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"A group of good limmers I wish The fate of the thirteen foot beast An author some labeled a cheater, Now who would have thought of the name; (probably about "grimmericks")
Bean's grimmericks could never get worse, Dirruk enters the Oval Office erect; These newsgroups have often been droll, Old H's the best, I declare, Herewith is old John Miller's Tale, It is truth, Oggy Man, that you speak While I slap my head and say "doh!" John Miller's not over the hill, John Miller is handsome and slim, Your assertion I surely do wish So thank him and e'en shed a tear When John hits the three sixty-five, When John Miller hits three sixty-five, Collecter of limericks in need That Limericist, Laurence Perrine, Though Arch may mis-rhyme with impunity, Malo, do you sometimes lurk? Yes, John boy, I still hear you moan. I am sure that somewhere I read Hey Malo, you grumpy old fart; Some folks wish that I'd go away. Perrine just surpasses the rest. When Petal and Sweet P have fun, I saw Peter at the ballet. Dear Peter, it's nice that you're back! Alas no vouptuous racks What fun we could have now if Peter I once met Peter, I'll say! So, now he's been seen in a dress? Those limericks clearly don't stink I'll now make a limericks that's betterer, Rob Herrick wrote some of the best; (gather ye rosebuds while ye may...)
New guy Alex Heydon, is neat! Six others are due for some praise But on top, there's Domenico (Bob) Langford Reed saved the limerick verse, What's happened to Travis Brassel? Please give us some kind of clue, Alabama's old bard is no more He told me by mail, quite dejected, I know of an old guy named Thomas, The limericks have slowed to a crawl; Don't worry yourself, they'll be back And, let's not forget about Pete; And Travis has gotten too old; Old Archie and Marty and Hugh Dear Dirruk, we're all here to help, The males here are all pretty strong There's plenty of skills that we've got (Now, in this violent age, Mr Dirruk, I don't understand... From my heart, Dirruk dear, I do care; Since some of my lims are disasters, Hugh Clary writes lims very well, Now Hugh, there is no need to pout. If yours are worth even piasters, John Miller is on a big roll; Observer, I don't need to steal 'em; John'll do anything for a buck, Buy 'em? I wish that I could, And as for my dealings with ducks -- There once was a man named Lefever
I'd match, they're so good and so swish.
My mind's filled with bones
And rocks and round stones,"
Said Archie who often speaks gibberish.
--- Archie
Concerns me just not in the least.
What worries me most
Is being the host
Of the Archie Rhyme School of the East!
--- Anon
Could always maintain perfect metre.
To write, was the trick,
While stroking his dick,
And he signed all his limericks By Peter.
--- Bob Birch P0204
None other than Bean, of great fame.
Now he writes with great breadth,
About illness and death,
And he does so without guilt or shame.
--- Bob Birch P0303
For he writes them in ways quite perverse.
But he's started a trend
That's not likely to end,
When they cart him away in a hearse.
--- Bob Birch P0306
He is now the President - Elect.
Monica's no longer there,
But new interns beware;
A new one each night he'll select.
--- mdt1
But time now has taken its toll,
And all the great limmers
Are little but glimmers,
Sucked into a hidden black hole.
And your's is quite good, to be fair.
But I've not seen a lim
From Malo or him --
Have they both disappeared in thin air?
--- John Miller
Heard once, whilst dead drunk in the jail;
His Lims are quite cagy,
But he's showing his age, he
Falls asleep in the midst of wassail.
--- Heekster
My own efforts are woefully weak
John's so endlessly mirthy,
That we are not worthy
To compete with the Limerick Freak.
(I must be incredibly slow)
Never entered my head
At the top of this thread,
Who the "John Miller" was, don'cha know?
--- Q
He's dressed up, and looks fit to kill;
Ready to perform
In the uniform,
That he wore at the Bunker Hill.
--- Anon
But hair-wise it's sure getting grim;
His dear wife, (with poor sight)
Combs his long locks each night,
But this hair doesn't belong to him.
--- David Miller
Were true, but lies aren't my dish:
My sex life has faded
Quite possibly aided
By Bessie, young lambs, and strange fish.
--- David Miller
For the prince of 5 lines without peer
(Except Cerf, Nash, and Vaughn,
Legman, Reed, and so on)
Who, like them, to write some more now, we're...
--- Anon
Are you sure he will still be alive?
But it sure would be neat
If he managed to beat
Old Methusela's nine hundred and five.
--- Peter Wilkins
We'll feel all aglow and alive.
They were all very good
And I think that he should
Continue, and that is no jive.
--- Al Willis
Of original specimens freed
Of the gross and obscene.
Must be witty, but clean.
Send examples by mail to L. Reed.
--- A N Wilkins P8703
Crafts a line that's so fine, it's divine!
Though I revel, each new ish.,
In his verses, I do wish
They could look a bit worse, next to mine.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8402
He has a long standing immunity,
'Cause he's done his time
Perfecting straight rhyme,
Like all the real limerick community.
--- Cyber Wizard
I know that you thought me a jerk
And caused me some pain
When you yanked on my chain,
But you turned out some marvelous work.
--- Dirruk
You better now leave me alone.
There's work to be done
By my sweet little hon;
Right now she is sucking my bone.
--- Mr Malo
That Malo was buried and dead.
But now it just seems
He's out of his jeans,
And busily getting some head.
--- Archie
I see that you're still playing smart.
