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In Limerick where once I did stay Years ago in the French 'republique' I think I would rather be dead A Boatman while boating along The Serbs and Croatians will be friends; While Rome talks of heaven and hell, The Tronheim lad's cry was a knell (Hell is town on the train line)
A young girl I knew, who was Swiss; On the beach if you fancy a view, Said a Sassenach back from Dun Leery, We're in Amsterdam two or three days; We drink wine as we float down the river The Heiniken drinker's content In Europe the guide books all say On the hill in old Heidelberg town Ten tears ago there was a fire The girl on the dock at Cologne The sunlight shining on ripples We learned about slow fermentation In vainest of exasperation, Polish limericks - those lately narrated, The Krauts make a very fine brew, You crave the Yangtse, I the Seine, On a trip into la douce France, I spent a week-end in Bordeaux. When the Frenchie Chirac tries to tell, I couldn't believe what I read; I am not a big fan of the veil. Chirac is becoming obsessive, If he so strongly feels about that, What of symbols of other religions, But though the above makes me cringe, It is all about closing your hair, There once was a warrior of France When we went to a bistro in Cannes, Looking at history as your one guide -- When in Paris a lady named Jane It don't take that much to be spic, In Paris stands a tower called Eiffel, Beware of old Filthy Pierre; His brother, 'Bridge Builder' Pierre, A popular poule in Marseille My foreign affair in Paris; In order to visit Paris There was a young lady called Clarice, The French are not thought to be sane, There was a young fellow named Harris There was an old fellow named Trench, There was a young man named Harris, The French is one tongue I'll forego, A young tourist girl from Toledo, A courtroom in Alsace Lorraine. In Paris, a dandy would scour A certain young lady of Pinner An architect, rather well-known, A long trip to France would be nice, It's been claimed without launching a probe, I sailed on a cross-channel ship, Now listen, I tell you no lies, Hats off to the libertine French! There was a young student from France A comely young Parisienne She'd usually have huit or neuf, Yes, all the young ladies in France Francois is the name of a guy. Testicular avoirdupois
I vowed to return one day.
There's nothing they lack
Charm, culture or crack:
From "Ashes" they've come a long way.
--- Ms Marian Gormley
A president, with desires unique,
Refrained from just wars
In exchange of Czech whores;
The first case of 'real polotique'.
--- Thomas G Keller P9407
Or anywhere other instead
Than sitting here drunk
In a dorm on a bunk
In a dump on a rock in the Med.
--- R Wooten
Took out and then played with his dong.
She cried, "That's so Volga!
But my! What a bulger...
I'll watch as you sing me a song."
--- Tutta Gioia
They will hug, kiss and make amends.
Just you wait, 'twill be fine
Unless you detonate a mine,
Or one of those they ethnic cleansed.
--- Aaron Michelson
Swiss cows are proud wearing a bell.
But behind the Dutch dike
There's more you would like.
Here, sure as hell, sex sells well.
--- Dirruk
On the train engine's brass bedecked bell.
"I'm going to Sweden,
I hear it's an Eden,
But first I must travel through Hell."
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8604
When with her I felt it was bliss.
On ice just like glass,
I once made a pass.
I'm afraid it was slip and no kiss!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Which includes topless girlies, then you
Should go down to the Med,
For it's often been said,
That the best place to go is Cor! Whew!
--- Peter Wilkins
"I pay homage to nationalist theory,
But wherever I drive,
I found signposts that strive,
To make touring in Ireland so dreary."
--- Anon
The canals are a wonderful maze.
We saw many a bike,
But nary a dike,
But we did see a handful of gays
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
We drink wine before and with dinner
The wine from the Rhine
Has us all feeling fine
But it's sure raising hell with my liver
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
"The Euros it costs are well spent"
Said philosopher Sklar
At the Mannheim pissoir
"Beer's never for sale, it's for rent"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
The Euro's the way you must pay
But the 'Merican dollar
Will buy cheese Emmenthaler
Or a bottle, a blow job or lay
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
There's a college of world-wide renown
In the village below
There's a bar where guys go
And for beer many co-eds go down
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
At the gothic cathedral in Speier
The sexton's still hot
And though he sings not
He "duets" with each girl in the choir
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
With desire made the young fellows groan
She stood at the port
In a skirt that's so short
It displayed her erogenous zone
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
Looks like paintings fashioned with stipples
The river has locks
And on Lorelei rocks
Is a statue with prominent nipples
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
Aeration and sedimentation
The mistique of fine wine
But the real bottom line
Is expensive, increased urination
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0401
Mr. P. passed his vacation.
The cause of his pities
To the Eeytaliann cities,
Was blocked by a wreck at the station.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Much deserve, I am sure, to be feted.
I'd enjoy them much more,
So I humbly implore,
That the fuckers would please be translated.
--- F Stop Fitzgerald P0001
The Frauleins are lovely to screw.
I learned over there
That it's okay to swear
But be careful to whom you say, "du!"
--- John Miller 0255
Where a stiffy for hours I'll maintain.
At le pont Mirabeau,
My barge pole she did blow,
'Til jizz gushed forth again and again.
--- RanDog
I met there our kitten by chance.
In the Bois du Boulogne
She'd squirm and she'd moan,
While we lay on the leaves there, sans pants.
--- Anon
I was told it's a nice place to geaux.
I felt it was boring;
My roommate was snoring.
Altogether it was very seaux seaux!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
All us bad guys to go straight to hell;
He rants, rolls his eyes,
And to my surprise,
He looks like a beardless Fidel!
--- Anon
Can't believe what Chirac went and said.
