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With New Hampshire, our Joel's obsessed, A limerick should pack a surprise The limericks here are quite rude; There once was a man from Racine... This writing must really be easy, I think that I once might have seen The Powers That Be of this site The limericks shown on this site I try to write limericks clean Are any of these limericks clean? Oh dammit!! I said (while away), Limericks are poised to be wrecked This is a G-rated forum. Proportioned precisely, this verse When it has a venomous sting, I was feeling quite down on my luck, Printable limericks are clean, On the sins of my youth I have brooded: The limerick's an art form complex, (Amnesty Internation limerick contest, $5.00 per entry)
I want something new for my pleasure; We don't do G-rated in here, The limerick's callous and crude; My limericks were written in haste. I'll react with a lim that is clean; At first I set out to devise L - I - M - E - R - I - C - K: There was an anthologist who All the purists say it's always best I like them best nasty and crude, Said an aging professor named Dwight, The limerick is certainly based Sure, I took a hiatus from rhyme, Though limericks written as clean If you only like limericks clean, Let's see you write a funny love story, The soul of the limerick is this: Some verses here are atrocious; Verse of Limerick is rather strange, True lovers say limericks don't rile 'em; Here are neatly turned odes of small span, (first limerick of Legman's second volume)
Now you have got it all wrong; Many's the girl I have wooed, The limerick's admitted, a verse form: In your swell NewsGroup I did post Trip over to old "alt.arts.lims"; This endless bombardment of filt-h 'Twas not the filth I deplored, "Original" means many things, The limerick is usually risque; New limericks herein are presented -- You people are plainly disgusting! Some verses contained in this book The limerick's a queer aberration; When limericking of tongue and of lips, Now we have come to the lewd, I value my comfort with slang, It needn't be held in esteem; A poet who loved to make hay, Though your meter and rhyming be fit, The Limerick's the best poem I've seen; I'm just a dirty old man, I lament, as a true connoisseur, Or perhaps inspiration they lack, For good limericks take time to compose; There once was a fellow named Bard, There once was a shaggy old mutt, Here's limericks from ceiling to floor,
But the topic ain't one of his best;
Each limerick's same name
Is partly to blame,
Plus he mentions no penis or breast!
--- Mark Levy P0406
So devised as to give you a rise...
While a few want 'em clean,
Even quite epicene, (lacking characters of either sex)
This book ain't for those silly guys.
--- Grand Prix Lim 7
Some verge on being most crude;
If you write limericks,
Must it be about dicks?
Or could we have some that aren't lewd?
--- Anon
No, this isn't the limerick you've seen,
This one's undergone cleaning
And removal of meaning.
Not much left of what might have been.
--- Fred Cohen P8309
Especially when it can be sleazy.
But let's not go too far,
Or upraise the bar;
We don't want our customers queasy!
--- Anon
A cute little lim that was clean.
'Twas flirty, and perty,
But not at all dirty.
I forget now what it might have been.
--- Anon
Have vast editorial might.
If we wish to swear,
We must take it elsewhere,
As we can't even say shit or shite.
--- Anon
Cannot be as rude as they might.
Instead of conceding,
You might try misleading,
By making them think you'll shout "Excrement!"
--- aNON
And not in the least bit obscene;
But if I exclude
All the words that are rude,
There is little else left to be seen.
--- Anon
Or am I just being too mean?
Could I write on the Universe?
Or similar in verse?
Or would you find this most obscene?
--- Anon
I'd be clean as a whistle and say
Not a thing about sex,
But instead I would flex
Intellectual muscles today.
--- Anon
By the curse of the politically correct.
So, quick - spoof religion,
Spout racist derision,
'Cause quite soon we'll ALL be fecked.
--- Meg McKenna P0507
Write in the accepted norm.
Children are reading.
Before proceding,
Ensure us a proper decorum.
--- Hugh Clary
Delivers a message that's terse.
Though often it may
Be slightly risque,
It seldom is downright perverse.
--- R J Winkler P8505
The Limerick's a mightly good thing.
For in it, you know,
One can let himself go,
And shoot, as it were, on the wing.
--- J C Alden P9706
When I slipped over into some muck;
I went head over tit,
Got covered in dung,
And shouted quite loudly, "Oh bother!"
--- Anon
Unless you go looking between
The words and the lines,
For suggestions and signs
That they don't always say what they mean.
--- Lims Unlimited
"No more dirty rhymes, I've concluded.
So my motives, you see,
Are now pure as can be,
Though my limericks are sadly de-lewded.
--- Norm Storer P9506
That's chiefly devoted to sex;
But down by the sea,
Folks who run Amnesty
Want clean ones...to help save some necks.
--- Bob Millington P9603
I could collect coins, or hunt treasure.
There's football and dance,
Origami, and stamps...
This limerick's too clean by a measure.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But g-strings and contents are dear,
And sexual perversion.
Perhaps a diversion
To Alt.arts...where folks write like Lear.
--- Archie
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth reading
By persons of breeding.
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2245
You say they were done in bad taste?
If a limerick's too nice
And lacking in spice,
The reading is really a waste.
--- Naomi J Kahn
With no f-words that would be obcene.
Where I go I won't tell,
Don't care how hard you yell,
And I won't tell you where I have been.
--- Dirruk
Some lyrics to win me the prize.
But once I had seen
That it had to be clean,
Half my words I was forced to revise.
--- Gene
The verse for the poet at play;
But if you're too staid,
You won't make the grade --
Stick with poems for Christmas, Mother's Day!
--- Norm Storer P0510Q
Decided that nought was taboo.
Her words are so rude,
Her verses so lewd,
I'm sure they'll appeal to you.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
If a limerick's beat is anapest.
