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There was a maid from Candle
Whom no one liked to dandle;
She liked her fun
But weighed a ton,
Which made her hard to handle.
--- Lims Unlimited

The fat lady, here from Johore,
Was unable to get through a door;
Whenever she tried,
She had to be pried
From the starboard, the port, and the fore.
--- Lims Unlimited

As I stand in front of the glass,
I tuck in my tummy and ass.
"So trim!", I'm believing,
But then, upon leaving,
Revert to my regular mass.
--- Ericka

An obese debutante, a gold-digger,
At a party, once made us all snigger.
"Daahhlings, be impressed;
My new man bought this dress,
For a more than ridiculous figure.
--- Doug Harris

That fat girl who works in accounts
Is one of my favorite mounts.
It's rather like humpin'
An over-ripe pumpkin,
All squishy and soft where it counts.
--- Michael Horgan P0409

A fat girl by the name of Mallory;
Her favorite food was a calorie.
She worked night and day,
But would never take pay,
Other than food as a salary.
--- Tom Patton

Some say she's "obese" and a "frump";
I say she is "round in the rump"
Each one takes his cue
From his own point of view.
She calls herself "pleasingly plump".
--- Laurence Perrine P8402

There was a young lady named Flo,
As fat as a capital "O".
When the people said, "Why
Is this so?" She'd reply,
"I suppose it's the way that I grow."
--- Anon

Ethiopian children and mothers,
Think relief aid is going to others.
A coincidence that
The one getting fat,
Is none other than Sweet Sally Struthers.
--- Dick Potts P8511a

Eyes lock as she's walking away;
No words but he knows that sashay.
Her eyes rake his bod;
A wink; a slow nod.
At work he'll think only of play.
--- Emma Mara

His integrity she does espy;
She covets his glistening eye.
She's practised, au fait--
Flicks her hair, looks away!
He'd done now, but she's on a high.
--- Jester Jon

His boss calls him in for a chat;
They both agree that she's too fat.
But the look in her eyes
And the bounce of her thighs,
Has both of them hooked and that's that.
--- Observer

A hefty young gal name of Carol
Couldn't find any wearing apparel.
For each chubby leg
Was shaped like a keg,
And her ass was shaped like a barrel.
--- Ken Elrod P8303

She won't do gym workouts, she's too fat.
She tried long jumping once and fell, SPLAT!
She thinks tennis is fun
And although she can run,
She lacks having a bracelet for that.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0604

A very large woman named Kate
Is six hundred pounds overweight;
On an overseas trip
She's transported by ship
In a wooden container marked "Freight."
--- Frank Jacobs P0011

There was a stout person from Brum,
Who lost twenty pounds off her tum.
When people said "Great!"
She replied, "Just you wait
And see what I've lost off my bum!"
--- Bill Wall

Old Bonnie was an overweight geek;
Finding love on the Internet she'd seek.
In real life, none would fuck it,
Unless she'd wear a bucket,
And between her thighs, it would really reek!
--- Brad 'n Broni

The obese gustatorial sinner
Ate a three hundred calorie dinner.
For her coffee we know
She'll demand "Sweet And Low,"
'Cause it helps a fat girl to get thinner.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401

At the circus a writer named Meeks
Was impressed by the fat lady's cheeks,
And announced his intentions
To describe her dimensions,
Though he thought it might take him three weeks.
--- Cyber Geezer

An overweight woman named Treadwell
Was massive because she was fed well;
One day on the sly
She ate a whole pie,
And that was the night that the bed fell.
--- William K Alsop P8910

Soft music hypnotically played;
While dancing, they swooned and they swayed,
Lost balance and fell;
Smashed him all to hell.
'Twas three hundred pounds that she weighed!
--- Observer

The daughter-in-law of the Lundys
Can hardly get into her undies,
For she has on the quiet
Been ignoring her diet,
For at least, she says, three months of sundaes.
--- A N Wilkins P8511

I once met this girl from down under,
Whose thighs banged together like thunder!
He butt was so big,
It looked like two pigs
In a Viking's big bag of plunder.
--- Theresa

My Charlotte's a harlot, you know
And out fishing we both like to go;
She's such a fat slut,
And her enormous butt
Makes her a real tough ho' to row.
--- David Miller

A fat acrobat named Louise,
Was arrested while on a trapeze,
For daring to bare
Her rump in the air,
And floating spare parts in the breeze.
--- David Finely

A portly but kind-hearted lass
Ate too much and became a great mass.
When her buttocks did shake,
The Earth it would quake.
Took two trips for her just to haul ass.
--- T Arnold

"My Darling, my days are all spent
Just thinking of your lovely dent,
That I will caress,
And love none the less,
Because you must wear that large tent!
--- Anon

Mike told his fat wife all the time
To stop eating and toe the line.
"Don't be a dumb fuck.
You're as big as my truck.
Now you'll have to wear a WIDE LOAD sign!"
--- Anon

The Weight Watchers member Ms Ross
Is enormously proud of her loss.
A huge pile of fat
She shed just like that
In one day, when she got her divorce.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605

I've long sung in praise of big women,
Their attributes oft I've been hymning,
Use as windbreaks in gales,
Or decoys for whales,
Or diving-rafts, useful when swimmin'.
--- Anon

You've heard of the baker's fat daughter? --
She eats many more cakes than she oughter.
So to get through the door,
She lies down on the floor,
Because she is wider than shorter.
--- Sandy Lunde P8402

His body was rather convex;
He had problems procuring good sex.
His considerable girth
Made him subject to mirth;
His friends called him "Adipose Rex."
--- Naomi J Kahn

There was a fat man of great worth,
Considered the salt of the earth.
He married his honey;
She married his money.
Now all he has left is his girth.
--- Ester L. Voller P9202

