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That Hester of Leicester's young sister Flat old Norfolk I left because he I admit Sir, that I've never been Their price, though's a certain attraction, 'Cause as I get on now, in years, The ancient Brits had their abode On cliffs down at Lepe one such strode, They builded those roads long and straight, Later, the Romans went home; The site of the next land-grab scramble, Cedric, he may be a Jute; They landed; their boats they had moored, (rolling English drunks made rolling English roads)
And so, on to 1066, He thought the new forest was grand, So manys the time he was cursed, Bill 2, known as Rufus the Red, The Rufus Stone marks this palaver; Just east of Ascot is Staines, Dick Turpin, a highwayman bold, I stayed in a guest house in Staines Except for weekends, very soon, But this year they've promised revenge, The Welsh girl that I like to kiss Have you heard of Emrhys, my boy? In America, "Welch's" is grape; The Welsh flower's the daffodil; The Irish flower's the Shamrock; The English flower's the rose; A spinster from Medicine hat In response to your recent request: Canada (I wonder which county) I come from a place that ya heard'a Hip hooray for the ladies of Sicamous, Though they say Baffin Land is quite pretty, James has sampled Canadian beaver; As he strolled on the water, our mod In la plus belle province de Quebec The passing of Bill 22 Canucks are all horrified too, I really have been in the County. The client brought Simba to meet us, I petted the lion -- it's true! The pilot was wiggling the wing! The wings have been fixed with a patch; I can't stick around here and chat; Suggested her lover, Bill Bundy, Come to Canada! Fuck and enjoy! Prince Albert is surely God's Acre; Said the Archer with due modesty, You'd be wise not to look with disdain I don't drink beer. Don't vote. Baseball sucks. When Ericka adds her two cent's I've heard that Canadian brood mares It's true, we may switch for a lark... Most likely it's dark when I dare It is peaceful up north -- that is true, Old Dief's oratorical pride When questioned concerning her view, Most Canadians happen to dwell Jean Drapeau, though a dreamer perchance, Although he will do you no harm, "O Canada" let us all sing Limerick is south of Regina, A lecher from old Saskatoon We started with colonization Canadian girls have tenacity,
(I goosed her in Worcester and Bicester)
Was beautiful Julie;
I wooed her in Breulieu
But mostly in Towcester I kissed her.
--- Peter Wilkins
Didn't let me woo him in Costessey.
Though I'd gladly sinned 'em
In pretty li'l Wyndham,
They weren't bright; were they or was he.
--- Kitten
To Essex, and thus I've not seen
These girls that they dub,
In the jargon, old scrub-
Bers, because of course they're so clean.
--- Anon
I'll get on that old railway traction,
I'll come up to Ipswich,
And find me a hip bitch,
To see if she gives satisfaction.
--- Anon
I can't catch the New Forest deer.
They run too damn fast,
When I catch them at last,
I'm too tired to shag them I fear.
--- Anon
In Oggland, as eveyone knowed,
When history was taught
The way that it ought,
And painted their faces in woad.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Saw ships, and he knew that it bode
Sore ill for his folks,
'Cause those strange foreign blokes
Soon put them to work building roads.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But why? Listen and I'll relate
'Twas so as to stop
Fellows opening a shop
On each corner, and profits create.
--- Tiddy Ogg
They sailed their ships over the foam.
The empire was crumbling,
And some folks were mumbling
The mantra: There's no place like Rome.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was Calshot, or Totton, or Hamble.
'Twas Cedric the Saxon
Whom I'll give you the facts on,
If ever I end this preamble.
--- Tiddy Ogg
My old brain is not so acute.
'Round four eighty three,
Crossed over the sea,
Found cider, got pissed as a newt.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And inland the ravening horde,
Then weaved their drunk way,
With many a fray,
As Chesterton once did record.*
--- Tiddy Ogg
The one date that all Brit kids fix
In mind; Yes that stonker,
Old Willy the Conker,
Arrived for to ravage our chicks.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So from it all peasants were banned.