Perhaps he's just dumb
Or maybe sucked his thumb,
But he ought to rebutter his bread.
--- Nawahl Razak
I prefer to include no detail.
But for young ladies who
Wish to cover their do,
Let them do it; there's no need to wail.
--- Nawahl Razak
Even saying he just looks agressive,
Showing he lacks the knowlege
That you can't learn in college,
For his statements are somewhat arrestive.
--- Nawahl Razak
Then there's something I'd like to point at.
Since he mentions "offensive",
I'm a bit apprehensive
About issues that ruffle my mat.
--- Nawahl Razak
Which to not everyone brings good visions.
Drinking blood of the savior
Is offensive behavior;
Though symbolic, it too needs revision.
--- Nawahl Razak
I have no right to tighten my hinge.
Chirac has no right
To be picking this fight;
For relations with Muslims, he'll singe.
--- Nawahl Razak
And there are other ways to, way out there.
A nice wool cap
Or traditional wrap,
Would do a good job, to be fair.
--- Nawahl Razak
This is file kem
Who ran off without any pants.
For he had been seen
Quite close to the Queen,
Brandishing his mighty lance.
--- Donald McGill
That's me and my girlfriend Joanne.
The garcon, the swine,
Dipped his prick in the wine
And offered Joanne coq-au-vin.
--- Michael Horgan
How many Frenchmen would you decide
Would be necessary
To defend Gay Paree?
There's no answer -- it's never been tried.
--- Al Bienstock
Said her husband got drunk on Champagne,
Then he screwed a trifle
At the top of the Eiffel,
And he threatened to drive her in Seine.
--- Al Chaplin P0302
Just plenty of oil and garlic.
They sure cannot fail
By consuming snail,
To be slimy, squishy and thick.
--- Anon
On which balances a trifle.
In days gone by,
Into it birds did fly,
But they were popped off with a rifle.
--- Anon
He'll first bend you over a chair
Before shaving your twat,
Except that 'sweet spot';
To fuck you, he pulls on your hair.
--- Susan Arden
Had erection up everywhere;
And his work-mates would mock
'Cause he sucked just one cock.
Now he's Pierre, Le Cocksuckierre.
--- David Miller
Remarked after many a lay,
"I'm a folle for a lance
All the way across France,
From Marseille to Le Havre and Calais!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 901
The "Eiffel" this mam'selle called me.
I told her, "En Garde,
'Cause it's getting hard
And you're in my trajectory."
--- Irving Superior P9407
And take in everything we could see,
We succumbed to the lure
Of an all-expense tour,
And that's what it turned out to be.
--- A N Wilkins P8709
Who lived in the city of Paris.
She wandered with Sartre,
The streets of Montmartre,
But she married a chap called Bert Harris.
--- H A C Evans
For they sit on the bank of the Seine,
Dangling their tools
In the murky dark pools,
Netting fish, in a manner, in seine.
--- Martin Wellborn P9112
Who dated a girl while in Paris.
He had her a trifle
On top of the Eiffel,
And finished her off on his terrace.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8707a
Who couldn't stand anything French.
Eating snails he abhorred,
By Moliere he was bored,
And Chanel No. 5 was just stench.
--- Warrick Elrod
Whom nothing was known to embarrass:
Not even the sin
That you find in Berlin
Or the wilder excesses of Paris.
--- Anon
And with good reason for doing so;
The spelling's a wreck,
Man, E-A-U-X
Is no way to spell a long "o".
--- Anon TP9804
Just went plumb to hell on the Lido.
Under a big beach umbrella
She was bunged by a fella,
In a game he called "Lido Torpedo."
--- Grand Prix Lim 441 G0667
The judge will the jury explain--
If Al did sass
Then it's Al's ass.
The question: Did Al sass Lorraine?
--- Irving Superior P8111
Stores for neckware his wardrobe to flower.
To keep himself natty,
For each new cravat, he
Would shop for a gay, tieful hour.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9511
Was a hardened society sinner.
She departed one day
For Paris, they say...
And the rest will be told after dinner.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Found the buttresses great in Cologne;
But, "It's true," he confessed,
"Paris 'Oui' hours are best,
'Cause that's when most wild oats are sown."
--- Ann Gasser P9406
To visit the places of vice,
The wine and the women.
Thats just the beginnin',
And I'd squander whats left on the dice
--- Anon
One would need twice the patience of Job
To stay a Francophile.
The French lose their appeal
And turn one into a Francophobe.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0211
Visiting France on a cheap day trip.
Now imagine my glee
When I felt Mimi's knee,
And encountered my first French hip.
--- Bob Mornington
If language don't change then it dies.
And that's why the French
Lie there in their stench,
They've long lost the "world language" prize.
--- Anon
They've just got to have them a wench.
In the worst of recessions,
Even major depressions,
With sex they will never retrench.
--- Armand E Singer 409
Who lived out his life in a trance.
The Republic he dreamed
Was not close as it seemed,
And he died as he led the advance.
--- Laura Waterstripe
Came often with comely young men;
She liked being seen
With twelve or thirteen
Or, on a bad day, nine or ten.
--- Anon
A-snuffling away at her muff,
While un deux or trois
Were removing her bra,
For lots of that 'ooh la la' stuff.
--- Anon
Are especially fond of romance.
But what makes them a wonder
Is they're even fonder
Of relieving themselves of their pants.
--- Anon
I thought it a gal -- don't know why.
French names are confusing
And gender abusing.
Once more, my poor limerick I'll try:
--- Anon
Is measured by Dr. Francois.
A thousand dram specimen
Brings lusty Nurse Bessie in
To proffer a menage a trois.
--- Anon
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