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She will turn 55 on that day, Whenever the weather gets worse, There once was a writer who wrote: I seem to think lims all the time; I don't want to appear as a jerk, The limerick tells about lasses On visiting Limerick in Erin, Not savoring sonnet or ballad, In limericks we often do battle An orthodox rabbi named Chaim I tried to speak words to my friend, I've putty and mud for a brain; (kc8pms wanted drinking limericks)
So here's to the girl from (some place) I'm sitting here, typing this dross, By cadences aptly harmonic, Unpunished a good deed never goes. But to me, it seems now you write lims In limericks, the line is quite fine Pronouncing lime-rick may vary The limerick is sometimes a puzzle, Limerick quality varies a lot; (referring to Toast Point web page)
One look at a line anapestic, Some limericks are merely inane, The limerick, outlandish and garish, The limericks by some are quite clean Beware the limerick bore; If you'd write in this 'genre' of verse, A limerick chronicler's slant On topics of girlfriend or wife, The limerick: a mixture of folly The monarch of bawdy expression, The limerick is seldom quite clean -- It really is silly, you know, My wife she's always true blue; Throughout the whole world, experts say The limerick's a minor addiction; Need some quality content in a hurry? The limerick and couplet have merged A Limerick and marriage it's true, While some men have gone making babies Quite rabid with limericks I am. What a limerick is in a crunch, I looked through my files and gave pause, The limerick now has been maligned To make up new words may be comical, The humble old cute limerick Some limericks, I have one or two. I guess I will throw them away. If you say to a literate guy, Limericks, it is clear to see There are girls from equator to pole It has been said that a limerick Limericks, as I've said here before, The limerick is a big waste This is not my most favorite lim. The problem I think you will find Some lives are so odd, you agree? Now aren't you just thoroughly glad Does a limerick have to be crude The limerick bridges the gap The limerick's a verse form fantastic With insatiable drive to expound There was a young girl from Bangkok, The sonnet gets treated like gold Because I do not have a life, We don't really talk about lims; Then some of our tales of the farm
And she works for that folding type pay.
A lim, two or three
Would be helpful to me;
Oh no, she is definitely not gay.
--- Anon
I rarely get angry or curse;
I merely sit down
At my keyboard and frown
'Til I've written a limerick verse.
--- Peter Wilkins
"Dear Sir In reply to your note
Of yesterdays's date
I am sorry to state
It's no good -- at the prices you quote."
--- Rudyard Kipling P8810
My thoughts they keep trying to rhyme.
It's got me so fed
Up with lims in my head,
Can you stop them, I'll give you a dime?
--- Anon
But on weekends, from writing we shirk.
But now I'm aware
That this isn't quite fair;
It could be, we post them from work.
--- Chris Anton
And of men who pursue them with passes;
It reaches the male
From Harvard or Yale,
But doesn't get through to the masses.
--- Alsops Foibles
You'll find folks are all hard of hearin'.
If you would recite
Your limericks you might
Be wise if you first threw a beer in.
--- Irving Superior P8505
I suffer a metrical malad-
y patiently till
My appetite will
Be sated by limerick salad.
--- R J Winkler P8505
'Twixt fiction and fact. We won't tattle
What we actually do
With gerbil or ewe...
(But the city, in fact, was Seattle)
Once thought masturbation a crime
Till he found AJL (alt.jokes.limericks)
Where the girls are all swell;
Now he gets all his nookie in rhyme.
--- Anon
But my head it was such a dead end,
When I opened my mouth
All these rhymes, they came out,
And me on my way, she did send.
--- Anon
But to you, it must even be plain
To any such dunce.
If you change "There once..."
To "Here's to a lady named Jane."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who wore gingham/silk/satin/lace.
And after some brandy/
Gin/ginger beer/shandy,
Would happily sit on my face.
--- Tiddy Ogg
While Erm's off a-feeding her hoss.
I need exercise,
But despite several tries,
I'm too lazy to even have a toss.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Melodiously macaronic,
A limerick may
Enliven you day
Supplying a trivial tonic.
--- R J Winkler P8505
This is one thing that not everyone knows.
Try it out and you'll see,
It's not only me.
Keep it up and you'll wind up a pro.
--- John
Attempting to get into quims.
Though sometimes instead
You play games with their heads,
And rhyme philosophical whims
--- Anon
Between lousy, and good, and sublime.
This one's an example
Of rhymes meant to rankle--
And I do it in jest all the time!
--- John Miller 0051
So syllable counters are wary,
Lest lim-er-ick fit
Where lime-rick was write:
Two varying sounds but not very.
--- R J Winkler P8505
A verse form that some folks would muzzle.
But, son of a gun,
I just can't write one.
Why sometimes I do a whole duzzle.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505
Some are clever, and others are not.
Some are hits, others miss.
Some are boring, like this,
But they all end up here, on this spot.
--- Prof M-G TP9802
You know it won't be antiseptic.
So prudes go elsewhere,
Far from lim's lair,
It's silly to get apoplectic.
--- TuttaGioia
Others are quite delightful, urbane.
Some folks have a leaning
Toward those having meaning,
Never mind that the meaning's arcane.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0212
May come from the whorehouse or parish,
And renown can ensure
By avoiding what's pure,
And attacking the symbols folks cherish.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0008
And others are clearly obscene.
There's those who write solely
On topics most holy,
But mine fall betwixt and between.
--- Anon
From a seemingly infinite store
He trots out more verse,
Where the scansion gets worse,
But the subject's the same as before.
