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On the hearth burns a log fire, Caresses we'll share through the night; Ell eye em ee are eye see kay: So throw in the cutie for booty In that case you might hold her back, AJL, AAL folks get hot The rosebuds we gather in May Bestiality, incest, and sodomy, The sonnet's for lovers delerious Perfection ain't too much to ask, A curious limerick this; Now, I think the chances are slim Limericks should never be taken Arnie writes poems by the tens, The echo in here is astounding; A silence that deafens, resounding Since New Years, the sparse elocution There was an old man from Peru, What's happened to all of my boys? The role of a lim is to shock, The Limerick is bastard or bitch; This lewd group is my secret passion; Some limericks you need to read thrice, In limericks, it's not thought perverse When 'bawdy' is all one can write, I just want to go write something rude, The rhymes here are often salacious, Now my son, you should just hark, A dame quite conversant in etiquette, Because I'm so clever and keen, You've seen from the words that we utter, The lady in search of five-liners, The limerick itself can be crude, It's true, I'm a talented genius, In limericks it's often the plan The truth of the matter, I fear, The juxtaposition of consonants So visiting's out, but who cares? A good limerick is certain to vex Most limericks that I have seen I've given up sex for a while; Azul will so seldom attack us (Azul - Frequently Asked Questions for alt.arts.limericks)
Can a limerick be funny yet clean? If limerick writers seem lecherous, Danny? Hey Danny! Stop snoring! Said a limerick writer, "I'm stuck Clean's okay, but a bit out of place; A limerick's often obscene, This ode I've composed just to show, My rhythm and rhymes are just fine. I'm waking this morning to find That last verse had hackneyed old rhymes, In order to keep these lines chaste, I've worked on this limerick all day From Jersey writes our poor friend Gene; A limerick that's intellectual An old versifier, through vanity, This poem's entirely clean, An anonymous poet online Like our Mayhood and Patton and Bean, Well, it's partly the shape of the thing I'm bummed that I missed something rude We now need the poems of dead whores, Pen a limerick metaphoric! Though limerick lines may be lewd, There seem to be hundreds of verses.
In front a rug to us inspire,
As we lay side by side,
Love burns in my eyes
And my fingers explore with desire.
--- Azul
God this just feels so right.
I'd like to pretend
The night never ends,
But a new one will start at twilight.
--- Azul
The verse for a poet at play;
But for old maids and prudes
And Puritan dudes,
It's the sign of vile moral decay.
--- Norm Storer
And don't get your nose in a snooty.
If you rhyme just for fun
And don't dangle a pun,
Your bananas won't taste quite as fruity.
--- Anon
Since the saggy ones spoil in the sack.
It's a fruit with a peel
And you're winning the deal,
With a fresh bite of old yellow, Jack.
--- Anon
Over limerick doggerel; they're not!
The form is quite tight,
If you do it right.
But POETIC? I've not found a lot.
--- Bob 4
May wither and fade in a day.
But deep in December,
They're sweet to remember
'Neath skies that are sullen and gray.
--- Bob 4
Perversions, scatology, blasphemy.
Morality sans,
My god, it scans!
This limerick, without any profanity.
--- Q
Or for thoughts profound and mysterious.
The limerick's brevity
Encourages levity,
And keeps one from getting too serious
--- Norm
It's not such a difficult job, (task)
To get in the groove,
Your talent to justify (prove)
The in satisfaction to sunbathe. (bask)
--- Tiddy Ogg
Trifle minimalist innit Chris?
Or maybe (what fun)
It's installment, part 1?
But more likely there's summat amiss.
--- Anon
Of making this into a lim,
Which is still just as witty,
Without sounding shitty,
Or using some stock word like "quim."
--- Anon
As a form fixed, unmoved and unshaken.
There is room to explore
Rhyme, rhythm, and more,
As long as the mickey is taken. (mickey finn??)
--- Duncan
But soon he'll be making amends,
For committing the crime
Of trailing his rhymes,
With a pen name he stole from two pens.
--- Keith Gilman P0202
Distorted and strange, hollow sounding.
No lims in the air;
I lurk in dispair.
All I hear is my own heartbeat bounding.
--- John Miller
Through long barren halls and rebounding
From ceiling and floor,
Obscuring the door
Where the Reaper is silently pounding.
--- John Miller
Of feminine lim contribution
Has now got me pondering,
If ladies are wandering
Around in 'per verse' resolution.
--- Anon
Whose limericks all looked like haiku.
He said with a laugh
"I cut them in half,
The pay is much better for two."
--- Anon
The ones with those wicked hard toys?
Who every night
Could rhyme at the sight
Of pussies and titties -- such joy!
--- Anon
Though gentleness I will not knock.
As tragedy bores
In G & S scores,
So lims should allude to some cock!
--- Anon
Most times it is hard to tell which.
The fault is paternal
Or could be maternal:
Depends on which one has the itch!
--- Anon
I haunt it to get my week's ration
Of lims, raunch and bawdy;
Then hide it, by gawdy,
To be ribald is just not in fashion!
--- Anon
And others you wouldn't read twice.
They just might be naughty
Or possibly bawdy --
But much that is naughty is nice.
--- James Montgomery
High muckety-mucks to ASPERSE.
Though they think we oughter,
Use just holy water,
We'd rather use rude bawdy verse.
--- J'Carlin
And thinks that such stuff is all right,
And all one can do
Is appealing as poo;
It's certain one can't be too bright.
