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How I laughed at my mother's false teeth, DECIDUOUS drop will bequeath, The world is pushing for "svelte", My advice to those persons obese, Critics savaged the wordplay by tons, Despite the consumption of steroids, It is just one of life's little glitches, Now exhibiting abdomens, that "Child, children are starving," my late Mother Nature's amiss when you find I wish you would sit in a chair, I'm a victim of sneak snack attack; Phenylpropylamine Dieticians won't leave folks in peace; Consuming fried foods when you sup, There is only one way to get thin Is entropy hidden in genes, In three years from today, I'll be thin! Halloween through Super Bowl Sunday; To be one who always has been If you'd rather be stouter, not thinner, Fat Tuesday is here and has passed A repulsive fat woman named Orkin I've a little known illness; it's scary! There was a fat woman named Minner A generation dated An over-sexed fellow named Beetie There's a fat-farm down Mexico way, Eating dessert is a pleasure, God of Metabolism, unkind, All girly curves are fated; My wife says we ought to be in with Pigging out is what I do; After eating all those jelly beans, I once was a fat as a blimp, His mother had urged a life clerical, A girl who weighs many an oz. If you can't haul your ass up steep ridges There was a young lady name Jo, A butcher who lived in Cologne A glib little beer-buff from Troon, A lama from Outer Mongolia Consider a body that's plumpy, As I talked to the friendly bellhop, The language "As fat as a pig" (SIG - special interest group)
There was a huge fat man named Lovett, I once had a spring in my gait; Some prefer to consider it fate I do not deny there's a lot o' me, My bride could not stifle her mirth, (Sat Even Post prize winner April 1988)
Queen Titania said to King Oberon, To his father, a youngster named Treadwell With bodies saturated There was a fat man from Kuwait The truth about me is such that, Two sisters who lived in Manhattan Enough of this lewdness! In haste A procrastinator named Kate, There once was an actor who dreamed A charming young lady called Dot, The western world is sated You fatties who fail to comply An old English woman named Jones (29 * 14 = 406 pounds)
An ample young lady from Clyde A gourmand, quite wide in the tracks, A regiment, monstrous, of 'wimmen'
As they foamed in the waters beneath.
But now comes the reconin',
It's me they are beckonin'!
I wish I'd looked after me teeth.
--- Pam Ayres
To gap-toothed smile's, dental wreath,
And earnest request
To look at one's best,
"For my Christmas, those two front teeth!"
--- Chris Papa
For a waist that can fit in a belt!
Support by suspenders
Shows that "ascenders"
Are made of fat that won't melt.
--- Maurice Zallen P8402
Who cannot their own weight decrease:
"When you keep on a tryin',
Avoid chickens that's fryin';
Remember the odiferous grease."
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Of an amply hipped writer, Ms Munze.
Each critique she would hear,
Gave offense to her ear,
As reviewers would bat on her puns.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0211
Some men still have bellies like spheroids.
Oblates or prolates,
These spare body weights
Might well be referred to as 'beeroids'.
--- Alex Heydon P0409
That recently had me in stitches.
It's not that I'm fat,
Or anything like that,
But I'm getting to big for my britches.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is a ploy which will, in nothing flat,
Cause observers to note
Their embarrassing bloat.
Most of the bared revealed ones are fat.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0512Q
Loving mom said. "Clean up your plate."
I still do in good taste
But some goes to my waist
And I never can lose any weight.
--- Dorman John Grace P9504
Your "trim figure" is all in your mind.
When the pants you just wore
Look the same aft and fore,
And are convex before and behind.
--- Jane D Hughes P9107
My sofa-bound sweet pomme de terre.
The couch has two dips
From your weighty hips.
Oh why must you always sit there?
--- Bill Taylor P9808
Weight I've lost has begun to come back.
My nightmare is soon
I'll become a balloon.
Oh Lord, won't you cut me some slack.
--- Esther Kock P0010
Can help you become very lean.
But the FDA folks
Have linked it to strokes,
Putting you in a black limousine.
--- Dr Limerick 11-06-00
They berate them for being obese.
But they'd be unemployed
If all fat were destroyed.
So how smart is the wish for decrease.
--- Prof M-G
Along with sweet tea in your cup,
May be great to the taste,
But is bad for your waist,
When your figure just goes "belly up".
--- Bob Aldrich
And get rid of that big double chin,
So if you are stout,
The secret is out --
Stop shoveling the groceries in.
--- Limber Limericks P9502
Or does it act by other means?
Its melodramatic effects
Hide until one detects
That it's driven the flesh past the seams.
--- J Boehm
(The last four years -- quite fat I have been.
'Cause I read: Every Seven
(Not ten or eleven)
Years, I get a brand-spanking-new skin!
--- Friar TP9807
Serial parties and holidays.
Three months at the trough,
But we'll take it off.
We'll go on a diet...some day.
--- Dr Limerick 11-01-00
Angular, svelte and fashionably thin.
There are some folks, alack,
Who get dressed on their back,
So that gravity tucks the gut in.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0205
Then eat goat-milk fudge for dinner;
Daily, eat just one pound
And you'll soon be quite round;
This regime is a guaranteed winner.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8402
Right by all of us so damned fast,
I just wish I knew how
Fat to be. Like a sow?
Or maybe reduced to half-assed?
--- Anon
Disapproved of men, leering and dorkin'.
"I never give head,
'Cause I hate men," she said.
"My flesh creeps at the mere thought of porkin'."
--- Alexander Baron
When I look in the mirror, unwary,
At weight that's unchanged,
While disease has arranged
That my height can apparently vary!
--- Doug Harris P0608
Who liked macaroni for dinner.
But one day in March
She stopped serving starch,
And in April her husband got thinner.
