Finally the police did arrive From the bowels of their jail cells they still Now Tock is taking donations Our verse will be judged without bias, I can't quit now, I am ahead, A writer of limerick rhyme With limerick writing I'm cursed. I knew that he wasn't about; Some thought, "Lightbulb's in his dotage. It's true what he says, "on low power;" Good luck on your maidenhead quest! With that I tend to disagree; Ladies in their twenties are best; There was a young girl with a pen I am dizzy with rhyming today, At limericking you'll do just fine, There is no way you can excuse Alas, on limericks I'm hooked. There was a young fellow named Chris, I inherited it from my grandfather, If your mind is alive all the time, A poet possesses a curse, From the moment I got out of bed, As the moon wanders over my head, The moment my eyes meed the dawn You should see the bags under my eyes. I once had a gal who would straddle I'm sorry that I showed my face; Limericks are like diet pop; I am going to bed now -- no more! On money I'm short, to my sorrow; Backgammon's a game I don't play. Been absent from here for so long
This is file jim
It's a pleasant surprise when you flounce In re: limericks I'm known to have said, Some people will here post attacks Don't try limericks, dears, they're addictive! The Internet brings out the worst When Earl puts his thoughts into rhyme, Uncle Remus will shortly commence Does a limerick have to be crude "Oh God, no!" screamed a roach on my bed, I dislike becoming the brunt Been running with scissors today, We're going to play musical chairs, Doggerel is really bad verse You limerick folk think you've wit, I'm afraid that your limerick sucks; An ardent proponent of minimalism A limerick's easy to write; Hey, what the fuck happened to Ward? Like your pecker, lims aren't very hard; John Miller was rude to T.Pot. Now, there, take it easy, my boy; But your lim doesn't work as a joke. Or explain, if you can "Yanquipig". I can't write these lims on computers Let it be said and be heard, For the limerick, the feminist crew Polish Limericks? Hooray and whoopee! Those sensitive souls who must scowl Now what in the hell is this fluff? Your quote brings a smile and a dimple, Composing a limerick that's clever Don't you hate these last minute corrections, I'm so glad that you are enthused,
And stopped the fun from which they derived
All sorts of pleasure,
From mining the treasure
Of English, which of course, is alive!
--- Tock
Continue to write limericks until
Their fingers grow weary
And eyesight goes bleary
And their funny bones have just had their fill.
--- Tock
For legal fees and some bribations,
To spring all his friends
Whose only offense
Was playful verbal combinations.
--- Tock
By a jury of peers who will try us.
They'll ponder our poems
Like critics and gnomes
And if verse comes to worse, they will fry us.
--- Marc Davis
And what would I then do instead?
Twiddle my thumb?
That would be dumb!
I might just as well stay in bed.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Was composing too much of the time;
Until one day his boss,
Tired of taking the loss,
Proceded to kick his behime.
--- Ryan Waldron
While in other forms I well-versed,
My limericks are minor,
There are others much finer.
Like Germans, I have the knackwurst.
--- Gerry Busch
His very existence in doubt.
His light, just not dimmer,
Not even a glimmer;
I thought that the lightbulb went out.
--- John Miller
Others said, "He's retired to a cottage."
Though he's been gone long,
'Twas not a swan song.
He was just burning a very low wattage.
--- James
Been hiding, awaiting the hour.
I stalk and I lurch
As I slyly search
For a young lady to deflower.
--- Lightbulb
Though pickin's are slim now, at best.
I still recall when
Girls older than ten
Could pass a virginity test.
--- John Miller
I've sampled the lot, so you see,
If you want to tongue her,
Stay way from those younger.
They tast like dried blood and stale pee.
--- Lightbulb
They know how to clean up when messed.
I dive in head first
And quench my dying thirst,
With nectar sweeter than the rest.
--- Lightbulb
Who wrote a few lines now and then.
But at night in her bed,
She could cower with dread
From that terrible limerick yen.
--- Meps N Barry
Bending words in impossible ways.
When you spin on the rim
Of a lim, don't fall in,
Or you'll probably be lost for days
--- Jayne
If your mind's in a rut same as mine.
This fatal affliction
Don't bank much on diction,
As long as the words fit the line.
--- Don Tidwell
Yourself not beeing here. Just use
The time at night
When the moon is bright.
Forget real life, you have to choose.
--- Joschi Cichon
My brain, you reckon, is cooked?
Asleep I see words
Like cattle in herds.
A date with my shrink I have booked.
--- Reminisce P9310
Who said: "You are clearly remiss,
If upon a weekend
A lim you've not penned;
So in haste I have scribbled out this.
--- Murphy
Who then passed it on to my mother,
An obsession with poem
A desire to show 'em,
In stanzas one after another.
Turning rhyme after rhyme after rhyme.
Even while you're in bed
Rhymes come into your head;
I'm afraid that one's just past one's prime.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
For he thinks in the madness of verse.
My sanity's ample,
For this small example
Is just an attempt to rehearse.
--- Anon
I rhymed everything that I said.
I know it's a crime;
I wasted my time;
I should have been working instead.
--- Bob Leclerc
My fatigue is beginning to spread.
As it reaches 12 AM,
I hear you all sayin'
"Get the hell outta here! Go to bed!"
And fetching the news from the lawn,
The words I keep rhyming
While checking their timing,
Until a new limerick I spawn.
