'Tis rumored that chic Bonnie Hampton A barmaid one evening while working, They say that my armpits do stink. The hands, they were made to assist There was once a fellow from Kent Clem's fingers got ate by his pup; The elbow's that bend in the arm There once was a man with six toes, A silly young man from Hong Kong, My hands go to sleep in the night; My hands go to sleep in the night; I'll hold your hands while you sleep; My hands have been busy all night, The best part was all that warm lotion! One of my factual loves, Babs told how her boyfriend, Bob Pruitt, For those who don't think this verse "cricket", There once was a girl from Japan The girl that I find the best lay A thalidomide baby was Pete; Her smashed thumb spoke to Mrs McGee, (thumb is normally opposed - McW)
"With the pages beside him held tactilely, (Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) had extra finger)
A lover of old in fair Gort, I am glad that my fingers aren't toes; Joe's lovefinger, agile and nimble A handicapped girl named Denices, There once was a hermaphrodite, A hermaphrodite once, in a fever, Once lived the young Aphrodite, There was a hermaphrodite kid, A hermaphrodite fairy of Kew, A hermaphrodite named Ben-Jill A hermaphrodite named Joe-Sue
This is file ljm
According to experts, the oyster A lady they called her in Trim, There once was this girl from Venus, A mixed up young fellow named Genghis, Hermaphrodite Billy cavorted This creature I think came from Delft, He was the biggest dope ever born; Hermaphrodite's his name; There was a young person of Leigh, There was a young woman named Lily, For admittance to Harvard just cite Hermaphrodite Johnathan-Sue I once knew a person named Burl A half/man half/woman admitted I am sure that you will decree, There was a young person named Herman, A prominent person in X, There once was a circus freak, Jim, A fellow whose surname was Hunt, So what's wrong with hermaphroditism? Then Ben-Jill met gorgeous Jill-Ben, Though you may not particularly care, There once was a girl from Wake Forest, There's a rather odd couple in Herts A certain young person of Ghent, Next door lives hermaphrodite Fritz, There once was a girl from Venus A young thing with habits ambivalent, There once was a newspaper vendor, There was a Greek sailor from Thalia, An hermaphrodite hooker from Tx. Every year in the month of Sept., A hermaphrodite has all the fun! There once was a man from Texas
Wears a wig which she keeps tightly clamped on,
For after Rameau, (French composer)
She was bowing too low
And it fell to the floor and was tramped on.
--- Kilburn K Holt P8806
Drank thirty-eight pints from a firkin.
She took off her dress
With style and finesse,
And revealed she was wearing a merkin.
--- Donald McGill
And it's due to no bathing, I think.
My wife has said "Why's it
You try to disguise it?"
My armour does have small chink.
--- Al Willis
In supplying the features with grist.
There are only a few--
As a rule about two--
And are hitched to the end of the wrist.
--- Anthony Euwer
Whose finger was awkwardly bent.
His disfigured joint
Would alter his point
And not in the direction he meant.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
With two thumbs left, he'd hold his cup;
With foreplay unruly,
He'd turn on wife Looley,
By givin' that girl two thumbs up!
--- Anon
Which lacks anatomical charm;
With jabs from this bony
Protuberance, Joanie
Once caused me considerable harm.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who lost a thumb when he froze.
Said he to himself,
"With this God-given wealth,
From my foot to my hand, I'll transpose."
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Had hands that were skinny and long.
He ate rice with his fingers,
The taste of it lingers,
But now all his fingers are gone.
--- Anon
I can't make a fist or hold tight.
I wake and I fear
There's someone else near!
That feeling gives me such a fright.
--- Marty
I worry that sometime they might
Just simply fall off,
If I chance to cough.
Please pity me because of this plight.
--- Marty
Give them something to play with and keep
Them awake in the night;
If would give me delight.
Shut your eyes now and promise, don't peep.
--- Peter Wilkins
Just cuddling with all of my might.
The thing that he gave
Me that was to save
My hands from their miserable plight.
--- Marty
It must be a magical potion.
My hands are awake!
But for Peter's sake,
What was all that noisy commotion?
--- Marty
Is the fact that the fingers on gloves,
When counted yield ten,
So that fingers fit in
Without amputations -- just shoves.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Lost part of his finger; lived through it.
Her girlfriend, Sue Singer,
Asked "you mean his whole finger?"
"No," Babs answered "the one next to it."
--- Res Ipsa A
I've conceived a thought very wicked.
They've no need to linger
On raised middle finger,
Which signifies that they should "stick it!"
--- Chris Papa
Who was born with only one hand.
When she tried to clap,
She usually slapped
Whoever she felt to be damned.
--- Anon
Is the one without arms name of Fay.
It is true she can't hug me,
But I find they don't bug me,
For she never has pushed me away.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2894
He was born with no hands, lots of meat.
He cried with dispair
That no one seemed to care.
(Though the village cows found him a treat.)
--- Al Chaplin P8604
"Since you've bruised me severely, you see,
With that hard hammer blow,
I just want you to know
You'll get no opposition from me."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
I wasn't quite sure of the fact, till he
Left his hand within range
And I noticed the strange
Digit more," said Clarice, polydactyly.
--- Hugh Clary
Had two arms that were powerful but short.
When for girls he would reach,
He was forced to choose each,
From the narrow and spanable sort.
--- Anon
On the latter I have to wear clothes.
But with fingers I scratch
And can light up a match,
And thumb my irascible nose.
--- Limber Limericks
Excited the naive Miss Kimble.
He purred, "Suzie my dear,
You have nothing to fear...
For you well know I'm wearing a thimble!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 432 A
Left arm came apart in two pieces.
