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To prove I'm not always obscene, You've noticed I've taken the cure My limericks are only suggestive. When "bawdy" is all one can write Why must limericks be so disgusting? I hate limericks that are dirty. A limerick that isn't obscene I read the last lim that you wrote, This verse, for example, has naught I guess I could comment on wars, Or trigometrical functions This matter complex may perplex, Books and movies the uptight may scorn; I ignore all the puritan scolders, The perusal of scenes photographic, Magazines with erotic in print, Good clean fun or a sick bailiwick? I came here to find me a limerick. A swan song, so graceful and calm, This cupboard's indeed rather bare; Alright. So it's quiet and lean. I'll not mention tits; I'll just suck 'em. I'll let you suck, I don't mind, But sweet Jayne, you can't be too crude, A salute to the ladies who post To the girls who post her, three loud cheers! What you sent for this month was quite clean Dear Bob, I know just what you mean. I prefer all my limericks clean, I don't mind a double entendre, Some limericks were once here begotten But don't be discouraged! The day These limericks are strictly PG A poet's wife uttered a curse, The very best limerick collections, A youngster, who thought it was cool, There once was a teacher named Gray, Begosh and begorra! A contest running The limerick is certainly handy You'd like to establish your copyright, He knows where the limerick's at; I'm sorry for writing this shit, When limericker breaks, I forget Said Bessie to Travis Brasell, I'm going to write yet another - Do not search for a limerick rhyme I don't think you want to fuck him, Rick. A Limerick not up to scratch? An occasional chaser of chicks, My birthday's gift's overdue, (advice from a father to his son)
Can a lim be composed in Chinese? OK, please desist, but not decease; The rhythm involved in a limerick I'm singing the limerick blues; Ah turned on the radio news; I'm singing and wailing the blues; Ah'm singin' the limerick blues; Mah baby she gone done me wrong, She chewed off the end mah dong; Ah can't get me no satisfaction; I'm singing the limerick blues; I'm singing the ethylene blues I'm tired of the limerick blues There once was a guy with the blues In the land of the red, white, and blue, If you like peace and will always find
Here's a verse which is squeaky and clean.
It's as boring as shit,
But it won't mention tit,
For I think you can guess what I mean.
--- Peter Wilkins
From Doc Petal, who's sweet and demure.
(But I'll just probe her tight
Little cunny tonight,
After that, I'll be constantly pure.)
--- Peter Wilkins
I find the porn ones indigestive. (I know, I know)
In verse about farts
Or one's private parts,
There's not much to think of as festive.
--- Bill Taylor P9911
And thinks that such stuff is all right,
And all of his words
Are appealing as turds,
It's certain he can't be too bright.
--- Bill Taylor P9911
I'll campaign for porn limerick "busting".
Let's clean up the verse
Before it gets worse,
And gets so hot it starts combusting.
--- Bill Taylor P9911
I want all of them to be purty. (I know, I know)
Four letter word writing
Just ain't exciting
To us way, way, way over thirty.
--- Bill Taylor P9911
Has a right to be written and seen.
The fauna and flora
Are no match for Gomorrah,
But for once, here's a poem that is clean.
--- Laurence Perrine
And noticed it's Gomorrah you quote.
In our world which is modern
Many men prefer Sodom;
For ladies, it quite gets their goat.
--- Bob Mornington
That you couldn't show your grandma; in short
It's as dull as can be
In this limerick sea,
And expresses no serious thought.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Or the carpets which lie on my floors,
Or the rain on the plain
Which falls mainly in Spain,
Or the interesting subject of doors.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And planetary/solar conjunctions;
Or what about coffee
Molasses and toffee,
Or perfume and similar unctions?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As confused as an Oedipus rex;
What you think is obscene,
I choose not to demean,
Though my sex is another man's vex.
--- Joel D Ash
That will damage a mind these folks warn.
For a normal adult,
This view is an insult,
Because porn should not leave you forlorn.
--- Joel D Ash
With enjoyment of thigh, breast, and shoulders;
Why should I exclude
The sight of a nude;
Art depends on the eye of beholders.
--- Joel D Ash
So intense that they are pyrographic;
Smut or fine art?
It depends on your heart.
Some great artists were thought pornographic.
--- Joel D Ash
With a clarity more that mere hint;
The Penthouse too hot?
Broad-minded or not,
The frontiers pushed by Larry Flint.
--- Joel D Ash
"There once was a man" type limerick;
Clever rhymes bringing joy,
A few gross ones -- oh boy!
But you should have the freedom to pick.
--- Joel D Ash
But what I found made me feel quite sick.
There's nobody home,
Neither limerick or poem,
So I guess I'll just pull on my dick.
--- E W Swan
"I'm seeking some limerick balm.
But there's nothing here,
So, sadly, I fear,
I'll have to go play with my palm."
--- Confused
You'll find better bones "over there".
In fact you will find,
More stuff for you mind,
Than you'll find just about anywhere.
--- John Miller
But the limericks, when sent, are all clean.
Not like AJL,
The Net-Nanny Hell,
So write some yourself and be seen!
--- Tobias
The other rude bits, I'll just fuck 'em.
You needn't be rude
Writing limericks crude.
Throw them at me, I'll just duck 'em.
--- Archie
As long as you're gentle and kind.
But as for my muff,
It likes it quite rough,
Especially when done from behind.
--- JAYNE
Especially while you're being screwed!
Will you bark like a dog
If I rut like a hog?
(I insist we do it while nude.)
--- Archie
To the news group that I love the most.
They bring a fresh slant
That us gentlemen can't;
To these ladies the following toast:
--- John Miller 0146
They are better by far than their peers.
