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And just what does he mean by a cranny?
Is this something that you'd tell your Granny?
Are you a great coward?
Was a wallflower deflowered?
Does it allude to getting some fanny?
(dedicated to Mr Lefever)
Just what do you mean by a fanny? I wait by my mailbox, each day Why Lightbulb, you seem pretty bright. The life of a lightbulb's not grand; The Bulb's plight is worse than my own: There once was a cocky old blighter He charges a ten dollar fee, And let's not forget about Pete; And Travis has gotten too old; Old Archie and Marty and Hugh Having Googled the post of one malo- Does he come no more here to play? I've noticed Shagnasty is gone; (Jim Weaver's alias)
His flesh is now picked by the birds Shagnasty McFilth? I don't know. Fresh driven snow, you might say; It's a shame he's gone by the way; We're missing those rhymes with the smell I heard that his whorehouse caught fire. Yes Tiddy, I heard that tale too. Oh well, that explains the hiatus, 'Bout Travis the rumors were fell; I thought he was down on his luck I look here for Travis, old Tid, A regular oldie I be A legend I fear I'll not be, Compared to the Tid, we are weak As for species that live in the wild: Out here, it is way far too cold Now Tiddy, I know just what's grouse. Tsk Tsk Archie, I think that it's I think so, 'cause I've got the notion It has been a while since I've lurked; But it's been a long time, I admit, Ah there, dear boy, it's sublime. O frabjous day! he proclaimed! So let us all learn once and all; I will offer up this dire prediction Limerickosis I thought in remission; With the limerick bug I'm infected; If you're starting to get Limerickosis, I must say I'm very impressed But this damn pharmacology test By now you have probably guessed, But if you should kindly request, It's been quite a while since I've come With spurious softness thou hast A limerick writer is cursed, A sweet boy named Hugh really had it I have a Limerick addiction; The answer is simple, I think; Someone please throw a lifeline to me; I can't stop writing these limericks; A man at a poets convention Good morning, hello, and good night. My ordeal, you cannot compare; I tried so in vain, to forget People said, "Get it out of your system." When I had nothing better to do, In the shower, I do my best rhyming, Now Marty, there's no need to pout; Well, rub-a-dub-dub in the tub! There once was a fellow named Tock, So his friends he quickly alerted But soon they discovered the joys One by one, the all joined in
--- Donald McGill
We Yanks think this vertical cranny
Is found where the Greeks
Oft poke between cheeks,
When buggering Tom, Dick, and Danny.
--- Randog
For a document that will say,
"We gladly hereby
With pride, certify
That Lightbulb's limericks are okay."
--- Lightbulb
(Maybe socially, though, not quite right.)
But the mail is so slow.
You've been waiting to go...
I hope you can keep busy at night.
--- HMWV
(Made mostly of gas, and quartz sand),
See, only a few
Get more than one screw,
And sadly, this is done by hand.
--- Lightbulb
Turned on by some Alice or Joan.
It's always turned off
With no chance to boff,
And instantly dies when its blown.
--- John Miller
With a website called limerickwriter.
He pumps out his verse,
Which is bad to worse;
Mine's younger, disease-free, and tighter.
--- Graham Lester
So why not contract one from me?
Just give me your name;
You'll be glad you came.
Don't pay for praise, get insults for free!
--- Graham Lester
To hear from him would be a treat.
But it could be, that bard
Is working too hard,
Or shacked up in some hotel suite.
--- Observer
At least that is what I've been told.
Let's not count on him
To write us a lim;
His limerick muse has gone cold.
--- Observer
Should sit down and write us a few.
And I suppose I,
Too, could give it a try.
But you know, I ain't Goin 2.
--- Observer
Derous punk, dim and hollow,
Who's flamed us and lamed us,
Defamed and them framed us;
If he ain't around, who'll we follow.
--- Cyber Wizard
Will we see him here posting someday?
If we order online,
Will he sent divine
Lims? Ask him if you see Kay.
--- Cyber Wizard
I'm wondering just for how long.
MacFilth was his name
And lims were his game,
But his silence now speaks so strong
--- Anon
Of prey in a pasture, where herds
Just pass him on by,
And leave the lad lie
To share the whole place with the turds.
--- Anon
We're pure here, as fresh driven snow.
We don't talk of pricks,
Cunts, or Randy French chicks,
Who'll give you an excellent blow.
--- Anon
But this is not a site I must pay
For rhymes of a color.
I can save my last dollar
And read any egg you might lay.
--- Anon
His rhyme could sure make one's day.
But the new crop that's here
Certainly adds to the cheer;
It's different, but, oh what the hey.
--- Anon
Of a skunk lying dead in a well,
That no one could admire.
So I have to inquire,
What happened to Travis Brasell?
--- Hugh Clary
He wasn't consumed in the pyre,
But lies broken-hearted.
He knows how it started:
The friction of pounding desire.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But to sooth the questioning Hugh:
Trav's final assault
Might have been my fault...
I bit off more than I could chew.
--- Sister Christina
Your sadly non-posting new status.
You've been to the south
With an overfilled mouth,
And not with the God called Priapus.
--- Archie
They're worse then we dare to retell.
We thought you had died
Or gained a new bride,
Or gone all the way down to Hell.
--- Archie
When Trav drove away in his truck.
But I knew very well
He'd not gone to Hell;
In Hell there's no livestock to fuck.
--- Cyber Wizard
He up and plain vanished, he did.
I'm left here to wonder
If he's up or under;
I hope he just ran off and hid.
--- Frank Fazed
And "at it" at times, I'll agree.