There deer he would hunt.
But he was such a skunk,
To chuck all those folk from their land.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And often in grief was immersed.
Most kin met their fate,
Ere their natural date,
As payment from those treated worst.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was one such, got shot in the head,
By one Tyrrell, Sir Walt,
Who'd been at the malt
And hops and the pub, so 'tis said.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To view if you wish, but on farther,
The Sir Walter Tyrrel
A pub, run by Cyril,
Stands waiting, go there if you'd rather.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Which has no taxis or trains;
But the worst of them all?
Yes it's Bagshot, Appall-
Ing a place, Full of Turpin's remains.
--- Peter Wilkins
Would by now, be quite rigid with cold.
He was hanged for a crime
A considerable time
Ago; robbing rich of their gold.
--- Peter Wilkins
And at night heard the clanking of chains.
Saw a guy with his head
In his hands by my bed;
And I'm sure it has scrambbled my brains.
--- Peter Wilkins
I'll be working away much of June;
'Til the solstice, perhaps,
When those Druid-like chaps
Wait for dawn at stone henges and moon.
--- Peter Wilkins
Have those lunatic chaps at Stonehenge,
For they all caught the pox
There last June from the box
Of young Dawn from the village of Penge.
--- Peter Wilkins
I do, oh so sorely, miss.
She loves lager and lime;
Drinking it all the time,
And not ever taking a piss.
--- Tony Burrell
A Welshman who's really not coy.
He'll sort out your lass,
Who'll have terrible gas;
One good squeeze and she'll be full of joy.
--- Tony Burrell
Which may be an insidious jape.
But fermented, it passes,
And girls wearing glasses,
Are unnecessary to rape.
--- Dennis Hammes
If anyone likes it, a Taff will.
Comes up in the spring
And they start to sing;
Makes everyone else want to kill!
--- Tony Burrell
Criticise and they'll knock off your block.
So long's they can fight,
They'll be quite alright,
Then drink 'til it fills up their socks.
--- Tony Burrell
It is mighty flashy and shows
It's not a misnomer,
With its sweet aroma
'Cause they get up everyone's nose.
--- Tony Burrell
On guard just "for thee" duly sat;
And the Yanks were afraid
To encroach or invade --
She was 54-40' and fat.
--- J P Slugworthy 89b
I'm a woman in Canada (west).
My age? That's debatable;
To reveal it's X-ratable,
Is what I've decided is best.
--- Edward Leer
I have there a friend who's a Mountie.
He's honest and decent.
To my knowledge (recent)
And fights off the crime for a bounty.
--- Lightbulb
in the news recently... Alberta.
The place with mad cow
I'm not quite sure how
We got it, but that is the word, uh.
--- Anon
Be they russet, brunette or auricomous,
And whose ripe womanhood
With its attributes, would
Be enough to make Calvin polygamous!
--- Keith MacMillan 100c
This is file kgm
Its location's a bit of a pity.
'Twould be nice to up anchor
And tow it by tanker
And moor it outside Quebec city.
--- Hugh Oliver 113a
He admits he can take her or leave her.
She is sometimes quite nice
But can come at a price.
Her teeth are as large as a cleaver!
--- James
Prime Minister mumbled, "How odd!
My two sons were born
On Christmas day morn,
Which makes me one better than God."
--- Hugh Oliver 120d
Live beaucoup belles femmes it beaux mecs.
But they bundled up tight
In the darkness of night.
When Quebec the ice storm did wreck.
--- Sumaq TP9802
Has split our two cultures, it's true.
So now when we meet
In silence complete,
We just eat and we drink and we screw.
--- Hugh Oliver 120b
'Cause 'Hell' is a word they eschew;
No need to besmirch
Their faith in the Church,
"So where the fuckin' Christ are you?"
--- Anon
I have worked at catching a Mountie.
