MORE
Oh Monday looms large again; But I suppose if Monday was dead It's Friday, the day that I try I love when the week reaches Friday; While most folks anticipate Friday, It's Monday, where I can, while at work Each Monday's a day so depressing, Each Monday's a day so depressing, A punctual damsel, Miss Tique, A Thursday's a day I can cope, I like to think Saturday's fun day; A big, bouncy, beautiful, lusty Old Henry, our baker, indeed, To the bus boy we must tip our cap; The wife of the butcher of Clewer, Our butcher is quite a recluse; As for weirdness, the guy who's the tops, There was an old butcher named Thistle There was a young girl of Eutoxeter, A cinnamon peeler from Kandy The scope of adhesives is vast It's like a wrong-way stroking of fur North of Nome there's a farmer I know, Yes I know about cows and their fodder. From Everett there was a young man, While fishing for herring in Wick, I once knew a guy called Ike Freeman, Jean Pierre was the chef de cuisine; A restaurant waiter in Halo The maitre d' Jacques is quite able. There is a small army of slobs, Those fast-food workers in their McJobs A milkman by name of McGivery, The milkman comes by every day; No more milk. I just had to wait A flat-pack, whichever you choose, There was an old codger from Perth There once was an old pheasant plucker, A young topless waitress named Viv The waiter's the best in the group; Matthew Gill shouted in-between sobs, A mother once took her young child There once was a blacksmith in Danville I went to a blacksmith in Toulouse; Beneath the old chestnut tree spreading, They hang 'round the doorway real coy, ...To pump at his bellows while he, A brawny young girl from Penrith, There was a young farmer from Chard, Thomas Sheraton, cabinet maker, (eminent furniture designer and maker 1751)
A married old fool of Dubuque Then the old matrimonial crook, A cylinder grinder named Fred A ditch digger, digging a trench, There's a fragile and tenuous link The lady exclaimed with delight, The hole-diggers dig up the street, But back come the hole-filling men, You'll notice those hole-digging men Other times you will simply find Johnny's new warehouse job was a bore; I often see signs for MEN WORKING A masseuse, much to her dismay, She said, "Now don't be tempermental. Trained masseur, "Jolly" Roger McKay, To get fifty thousand bucks, son,
I'm having a great time, and then --
It's back to the office
In the metropolis
When will they ban this day, oh when!
--- Anon
Surely no tears would be shed
We'd be cheering away
To get rid of that day
And we'd all hate Tuesday instead!
--- Anon
To tell you a tale void of lie,
So, here's today's story:
Last night I laid Lori
And shot semen gobs in her eye!
--- Travis Brasell
When 5 o'clock comes, it is my day.
Then I can go bar hop
And pick up a bed flop-
Per who likes to do all the things my way.
--- Jon Gearhart
It's mid-week that I can call my day.
My wife works on the weekend,
So Wednesday's when we spend
Our kiss, foreplay, "wink", then just lie day.
--- MJay
Ogle Annes fine tits, that's a perk.
Now 10 A.M.'s tea,
And coffee's at three.
I'll whiten her drinks with a jerk.
--- Lightbulb
Arriving without any blessing.
On Wednesday I'm peaking;
By Friday I'm shrieking,
"Come on Carol, let's start undressing!"
--- Jon Gearhart
The gun in my mouth I'm surpressing.
No jobs in my view;
I'm ready to spew;
I need a shrink for expressing.
--- Jim Davis
Wears panties THE DAYS OF THE WEEK.
When midnight would strike,
Her dress she would hike
Regardless of who's there to peek.
--- Irving Superior P8802
For Friday's in sight and brings hope.
Our break will arrive
And our love with thrive
When we shower and play drop the soap.
--- Jon Gearhart
It's usually wetter on Sunday,
Which leaves me quite rheumy,
But nowhere as gloomy
As going to work on a Monday.
--- Peter Wilkins
Young girl of eighteen, name of Dusty,
(The miller's young daughter)
Made bread like she oughter,
In shapes reminiscently busty.
--- Anon
Bakes our bread at incredible speed.
Every second or so
He bakes kilos of dough,
But I fear he bakes more than we knead.
--- Peter Wilkins
The table he clears in a snap.
Though he's highly infectious,
His germs won't affect us.
He hasn't got AID'S, just the clap.
--- Parker Waterman P0109
Was riding a bike and it threw her.
The butcher came by,
And said, "Dearest, don't cry,"
And he fastened her on with a skewer.
--- Anon
With women he's very obtuse.
He call them "My duck,"
In hopes of some luck,
And often he gives them a goose.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is a kinky old butcher named Pops.
Since he thinks it's effete
To be beating his meat,
What he's into is licking his chops.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Who sent to young lads this epistle:
"Don't cut meat for a living,
It's a job unforgiving.
It's no pleasure to wrestle with gristle."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2814
Who worked nine to five as a choc-setter.
She rolled the choc thin
With a wee rolling-pin,
So they'd fit in the chocolate box better.
--- Stanley J Sharpless
Was the most popular guy in the landy.
Where e'er he would stray,
They insisted he stay
For he made the place smell sweet and dandy.
--- Maxine Stephen
And some will solidify fast.
If you quickly apply
Some glue to the guy,
The cobbler should stick to his last.
--- VOL 6
When I first hear that miserable cur,
The bane of us all
Who starts off his call
With, "How are you tonight, sir?"
--- Anon
Whose fields are all covered with snow,
From September to May,
When the stuff melts away,
Leaving just time for nothing to grow.
--- John Ciardi
When in need, I'm a great chicken spotter.
I can count all those hens
And the sheep in their pens,
For you see, I was one farmer's daughter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who thought he was perfectly grand,
Until one fine day,
He found 30 bales of hay,
And said, "Oh! I guess I'm a farmhand."