But losing my hair
Means limericks are rare...
Yes, rarer than taking a pee.
--- SFA
That title belongs to Tiddy.
But like you I've aged,
And at weak streams raged,
As on my new loafers I pee.
--- Frank Fazed
With lims that are boring and bleak.
But I'll tell you, chum,
He'll have to go some
To catch you if you're at your peak.
--- SFA
There are thousand we haven't defiled.
But we keep on trying,
There's three of us vying
As first with an elephant child.
--- John Miller
And I'm not so bold now that I'm old,
To venture in perm-
Afrost, risk hypotherm-
Ia, to bugger the sheep in their fold.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'll sent some off to your house.
No, not in a sack,
But in a Post Pack;
Six kits for my favorite mouse.
--- Archie
A nice thing to sent Tiddy kits,
But haven't you loused
Up your favorite mouse,
By sexually exploding it to bits.
--- Cyber Wizard
That here, way across a big ocean,
On night my mind wandered
And as I thus pondered,
I'm sure that I heard the sexplosion.
--- Cyber Wizard
This is file ijm
I do see the point where you're irked.
The spas all seem ripe,
Not that I'd be the type;
I think that we're around being jerked.
--- Rich Grise
Since I've come to see wherein I fit.
The poetry sucks,
I can't make the bucks;
So really, just who gives a shit?
--- Rich Grise
Just give it a little more time.
Your ship will come in,
And it won't be a sin!
And not only that, I can rhyme!
--- Rich Grise
These verses I've thoroughly maimed!
But when we all look
For hook and for crook,
We find I'm impeccably aimed!
--- Rich Grise
It looks like we're taking a fall.
But down in the pit
Is the secret of it.
So let's all go over the wall.
--- Rich Grise
Of a rapidly growing affliction.
This compulsion to write
Well into the night...
I'm talking 'bout limericks addiction.
--- Bob Birch
Thought it had gone to perdition.
But it came back last night,
Full of vigor aand fight,
And in a much stronger condition.
--- Dan Sullivan
To be truthful I think I'm addicted
To this pattern of rhyme
And its metered time.
Is anyone else so afflicted?
--- Anon
Swap it quick for some bad halitosis.
Friends will still turn away,
But it's less likely that they
Will start mixing up arsenic doses.
--- Dan Sullivan
At this limerick combat contest.
Using rhyme as your swords,
You deserve your rewards,
Though you people border on obsessed!
--- Big Mick
Coming up, has got me overstressed.
Please, forgive the blip
As quality takes a dip,
'Cause exams cause cerebral arrest.
--- Big Mick
And others will surely detest,
That I'm using Rhymezone,
Not just finding my own
Words that end in or rhyme with "-est".
--- Big Mick
That I'd go back to what I do best:
Using only my brain
To find words most arcane,
To wind up the poem: behest!
--- Big Mick
To relish this group, stupid chum.
I've missed your lim jewels
And stanky lim drools
And airing my spurious bum.
--- Taxciter
Not ever thy putrid gas passed,
And the odor of shit
From the din ye emit
Leaves even dung beetles aghast.
--- Hugh Clary
With desire to rhyme every verse.
And it matters how long
Every word in the song
Or the end may be better or worse.
--- Leon Blum
With limericks. He wasn't bad at it.
He'll return quite insane,
Then he'll have to explain
When caught up and caught out and caught at it.
--- Cyber Wizard
With my bloke its causing some friction.
He says I waste time
Making up the rhyme,
And what's more I have lousy diction.
--- Anon
I'll change my style quick as a wink
And simply compile
All my mail, limerick style...
Won't be long, I'll be needing a shrink!
--- Anon
I'm drowning in a limerick sea.
Whatever I say
Just comes out this way.
It'll soon be the death of me.
--- Terry Braaten
I started it just for a few kicks.
I thought it quite hard
To write like a bard,
But it seems like I've now learned some new tricks.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Declared, "It is now my intention
To give up writing verse,
For I find it a curse,
And the writing is such a pretension."
--- Don Mulford
I cometh and bringeth the light.
My long absence spell
Was three years of hell,
Infected with festering blight.
--- Lightbulb
'Twas but a life changing affair.
My PC had crashed
And limmer hopes dashed,
Though chiefly: no more solitaire!
--- Lightbulb
This limmering life on the net.
Though I can't deny
Without it, I'd die,
And life isn't life with regret.
--- Lightbulb
Of my limericks, they've said, "We don't miss them."
But the verses are dear,
So that's why I'm here;
I've abandoned the people who've dissed them.
--- James
I wrote this limerick just for you.
Be it poem or prose,
I have to compose
When my brain gets into a stew.
--- William K Alsop Jr
But that really is lousy timing.
To think them up when
I can't use a pen;
I should have just taken up miming.
--- Marlene Lewis
A scribe's what you need, beyuong doubt.
I'll gladly take notes
For you, if my choat's
Massaged by you when you come out.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You could write while I had a scrub.
And for all of your work,
I'd give you a jerk,
But I ain't massaging you, Bub!
--- Marlene Lewis
Who surfed oft a newsgroup that was chock
Full of humor,
That he'd sooner
Share than ridicule and mock.
--- Tock
To the humor, both sanctifed and perverted,
At alt.arts.limericks
Then took 10000 licks
For causing their peace to be diverted.
--- Tock
Of five rhyming lines that annoy
Innocent bystanders,
Mountaineers and flat-landers,
Playing with words like they were toys.
--- Tock
Abusing language -- Oh what a sin!
They'd compose and they'd rhyme
And have a good time,
And their laughter caused quite a din.
--- Tock
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