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There was a young woman from Wales They asked a Viet Nam vet named Bray, In the mountains of eastern Albania, It was windy; a cockney named Weathers At the Cafe, while sipping Pernods There was a young gal of Belfast The girls all stand and they stare, A trapper whose name is Pierre, He carefully saved all these locks Pierre one day caught a redhead "Oh dear. Please get out of the sack. There was a young man of Bulgaria Blonde Liesl just shaved hers all off At the fair, a young maiden named Brown Snatch hair is annoying, a little; Is anyone still keeping track? I'm big and I'm ugly and burley; When John pulled this stunt on Miss Shirley, And Shirley shot back, "There are ways At that, Johnny grinned ear-to-ear, So I went there that very same night; But Shirley oft spun fabrications No matter, we both got a buzz Cascading, the bright spotlight was Whenever I drink lots of booze, A Parisian young lady named Eunice, Said Janet, "I'll leave you, I swear, A bald-headed fellow from Ware, I got some pubes from old Fred, Michelle, since your moustache appeared, That fellow from Ware must be Keith Ahh dear, you look so good in the buff; Well-groomed Wanda betook her the trouble A Gothic violinist named Kerr, There's some folks will shave pubic hair The peroxide blond, Lady Jane Bond, There once was a client who said, He promised to give it his all. His wife was astonished and said, In a cat house in downtown Vienna I knew a gal, (and this is no lie!) This isn't some story I'm telling -- It was a Valentine for her sweetheart, So his "present" he never did get, I watch from the beauty shop chair Her GYN doctor named Hunt There once was a woman named Bright, My uncle was balding I fear. The salesman said, "Don't be a dunce! At bedtime a fellow named Dwight One spring in old London Town, I had thirty-six inches of hair; The captain of a cruise liner, A cute checker, whose nickname is "Red," There once was a sailor named Ray Marv Albert! What is on your head? After a fine meal of pussy flambe', The "Merkin" I see mostly perkin', There once was a man from Bombay It's raining here too, all the day My goodness! He's bald sans toupee There was an old man from Kildare, There was an old man in Fair Play A chorus from down East somewhere, I don't know if it is live or dead; Old Jethro E. Deathrow the judge
Who took the wind out of my sails;
Went into her harbour,
But she'd seen the Barber,
And now has a short bed of nails!
--- Anon
"Did things change much while you were away?"
He said, "Maybe a few,
And there's one thing that's new:
Pubic hair on the centerfold lay."
--- A N Wilkins P8602
The warlords developed a mania
For padding their lairs
With the curly cunt hairs
Of raped virgins from western Rumania.
--- Grand Prix Lim 778 G2238
Saw the wind blow the skirts of Miss Heathers,
Right over her head.
"It's airy," he said.
"Well, you didn't expect I grew feathers?"
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen
She asked rock 'n' roll star Blaire Rose,
"Now how about, Blaire,
A lock of your hair?"
Rose said, "Pubic? or those in my nose?"
--- Michael Weinstein P8609
Who supported a bush rather vast.
One day young Pat
Found out where it's at,
And ran home to mother, aghast!
--- SFA
At my wondrous bush of pubic hair.
It's not trimmed for years,
And my nob disappears,
But at least I know it's down there.
--- Funny Bone
Forswore fox, wolf, ermine and bear.
He only chased beaver
And when he did cleave her,
He cut off a tuft of muff hair.
--- Anon
And used them to darn his wool socks.
This warm wear apparel
When maintained with care'll
Serve also to sheathe trappers' cocks.
--- Anon
And trundled her off to his bed.
He opened her thighs
And to his surprise,
No fur but shaved pussy instead.
--- Anon
A beaver of auburn you lack.
Because it is bare
My cock won't go there.
My sock will do 'til yours grows back!"
--- Anon
Whose genitals couldn't be hairier.
He proposed to Beth Sands,
Who had scissors for hands,
To which she replied, "I'll take care o' ya."
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
Preventing a sneeze or a cough
From marring the occasion
Of oral persuasion,
That features a tongue in her trough.
--- Randog
Invited a knight 'neath her gown,
Where he pressed 'tween her hips,
And he found that her lips
Had a bush with the softness of down.
--- Cap'n Bean P0504
I've found it distressingly brittle.
It itches beneath
and sticks in the teeth,
When coated in semen and spittle.
--- John Miller Q
I gave it up quite a while back,
Having run out of toes
And the hairs in my nose,
Then the hairs on my Millicent's crack.
--- Anon
People will tell you I'm surly.
I love ladies tresses
And look up their dresses,
To see if they're naturally curly.
--- John Miller
He saw she was shaved and asked, "Girlie,
I see you are bare,
But if you grew hair,
Would it come out straight or quite curly?"
--- John Miller
On learning, in say thirty days.
Just come back each night
And rub it just right,
Unless you're one of those damn gays."
--- John Miller
And told her, "My dear, never fear.
I'll come at eleven
To send you to heaven,
With licks deeply felt and sincere!"
--- John Miller
Made sure that she shut her eyes tight.
Then did things my way;
So what did she say?
"That six-inch long tongue feels just right!"
--- John Miller
About length, girth, and carnal relations.
Her inch-count of six
And claim that it licks,
Were both overblown allegations.
--- Randog
And soon she grew back all her fuzz.
Was it straight? Was it curly?
Bring money. Come early,
If you want to see which one it was.
--- John Miller
Upon Mrs. Shumph's pussy fuzz,
When Vido, her stylist,
Had thoughts that were vilest
And buzzed her fuzz into a puzz.
--- Anon
I soon end up taking a snooze.
But friends play a trick,
And shave hair off my dick,
But rarely they leave any clues.