Make it base and obscene,
Dirty, sick and unclean,
And take pains to avoid all the rest.
--- William N Nesbit
With images foul and rude
Like the girl from Azores
With the meat-festooned drawers
Which even the doggies eschewed.
--- Anon
Who composed bawdy limericks all night,
"Hell, my golf game's plumb shot,
I'm not partial to pot,
And my privates are suffering from blight."
--- Armand E Singer 1
On a rhythm that's beautifully paced.
But it's penchant for punning
And linguistic cunning
Is considered (by some) in bad taste.
--- Anon
But I can't say I had a nice time;
See, the air was too fresh,
(No allure of rank flesh)
It is here I belong, with the slime.
--- Mark Levy P9610a
Can still be amusing and keen,
I'm inclined to believe
And I strongly perceive
That the best ones are highly obscene.
--- Cap'n Bean P9912
This is file jzm
There's a whole 'nother world you've not seen.
So check out the naughty ones,
Those raunchy and bawdy ones,
They're some of the best I've ob scene!
--- Writerman
Bust a gut not to make it too whorey...
Forty sounds, even less,
Rhyming five-line finesse,
With the last line a hot blaze of Glory!
--- John T Coultard 8 P8504
A good one's a hot sloppy kiss.
But for the most part
They burp and they fart,
And the worst ones are brim full of piss.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505
To call them limericks at all is precocious.
Replacing good wit
With offensive bullshit,
Would make Mother Theresa ferocious!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And sometimes it is out of range.
But in case it is out,
I am sure, no doubt,
The unsuitable range must be changed.
--- Slava Meskhi P0007
They simply collect and compile 'em --
The limericks of whores
And bastards and bores,
And virgins and those who defile em.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0013
Much concerned with our bodily plan,
And the intercorporeal
Highly sensorial
Love-life of woman and man.
--- G0001
Clean limericks do not belong.
If it's clean and purty,
And not filthy dirty,
It's a Country and Western song.
--- Anon
But there's dam fucking few I have screwed.
When it comes to a fuck,
I have no fucking luck,
No wonder this limerick is crude...
--- Anon
A terse form: a curse form: a hearse form.
It may not be lyric
And at best its Satyric,
And a whale of a tale in perverse form.
--- Conrad Aiken 1964
A Lim seeking a ditty for toasts.
But alas, my friends dear,
Your replys made it clear
That titties not ditties matter most.
--- Susie Cue
You'll find there no mention of quims.
While we are obscene,
Their language is clean,
With limericks they turn into hymns.
--- SFA
Caused many a flower to wilt.
It should be a pain
That people complain,
But sadly, we just don't do guilt.
--- SFA
And not hoping was I to be gored,
But sad as it seems,
You have dashed my dreams,
And that, dear friends, is untoward.
--- Susie Cue
And a change is okay if it brings
Real refreshment to Dave
And his well-aged sex slave,
Or "Asses like Jello on springs."
--- John Miller
In this group, we like them that way.
But the ARTS group does not
So if that's what you've got,
Then post them in that group, okay?
--- John Miller
Some simple, some bold, some demented.
There is here an arrangement
Of every derangement,
Either factual, supposed, or invented.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0012
In need of some mental adjusting!
You're all quite pathetic,
This crap ain't poetic!
Restrain your alternative lusting!
Include four-letter words such as "fuck".
They're rude and they're lewd;
They're not for the prude.
And if that upsets you -- don't look!
--- Michael Horgan P0409
It's a form of sexual sublimation.
Words sent to the mind,
Like a "a rosy behind,"
End in doggerel, not copulation.
--- Limericks Hist & HysP0209
Do I mean of head or of hips?
Which end can I mean
Without seeming obscene,
As into the crater it slips?
--- Anon
The risque, the bawdy, the rude,
And all those narrations
Of sex aberrations
I'm certain you all have eschewed.
--- E O Parrot
The freedom to name things that hang,
The right to pronounce
Those girl-things that bounce,
And use the F-word for a "bang."
--- Bob Birch P9912
The limerick is nowt but a stream
Of juvenile mush,
That's just fit to flush
Down the pan of a household latrine.
--- Donald McGill
Gave to us the 'Tip of the Day;'
"Limericks aren't clean...
They should be obscene."
To which we subscribe "Fucking A!"
--- Frank Fazed
You must still add a portion of wit.
As has often been sin,
If you put garbage in,
What comes out is a bucket of shit.
--- Lance Payne P8505
If you've read them, you know what I mean.
You can read pages and pages --
They appeal to all ages --
Yet none of the good ones are clean.
--- John Patrick Riley
Getting thrills any way that I can.
Keep writing the porn,
And I'll get the horn,
While your limericks crude I will scan.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Clever limericks grow fewer and fewer.
For the sources are crass,
Like an old horse's ass,
And I think many stink of manure.
--- K C Morrill P0302
Which explains why there's many a hack.
Without culture or genes,
They are just Philistines,
Having neither the means nor the knack.
--- K C Morrill P0302
One needs metre and rhyme, heaven knows.
But the best, I admit,
Call for deft, subtle wit,
Laced with sexual innuendos.
--- K C Morrill P0302
Whose verse was like that in a card,
But most was obscene,
For to write stuff that's clean,
He found was just too goddamn hard.
--- Bob Birch P0508
Who lived in a drafty old hut.
He stayed out of the sewer
And shunned ripe manure,
But he loved to read rhymes filled with smut!
--- ROE
Just thousands o'er which you may pore.
A few might salute
A cute prostitute,
But some (GASP) refer to a whore!
--- Mark Levy P9502
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