--- Lims Unlimited
On portions unabated;
Their future sunk,
They closely bunk
With lard and ketchup mated.
--- Val Burns P0607
Remarked of his overnight sweetie,
"If just one pound she'd shed,
She'd be kicked out of bed,
For I want a sweetie who's meatie!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 87
Where the rich and affluent play --
Where last year's debutantes
Who don't fit in their pants
Can rough it on Lo-cal flambe.
--- Arthur Deex P8402
Especially when I'm at leisure.
I simply refrain
From checking my gain
In weight. Or my waistband to measure.
--- Timothy Torkildson
On my waist twenty pounds do I find.
In my earlier years
I could eat without fears.
Please change back your dietious mind.
--- Jane D Hughes P9104
The hourglass look belated;
A shapely hunk
Is now defunct,
Beneath the mass created.
--- Val Burns P0607
Crowds of people that we can get thin with.
Exercise, though, you see
Is like torture to me,
And I'm just not that fat to begin with.
--- Scott Oliver
I can't even tie my shoe.
My gut hangs out so
And makes my legs bow;
Aren't you glad that you are you?
--- Anon
This is file lum
I'm looking for some other means
To keep my ass covered,
'Cause I have discovered,
I no longer can zip up my jeans.
--- Carol
And it made me walk with a limp.
To avoid getting fatter,
I resolved the matter,
So instead of indulging, I skimp.
--- Frances Dunbar P9202
But his yearnings were gastro-enterical.
So he cast in his fate
With the Fathers Oblate,
And was merrily clerically spherical.
--- John E Maywood
Used language I will not pronoz.;
For a fellow unkind,
Pulled her chair out behind,
He wanted to see if she'd boz.
--- P L Mannock (Reed)(Bibby)
Or safely allow it on bridges,
Perhaps it's high time
You were told in rude rhyme,
You should keep your fat ass out of fridges.
--- Anon
Who was padded from head to her toe.
She was hit by a truck,
Which was very bad luck.
She's still bouncing, as far as we know.
--- Anon
The shape of young girls did bemoan.
He said, "Give me a Hunky
Who is big fat and chunky --
I like plenty of meat on the bone.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1999
Says slim girls will cause him to swoon.
A girl with no waist
Is of course to his taste,
With his gut like a pregnant balloon.
--- Bill Greenwell
Had fantasies rather less holia.
Like poking his stubbie
In girls who were chubby,
Or even more rolia-polia.
--- Peter Wilkins
Corpulent, paunchy, or lumpy.
It's probably bulging
From overindulging,
Becoming too rumpy and dumpy.
--- R J Winkler P8402
I asked if guests ever wife-swap.
He said, "Yes they do;
I've seen quite a few;
But first, see a good body shop."
--- Al Willis P9603
Denotes one obese or too big.
What comes to my mind,
Though somewhat unkind,
I'm sending to LIMERICK SIG.
--- R J Winkler P8402
Who said, "It's sweets that I covet.
This candy I crave,
Will send me to my grave,
And I am so sick and tired of it."
--- Observer
It helped me to never be late.
But now I'm a lump;
My friends call me plump;
You suppose it was something I ate?
--- Hunny
That the people have gained so much weight.
Although many say so
As they let themselves grow,
It just it might have been something they ate.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0410
Enough for a human dichotomy,
To which I agree,
For then I would be
In mass and appearance, less bottomy.
--- Limber Limericks
When the Windsor collapsed from my girth.
As I gathered my wits
Amid splinters and bits,
Ms. Scruple quadrupled its worth!
--- Allan Ottley P8901
I can't get this blasted pullover on.
It's getting too tight,
And try though I might,
It's that SPAM that has put all that blubber on.
--- Mike O'Conner
Said, "You don't seem to fit on a sled well."
His father got mad
At the insolent lad,
And spanked his behind in a shed well.
--- William K Alsop P9209
Such greed is now berated;
As bedsprings clunk
Each loud kerplunk,
Shows too much pleasure's plated.
--- Val Burns P0607
Who couldn't reduce his great weight.
When he flew to Carlisle,
He was blocking the aisle,
So he then had to travel as freight.
--- Diana Pritchard
You don't know if I'm skinny or fat.
I squeeze through small places,
But fill up large spaces;
Now how's it that I manage that?
--- Anon
Wore clothes of extravagant pattern.
A shocking pink suit
Made the slim one look cute,
But it didn't do much for the fat 'un.
--- John Dole P9705
Should I duct tape my belly? The taste
And effect of some years
Drinking ciders and beers,
I admit has expanded my waist.
--- Anon
Said, "I am resigned to my fate.
Though I don't eat much
Of Twinkies and such,
I have a big problem with 'wait'"!
--- Observer
Of star roles and bowls of ice cream.
Though fame was not his,
His waist size sure is;
Now through Weight Watchers club he careens.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Likes to go to Weightwatcher's a lot
Few men tend to go
Since they all seem to know
That a twat every weighTWATcher's got!
--- Anon
With youth debilitated.
Through too much gunk
Their life is junk,
Obese and constipated.
--- Val Burns P0607
With a weight-losing plan may decry
Becoming a stouter
Depressed down-and-outer,
But deep, deep, DEEP down you'll know why.
--- Jack Kevorkian
Ate nothing but butter and scones.
She kept eating until
She had eaten her fill,
And found she weighed twenty-nine stones.
--- Warrick Elrod
Was so unbelievably wide,
That when she sat down
On a sofa, her gown
Was hanging out over each side.
--- Lims Unlimited
No doubt, from too many snacks;
Watched her hips and thighs
Grow to such size,
That she busted right out of her slacks.
--- Observer TP9901
Decided one day to go swimmin'.
When in jumped that army,
It caused a tsunami...
I think they could do with some slimmin'.
--- Peter Wilkins
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