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There's nothing that's dumber or sillier I've got hairs in my nose that extend to A practical fellow named Mose It's rumored that girls love affairs Well damn! That explains why young Rose One evening, while stirring her pot, I decided to grow me a beard; A young woman's husband went sailing, An elderly actress named Gray A baldy could not grow a crop. A shaggy old man from Ann Arbor The affection of Eleanor Weird Now wouldn't most women look weird At the top of the legs, the place where A triangular hairy excrescence With no whisker of fuzz anywhere, There once was a hairless man, Halls, (word should be merkin - McW)
"Though some fellows claim they don't care," A girl with a twat like a firkin John Miller's bought horses in batches, Now John ain't no dummy and he know, Now David, of course, is quite mad. I thought you might fancy a sorrel, She's blonde and I've long since gone gray, If her panties were slimy and moist... How this hair in her pants came about, On a chair, round and round, sat Miss Lainpull, Your flowing brown hair, soft and sweet; I'll lose it upstairs if I must, The lady was rather hirsute; One day by a tree at Tabarka, The black pubic hair of young Dan Once the old Mayor of Bayswater "My daughter's unwed!" cried the Mayor, A matron in Saudi Arabia A trapper of cold Fort McMurray There's a fashion designer from Turbeloe A freshly shaven mug A lady from old Camarillo, Big Stanley was heard to declare There once was a woman named Mary, How fast does it take one to grow A rather strange chap is young Danny; At six my first hand-job was fab; With a frequency quite diabolical, There was a young gal from The Fraser, Should you pluck each hair out by its follicle, There's Brunhilda who lives in Bavaria; There once was a lady call Lizzie We purists could not give a toss Oh yes! Men beware, for your tongue'll I'm thinking that these old wives' tales Some day I am hoping to catch While you lie in wait there Ol' Chap, Every mature him and her A merkin is what? Oh no way. So, you see that your insult is workin' I know what you mean by a 'merkin' A father and son name of Perkins, An abundance of bodily hair Dear girl, have you never tried Nair? With each patient he'd forge a close bond, I drove in my car to the gym There once was a man from Bel Aire, A hairy broad, Carrie McGlore, My wife now suspects my affair, Those roses you wear in your hair,
Than the hairs in your nose labeled cilia.
They stick out so far,
And they look quite bizarre,
And I knew that this treatise would thrill ya.
--- Al Willis P9601
The top of my neck and which then do
A tight interlace
With the chin on my face,
So my nose won't fall off when I achhchoo!
--- Eric Hinds
Once said, "Hair ain't lost when it goes.
Though it may cause you pain,
As it slips down the drain,
It later grows back in your nose."
--- Anon
With men who have long nasal hairs.
These gals are not fickle;
They just like the tickle
It gives them, down where the skin tears.
--- SFA
Examined my frame, head to toes,
With only a glance
At the bulge in my pants,
But stared half the day at my nose!
--- Travis Brasell
I sneezed and she thought it was snot.
Suffice it to say
That after that lay,
She carried a bun rather hot.
--- SFA
Some folks say it looks kinda weird.
But after a week
Of scratching my cheek,
Tomorrow I'm gonna get sheared.
--- Anon
And he returned home without ailing,
But he'd shaved his moustache,
And now she's abashed,
To adjust to its lack, she's been failing.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Tried to smooth all her wrinkles away;
But the cream that she bought
Wasn't quite what she thought,
And she grew a long beard in a day.
--- Don Mulford
So he went to the hairdresser's shop.
Said the man, with a grin,
"There's a lot on your chin.
Shave your beard off and glue it on top!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Had never consulted a barber;
One day, as he feared,
He tripped on his beard
While walking too close to the harbor.
--- Lims Unlimited
Was the passion that Roosevelt feared;
And 'twas not that she stank,
Or the fact that she drank,
'Twas the way that she sported a beard.
--- Cap'n Bean P0103
If they grew a mustache and a beard?
The look doesn't vex us,
If they've not changed their sexes,
But women qua women should be sheared.
--- Big Little Playboy Lims
There's a triangle tangle of hair.
Though in public convention
It seldom gets mention,
We all of us know that it's there.
--- Lance Payne P8601
Appears on the young in pubescence.
It's the ultimate hair-do
That all flesh is heir to;
Efflorescence atop the essence.
--- Lance Payne P8601
His body was totally bare,
So that under his jerkin
He sported a merkin,
That is to say false pubic hair.
--- A N Wilkins P8801
Who had a strange problem that galls.
Girls scream and laugh
When he unfurls his staff;
A toupee is covering his balls.
--- Tom Patton P9709
He said, "If she has pubic hair,
I think that a lay
Is more sexy that way
Than if her pudenda is bare."
--- A N Wilkins P8602
Said, "I can't keep myself from smirkin'.
I finally found a way
To keep the boys at bay.
Barb wire makes a wonderful mcrkin."
--- Tom Patton P0110
The color of his girlfriends' snatches!
Because if on his bone
Wife finds hair not his own,
He's now got a horse that it matches!
--- David Miller
Just like all of us way out in Reno,
Of a horse that is blonde
You can get pretty fond --
We're talking, of course, palomino.
--- HMMWV
There's only one horse that I've had;
A spunky young filly.
A blonde would be silly;
Who needs one when one has a plaid.
--- John Miller
Who as your equestrian whore'll
So humor your carrot.
Her humming will merit
Renown amonst mares that do oral.
--- Randog
So guess what I spotted today?
A glossy black hair
In her used underwear.
Some thoughts, please, how it got that way?
--- Anon
Please forget all those doubts you have voiced.
It's a cinch to explain,
And will not the truth strain,
And I won't a big lie on you foist.
