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A fat-fannied farmgirl named Myrtle This girl was so fat from Calais, Grace weighed nearly five hundred pounds. There once was a woman so fat, His bride was the Princess of Bali; A three hundred pounder, Miss Kay, There once was a lady called Corrie There once was a woman named Marge, A young lady who came from St Peters There once was a maiden from Firth, This too-solid flesh! Would it melt! To his son, said a fellow named Patterson, More likely, I'm sure you will find An overweight girl from Belfast So gross when engorged are the nipples Her eating brought a huge weight upswing, I am stamped for a singular state; There was a fat girl from Peru, The groom appeared well qualified To me it is wholly unthinkable My wife's weight is 500-pound. It In the colonies, if a girl wants to fly, "Oh sweet mistress mine of Listowell, To keep fit she would go to the gym; Undressing Vanessa is easy, A girl who was quite overweight An overweight gal from Piscataway, There was a young lady of means The lady approached a photographer; There was a large lady named Gail, I once had a classmate named Fran Said a not-too-svelte lady named Black, Patricia's a hefty young lass; An overweight woman named Kim A very fat girl in despair There once was a lady, Sue Owen, Alas for the heftier women! A chubby young girl and a sinner, There was a young lady called Patty, She's eating a pastry called filo, Rather overweight, Debbie from Wootton There once was a woman I hear, A plump little maid from Port Penn She lay nude on a beach in Bermuda; There was a young woman in Foley "It's my genes make me fat and I'm right," There was a young lady from Naze, There once was a lady named Jade; Of this hefty dame I have heard, There was an obese girl from Bath, There was an old maid in Yreka In Paris lives Madame du Bois A computer nerd known as Krinkle, Inventing the unloseable calorie, A corpulent woman in Dorset What they said about Sue was unkind; She's worn out all her teeth, and a bridge, There once was a lady called Bug, A girl who displayed adiposity Her stomach was clearly defined, With both Spas and Gyms, London abounds; A hefty young lady named Marge She was dressed in her fanciest gear, A corpulent maiden in Barrow There was a young lady of Kent A rather fat lady from Hyde, "My entire life has gone as God planned,"
Started to put on a girdle
One Sunday at 2:00.
By the time she was through,
All the milk in her six cows did curdle.
--- Michael Weinstein P8402
That when trying to use a bidet,
She was in a demise,
'Cause when spreading her thighs,
She was still twelve inches away!
--- Laurence Craft
He husband-intended said, "Zounds!
To me, chief of sinners --
Who must pay for dinners --
It is clear beyond doubt, Grace abounds!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8402
That craters would form when she sat.
Once they filled with rain,
They never would drain;
Those great lakes are still full, at that!
--- Anon
Over four hundred pounds did she tally.
Her erogenous zone
He could not find alone,
But was found on a map from McNally.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0204
Now diets the opposite way.
If she'll persevere,
But this time next year,
A job with the Barnum and Bai...
--- Irving Superior P9504
Whose looks were so bad, made me sorry.
From the front was a plus;
She looked just like a bus,
But the back end resembled a lorry.
--- Anon
Whose ass was so terribly large,
When she aimed for a chair
With her fat derriere,
It appeared she was backing a barge.
--- Cap'n Bean P0106
Had a girth that was measured in metres;
When viewed from the rear
It was patently clear,
She was one of the world's greatest eaters.
--- Anon
Of such a tremendous girth,
That when she was hired,
She was unattired
To model her bulge for the earth.
--- Limber Limericks
It's greatly expanded my pelt;
We can all play gin-rummy
On my table-sized tummy,
And I now need an 8-foot-long belt!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8402
"When dating young girls, pick them fatter, son."
So his son dated one
That was over a ton.
"Step aside," said his dad. "Let me at her, son."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2221
That a man would go out of his mind
And rip out his eyes
At the sight of those thighs
And that gross, pachydermic behind.
--- Anon
Took part in a race and came last.
She ran out of puff
And said, "That's enough!"
Then a tortoise came thundering past.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
And belly with cellulite stipples!
But all is not crap--
Just give one big slap
And you'll ride her for hours on the ripples.
--- Jester Jon
And the big clothes a weight gain will bring.
She looked like a tent.
Even her bed sheets went
From full-sized to queen-sized to king.
--- Bob Aldrich P0604
I must travel through life overweight.
Being too large by far
For a passenger car,
I have to be posted by freight.
--- Laurence Perrine P8402
Whose blood was as thick as Ragu.
She donated blood
To a handsome young stud,
And now he's a size 82.
--- Will
To handle a bride doublewide;
By legend 'twas said
He jammed in his head,
Where, gleefully smothered, he died.
--- The Sailor P0306
To decline any drink that is drinkable.
So I've lengthened my girth
From the day of my birth,
And today I am almost unsinkable.
--- Limber Limericks
'S a nuisance, and so we have found it.
All sex life turned off
Till the fat is burned off. --
It's a fact. I just can't get around it!
--- Laurence Perrine P8402
She is weighed to stay in the sky.
A fraction of a pound
Will keep her on the ground;
She can kiss her employment goodbye.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I love you with body and soul.
If your teeth were your own,
And your shape not a cone,
I'd say you'd be nice, on the whole."
--- Anon
The idea was to try and get slim.
After months of this trying.
She felt much nearer dying;
Her hopes of reduction were dim.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Though the sight of her's scary, believe me!
And it may make you sick,
She's so hairy and thick,
With an ass of the size of a TV.
--- Archie
Finally had a blind date.
The date was non-plussed
By the size of her bust,
But he said, "You really look great!"
--- Anon
Decided to take all her fat away;
So she started to jog,
But one day in a fog
She disappeared, bouncing off that-a-way.