To give sex a twist,
She'd snap at the wrist,
And masturbate with her prosthesis.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who said, "Please don't pity my plight.
For when I'm told to do
What's not easy for you,
I can do it! And do it all night!"
--- Barrie Collins
Amputated his cock with a cleaver.
Now all she has left
Is a hot humid cleft,
Concealed in the bush of his beaver.
--- G2010
Who ran around in a nighty.
She had all the specs
For both ends of sex.
She was both a man and a tighty!
--- Anon
Made a pass at a man from Madrid.
"Why, you son of a maggot,
Do you think I'm a faggot?
Just go fuck yourself!"--So he did.
--- L0490
Offered boys something new in a screw.
They both looked so sweet,
In the front and back seat,
Of a bisexual built just for two.
--- G0991
Had an envy-worth odd-even skill.
And this talent of his
He described it like this:
I can fuck myself, always, at will.
--- Anon
Could confirm what Ben-Jill said was true;
Life is good to us hermies
We don't waste our spermies
And at times we have comings for two.
--- Anon
In its shell (or crustacean cloister)
May at anytime be
Either he or a she,
Or both, if it should be its choice ter.
--- Berton Brayley
Though her right to the title was slim.
And doubts started to mount
With her chromosome count,
Was she 'it' or a 'her' or a 'him'?
--- Anon
With a body shaped like a genius
Had sculpted it
With all of his wit,
'Cause she had both a clit and a penis.
--- Anon
Was born with vagina and dingus.
Although he's a boy,
He gets to enjoy
Both fellatio and cunnilingus!
--- Tim Thompson
Around by himself and contorted
His masculine bit,
To achieve a good fit,
But it ended up bent and distorted.
--- Peter Wilkins
And someone said "Go fuck yourself!"
So that's what he tried,
Couldn't quite get inside,
And found it injurious to health.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His end was so sad and forlorn --
Somehow, by heck,
He broke his dumb neck,
While trying to blow his own horn!
--- Kaylin
Having both is its claim to fame.
It mates whoever;
Takes on the endeavor;
Itself or yourself, the same.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was either a he or a she.
I think it's terrific
To be non-specific
Gender-wise, don't you agree?
--- Basil Ransome-Davies
Who chanced to be born with a willy.
Since she had a cunt too,
When she felt like a screw,
She could lie back and fuck herself silly!
--- Lims For Year - 01
Ethnic background they hold to be right.
And it sure wouldn't hurt
If you were to assert
That you're also an hermaphrodite.
--- John Sandler P9110
Kept real cool through the worst you could do.
When told, "Go fuck yourself!"
He/She'd grin like an elf,
And say "Thanks, I don't mind if I do!"
--- John Miller
Whose looks would make you hurl
Why do I say it?
I'm not full of shit
This thing was half boy and half girl
--- Anon
That incest he/she had committed.
When he/she undressed,
She/he got obsessed
With his/hers and that's when they did it.
--- Irving Superior P8711a
This lass was not a "HE" or a "SHE"
"IT" was in fact 'Dual'
With a hole and a tool
To fuck itself, it did with glee!
--- Anon
Who spoke both falsetto and German.
Behind the blond hair,
There was somebody there,
But its sex one could never determine.
--- Anon
Was of quite indeterminate sex.
And had great renown
As queen of that town:
But was it regina or rex?
--- Harold C Bibby
Whose crotch was a dangling cock/quim.
Though it couldn't erect,
It was fun to inspect;
A nice income, at least, for her/him.
--- Ward Hardman
Trained his prick to perform a slick stunt.
This versatile spout
Could be turned inside out,
Like a glove and be used as a cunt.
--- L0175
It beats a one-celled organism,
Or a dog or a horse
And the best thing of course,
You can squirt your own tits with your jizm.
--- Anon
They knew they would mate there and then.
Since they were both "Its",
Their parts perfectly fits,
Like an orgy with two girls and two men!
--- Anon
Androgynous people are rare...
Concave or convex,
They are partly each sex,
And must look rather odd when they're bare.
--- Grand Prix Lim 808
Who had a gigantic clitoris.
Most people, you see,
Thought her name was Marie,
But her intimates knew her as Horace.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Who are cousins (or so each asserts).
Their sex is in doubt
For they're never without
Their moustaches and long, trailing skirts.
--- Edward Gorey
Uncertain if lady or gent,
Shows it's organs at large,
For a small handling charge
To assist it in paying the rent.
--- L0164
And he's thrilled with his genital bits;
Tucks his pecker away
In his pussy all day,
And orgasms whenever he sits.
--- Anon
Who had both a clit and a penis.
We tried to have sex
But I'm sure you have guessed
That her penis kept coming between us.
--- Gearhart
Who treated the sexes equivalent,
Said, "It's not that I mix
Cunts up with pricks,
It's just that my psyche's resilient.
--- Glen F Baker
A person of dubious gender.
He would charge one-and-two
For permission to view
His remarkable double pudenda.
--- L0256
Who had several ways to regale ya.
The best thing about him,
Was a dainty small quim,
Just above his huge male genitalia.
--- Anon
Born with parts that could service both sx,
Having made piles of money
With pecker and cunny,
Paid cash for a shiny new Lx.
--- Scott
For as far back as she could rem.,
She would take two weeks off
When she wanted a boff,
She would screw herself with her own m.
--- Hugh Clary
He really is two -- though she's one!
Discontent on the shelf,
He need just fuck himself,
And, if pregnant, she knows who's the one!
--- Anon
Who had organs of both sexes.
No need for a mate;
He never did date.
Each night he'd just self inject his.
--- Anon