--- Paul Jennings
You must fix on a topic that's terse,
And come straight to the point;
If the thing's out of joint,
Why, than nothing at all, it is worse.
--- Norm Storer
Was that only two kinds are extant:
"There are those," he'd surmise,
"You can categorize,
And then there are those that you can't."
--- Jerry Nordal P0111
You'll find innuendo is rife.
When limerickers meet,
These rhymes they excrete,
Thus swelling the cesspool of life.
--- Cubby
And sentiments planned to be jolly,
Designed to give pleasure
In metrical measure
When brought to a clever finale.
--- R J Winkler P8505
The limerick thrives on compression.
It packs it all in,
Sin upon sin,
In erotic and lively sucession.
--- TuttaGioia
It is often completely obscene.
But don't worry, old cock,
I'm not a shock-jock.
My words are all fit to be seen.
--- Anthony Matheson
That boys fight it out blow-by-blow
In Limerical verse,
Which tends to get worse,
Each cycle of vile quid pro quo.
This is file jvm
A birthday for her is soon due.
Elizabeth is her name;
She's a fine looking dame;
Could you post me a limerick or two?
--- Anon
That it's Geography Rules! O.K.?
But it's not the location
But the mere appelation,
That's important down Limerick way.
--- E O Parrot
A curious kind of affliction.
Though it is often uncouth
It holds kernels of truth
Which make it read stranger than fiction.
--- Russ Roth P8811
Struggling authors, now don't you worry.
Limericks are fun
And easily done,
And legal, except in Missouri.
--- Lynn Mostafa
And out of this union emerged
The limerick, surprised,
To four lines down-sized;
The couplet unhappily purged.
--- Irving Superior
Like Bride's dress made from both old and new;
They both have their Priests
And screwing of beasts,
Somethin' borrowed and somethin' blue too.
--- David Miller
And women forestall them with maybes,
Our horny Randog
Has kept us agog,
With wads of his limerick rabies.
--- SFA
They're almost as good as a clam
That's bearded and fragrant
In which I can flagrant-
Ly thrust my well-hung bettering ram.
--- Randog
Is a bit like a lady's light lunch.
Though it briefly delights,
It's just four nutty bites,
Washed down with a ludicrous punch.
--- Graham Lester
There's verse about vicars and whores,
Of sheep, cows and nurses,
And mad nuns; the curse is
To choose one is quite a lost cause.
--- Anon
In a manner abrupt and unkind.
This treatise on dirt
Leaves my raw feeling hurt,
And creates a dirt blot on my mind.
--- Gerry Busch
And sometimes it's so economical,
That sometimes we play
With things that we say,
And get laughter that's just astronomical!
--- Anon
Retains poem status -- my pick
For rhythmical fun
With the odd added pun;
The humor is what does the trick.
--- Gerry Busch
But are they old or are they new?
If they have been posted
Then I would be roasted
Or strangled until I turn blue.
--- Marlene Lewis
Nobody should care what they say.
They're about body parts --
Can't go into Alt.Arts --
Perhaps they would sell on E-bay.
--- Marlene Lewis
"Limericks!," Comes a gleam to his eye,
And he quotes one or two;
If he can't tell a few,
Then, beware, he's an enemy spy.
--- Anon
Have sexual tendencies.
Can it be done
Just for some fun,
Without being stripped or teased?
--- Anon
Who claim no one's been into their hole.
You can cover the girth
Of the whole fucking Earth.
To come up with these limericks droll.
--- John Miller 0326
Is an Irish poetical gimmerick,
Written by and for men
And the feminine pen
Is really not up to the trick.
--- Lucy K Milburn P9803
Are quite like a favorite whore;
Provide lots of fun
For everyone,
But do not come in the front door.
--- Tony Burrell
Of time and it leaves a bad taste
In my mouth, like bad beer.
I rinse out the whole schmeer
With lots of real minty toothpaste.
--- Lee Tracy
All these words appear very dim.
In fact, they're not there.
Indeed, they're nowhere.
Did you drop this here on a whim?
--- Anon
Is the limerick form is designed
For amusement. Our stuff
Is not serious enough,
For the topics you may have in mind.
--- Peter Wilkins
Well worthy of biography.
The limerick traces
Their trials and disgraces
So different from you and from me.
--- E O Parrot
That I did not post stuff this bad?
You might have made fun
Of all but this one,
And that would have made me real sad.
--- Anon
Or simply insightful yet rude.
I prefer politics
Over rhymes about dicks,
But perhaps I'm a bit of a prude.
--- KJ
Between what's in the head and the lap.
That which makes my life good,
(Like my pecker of wood)
Seems somehow profound in this rap.
--- Anon
And the things it can do are quite drastic.
It can stretch on a rack
But it always snaps back,
For it's made of recycled elastic.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505
Vain feelings constrained, seeming bound;
What he couldn't in mime,
He accomplished in rhyme,
Till relief with a Limerick was found.
--- Don Ping
Who wrote limericks rude that could shock.
The limericks were topical
And quite biological,
And all had vaginas and cocks.
--- Robert Elliot
And the villanelle too, I am told. (complex Frog poem-McW)
But the limerick gets stuck
In the dirt and the muck,
When the form should be loudly extolled.
--- Gerry Busch
And my day's full of struggle and strife,
It's really quite easy
To write something sleazy,
'Stead of listening to my nagging wife!
--- Anon
We'd rather discuss moistening quims.
Or Father O'Toole
With boys in his school
Or writings by both of the Grimms.
--- Archie
And Bessie with all of her charm
Still leave room for ewes
Of various hues.
The black sheep will come to no harm.
--- Archie
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