MORE
I'd given all my stock and debentures I've studied dentologists screeds, I'm told that the locals at night So if at the eve of the day, A boastful young cyclist from Neath Pearly white teeth in a mouth such as his, There was an old man in Swift Current A lovely old gal named Estelle, There was an old geezer called Jack Gangsta' Rapper, Big Killer C. Townes, A poor toothless fellow named Keith The teeth of a lady called Wodgem Edentulous mouths with a lisp There once was a lady in Bantry I sometimes blast Scotsmen and such; There was an old man of Tarentum, An accident really uncanny There was an old man of Blackheath, At the Plaza she was nobby, There was a tight Scotsman named Scott Never before have I seen An unfortunate woman from Keith There once was a girl from Duluth When he went to see old Dr. Keith And then there was Margie from Totton, Her smile to the guys at the bar There was an old lady of Crewe, I do hate it when my teeth itch; There was a young lady of Keethly, The madame told old Jerry Purvis There once was a lady from Flushing, "I'll bet you won't try it," said Keith, A young man from Scotland, named Keith, In grossness, there's no one beneath There was a young lad called Davy, A farmer's wife from old Argenta There once was a boy with no teeth Whenever my dentures get sore, A duzzy ole fine outs Hethersett This lady I knew in my youth, There once was a girl from Duluth, A dirty dock worker named Booth, His brother, a lisper named Luther, There was an old lady from Wan, I think Colgate's boss should insist on There was an old lady from Neath, There was a young fellow named Clift No matter how grouchy you're feeling, There was an old lady of Leith With a dazzling smile on his face, There once was a lady of Flushing, "How come you are looking so pale?" An old spinster who died near Peekskill A filthy old trout from Havana, He's prone to hallucination There was a young lady of Keithley, Although Ruth has given me glances, Refuse her advances? Oh come, A short little man from Quebec An aged shotputter named Carl (Van Gogh painting - The Bridges at Arles)
I wish I'd looked after me teeth. I wish I'd been that much more willin', When I think of the lollies I licked My mother, she told me no end, I showed them the toothpaste, all right, If I'd known I was paving the way So I lay in the old dentist's chair,
To learn of the arcane adventures,
By which twist and turns
These strange oral furn-
Ishings came hither, namely these dentures.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And learned that once from the mouth freed,
They often will tug
Themselves from the mug
Where they're stored, and escape here to breed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Will use ultra-violet light,
And lure them with rashers
And net those wee gnashers,
Whenever they come for a bite.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You venture out Beaulieu Heath way,
And hear a strange clacking,
It's no one attacking,
But simply those choppers at play.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was performing a trick on a heath.
He cycled (no hands)
On the roughest of lands,
But he crashed. Now he rides with no teeth.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
'Tis a feat to be accomplished, it is.
For crusty and slimy,
His mouth is plain grimey,
And out of the sides comes green fizz.
--- Steve Shrader
Whose teeth looked like real ones, but weren't.
Although he was toothless,
His bite could be ruthless,
For dentures were not a deterrent.
--- Gerry Busch
A proper and prim southern belle,
Created some doubt,
When dentures came out,
And into the punchbowl they fell.
--- Observer
Who went down on old Doris's crack;
But his dentures shot out
When she came with a shout
And got jammed up her pussy, alack.
--- Anon
Worshiped here, also in Epsom Downs.
Had his teeth all rebuilt
With bright diamonds and gilt.
His grins now flash the stars in his crowns.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0101
Had not one above nor beneath.
For a dollar he bought
Dentures clumsily wrought.
Friends asked, "Where did you get those buck teeth?"
--- Bob Giandomenico P9409
Came loose as she rode on a dodgem.
They fell down her jumper,
And though others can bump 'er,
They totally failed to dislodge 'em.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Won't enunciate quite so crisp,
And sometimes the spray
From what they might say
Is more that just a little wisp.
--- Daniel Ford
Who kept her false teeth in the pantry,
All covered in jam
And sunk in a ham,
Hung up by a string from a gantry.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'm part Scots myself -- just a touch.
It is my belief
That I've got Scottish teeth
'Cause they're false and they cost me too much.
--- Tony Burrell
Who gnashed his false teeth till he bent 'em.
When they asked him the cost,
Of what he had lost,
He replied, "I can't say, I just rent 'em."
--- Explosion of Lims P0312
Befell a respectable granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny.
--- Anon
Who sat on his set of false teeth.
Said he, with a start,
"O Lord, bless my heart!
I've bitten myself underneath!"
--- Explosion of Lims P0311
Ate a salad of kohlrabi.
She failed quite to squelch
A resonant belch;
Her teeth wound up in the lobby.
--- Jim Jambor P9103
Whose teeth became weakened with rot.
He stated: toothpaste,
In the long run's a waste,
And the tooth-fairies keep what they've got.
--- Chris Young
A lady whose teeth do so gleam.
You can turn out the lights,
Close her mouth up tight,
But boy, do those teeth still beam!
--- Javeal
Was born with a mouthful of teeth;
There were ninety upstairs
In three equal layers,
And a hundred and ten underneath.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who was still quite early in youth.
She would walk for a mile,
Never cracking a smile,
Because all that she had was one tooth!
--- Reminisce P9310
For the miseries all down beneath,
The man said, "There's no doubt
You must have your teeth out."
So he handed the doc his false teeth.
--- A N Wilkins P8306
Whose breasts really strained the thin cotton,
But no, I don't miss her,
For when I did kiss her,
I found that her teeth were all rotten.
--- Anon
Was the whitest and brightest by far.
