How can you have the audacity
To publish this blatant mendacity.
Them gals of Canuck
Would not give a fuck
Despite my pugnacious predacity.
--- SFA

The girls of Canada are tenacious,
With their butts that are so spacious.
They do like to eat
And sometimes to beat
The cocks that make their ass gracious.
--- Red1

The worst part of Canada's sex
Is one that one never expects.
When finding a nun
Who seems to want one,
Her teeth can cause some bad effects!
--- Archie

During Winter, up north in The Pas,
An acquaintance one told me, in awe,
"They go naked," he said,
"Up to ten to a bed!"
An example of life in the raw.
--- Keith MacMillan 82a

Macdonald won great reputation
Giving birth to our glorious nation;
But there's rumors that say
In his cups Sir John A.
Fathered more than Confederation.
--- Hugh Oliver 122d

Miss Canada, if you believe her,
Makes national symbols her fever.
That maple leaf swatch
She displays at her crotch?
She claims that it covers a beaver!
--- Jemstone P0504

A seven-foot Newfie named Leather
Searched long for a wife of like feather.
He failed in his quest
Then chose second best,
Took two short ones and screwed them together
--- Hamish Bawdy Blows P0204

Said the Sieur de la Salle, "Let us pray
That we make it to China today.
It's a good sign we've been
Several leagues past Lachine
And have met not one maudit Anglais!"
--- Keith MacMillan 52c

Mr Stanfield's conservative stance
Comes across unappealing perchance;
But lose, draw, or win,
He sticks close to the skin
And many have Stan's on their pants.
--- Hugh Oliver 122b

Canadian Tom said: "I'll catch you, an'
If I could but spell, then I'd match you an'
I'd write me a poem
About my old home;
That beautiful place called Saskatchewan."
--- Tiddy Ogg

I remember a lad from Saskatchewan
Who kept looking for places to pat you on;
Down there and up here,
And by proxy, the queer,
With a hand-shaped settee which he sat you on!
--- Keith MacMillan 82b

My sex life ain't all pears and cream.
I'm not the sex goddess I seem.
I'm just a Canuck
Who needs a good fuck
From a man with huge...self-esteem.
--- Anon

The seamen who sail the St. Lawrence
View the river in utter abhorrence,
'Cause it isn't too nice
To be battered by ice,
Or to drown in the vicious cross-currents.
--- Hugh Oliver 44d

My little Canuck, you're elation
Is understood there in your nation;
So don't try to muffle
Your joy when I stuffle
My bona fide 'ten' with inflation.
--- Anon

There once was a Winnipeg maid
Who, the very first time she was laid,
Became frigid, I'm told,
'Cause it's too bloody cold
At the corner of Portage and Baid.
--- Keith MacMillan 80a

There's no colder spot than White River
In the season Quebecois call hiver. [?]
As the weather gets horrider
Some move off to Florida,
Some screw and some drink and some shi-shiver.
--- Hugh Oliver 76d

As Toronto's inredible spire
Stands up to the clouds and much higher,
The men feel dejection
Before this erection
While women go wild with desire.
--- Hugh Oliver 58a

An Eskimo in Athabaska
Let his igloo to friends from Alaska.
When they said, "Does your spouse
Go along with the house?"
He replied, "I don't know, but I'll aska."
--- Mavor Moore, Toronto 93a

Vancouver is growing, they say,
So fast that there'll soon come a day
It'll annex Toronto,
Then, turning 'round pronto,
Obliginly take in L.A.
--- Joyce Hibbert, Quebec107b

Ericka's the one who should know
About frolics up there in the snow;
She gets central heating
From fellas who're beating
Their way there, with dicks all aglow.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Young Ericka made a big blunder
While lost in the cold Bay of Thunder.
She froze where she sits
And now warms her bits,
But only while coming Down Under.
--- Archie

That gal is no stranger to strife;
One winter she near lost her life.
When sighting a glow
She sat in the snow,
But found that it was...Yellowknife
--- SFA

