My co-worker and I were called crass,
But then others joined up to kiss ass.
With manner OBSEQUIOUS
They formed a clique wi' us
To line up and salute the brass.
--- Norm Brust

What a wonderful ending you see;
From this asshole, you will be free.
And roles you will switch
'Cause payback's a bitch:
Cutting, crushing, choking... What glee!
--- Anon

If you don't want your boss to say nay,
When you ask leave to do things your way,
Then you better ask soon;
Don't delay until June;
'Cause permissions are granted by "May".
--- Peter Wilkins

What d'ya mean by "working it through"?
Does your boss still treat you like poo?
I don't mean that Bear,
But it's so unfair;
Why can't he take on someone new?
--- Anon

I've got a friend who's called Rob,
Who advanced kind of quick at his job.
The others were jealous
'Cause Rob was so zealous,
When he polished the boss's big knob.
--- Anon

A rising young VP was tired
Of having his ideas mired
In red tape. He roared
At the head of the Board.
He's now older, wiser, and fired.
--- Eos P8503

The work is a damn deadly bore.
The same crap we looked at before.
It has not been changed;
It's not rearranged.
Next week, we'll go look at some more!
--- Anon

That secretary pines all day
The Boss will her way again stray.
For work she's no time
I think he's a slime.
She played, but now I get to pay.
--- Anon

When I get so damned bored at work,
Responsibility I shirk.
When my boss comes by,
I look in his eye
And give him a shit-eatin' smirk.
--- Anon

But one day I'll give up this job
And I'll throttle him slowly, the slob.
I'll enjoy the surprise
And the fear in his eyes,
As I slice off his bollocks and knob.
--- Anon

If he's "sucked" his way to the top,
Between posts, it seems he can hop.
So Carol, quit mopin';
His old post is open;
Apply, and suck his lollipop.
--- Anon

The fastidious Mrs Kinkaid
Caught her husband in bed with the maid.
She told the maid, Mabel,
"It's the dining-room table,
Not my husband, I want to be laid."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

There was a young lady from Bern,
Who always was able to earn
A very good living,
Despite her misgiving
That her bosses considered her stern.
--- Lims Unlimited

She screamed as she opened the door,
"If you dare invite just one more
Darn boss to dinner,
We'll all be thinner.
We can't feed them -- we are too poor!"
--- Marty TP9807

There once was a statement of Mission,
Of energy, fusion, and fission.
The words were just fine,
In fact, quite divine,
But the content was met with derision.
--- Dena Norton

The time we have spent, they will say,
Has enriched our sad lives in some way.
Don't we learn as we work?
(If we don't go berserk)
Still I'd rather they 'enrich' our pay.
--- Lynn

Unemployed! I am now out of work;
The manager, I think he's a jerk.
Such a trivial offense!
Due to traffic dense,
I was frequently late for my work.
--- Funny Bone

I had a real gross day at work;
My boss was the typical jerk.
"Do that and do this --
Come give us a kiss."
Makes me wish I was the file clerk.
--- Anon

Two days off from the old doo-doo mines;
They can stick it where Sol never shines!
So, let's you and me hug,
And we'll go cut a rug,
At a pub, chug-a-lug from our steins!
--- Anon

Then one who is already hitched
One secretary he just ditched
His wife had found out
What he was about
He went home like it never itched.
--- Anon

This week I've to stay in a cheap
Nasty ghastly hotel; I could weep.
Yes, I've been there before
And I said never more
But the boss says I've got to; the creep.
--- Anon

Last time I was there, got a cramp
On account of the mould and the damp
On the ceiling and walls,
And I singed my poor balls
With electrical shocks from the lamp.
--- Anon

Each night I heard floorboards a-creaking
As tarts and their punters went sneaking
Upstairs in the gloom
To the very next room;
I couldn't sleep for the bedsprings a-squeaking.
--- Anon

The bathroom was way down the hall,
For there wasn't an en suite at all;
And I queued for an hour
For a pee and a shower,
Which was colder than ice, I recall.
--- Anon

The breakfast was swimming in grease.
I complained but they told me to cease;
If I didn't stop my noise,
They would send in the boys
And the tanks and the chief of police.
--- Anon

The outlook's exceedingly bleak;
I'll be there for the rest of the week.
Bet the bedroom is cold
And the sheets full of mould,
And the ceiling above springs a leak.
--- Anon

In that awful hotel where you stayed,
Did you notice the cute chambermaid?
If you played your cards right,
You would find that she might
Be inclined, for a fee, to get laid.
--- Anon

I've seen the cute chambermaid,
But I cannot pay to get laid.
If she charges by night,
She just might bite,
And of shots I am deathly afraid.
--- Anon

Though no one can call me a slacker,
He whined, "Boy, I'd sure like to smack her
Right into a ditch.
My boss is a bitch."
Here Jon, have some cheese on your cracker.
--- Carol

It is true that my boss (let's be blunt)
Could win "Most Detestable Cunt!"
But only because
She won't wash her fuzz,
When she fucks the whole crew as a stunt.
--- Jon Gearhart

There will be no Company dances;
There will be no payroll advances.
You will workd double shift,
Never cause us a rift,
Or retire and have no pension chances.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

You'll work overtime every day!
There will be no increse in your pay!
Your pension? Get real!
Your life blood I steal!
And you'll do whatever I say!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A bookseller toiling in Droyeda,
Had an assistant who often annoyed 'er.
Complaints came in volumes,
And were stacked up in columns,
Till she wished she had never employed 'er.
--- Anon

This is file hjm

A young Irish servant in Droyeda,
Had a mistress who often annoyed her.
Whereon she would swear,
In a language so rare,
That thereafter no one employed her.
--- Anon

Dear boss, I now have claustrophobia
To go with my agoraphobia;
And something else lurks
And it really irks --
Oh no! Ergasiophobia! (behavior? - McW)
--- Anon

Ergasiophobia I'm sure
Means labouring you can't endure.
I've had that from birth,
But it fills me with mirth,
As to why you would try for a cure.