They're no Mounties here,
Just cowboys and beer.
I'll tape one down if there's a bounty.
--- Marlene
And although we made a discrete fuss,
Someone called the police,
"Come quick, keep the peace!"
They just thought the lion might eat us.
--- Marlene
But really, between me and you,
I could pet a man
With much more elan.
Just touching a cat's a breakthrough.
--- Marlene
I don't want to ride that damn thing.
It might fall apart
Right after we start.
I think it is made from old string.
--- Marlene
The cabin has many a loose hatch.
They do not serve booze!
My lunch I will lose,
As soon as this plane they dispatch
--- Marlene
I'm flitting off like a dingbat.
I'm leaving again
Just for the weeken';
Be back before you can say SCAT!
--- Marlene
"I know just the place: Bay of Fundy";
His girlfriend agreed,
"I'm tempted indeed,
But never, not ever, on Sunday."
--- Armand E Singer 835
Girls are ample and willing -- Ahoy!
Come have sex every day,
Copulate, screw and play!
(Girls: Our rods are as hard as alloy).
--- Nik Synytskyy
For here, hewn on stone from his Maker,
Was our great Bill of Rights
Carried down from the heights
By His prophet, John G. Diefenbaker.
--- F P Hughes, Ontario 84b
"If Toronto you're coming to see,
And you have time to spare,
Take a stroll through the square --
Watch the people watch people watch me."
--- Alan McLachlin 59b
Through the windows of Chateau Champlain.
Though they offer, 'tis true,
A half-circular view,
Better half of a glass than no pain.
--- Hugh Oliver 48b
Don't care about your Prez, we Canucks.
I'd rather read raves
'Bout whores in Dave's caves,
Or the hens and the mice Archie fucks.
--- Ericka
Worth, it's fun and it makes lots of sense.
(Canucks, say my sources,
Have peckers like horses...
That true or just bragging pretense?)
--- SFA
Embark on illicit affairs;
The old and the young
Ride horses well-hung,
But sometimes the horse isn't theirs.
--- SFA
And find, with some studs, a high mark
For their jump and ride,
But all kidding aside,
They all look the same in the dark.
--- Ericka
To break in a fussy young mare;
I go by the feel
And the wriggle and squeal.
Amd I don't have to see what is there.
--- John Miller
But the folk have their privations too,
'Cause at sixty below
The bananas don't grow
And even the movies are blue.
--- Hugh Oliver 115a
Flows on like a torrent's high tide.
A great river bed
One foot deep at the head;
At the mouth almost half a mile wide.
--- Hugh Oliver 122a
A tourist replied that she knew
The meaning quite well
Of the letters FL
And would relish a stab at the Q.
--- Hugh Oliver 50b
Near the forty-ninth north parallel
And observing the states,
Offer thanks to the fates
That old Brock and his boys fought so well.
--- Hugh Oliver 117a
Can envision his city's advanace
Till it spreads all the way
Up to far Hudson Bay
And the Metro's connected to France.
--- Keith MacMillan 50a
The spectre of General Montcalm
On long summer nights
Wanders Abraham's Heights
Bidding someone to sound the alarm.
--- Hugh Oliver 122c
Till the birds in the forest take wing.
I know that the words
Were meant for the birds;
But it's better than "God Save The King."
--- Hugh Oliver 123a
Where I dallied with dear Angelina,
But the chick was so hairy,
I didn't long tarry,
When I couldn't untwine her vagina.
--- Hugh Clary
Did all his best leching at noon,
Till he made rather free
With the Rose of Tralee,
By the Light of the Silvery Moon.
--- Keith MacMillan 83a
Proceeding to Confederation.
We've fought a few wars
And now take a pause
For nation identification.
--- F P Hughes, Ontario 120a
(Their rectums have ample capacity),
Skilled at fellation
And cock titillation,
They ravish their men with voracity.
--- Ward Hardman
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