--- Anon
I'll prove "innocent" well beyond doubt:
After sipping some scotch,
She just sneezed in the crotch,
And some snot and a nose hair came out.
--- Anon
A motion her bottom found gainful.
The swiveling chair
Caught a fistful of hair;
Ripped the roots out and left her quite painful!
--- Uncensored Lims P0609
Your clitty I'd just love to eat.
So what are you doing?
Want to get down to screwing?
Phone me back and we'll arrange to meet.
--- Anon
But other place would be unjust.
I need it to grow
To cushion the blow,
And parry when I make my thrust.
--- Anon
I told her the beaver was cute.
Then she said: "Why, you Ram!"
"You're just after my dam!"
'Twas a statement I couldn't refute.
--- Anon
Her husband was heard to remark, "A
Fine head of hair!
But I much prefer
The curls that are denser and darker."
--- Harold C Bibby P9708
Is the longest that's known on a man.
It makes a dense tangle
Restraining the angle
That Dan's erect pecker can stand.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Begat a very fine daughter.
The hair where she pees
Comes down to her knees.
Now townsfolk will all try to court her.
--- Donald McGill
This is file llm
"It's 'cause she grew long pubic hair!
I've tried years to catch
A match for her snatch,
It's save me much loot on child care."
--- David Miller
Decided one morning that maybe a
Gas powered mower,
Or perhaps a flame thrower,
Could clear path through the hair 'round her labia.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0506
Must always make love in a hurry;
"Well, I has to," he said,
"They near shoots through the bed,
'Cause the end of me dingle is furry."
--- Keith MacMillan 95b
Whose creations incite him to stir below;
He is likely to thrill
To a flounce or a frill,
But what really excites is the fur below.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8601
Is certainly worth a hug.
But you need something more
To get into my drawers,
And lick at my little rug.
--- Anna Gates
Had tresses all frizzy like Brillo.
But to my surprise
The down 'tween her thighs,
Was just right for stuffing my pillow.
--- Anon
THIS LADY HAS FALSE PUBIC HAIR!
But she said with a shrug
"Yes, I'm wearing a rug...
'Cause my shag-pile was shagged-out last year!"
--- Anon
Who wasn't so very contrary.
Her legs she would spread
When prone on the bed.
Good heavens! That woman was hairy!
--- Squat
A new bush of sweet curls down below?
Does it need to be tended
With care or upended
And given a jolly good hoe?
--- Anon
He's fallen in love with his nanny,
And keeps in his pocket
A little gold locket,
Containing some hairs from her fanny.
--- Michael Horgan
By seven I'd caught my first crab;
And at eight felt despair
To find first pubic hair,
Inside my first diner kebab.
--- David Miller Q
There is always that single hair follicle
That gets lodged in her teeth,
Coming up from beneath...
Left'll have more heft than your right ballock'll.
--- Anon
Who shaved her legs well with a razor.
One day she went high,
Right up past her thigh,
And the gash she left sure did amaze her.
--- Peter Aussie
You will find ('cause the pain's diabolical)
When you're done with one side,
No more can you abide,
And the left'll have more than right ballock'll.
--- Anon
Her pudendum could not be much hairier.
Said discerning Peeping Tom,
"Her pubis has charm;
It looks like a long haired Fox Terrier!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505
Whose pubics were long and quite frizzy.
When going down there,
Men better beware,
Because contact can make you quite dizzy.
--- Wobbly
If Liz is a gal with "black moss".
I know she looks weird
But that "old man's beard"
Is handy for fellows who floss.
--- SFA
Get lost in that thick matted jungle.
And when you escape,
'Twill be out of shape
And covered with infections fungal.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Are spread by prepubescent males,
'Cause nothing can match
A good hairy snatch,
For putting the wind in my sails.
--- SFA
The gal with the hairiest thatch.
I'm lying in wait
With plenty of bait,
And dreaming of making the snatch.
--- Frank
You're bound to do well with your trap;
That hairiest thatch
Has bonus to match:
You'll catch snatch...and free dose of clap.
--- Anon
Is decked out in genital fur,
Which serves both as a cloak
And a method for loc-
ating what makes its opposite stir.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8601
Whoever would want one, I pray?
Bikini-wax excess
Might leave a gal tress-less,
And then she would need one? Okay.
--- Elois
Like a Briton that's driving his dirk in
A wench and gets careless,
And dirks her 'til hairless,
And then needs to be helped by a merkin!
--- Anon
But my etymological ear is a-jerkin'
A merkin, it's said,
(In days long since dead)
Was a wig by the pubis a-lurkin'!
--- Anon
Trichologists, coifed all the merkins
Of the ladies in waiting.
Then, extrapolating,
They pickled them all with their gherkins.
--- Laurence U
Was something that filled him with fear.
That having been said,
There was less on his head,
Than what she was packing down there.
--- Anon
I've a girlfriend who tried it down there,
Which resulted in scabbing,
And bitching and crabbing;
And the end of a torrid affair.
--- John Miller
And the doctor's not easily conned.
He could ascertain
Without undue strain,
If a patient's a natural blonde.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0506
With a Smartie stuck right up my quim. (??)
A couple of tubes
Got stuck in my pubes.
I really must go for a trim.
--- Wally Kid
Who never clipped his pubic hair.
He was heard to say,
I hope she's okay,
And doesn't get too lost in there.
--- Phil T
Trimmed her fur at times, there below her.
For she arose late
And it was so straight,
And keeping it curled was a chore.
--- Grand Prix Lim 595
On the basis of one pubic hair,
That isn't a match
For her reddish snatch,
That she found on the arm of my chair.
--- John Miller Q
They cause me to act with great care,
The thorns, they just prick
My poor tender dick;
Put them on your head, dear; not there.
--- Anon
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