--- Alsops Foibles
Who bought barrels of blue jelly beans.
She would eat them until
She had quite had her fill,
And burst all the seams in her jeans.
--- Warrick Elrod
Said she wanted an accurate view of her.
He assayed girth and size
With experienced eyes,
And said "Madam, you need a cartographer!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310
Whose size was compared to a whale.
At the sea for the day,
She swam in the bay;
Some sea-scouts hopped aboard for a sail!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who was part of the overweight clan.
When she went to the disco
They called the girl Crisco,
Because she was fat in the can,
--- Tom Patton P0301
With her eye on another Big Mac,
"Will it just go to waste?
Will it just go to waist?
Oh Lord, won't you cut me some slack?"
--- John E Mayhood P0011
She binges on burgers, en masse;
But in fact, it's her cunt,
Of this weight bears the brunt;
We call her "Patty de twat gras!"
--- Jester Jon
This is file ltm
Was working to make herself slim.
But her efforts were lost
At a terrible cost,
When she died working out at the gym.
--- Cap'n Bean P0208
Bought some vanishing cream at the fair.
It suceeded so well
That before she could yell,
She disappeared into thin air.
--- Laurence Perrine P8402
Who worked at the airport for Boein'.
From burgers and fries,
She doubled in size,
And very soon up she was throwin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
There's no class when your ass is a brimmin'.
It's refined when you dine,
To lift less with the tine,
And the torso would find it more slimmin'.
--- KAMS
Always ate a few lizards for dinner.
"Eat a dozen a day,"
Her doctor did say,
And you'll soon find yourself getting thinner.
--- John Blyth
Who is thought by her friends to be catty.
She thinks this is lewd,
So she eats extra food;
Her name's now been altered to fatty.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
A cheesy and bacony pillow,
Along with some ham
And casseroled lamb --
So Sandra is still eighty kilo.
--- Archie
Owned some scales, but she'd not put her foot on.
When she trod there by chance,
Saw her mass at a glance,
She blamed all the jewelry she'd put on.
--- Philip Valentine
Who could overeat without fear.
Cookies and candies,
Turkeys and brandies,
Merely fattened the lobe of one ear.
--- Nicole Hollander P8501
Weighed a tenth of a ton at age ten;
At age twenty-four
She fell through the floor,
And at thirty she did it again.
--- Lims Unlimited
Quite plump; think her name's Lady Buddha;
I got lost in those wrinkles;
Spread flour where she tinkles;
And found her wet zippity doo-dah!
--- Anon
Who moved about surely but slowly;
She was deathly afraid
Of a slope or a grade.
Because she was roly and poly.
--- Lims Unlimited
Squeals a broad of whose breadth I now write.
So she squeezes those genes
Into titanic jeans,
That are signed with the name Frank Lloyd Wright.
--- Don Moore P9112
Who kept her trim figure with stays.
If laced up too tight,
She increased in height,
And her eyes had a permanent glaze.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
'Twas three hundred pounds that she weighed.
With a cold winter storm,
She could keep a guy warm,
Or in summer, provide some great shade.
--- Observer
But then, I have always averred
That five pints of stout
Can keep sun and chill out,
Better than a "high maintenence" bird.
--- Jester Jon
Who waddled down the bridal path,
Where stood the groom,
Awaiting his doom,
For he was as thin as a lath.
--- TARqc19 P0312
Whose cellulite legs could freak ya;
But when snow on I-5
Could freeze truckers alive,
Her hotpads drew many a heat seeka!
--- Anon
Who weighs hundreds of avoirdupois.
On account of her weight,
She's reclassified "freight"
When she travels by train to Charleroi.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was so lame, he called urine "tinkle."
But he met his "Hon",
Who weighed half a ton,
And ended up fucking a wrinkle.
--- Anon
The testing was done on young Valerie.
She grew from size eight
To an incredible weight,
To the jeers of the mostly male gallery!
--- Archie
Had to wear the largest size corset.
But, try as she would,
There was no way she could
Get everything in, but to force it.
--- Warrick Elrod
"She got fatter whenever she dined."
She found the book to buy it,
Went on Atkins' diet,
And quickly left her fat behind
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
She's been eating too much, has Aunt Midge;
And still hot to trot
Because she has got,
Third degree burns from the light in her fridge.
--- David Miller
Whose looks justified a large UGH.
She was wide in the middle,
Not shaped like a fiddle,
And resembled a large bath plug.
--- Michelle
Incited a man's animosity.
In the end, it was night
When the man, out of spite,
Committed a lipid atrocity!
--- Kalkbrenner
But young Ed thought he'd still speak his mind.
"Makes you look like a bell,"
But she said, "That's swell,"
Thinking that he meant the Southern kind.
--- Sal R
So to lose weight a Lass made their rounds.
For a year. "What's the use?"
She said, "I can't reduce
Though I'm lighter by 1000 pounds."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
Inquired about boarding a barge.
The captain insisted
Her wish be resisted,
Concluding that Marge was too large.
--- Cyber Geezer
And I said, "I adore your hat, dear."
If looks killed, I'd be dead,
For she thought I had said,
That I could not ignore her fat rear.
--- Bob Birch P0410
Had gotten that way eating marrow;
When she answered an ad
For a job they said, "Gad!
The opening here is too narrow."
--- Lims Unlimited
Who made this ungracious lament:
"Not one dress could I find
That would fit my behind,
'Till the day I converted a tent!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Had looked forward to being a bride.
She still managed a smile,
As she walked down the aisle,
With no room for her groom at her side!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Said the amorphous blob, Sally Sand.
"I'm a bit overweight.
That's my genetic fate.
I'm not big-boned, but I am big gland."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0402
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