And her teeth were kept glowing
With nobody knowing,
They spent every night in a jar.
--- Val Burns P0606
Who dropped her false teeth in the stew.
Said the sensitive waiter,
"It's horrid to cater
For careless old females like you."
--- Langford Reed (Bibby)
To scratch at them can be a bitch.
You won't hear me yell,
Because if I tell,
It turns me into a snitch!
--- Archie
Whose principle charms in her teeth lay.
When they fell out on her plate,
She called out, "I hate
Mishaps of this kind, they are beathly."
--- Anon
"You're making my girls too damn nervous.
If you stick to your plan
To park dentures in Anne,
We must charge at least DOUBLE for service.
--- Grand Prix Lim 730
Who took out her dentures for brushing.
If only she'd flossed,
They wouldn't be lost
And now she can't speak without gushing.
--- Frank Sfa
After seeing the girl on the heath.
I accepted his dare,
And touched Flora May THERE--
And promptly lost three of my teeth.
--- John Miller 0063
Was famed for his luminous teeth.
When he flashed forth his smile,
They would shine for a mile
And dazzle the dentists of Leith.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
This is file lvm
A disgusting young fellow named Keith;
For he formed a whole meal
That he felt had appeal,
From the chunks that he flossed from his teeth.
--- Cap'n Bean P0110
Who hated the food in the Navy.
He couldn't have beef,
In case his false teeth
Would drop out and fall in the gravy.
--- R Coleman
Lost a filling from one of her dentia.
She looked for some Ag
To add to the crag;
A silver lining to her predicamentia.
--- Anon
Who lisped when he spoke, and said: "Pleath,
Will you get me some falth oneth,
Thith week or this month,
So I can eat peanuth and cheeth?"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
I think of my teeth of before--
The toothaches, the fillings,
The root canal drillings
With Marquis de Sade hov'ring o'er.
--- Irving Superior P9107
Outa-doors in tha inclement weather set,
By the side a the rud
Eatin' cold Christmas pud,
With his top dentures in, but no nether set.
--- T K Scott
In the front of her mouth lacked a tooth.
She could whistle quite neatly
But trying to smile sweetly,
Caused no end of laughter, forsooth.
--- C M
Who made use of only one tooth.
When she was asked why,
She'd simply reply,
"To use more than one is uncouth!"
--- Carson
Whose manners were very uncouth,
Would spit on the floor,
Let farts by the score,
And open beer cans with one tooth.
--- Armand E Singer 991
Was possibly even uncouther;
Even during mass
He'd grab some girls ass,
And brag he intended to "gooth her."
--- Armand E Singer 992
Who let out a terrible yawn;
Her dentures fell out
And she gave out a shout--
She was about to take them to pawn.
--- Mrs Clarke
A slogan that puts a new twist on
The way folks are led
To buy Colgate instead:
"Now, lighten your smile with Phlogiston!"
--- Norman Storer P0211
Who got her thread caught in her teeth.
In a glass by her bed,
Sat teeth, needle, and thread,
With her sampler dangling beneath.
--- Melinda Coss
Who gave a young lady a lift.
And he marveled the sight
Of her teeth shining bright,
So she gave him her teeth as a gift.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2501
You'll find the smile more or less healing.
It grows in a wreath
All around the front teeth,
Thus preserving the face from congealing.
--- Anthony Euwer
Who had most remarkable teeth;
They were not very strong
But so spiky and long,
That she had to keep each in a sheath.
--- Archie
He'd a brand new front tooth in the place
That was empty last night,
And it's shiny and white,
'Cause it came from the store in a case.
--- Mary Sullivan
Who took out her teeth for the brushing.
Which was a mistake
Since they were not fake;
Her gums are now used for cock mushing.
--- Travis Brasell
Asked Pete of his granddaughter Gayle,
Who stared at his glass.
"I was thirsty, my lass,
And I've watered my teeth in the ale."
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0309
Wrote a very queer clause in her will.
It read: "To the priest,
I leave my false teeth,
And now he can eat to his fill."
--- Larry Wilde
Her teeth looked just like a piana;
Some black and some white,
Oh such was her plight,
She could only just suck a banana!
--- Anon
And premature ejaculation.
His hair is just fuzz,
But I'm staying because
Toothless gums still hold fascination.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose principal charm in her teeth lay.
When they fell on her plate,
She called out "I hate
Mishaps of this kind, they are beathly."
--- Archie
Implying with her I had chances,
The fact she's near toothless,
Means I must be Ruthless,
And firmly refuse her advances.
--- Anon
She might be too ancient to plumb,
But if given the chance
Of a suck on your lance,
Then she'll gum you to heaven, old chum.
--- Anon
Had a toothache and went for a check.
When he wanted to know
Why the tooth had to go,
He was told, "Ees toulouse, Lautrec."
--- Macsam
Used to pull back his lips in a snarl,
Revealing beneath,
Several rows of white teeth
And a bridge he'd had fitted in Arles.
--- Michael Palin
And spotted the perils beneath
All the toffees I chewed
And the sweet stick food.
I wish I'd looked after me teeth.
--- Pam Ayres
When I had more tooth there than fillin',
To give up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers,
And to buy something else with me shillin'.
--- Pam Ayres
And the licorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.
--- Pam Ayres
"If you got a tooth, you've a friend."
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.
--- Pam Ayres
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin'
And pokin' and fussin',
Didn't seem worth the time -- I could bite!
--- Pam Ayres
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fillin's,
Injections and drillin's,
I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.
--- Pam Ayres
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it does whine,
In those molars of mine,
"Two amalgam," he'll say, "for in there."
--- Pam Ayres
MORE