(fear of working or of doing surgery)
--- Anon

There once was a lady named Lydia
Whose employer inclined to perfidia.
With a timing all wrong,
A note came along:
"Dear Lydia, So sorry -- We're rid o'ya!"
--- Chris Robinson

Now sweet Lydia would often wax comic
Over various parts anatomic.
And so to her reply,
(to remember her by),
She appended a drawing mnemonic.
--- Chris Robinson

"My Dear Sir (or Ma'am): I just love it!
I would think myself too far above it!
In a manner so rude
I've never been screwed!
See attached, for where you can shove it!"
--- Chris Robinson

The sketching was Dear, Old Ma Bell,
In a posture so lewd - I must tell -
Rather daintily built, her
Skirts tossed a-kilter,
Stooped coarsely, bare cheeks all a-swell.
--- Chris Robinson

"Oh I see, now Ma's torn asunder,
What department was it I was under!
A shame there weren't more of us,
Neath her nethermost orifice,
The more to feel more moribunder!
--- Chris Robinson

'Twas on her last day she did linger,
Just to call up H.Q. on the ringer.
In her melifluous way,
With a smile, she did say:
"Reach Out... and Get Touched... by THIS finger!"
--- Chris Robinson

This lady named Lyd was a Queen
(If not what she once might have been)
For though older a year,
She kept what is dear:
Eye Bright, and Wit Sharp (if obscene).
--- Chris Robinson

He's driving me nuts; he's a jerk!
He's giving me all the shit work.
If he wants to live,
From now on he'll give
All this kind of crap to the clerk.
--- Anon

I'm sure that Boss Man has you stewing
With the shit-load of work that you're doing.
To be perfectly clear,
You're out of luck, dear,
'Cause the Clerk is the one he is screwing.
--- Anon

Bleeding Hell! He's a chauvinist pig;
At my boss I will take a huge dig.
I work so hard, I sweat;
But what do I get?
My boss doesn't give a damn fig.
--- Michelle

Go in Saturdays, do vast overtime,
But then try to claim what is mine?
Oh sure, there's reductions
And plenty deductions,
But extra? Not even a dime.
--- Michelle

You probably don't care but my boss
On his lunchhour-and-a-half hits the sauce.
After his three martinis,
With a beer in between, he's
With matters of time, at a loss.
--- Baldy

In handy, this comes, around four
O'clock when we head for the door.
We're up to our tricks --
The clocks all say six!
He thinks we've slaved two hours more.
--- Baldy

The traffic is bad on the way
To work, and I'm late, so I say:
"Hey boss, don't be surly,
Tonight I'll leave early.
I can't be late twice in one day.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Well now, if your boss is a droid,
I'm sure that he won't be annoyed.
But if he's a brain,
You'd better refrain
Or else you'll soon be unemployed.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I'm sorry about the confusion.
I think it must be that contusion
I have on my brain;
It makes me insane.
Perhaps I should go in seclusion.
--- Carol

...And live in the local convent,
Take vows of silence and repent
My sinful gum chewing,
My constantly screwing
My boss, to torture and torment.
--- Carol

The drugs that you take is for numbin'
Your brain so no thoughts it can summon.
There's one more solution
To numb that contusion --
My tongue on your clit 'til you're comin'.
--- Tongueman

She discussed her past work in detail,
With a voice that was soft as a fine ale.
And the shape of her thighs
And the squint of her eyes,
Made it hard for me not to be male.
--- Anon

In the ensuing days of her hiring,
She was provocatively inspiring.
All my needs she would meet
With an air so replete,
That in time I would pay for desiring.
--- Anon

"M' Lard", said the sweet English maid,
"I wonder if I could get laid,
In lieu of my wages,
I'll fuck you in stages,
A non-taxible way to get paid."
--- Anon

That method of payment in lieu,
Alas, now we must bid adieu.
Those taxmen, the jerks,
Will charge for such perks,
And screw you for every such screw.
--- Anon

"We'll done, Hon, I'm happy for you;
There's none more deserving than you.
You've done very well
By working like hell,
And being your boss'es best screw!"
--- Anon

It's Saturday - time for a break;
No commuting to keep me awake.
That snooze until seven
Was absolute heaven;
Another mid-morning I'll take.
--- Peter Wilkins

By Sunday, refreshed I should be;
A-jumping and humping with glee.
But dammit - my boss
Says we're making a loss;
I'll be gone again well before three.
--- Peter Wilkins

Another week working away
("Oop north" as Lancastrians say).
It's time I retired
Or I got myself fired
And escaped from this working affray.
--- Peter Wilkins

It's five days till Friday -- Goddamn!
I'm tired of bosses and them
Reports, meetings, fits,
My young colleagues' tits
And lunches of beer and stale ham.
--- Nikita

Your bored seeing tits, my young Nik?
Then your company's not what I'd pick.
For boobs, bosom, titties
And even Bristol Cities
Go through my eyeballs to my prick!

(BC - Cockney rhyming slang for "big titties")
--- Archie

I see those same tits every day;
Bouncing, jiggling away.
We need some diversity
In my university
To lead us young white males astray.
--- Nikita

I hate your young white male guts;
Would you rather have floppy-ass butts?
It's all I see here,
Only taut one is queer.
I'd matriculate to view those chestnuts.
--- Chubby

Offending the old Mother Grundys
Is what we do best on our Mondays,
Perversions on Wednesday
Make that our fun hensday,
While priests are maligned on our Sundays.
--- Anon