And to those who would snicker
"But can they hold their liquor?"
I answer, "You bet--by the EARS!"
--- John Miller 0146a
And I longed for some verses obscene;
Something filthy and crude,
At best smutty, not rude,
With subjects more sexy than mean.
--- Bob Birch P0800
But my writers are callow and green.
They haven't the wit
To get past bum and tit,
Robbing Peta to pay off Pauline.
--- Arthur Deex P0800
But must I define what I mean?
Risque is all right
If they're funny and bright,
But I know when I see what's obscene.
--- Connie Jessen P9102
But let me not dawdle or maunder.
I can't join your SIG
Because it's too big
On verses that I want to launder.
--- Connie Jessen P9102
By gals but it seems they've forgotten
Their rhymes and their wit,
'Cause nothings been writ
In ages, by them about twatten.
--- Travis Brasell
Will come when you'll once again play;
However, sweet lass,
Since you've amassed gas,
I want to be quite far away.
--- Travis Brasell
And so clean they bore even me.
But, hey, what the fuck?
Buddy, you're in luck,
For at least all my drivel is free!
--- Lynn Mostafa
This is file jwm
"You'd rather rhyme than fill our purse."
Her husband said, mildly,
"Don't carry on wildly --
You married for better or verse."
--- Cynthia MacGregor
Especially bawdy selections,
Are read by the fellows
In high class bordellos
To while away time 'twixt erections.
--- Ed Potts P8505
Brought a limerick book into school;
He recited a bit,
And the teach' had a fit,
And detained him for breaking the rule.
--- Cap'n Bean
Who said to her students one day,
"Now, you have until one,
To get a limerick done."
The class groaned the hour away.
--- Bill Wall
To see whose limerick is most stunning.
We must try to compose
And maybe earn a rose,
As we go down the halls of fame, humming.
--- Therese Marie Ciciora
When you're feeling mind-numbingly randy.
If you're getting lewd urges,
Then verbalized surges
Of seminal content, are dandy.
--- Jester Jon
But sadly, the rhythm's a choppy write,
And the danger is zilch
That someone will filch
A negligent, slapdash, or sloppy write.
--- Hugh Clary
He'll produce them in ten seconds flat.
With a flash and a pop,
They appear at the drop
Of a word or a hint of a hat.
--- Joan Butler P0609
But I'm afraid you must still suffer it.
For now my great plan
Is to fail my exams,
And the limericks are doing their bit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The fun that I have on the 'net,
When trading sick quips,
'Bout licks, sucks and nips,
You fellas sure can get me wet.
My backside is starting to swell,
And it's getting sore;
And you're such a bore...
Go write a few lims for a spell!
--- Observer
This one goes out to my brother.
Don't be upset by the fact,
Your girlfriend I packed -
For details please read the other!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For a significant period of time;
Just adapt an old syl-
lable, hoping it will
Not disclose a grammatical crime.
--- R J Winkler P8505
For, though he is slender and trim, Rick,
When you say, "Let us lay,"
He will answer "O.K.,
But first let me tell you this limerick!"
--- G2699
I find them quite tricky to match
With th ones that were written
With which you were smitten
Last term. Well here's a new batch.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Too old for his usual tricks,
Now uses his head,
Writing limericks instead,
And, thus, using words, gets his kicks.
--- Al Willis P9702
I knew that you liked limericks, too;
For your thanks, just agree
That you'll stick up for me;
Remember -- I stuck up for you.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8505 a
Does a Chink eating Chow get obese?
I just got the word
That I'm getting absurd,
So now I'll desist and decease.
--- Anon
This comes from retired MDs.
Must a lim be ribald
To gain a foothold,
BTW, what was her name in Chinese?
--- Anon
Is such a predictable gimmerick.
If brains, you've got some,
You know what's to come,
Or at least you know something quite simmerick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I woke up today with no shoes;
I woke up this morn
In a battered and worn
Cardboard carton in Burlington Mews.
--- Peter Wilkins
Mah radio done blew a fuse;
It crackled; it hissed;
It went bang an' I'm pissed
An' I'm singin' the limerick blues.
--- Peter Wilkins
I ain't got no money for booze;
My babe done me wrong
When she laughed at my dong,
And I'm singing the limerick blues.
--- Peter Wilkins
No money for bourbon an' booze;
Ah woke up this morn
An' mah baby was gorn
An' I'm missin' her regular screws.
--- Peter Wilkins
An' that's why I'm singin' this song.
Mah baby done left;
I'm feelin' bereft,
Since she chewed off the end of mah dong.
--- Peter Wilkins
(Mah dong, I said man, not mah jong.
Mah jong is a game
But mah dong is gone lame.)
For mah baby she gone done me wrong.
--- Peter Wilkins
Ah can't get no piece of the action.
Mah babe done me wrong
When she chewed up mah dong
An' the doc's gone an' put it in traction.
--- Peter Wilkins
No money for regular booze.
There ain't not a lot'll
Left here in this bottle;
I'm singing the methylene blues.
--- Peter Wilkins
Way down here in Burlington Mews.
My babe done me wrong,
So I'm singing this song,
And I'm sick of the limerick blues.
--- Peter Wilkins
And dossing in Burlington Mews;
No money for booze,
No radio news,
And no woman for regular screws.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who rhymed about all of the dues
He had paid to get laid;
But the rhymes that he made,
Made no mention of jews or of cooz!
--- Brian Belge
Reading limericks is just what we do.
But in Soviet Russia
And what used to be Prussia,
The violent limericks read you.
--- Anon
That violence is bad and unkind,
This will do the trick.
Just read a limerick;
You will have an improved state of mind.
--- Anon
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