--- Bob Leclerc
I can't fool my wife, she's too wise.
But my late nights online
Reading rhyme after rhyme,
Posted here by all of you guys.
--- Anon
My gear while I sat in the saddle.
I slipped her a bun,
While doing a ton...
Just noted this Limerick is twaddle.
--- Anon
It's truly a great waste of space.
I hadn't the brain
To compose this refrain,
So please kick me out of your place.
--- Tiddy Ogg
When you start, it is so hard to stop.
I write twenty a day.
At work, or at play,
Until I am ready to drop.
--- Sal R
It is already 12:54.
The only thing is
I feel guilty -- gee whiz!
'Cause I should have gone hours before.
--- Sal R
No more can I beg, steal, or borrow.
I'll have to stop lurking
And go back to working,
But I guess it can wait till tomorrow.
--- John Miller
It would take many hours away
That I need in my work
And my other odd quirk,
All the limericks written each day.
--- Sheila B
I'm glad limericks is going strong.
Who else is still here
Each year-after-year,
And who in here has a big dong?
Back in, and I'll happily pounce
On the flimsiest chance
To get in your pants,
And answer you "Yes!" on both counts.
My frustration at times turns me red.
I start with a great plan
But the damn things won't scan,
So the best ones are all in my head.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0107
On Liberals, Far Right, and dumb hacks;
But the form that is KING
Is the limerick thing,
Which most that you wrote sorely lacks!
--- Anon
That sweet little beat turns vindictive!
Forced time after time
To seek rhythm and rhyme,
You'll spout anapest tales, real and fictive.
--- Cyd
Of typists whose lips are all pursed.
But it gives me the hammer
When I see such bad grammar,
From ones who should all be well versed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He gave them a bit too much time.
On extra beat more
In lines three and four--
An error, not really a crime.
--- Earl and Moniz
To turn in his grave; that a dense
Poetmaster would shame
Brer Rabbit's fine name,
Writing verses so lacking in sense.
--- Anon
Or simply insightful yet rude.
I prefer politics
Over rhymes about dicks,
But perhaps I'm a bit of a prude.
--- Anon
As I aimed Legman's book at his head.
"Not that limerick crap.
Have a heart buddy, zap
Me with Shakespeare or Milton instead."
--- Michael Weinstein
Of people who grumble and grunt.
They'll call you a wart
Or big stupid fart;
Those people whose speech is so blunt.
--- Anon
And I ain't been nice when I play
With those other guys.
But, take my advice --
Be careful when you get risque'.
--- Anon
The kind where you should say your prayers.
Don't think me unkind,
You open your mind,
When it should be closed for repairs.
--- Marlene Lewis
And from novices, always gets worse.
Our animal rhyming
Has such awful timing,
You'd think it was some kind of curse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But your crossposting gives me a fit.
Do you think ATJ
Gives a fuck either way
'Bout your humorless lame-rhyming shit?
--- Labrat
No titties or panties or fucks?
Depravity, sleaze,
Are the best, if you please;
For good lims these things are the crux!
--- Jayne
Thought all other music was criminalism;
And what's even worse
He believed rhyming verse
Was verging on bourgeois subliminalism.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
You could pen ten or twenty tonight.
But when 'neath your words
Lurks a fetish for turds,
It's sick and disgusting and trite!
--- Ward Hardman
Did he sicken from dipping his sword
In the ass of a sow
Or a horse or a cow,
Catching syph as his lasting reward?
--- John Miller
Even you could put out like a bard,
Posting limerick poop
To this wonderful group,
'Stead of being some stupid re-tard.
--- John Miller
His justification was what?
My post was too short
But his ugly retort
Has injured my feeling a lot.
--- Tepperpotamus
My ugly retort was a ploy,
Which worked as it should
To prove that you could
Write a lim that we all could enjoy.
--- John Miller
So now, if you'll be a nice bloke,
You'll give us some verse
On some subject perverse
That'll cause us to laugh 'til we choke.
--- John Miller
This challenge can't be very big,
For a man with your brain;
If it proves too much strain,
Try it after a toke or a swig.
--- John Miller
Unless I've had several shooters,
And if they'd be good,
Then I really should
Toke up on some really big hooters.
--- Cyber Wizard
I was a tad harsh on you nerds.
Okay, I'll admit,
That I'm no hypocrit,
But I'm often seen eating my words...
Have only contempt. In their view
It is substitute sex
For those physical wrecks:
The farts who are too old to screw.
--- A N Wilkins P9106
Like Chinese of the Ming Dynasty,
Though poignant and clever,
Despite my endeavor
To translate, they're all Greek to me.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105
At males who write limericks foul,
Might well lose the blues
If they would just use
An APERIENT just 'fore they howl.
--- Observer
You geezers are swiping my stuff.
The rhymes aren't right.
They give me a fright.
I'm going to storm out in a huff.
--- Frank
'Cause we all know the limerick is simple.
In this group I have found
That great minds abound,
And others, I guess, merely wimple.
--- Anon
Can be quite a tricky endeavor.
A pithy result
Whose gist is adult
Makes all of us chortle, however.
--- Randog
That result from a writer's reflections;
When there's words to be changed,
Or some lines rearranged,
Or the limerick alters directions.
--- Bob Birch P0800
But you are most sadly confused.
Tainted by corruption,
Our steady eruption
Of rot is what keeps us amused.
--- Carol