--- Bill Taylor P9912
Something dirty, incredibly lewd;
Like an underaged louse
Getting screwed by a mouse,
Or the queen-mum is bathing all nude!'
--- Anon
About poking and things quite fellatious;
To all of you wizards,
I say: "Leaping Lizards!
"Good Heavens!" and "My goodness gracious!"
--- Anon
'Twas written by gospeller Mark,
Those tales about Titian
And dumb mathematician,
Were writ on the walls of the ark.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Tried to write dirty rhymes for Connecticut.
That bilingual wench
Even tried it in French.
But her quest to profane was patheticut!
--- Brian Belge
No 'wrong' words will ever be seen
In limericks I write
Or prosily shite,
Since I'm apt to say what I mien.
--- Anon
That most of us come from the gutter;
Our verses are rude
And are frequently crude;
They would likely cause Grandma to splutter.
--- Anon
Quite covered the table for diners,
With horrible scraps
Of sexual mishaps,
Of those who agreed and decliners.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
For those who're a bit of a prude.
Naughty thoughts quite free,
Written with pure glee;
I've even read some that are rude!
--- Maggie
This is file jam
But, a secret, if kept here betweenius,
Is that chicks who like lims
Deny me their quims,
Because of my penius teenius.
--- Anon
To start off, "There was a young man,"
Who did this or that
With a dog or a cat,
That few of the rest of us can.
--- Anon
Is, excluding the regulars here,
Most work-a-day folks
On reading those jokes,
Would wonder why we think them queer.
--- Anon
Leads teeth, tongue, and lips in a dainty dance.
And an opus of vowels
Thrills me through to my bowels,
And causes a stir in my underpants.
--- Virge
A Limerick can catch unawares.
So words we may trade;
Get verbally laid.
How well can you lay down those snares?
--- Anon
Those especially mod horses necks;
The 15 percent
Of adults who lament
That TV is more thrilling than sex.
--- A N Wilkins P9106
'Bout the clergy have all been obscene;
Now, here is a change
(Though uncommonly strange);
A bunch that are actually clean!
--- Cap'n Bean P0206
I've decided it isn't my style.
I'll live like a monk
Till my willy has shrunk,
And avoid all things vulgar and vile.
--- Peter Wilkins
Or smack us or hack us or whack us
For posting indecently
(Like I did quite recently),
But out of the blue she will FAQ us.
--- Travis Brasell
Instead of a fucking machine,
Could you write about shopping,
Or cooking or mopping,
Now I'm joking, and just being mean.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Remember, appearance is treacherous.
They're often as mild
As an infant or child --
On that you can jolly well bet yourous.
--- James Montgomery
I've millions more, I'm assuring
You; lims with no sex
Which I trust won't perplex
You. (But fuck it; they're awfully boring).
--- Anon
For a rhyme for a stud known as Chuck.
Our staid population
Proscribes copulation,
And won't let me use the word 'fuck'."
--- Barrie Collins
It's certainly not a disgrace --
But the ones that are dirty,
Sexy, sassy, and flirty,
Sure put a smile on my face!
--- Kaylin
Though a good one can also be clean.
The rhymes must be right,
The meter set tight,
The wit should be clever and keen.
--- Cap'n Bean
We don't need to be stooping so low.
As to post all that stuff
About cock, tit and muff,
I just thought I'd be letting you know.
--- Anon
You're jealous 'cause this one is mine.
I've made it look easy,
And charmingly sleazy,
So don't decent verses malign!
--- Ward Hardman
The obscenities clouding my mind
Have all vanished away.
On this glorious day
I feel dignified, clean and refined.
--- Anon
So I'd better quit, (not before time,)
And I'm getting quite maud-
lin and you'll be bored,
So farewell, 'fore I'm dropped in the slime.
--- Anon
We must compose all our words without haste.
With allusions, be crafty;
Without clothes, it's drafty!
Those fingers keep well interlaced!
--- Priestess T9801
And now, to my utter dismay,
It's a perfect try,
But it seems that I
Forgot what I wanted to say.
--- Ericka
He asks please not to be obscene.
It's a really tough trick
To create a clean limerick.
It's so hard to do that it's MEAN!
--- Gene
And lacking in reference to sexual
Has long been pondered
But not being entendre'd
Is usually quite ineffectual.
--- MrMalo a
Preferred not to publish profanity.
The expletives he'd mention
Would temper his tension
And interfere with his insanity.
--- Virge
Not a word that's profane or obscene.
Not a thought incorrect
To offend any sect,
And not funny -- see what I mean?
--- Jonathan Baker P9408
In a really short period of time,
Can compose something lewd;
Usually quite crude,
Except all those limericks of mine!
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901
I love limericks that turn out obscene.
But while sitting in church,
From above I heard, "Birch,
Repent now and keep your stuff clean."
--- Bob Birch
That gives the old limerick wing.
Those accordion pleats,
Full of airy conceits,
Take it up like a kite on a string.
--- David MacCord
(And naughty, offensive and crude).
Oh well, guess that's life.
I'll play with my fife
And try to improve this foul mood.
--- Anon
And limericks with festering sores.
We can't use green meat
Nor of hermits we speak,
So give them more slime at the cores.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With Dantesque depth -- allegoric;
In lieu of the drivel
Which makes our brains shrivel,
I crave some phantasmagoric.
--- Anon
I prefer that humor be shrewed
Or rather subtle,
So in rebuttal,
Rarely do I need to be crude.
--- Jim D
(I haven't yet read them all; curses.)
Of those I have read,
There's no mention of head,
Nor of doggy-positions with nurses.
--- Anon
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