This is file lsm

A sleeper from the Amazon
Put nighties of his gramazon.
The reason: That
He was too fat
To get his own pajamazon.
--- Lure of Limerick P0412

An overweight fellow named Bruce
Went through torture attempting to reduce.
A battle was raged,
Yet ten years he aged,
Before he called it a truce.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

When I was a youth, a mere STRIPLING,
My abs were washboards rippling.
But time and good food,
On that scene intrude,
What once was slim beltline is tripling.
--- Chris Papa

It's been said that I'm thin and quite lean,
Save my belly -- it's huge and obscene.
But so says my wife,
It's a fuel tank for life,
On an excellent screwing machine!
--- Dick Slimer T9712

There was a young biker named "Bear"
Who pants got too small to wear.
He looked at his middle,
While doing a diddle,
And said, "I have belly to spare."
--- Penny Kjelgaard

A philosopher from Montserrat
Was too bulgy and fat where he sat.
His eating and drinking
And sitting and thinking
Were assuredly causes of that.
--- R J Winkler P8402

There once was a man called Big Bob,
Who felt like a fat ugly slob.
He met a young Mellie
Who looked at his belly
And said, "You're my baby. No prob!"
--- Anon

He used to be firm, fit, and fleet,
Could run or stand fast -- could compete.
But now the old duffer
Must fretfully suffer
The fate of the fat and effete.
--- Laurence Perrine P8402

We've all heard of Roger the Lodger;
He's now an impotent old codger;
Who causes earthquakes
With each step he takes,
That shirt-lifting fat salad-dodger.
--- Anon

A certain young man, it was noted,
Went about in the heat thickly coated.
He said, "You may scoff,
But I shan't take it off;
Underneath I am horribly bloated.
--- Edward Gorey

A young couch-potato named Clyde
Just sat there and watched till he died.
It's a sad thing to tell,
But he went right to hell
And ended up boiled, baked, and fried.
--- Bill Taylor P9808

Won't you please use the word, sense requires
To precisely explain your desires.
When you put on a wheel,
You'll find lug nuts ideal;
You'll find dough nuts just put on spare tires.
--- Graham Lester

The elephantine Mr. L
Is the source of a powerful smell.
It's the stench of a lie,
And a fat, sweaty guy,
Whose head just continues to swell.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A corpulent prowler named Clyde
Could never successfully hide.
He always got caught --
And such was his lot
For Clyde was enormously wide.
--- R J Winkler P8402

That Mushroom guy sure was great;
I knew him since he was eight.
But now he's got old
And is covered in mold;
The 'Fun Guy' has sure put on weight.
--- Anon

She will not under-rate the deplorable state
Of the husband who's overly stout.
She plans brisk exercise
For those figureless guys
To expand their resistance to gout.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a fat man of Dundee
Who was weighing himself constantly.
Said his wife, one fine day,
"Tell me, what do you weigh?"
He replied in surprise, "I weigh me."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2555

This fat little man from Nantucket
When maligned, would reply, "You go fuck it."
He said this when they
Called him Fatso each day,
And now they just call him Lardbucket.
--- Anon

Consider now, "Big Mike" Gerrard
With dimensions expressed by the yard.
With him is his young son
Who, not to be outdone,
Enjoys his French Fries drenched in lard.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0411

Once the fat man got to giggling,
No one around to stop his jiggling,
He broke in to a sweat,
Lost his wind; you can bet
He died on the spot while still wriggling.
--- Lims For Year - 01

My belly is bloated and fat;
Stuffed full of food and all that.
It was really great;
I'm sure to gain weight;
I saved leftovers for the cat.
--- Funny Bone

There once was a man in the bath,
Who lay back and started to laugh.
The cause of his mirth
Was the size of his girth;
He looked like an inflatable raft.
--- Jim Campey

To the gay town of old Skibbereen,
Came a tinker abnormally lean;
They fed him so well,
That he started to swell,
And by Christmas he looked like a dean.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

There was a young man of Calcutta,
Who always ate rye bread with butter.
He liked the great taste;
It affected his waist
And now he looks just like his mutta.
--- Anon

There was a young man who said, "Swimming
Is an excellent method of slimming.
But a far quicker way
To lose weight, if you're gay,
Is to practice fellatio and rimming."
--- Alexander Baron

He's not built for the sessions at gym;
The group was all better than him.
When climbing a rope,
He hadn't a hope;
He was fat and he'll never be thin.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There are those, (God's favorite son),
Who can ingest food by the ton
And never gain weight,
A heavenly state.
Alas, of that kind, I'm not one.
--- Chris Papa

There once was a glutton named Kelly
Who gorged himself so at the deli,
That his girl friends all said
He was no good in bed,
Since he couldn't see over his belly.
--- A N Wilkins P8402

There once was this man from New Delhi,
Who wanted to trim up his belly.
His doctor said, "Jogging
Or exercise walking,
And not just by wanking your willie."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There is a stout chap known as Harry,
And of gaining weight he is wary;
A typical snack,
Is a chicken back,
Two peas, one grape, and a dairy.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8311

A eunuch from Mount Ararat --
The cheeks of his arse were so fat,
When he wanted to fart,
He held them apart
With the haft of an old cricket bat!
--- Sam Pittman

A man who was hopelessly fat
Befriended a hungry old rat.
"Eat me thinner, Rat pard,"
But the rat ate no lard,
So the man remained stuck where he's at.
--- Martin Maier

The treadmill I'll have to speed up,
And on much less good pasta sup.
I'll fat steaks forsake
And surely, no cake,
Nor Glenfiddich malt by the cup.
--- Chris Papa


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