A silly old man, Arthur Rosen,
Knew power had failed, but kept dozin',
Then checking his freezers
Cried "Holiest Jesus,
Many are thawed, few are frozen."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Those remarks, you'll kindly withdraw!
I loosened my butt up last thaw.
I'm still on the melt
So don't touch my pelt!
(Us beavers are protected by law.)
--- Ericka

That glow in the snow was a dupe!
I learned, right there, never to stoop
While sighting a glow;
Nor eat yellow snow;
Nor to play with the boys in this group!
--- Ericka

Those glowing dicks, each year, are swarming
And causing a vast global warming.
Right now, as we speak,
My knees have gone weak.
I feel a new ozone hole forming...
--- Ericka

While outside, the Woods are a-freezing,
The Mounties don't waste time with sneezing.
To cure boredom and cold,
A tradition of old
Is a contest in Mountieball-squeezing.
--- Anon

Explorer of caves, a spelunker,
Was sent to find Adolf in bunker.
But soon could be shown
That Fuehrer had flown
In a dilapidated Junker.
--- Daniel Ford

There once was a young girl named Bunker,
Loved rocks, so became a spelunker.
When sex she did crave,
She'd enter a cave,
And on a stalagmite would hunker.
--- Ed Potts P8412

When young and at love just a rookie,
I went with Edwina to Wookey.
And in the cave there,
I had her all bare,
And got me a session of nookie.
--- Tiddy Ogg

SPELUNKERS may dark caves explore,
Attempting to reach our Earth's core.
But places like that
Have guano of bat
And many a dread disease spore.
--- Chris Papa

I wouldn't go there, were I asked,
Even with respirator safe masked.
Mid ceiling life hung,
Knee deep in their dung,
I'll wait for you outside, sun basked.
--- Chris Papa

In the cavern I saw how small flaws
In conjunction with natural laws
Makes for droplets, great towers.
(A flawed condom has powers;
See the touble that one drop can cause!)
--- John Miller

This is file kfm

Up here, we have permafrost cave!
Should any one act up, misbehave;
It might be a good place
The consequences to face,
And make them cool off and behave.
--- Barb

The permafrost cave's not for me,
Because I might polar bears see.
In there to warm up,
The mom and cub pup
Might think that I'm a meal free.
--- Chris Papa

A flatulent fellow named Broy
Fell into a cave as a boy.
On a warm limestone shelf,
He played with himself
With speleological joy.
--- G2091

The stalagmite stood up like my peter;
Even bigger and stiffer and neater,
But lifeless and cold;
Not for bushels of gold
Could you show a girl, mine isn't sweeter.
--- John Miller

When visiting underground sites,
Remember which are stalagmites.
Just picture the chance
Of ants in the pants:
When mites go up, down come the tights.
--- Jim Tennant

The dashing Absorba the Greek
In mid-age became rather meek;
His rep on the skids,
He married, had kids,
Including Absorbine the Geek.
--- Armand Singer

I thought that I looked rather brainy in
The quiz, when defining Albanian:
The language and race
Of a fairly small place,
That you'll find on the Mediterranean.
--- Rory Ewins Q

"Sex is the same everywhere,"
Said a round-the-world tart from Montclair.
"The prick and vagina
In South Carolina,
Is the same as in Spain or Mayfair."
--- G0672

In Belgium the Eurocrats play
In a palace of chocolate all day.
Then swim around Brussels
To gobble the mussels,
And waffle the evening away.
--- Anon

Belgium's a place I don't know,
Although it is not far to go.
I know they speak French,
Sweet chocolate to drench,
And they say Bonjour meaning hello.
--- Cerberus

The Belgians, there I'm at a loss,
They're as interesting as most moss.
I truly can't bother
To travel by hover,
Merely to soak up their dross.
--- Anon

In Belgium I'm nursing a bone
For you, sweet Miss Molly Malone.
If it's cockles and mussels
You're after in Brussels,
I've ... bugger; I'll have to postpone.
--- Anon

