
--- John Miller
I wondered as I walked my schnauzer.
But my schnauzer while browsing
Found this poodle arousing --
Bad Dog! He did more than arouse her!
--- Writerman
Whose house-trained and sits on the potty.
He gives a loud yap
When he's done with his crap,
Then he stands up and wipes off his bottie.
--- Bill Wall
Went up in a gas-filled balloon.
She took her pet Sealyham
And plenty of helium,
But they haven't been sighted since June.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Your Boxers in a droop, by golly.
Is your big Mastiff?
Whippet it out if
My great Pyrenees make you jolly.
--- Ericka
Who, before operation, remarked,
Those crisp pork rind snacks
Made my gluteus max
And caused myocardial infarct.
--- Marilyn
Just adores frequent trips to the zoo,
Where he takes many gandas
At the imported pandas,
As they practice Tai Chi and Kung Fu.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Dreamt his leg had been bit by a spaniel.
He awoke from his dream
With a blood-curdling scream.
Said the nurserymaid, "My! that boy can yell."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
This is file lvk
Chose his breed from a pet owner's manual.
Then as quick as a wink he
Just swallowed a slinky,
And grew into a fine Springer spaniel.
--- S M Polonsky
Who walked with his big St. Bernard.
When he felt a great need,
He would stop and he peed,
While his canine stood nearby on guard.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2592
Was arrested and had taken mugs
For having a bath,
Then leaving a path
Of wetness upon all the rugs.
--- Leslie Baker
Gets to clean off all the bits? You?
Must make him quite drab.
You sure that's a Lab?
I always thought those were called Shits-ewwww.
--- Anon
On a Sunday was thrown off his guard;
He was knocked to the ground
And dragged to the pound
By a massive Unsaintly Bernard.
--- Lims Unlimited
Those short-legged doggies that please
The queen. Do you know
When your knee-deep in snow,
How the poor little devils don't freeze?
--- Tiddy Ogg
Owned a terribly talented basset:
"My Wild Irish Rose"
He would hum through his nose,
And then, taking a hat, he would passet.
--- Norm Storer
Belie the dog's deep-throated calls.
If mine banged the ground
When I waddled around,
I'd cry out high, wouldn't y'all?
--- Actaeon
Who thought himself ever so regal.
He saw many birds.
Though he spoke not their words,
He behaved as if he were a Sea gull.
--- Martin E Elster P0307
Was to scavenge all things within reach.
'Twas a curious sight,
For his fur was all white;
From the sun even beagles can bleach!
--- Martin E Elster P0307
And play with this beagle, their chum.
They'd all romp on the sand.
The sight truly was grand!
And they'd nosh on bird droppings, yum-yum!
--- Martin E Elster P0307
Carried off the poor little white beagle.
Now you might see a log,
But never a dog,
'Cause now dogs on this beach are illegal.
--- Martin E Elster P0307
When chasing a rabbit, to nab it.
I never much care
When I miss by a hare,
But I do hate to miss by a rabbit.
--- Joseph S Newman
In showing these canines so regal.
Through demeanor well bred
It cannot go unsaid;
The best of all breeds is the Beagle.
--- The Sailor P0306
Who found the nest of an eagle.
The mother was there
To pluck out his hair.
He said, "Ouch! I think that's ill-eagle!"
--- Anon
Who learned how to fine tune a beagle.
He held up the mutt
And blew in its butt;
The sound that came out was quite regal.
--- Anon
Stubborn, but pompous and regal;
They're good with disguise,
And at tracking down spies,
(They've an excellent nose for intrigual).
--- Nick D Kim
A bloodhound who couldn't smell blood;
Though he was a pet,
His nose was so wet
That wherever he sniffed, there was mud.
--- William K Alsop P8808
Are as balmy as England in May.
But ocasional fogs
Are so dense that the dogs
Ask the bloodhounds to show them the way.
--- Arthur MacFarlane 109b
In our village of West Windermere,
Was when Shorty Bill Stover
Was knocked down and run over,
By a dachshund named Schatzi Von Schmeer.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Hot peppers right off of my plate.
He farted out fire,
Which launched him up higher,
And now he's at St Peter's gate.
--- Sally Maisel
Who bit people's hands, ankles, thighs.
His Mom just fretted
And sometimes sweated
As his bite was bigger than his size.
--- Paul Dietz
With his middle down low on the ground.
"I wonder," said he,
"Which one it will be:
The S.P.C.A. or the pound."
--- Lims Unlimited
In my dreams over emerald seas.
I felt calm and serene
As I gazed at the scene,
Then I woke with a weight on my knees.
--- Anon
Flea-bitten and heavy as lead.
It was snoring and wheezing,
And farting and sneezing.
"Oh shit bloody bollocks", I said.
--- Anon
And stop farting and making that sound!"
Then it woke with a sigh,
Looked me straight in the eye,
And slunk off from the bed to the ground.
--- Anon
For despite it's odd looks and it's smell
I was fond of that mong-
rel; he did me no wrong
And was constant and faithful as well.
--- Anon
And three times the other to lay
Down and get up.
"Oh you damn pup.
I'm trying to sleep, would you stay?"
--- Karen
Is numbness from head to my heel.
In my lap she lay,
Then they took her away;
IV tubes for her very last meal.
--- Arden
Most of my money's the vet's.
And more buys the food
For this dog and cat brood,
And the birds and the fish and the debts.
--- Karen
And critters an ample resource.
My jokes may be dark
But that's only a lark;
They are loved and quite spoiled, of course.
--- Karen
He's a friend tried and true.
Sometimes he'll bark
Or go on a lark;
Sometimes he drinks from the loo.
--- Puff Adder
Sometimes he gives me a fit.
Now and then,
It bothers me when
In the house, he takes a shit.
--- Puff Adder
Always cuts across my grass.
But old Blue
Knows what to do;
He bites him right on the ass.
--- Puff Adder
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