--- Anon
He was taken, quite suddenly, sick.
He then lost his lure,
And his sinkers, for sure.
He's in more of a pickle than Bick.
--- Mervyn Cripps
He was our young mobile ice cream man!
When the girls heard his chimes,
They ran out with their dimes,
To meet their ideal daytime dream man!!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Could do wonders with meat, fish or bean.
The food critics sing,
"Of the kitchen he's king."
He's not only king, he's a queen.
--- Parker Waterman P0109
Had a voice that descended so way low,
That it bent both his knees
With incredible ease,
And forced him to carry his tray low.
--- Alsops Foibles
Greets patrons in fox, mink or sable.
With the room nearly empty,
Jacques makes the attempt, he
Tries to give you the very worst table.
--- Parker Waterman P0109
The welfare Jane Does and their Bobs,
Who prefer their role
To stay on the dole
Than dirty their hands at McJobs.
--- Chris Papa
Sling the hash and spread lots of gobs
Of mayo and mustard
And frozen custard,
In service of fast-feeding mobs.
--- Daniel Ford
While taking his horse to the livery,
In the groin got a kick,
But he said rather quick,
That is would not affect his delivery.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1804
This is file iim
His milk I won't buy, there's no way.
The reason is easy:
'Cause he's really sleazy,
And his horse always shits in the dray.
--- Anon
For the guy. He was two hours late.
Said the milkman with glee,
"'Twas the last house, you see;
I gave to her a special rate."
--- Pilar
Is life, in a box: here's the clues:
It's bloody hard work;
You feel like a jerk;
And never d'you get enough screws.
--- Anon
Who plucked pheasants for all he was worth.
He sang all day
As he plucked away;
That pleasant pheasant plucker from Perth.
--- Funny Bone
Who pleasantly plucked a young trucker,
But the driver objected
When being subjected
To pleasantly plucking his pucker.
--- Hugh Clary
Gave everything that she could give.
There was one omission,
She earned only commission.
She found on this, that she couldn't live.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
He's in a theatrical group.
Waiting tables destroys him,
So if one annoys him
In the kitchen he spits in one's soup.
--- Parker Waterman P0109
"Who will dig out those two lazy slobs?
Two weeks on their back.
I'd give them the sack,
'Cause they've been lying down on their jobs.
--- Davod Miller
To have his blonde hair cut and styled.
The barber was careless;
The youngster's now hairless
And Mother and Baldy are wild!
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who made so much noise on his anvil,
That the neighbors, one day
Went and hauled it away,
And bulldozed it into the landfill.
--- William D Robinson
I said my horse needed new shoes.
Bad communication
Led to an altercation,
When I called back, he was smelling of booze.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
The young village maidens come treading
Up to the front door,
In hopes that they'll score,
And tonight them, the smith will be bedding.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Not knowing the smith don't enjoy
Such feminine wiles.
He'd rather run miles
In search of a suitable boy...
--- Tiddy Ogg
Skilled craftsman as ever he be,
Will beat at his metal,
That's now in fine fettle,
'Til it's bent as that miller of Dee.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Decided to be a blacksmith.
Making shoes for racehorses,
Was one of her courses;
Not for women! That's only a myth.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who decided that life was too hard.
His visions grew wider;
No apples for cider;
He became a pop-star's bodyguard.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
He shifted out many an acre
Of trees for his trade --
Stockton fellow, self made.
A furniture mover and shaker.
--- Doug Harris P0609
In the kitchen would flirt with the cook,
Till his wife, the wise guy,
Got blood in her eye,
And called her a "vamping old puke".
--- Levi N Fouts P0509
To cajole his young spouse undertook,
But never a word
That he said could be heard,
And she hung him high up on a hook.
--- Levi N Fouts P0509
Was thinking of work while in bed.
When his wife, Mary, groaned,
"I need to be boned."
He ground down his missus instead.
--- John Bellhouse
Found a Miocene hammer and wrench;
The poor ignoramus
Thereafter was famous,
And they translated him into French.
--- Lims Unlimited
Between chaos and order, I think.
It would be really wicked
If the garbage men picket,
Causing chaos, disorder, and stink.
--- Meps N Barry
"You've been so attentive tonight.
You've a wonderful build
And I'm very well filled.
Now make sure the gas cap's on tight."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501
Then the hole-fillers fill them but neat.
So the hole-digging men
Dig a bigger one, then
For the hole-diggers hate to be beat.
--- Peter Wilkins
Filling hole-diggers' holes once again.
Then the diggers with vigor
Go dig them much bigger,
For such is the hole-digger's yen.
--- Peter Wilkins
Sometimes wait for the moment when
The resurfacing crew
Makes the road all brand-new,
Then they start digging holes once again.
--- Tony Burrell
That the surface they've chosen to grind
Will now end in a hump,
Which gives quite a thump
To each drivers tender behind.
--- Tomea
Packing boxes all day was a chore.
For that job he had yearned
But it's one he'd have spurned,
If the "ware" hadn't sounded like "whore".
--- Lims For Year - 01
Surrounded by managers shirking,
While one lonely guy
Must his labor apply;
Wouldn't MAN WORKING signs be less irking?
--- Cyber Geezer
Was victim of client non-pay.
"The reason," he said,
"Is, you're a dumbhead,
And you have rubbed me the wrong way!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'll rub you with oils essential."
Then lowering her voice,
Said "You've got a choice
Of Texaco or Occidental."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Wasn't able to make his skill pay.
Though known as a savant
He had a penchant,
For rubbing folks all the wrong way.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0303
Is easy, though not too much fun.
Get off your backside,
Come out whence you hide,
And work mending roads in the sun.
--- Tiddy Ogg
MORE