A daddy from Prague here announces:
"My newlyborn weighs twenty ounces;
It's healthy, it's strong,
It's twelve inches long --
Just look at my Czech, how it bounces.
--- Armand E Singer 659

Leaving communist Prague for the trek,
The midget was risking his neck.
But he made it to Enns
And his Austrian friends,
Whom he asked, "Can you cache a small Czech?"
--- A N Wilkins P9206

The Hammer and the Sickle are
Brutality that goes too far.
And even farther still--
The inconceivable --
The horror of the Swastika.
--- Irving Superior P9406

He thought long and hard how he'd greet
The new foreign friends that he'd meet:
"I'm German." "I'm Syrian."
"I'm Cuban." "I'm Algerian."
Should he sigh, "I'm a... No! I'm from Crete."
--- Laurence Perrine P9407

A woman from the Isle of Crete
By chance I happened to meet.
A perfect ten
From her toes to her chin,
But her face wasn't nearly as sweet.
--- Anon

The Danes must think they've won Bingo;
A new Prince for Mary, by Jingo!
Thank God it's a boy
And to show them our joy,
We'll send them a nice Aussie dingo.

(Denmark's Princess Mary birthed a boy, 2nd in line)
--- David Miller

As his cradle was rocked in the dark,
His mum Mary was heard to remark:
"I'm happy to relate
As Princess of this state,
That something is 'rocking' in Denmark."
--- David Miller

On the mountain, I thought 'twould be nice
To have me some young Eidelweisse;
But the pretty Swiss miss
Only gave me a kiss,
And herpes and cold sores and lice.
--- Anon

On the glacier I thought 'twould be nice
To have me some young Eidelweisse;
But the Austrian miss
Only gave me a kiss,
Then haughtily put me on ice.

(And herpes, and cold sores, and lice.)
--- John Miller

Such typical losers, those Finns;
They suffer from outs more than ins;
All effort, no fun;
As humans they run
The race that not one of us wins.
--- Armand Singer

In Flanders, a porn queen of note,
Announced in the press, (and we quote):
"Going down is my bag,
So excuse me if I gag,
I'll soon have some Flems in my throat.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

"I've spent two weeks in Athens with you,"
His wife said, "and haven't been to
The Acropolis yet."
"Me neither, my pet,
So I think it's the water," said Drew.
--- A N Wilkins P0211

Possessing the suck of a clam,
This orally gifted Madam
Had many men tamed
And so she was named
As two-lips of old Amsterdam.
--- Anon

It is sad that most people ignore
Hungarian deeds by the score.
As quick as a blink,
The majority think
Of goulash, and the sisters Gabor.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

"Why it is," said the girl from Capri,
"That the Mediterranean Sea,
Should turn men to swim in it
To swine in a minute,
Remains a dark mystery to me."
--- Dogbard

Moldavia! Home of the free!
I pledge my allegiance to thee,
With obedience blind;
It's a shame I can't find
Where the fuck in this atlas you be.
--- Peter Wilkins

In the portion of Europe called Mittle,
The natives must learn how to Hittle;
And if they do not,
They're immediately shot;
Even strangers must Hittle a little.
--- Victory Joke Book

A quondam nomadic Turanian,
Exploring the Mediterranean,
Went seaward past Greece
But not on to Nice.
He stopped and became an Albanian.
--- R J Winkler P8407

I asked a man down by the altar,
"I say, are you a pole vaulter?"
"Ja, that's me, from Cracow,
But I'm vondering just how
Did you know that my name vas Valter.
--- Spru

The leaders in Poland proclaim,
"Since Shakespeare wrote, 'What's in a name?'
We Poles took a poll.
A Pole is a Pole.
The North and the South Pole we claim.
--- Irving Superior P8909

"And little the U.S. suspects,
As soon as we Polish annex
The North and South Pole,
Our ultimate goal --
The East and West Poles are next.
--- Irving Superior P8909

On the beaches of lovely Madiera,
There once was a goose of a swearer;
She tried hard to attract
Any natives to act,
But no portuganders came near her.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9305