--- Funny Bone
Announced with a soupcon of hubris,
"My hair grows to my knees,"
But it's hair no one sees,
'Cause it grows to my knees from my pubis."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0504
If you don't use some Rogain `down there;'
Now, HOURS after sex
It's starting to vex
That, Sweetheart, I'm STILL spitting hair!"
Transplanted to pate, pubic hair.
Okay, but his nose,
When tickled, now grows.
'Snot nice girls, you'd better take care.
--- Tiddy Ogg
One day while giving him head.
Once sporting fine skin
'Round my nose and my chin,
I now have a moustache instead!
--- Michelle
I've noticed new growth, as I feared;
And now, when you grin,
Fred's jizz on your chin
Is hidden quite well by your beard.
--- Travis Brasell
Whose pubic hair sits like a wreath
Atop of his pate;
He wears for his date
A hat that's a thin latex sheath.
--- Travis Brasell
Here's the scissors, trim some off your muff,
Because the hair on your crack,
Gets my throat and I hack.
Here's conditioner, it's getting too rough.
--- M Foster
Of maintaining hairstyles double.
Above, she'd insist
On a stylish French Twist,
But she coiffed up her snatch with a bubble.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
This is file lkm
Had outrageously dense pubic hair.
"Is that a chinchilla?
It floats my flotilla,"
Said boys whose hands wandered down there.
--- Anon
As unsightly. But not me; I swear
There's no place I'd rather
Work up a lather
For washing the rest of me, bare.
--- John Miller Q
Swam naked in daddy's cold pond.
Then she quietly sat,
Put hair dye on the cat,
And said,"Even my pussy is blonde."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0504
"The hair on my head is quite red!"
"I wanted my snatch
Exactly to match,
Whenever I get into bed."
--- Tiddy Ogg
He made an unusual house call.
He brought her his dye;
And gave a good try,
But it all came off when they balled.
--- Anon
"And why is your pubic hair red?"
"Well, I lost my grip
When I went to zip,
And I think that it may well have bled!"
--- Anon
A blonde Scottish whore named McKenna
Gives her clients a scare
When they see her sex hair,
Which she dyes on her day off...magenta!
--- Grand Prix Lim 689
Her pubic hair she tried to dye --
An allergic reaction
Almost put her in traction --
This is something you don't want to try!
--- Anon
The gal couldn't walk, from the swelling!
And, when she tried to pee,
I'm telling you, we
Couldn't hear anything, but her yelling!
--- Anon
She shaved it, in the shape of a heart --
Then dyed it hot pink;
But quick as a wink,
The allergic reaction did start.
--- Anon
(She's not tried again, I would bet!)
But in the nurse lounge,
When there's no one around,
We giggle about this one still yet!
--- Anon
As hairdressers dye ladies' hair.
And I'm almost certain
That behind that black curtain,
They're dyeing girls' hair, but down there!
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505
Described her in terms clear and blunt.
He emphatically said
"The hair on her head
Is much lighter than that down in front."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0504
With pubic hair perfectly white.
She said, "There's some glare,
But the fellows don't care,
And they find it more quickly at night."
--- Isaac Asimov
He needed a wig -- that was clear.
As he looked while we shopped,
He saw small ones and stopped,
And asked "Well now, what have we here?"
--- John Dohner P8806a
Most strippers will cover their cunts
With these patches of fur.
Shall I wrap them up, Sir?"
"Oh No! I will eat them at once!"
--- John Dohner P8806a
Put his wig in a box out of sight.
He never had lovers
Beneath the covers,
Yet he bragged he was balled every night.
--- Tom Patton P9709
Stood a man with nice hair of brown.
He found his head bare --
On the ground was his hair --
And now he's the talk of the town.
--- Megan Polach
I knew I had some I could spare.
A plea I did answer
For kids who had cancer.
Do you have some that you could share?
--- Bridget
Said that nothing was finer
Than "the cool sea air
Blowing through your hair."
They found his wig way south of China.
--- Anon
Came to work with a bag on her head.
"My hairdresser, Petrillo,
Turned my hair into brillo,
And a law suite is pending" she said.
--- William N Nesbit P0104
Who wore an atrocious toupee.
He gave a big shrug
And then off flew his rug;
It sailed into Chesapeake Bay.
--- Richard Long
I certainly hope it is dead...
It seems to be molting,
My God! It's revolting!
Do you think, if diseased, it might spread?
--- Ogni
Old John tried to clear his airway.
But he had a furball,
Coughing, ran down the hall,
And showed us his new merkin toupe'.
--- Cheryl
So rarely he uses his gherkin.
From what John has said,
The hair on his head
Is often his sweet Carol's merkin.
--- Archie
Who wore on his head a toupee.
He thought that he might
Give friends a delight
And remove his toupee for a day.
--- Anon
And stormy as well, by the way.
It blew off my hair;
I cry out in despair:
How naked I am sans toupee.
--- Dirruk
And the damn thing, it blew down this way.
Hit me smack in the face
And with no lack of grace,
I've been choking on loose hair all day!
--- Michelle
Whose scalp had nary a hair.
So he bought a toupee
Streaked with silver and grey,
Which he wore with an insouciant air.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0308
Who wore a deceptive toupee;
He was somewhat appalled
To find he looked bald,
But he combed it each night anyway.
--- Lims Unlimited
Had only one guy who had hair.
All the rest, they wore wigs,
When they went out on gigs,
Just to tone down the terrible glare.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Perhaps it is something he's bred;
Quite large and furred;
Dead dog? Extinct bird?
What is it that on Trent Lott's head.
--- Anon
Wears a pig of a wig; it won't budge.
Though he tugs at that rug,
It fits snug as a bug,
For he's stuck it with "Duck Tape" and fudge.
--- Peter Wilkins
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