Wonder if that young chick
That is working your dick,
Is able to get that thing hard.
--- Dirruk
But one or two want me to stay.
But it won't get me laid,
Or honored or paid,
So that's quite enough for today.
--- John Miller
His limericks are only the best.
And for extra fun,
He sneaks in a pun.
He'll make us look bad, I protest!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
We all can be sure of a pun
Or two and some ex-
tended lines (and sex).
They are gelogenic Top Guns!
--- Archie
Not once did the cad look my way.
Too busy, I'll wage,
At prancing on stage,
Performing that lame grand jete.
Thought you might be stuck in a shack,
Or some strange hotel,
Or business trip hell,
Or chained to a huge torturous rack!
--- Carol
Like yours, dear, on which to relax;
Just hellish hotels
And monastic-like cells
In depressingly rain-sodden shacks.
--- Peter Wilkins
Would likewise go fracture some meter,
In a way so perverse,
That reading the verse,
Raised the hackles straight up on the reader.
--- Anon
His peter was quite a good lay.
We fucked day and night
Like bunnies, alright!
Positions? Oh, yes, everyway!
--- Susan Arden
Oh dear, what a terrible mess!
I've done it again
And queered up my men.
Seems now I'm in awful distress.
This is file ikm
And some are quite dandy, I think.
So I have to be fair
And make others aware
By providing Pierce Evans a link:
--- Archie
Or my name isn't Richard H Lederer.
You may think it's odd o' me
To write about sodomy,
Fellatio, fucking et ceterer.
--- Cunning Linguist
He rhymed with beat verve and great zest.
Yet I liked him most
As the literate host
Who wrote of sweet Julia's breast.
--- Archie
He knows what to do with his feet!
His scan and his rhyme
Are correct every time
And his social impact is elite.
--- jem P0504
The balance could spend a few days
Learning tricks of the trade
They might yet make the grade
For the seeds of their talent amaze.
--- jem P0504
Whose Spoonericks do such a job
To get us admiring,
Inquiring, perspiring
To equal his skill - what a nob!
--- jem P0504
From being taken away in a hearse.
He made it so clean
Now it's fit for a queen,
Re-established for better or worse.
--- George Bernard Shaw
Has he bid us all a farewell?
A wife's ultimatum?
Did she say, verbatim,
"Quit limming or go straight to hell"?
--- Observer
That what we fear most, isn't true.
Just as you've been shirkin',
And get back to workin',
You need to know we're missin' you!
--- Observer
Since August, two-thousand and four;
He's retired to his sod
To bugger fair Maud
And the whores that they peddle galore.
--- Tiny Erl
Of problems he had while connected.
I've heard nothing since
(And here's where I wince)
Methinks he can't get it erected.
--- Frank Fazed
Who writes limericks with dots and commas.
While he's some times perverse
He's quite good with his verse
Which he writes while in his pajamas.
--- Tom Patton P0408
There ain't much of late to enthrall.
I'm thinkin', perhaps,
That one of you chaps
Should give Jon and Carol a call,
No need to have heart attack.
Sit back and relax;
Take some exlax.
And wait patiently for more crap.
To hear from him would be a treat,
But, could be that bard
Is working too hard,
Or shacked up in some hotel suite.
At least that is what I've been told.
Let's not count on him
To write us a lim...
His limerick muse has gone cold.
Should sit down and write us a few,
And I suppose I,
Too, could give it a try,
But, you know I ain't goin' to!
We're heeding your desparate yelp.
We'll ride to your aid,
Although I'm afraid
After Rita I'm buried in kelp.
To see that you don't suffer long.
And the girls, from their hearts,
Will all do their parts
To get you back where you belong.
To help you get out of that spot.
So don't give up hope,
We'll fix up that rope,
And then help to tighten the knot.
Most newsgroups are brimming with rage;
So isn't it swell
That ol' AJL
Is still in the warm, friendly stage?)
Why delegate me candle-man?
While the dames are fellatin',
I'm sittin' here waitin',
Protecting a flame with my hand!
Please don't let the noose catch your hair;
We all like you a lot
And now John's fixed the knot.
"Do you mind if I now take this chair?"
--- David Miller
Worth little but pence or piasters,
I frequent this forum,
Though it lacks decorum,
To fawn at the feats of the masters.
--- Hugh Clary
But the best? It's easy to tell
You haven't been here
Long year after year --
The best ones are funny as hell!
--- John Miller
The things I was writing about
Was of folks from the past
Who can't be outclassed...
That's when the power went out.
--- John Miller
You test me and even the "masters",
Who in any event
Have not made a cent,
While "winners" are often disasters.
--- John Miller
He's totally out of control.
He's putting them out
Like rain from a spout.
And nary a one has he stole!
--- Observer
I don't even think, I just feel 'em.
As you might have guessed,
Sometimes I'm obsessed;
My fingers just move and I reel 'em.
--- John Miller
And once starred in porno with a duck!
Though he lies through his teeth,
We know he's no thief;
He buys Lim's off the back of a truck!
--- David Miller
But the onces that they sell aren't much good.
So I stay at home,
And roll all my own,
Then I post 'em in here as I should.
--- John Miller
I did that for fun, not for bucks.
The trade in perverse
Is like that of verse;
The stuff that they sell mostly SUCKS!
--- John Miller
Who was clearly an underachiever,
In thinking that limericks
Should be written as hymn-ericks,
Instead of a subject like beaver.
--- Hugh Clary
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