My co-worker and I were called crass, What a wonderful ending you see; If you don't want your boss to say nay, What d'ya mean by "working it through"? I've got a friend who's called Rob, A rising young VP was tired The work is a damn deadly bore. That secretary pines all day When I get so damned bored at work, But one day I'll give up this job If he's "sucked" his way to the top, The fastidious Mrs Kinkaid There was a young lady from Bern, She screamed as she opened the door, There once was a statement of Mission, The time we have spent, they will say, Unemployed! I am now out of work; I had a real gross day at work; Two days off from the old doo-doo mines; Then one who is already hitched This week I've to stay in a cheap Last time I was there, got a cramp Each night I heard floorboards a-creaking The bathroom was way down the hall, The breakfast was swimming in grease. The outlook's exceedingly bleak; In that awful hotel where you stayed, I've seen the cute chambermaid, Though no one can call me a slacker, It is true that my boss (let's be blunt) There will be no Company dances; You'll work overtime every day! A bookseller toiling in Droyeda,
This is file hjm
A young Irish servant in Droyeda, Dear boss, I now have claustrophobia Ergasiophobia I'm sure (fear of working or of doing surgery)
There once was a lady named Lydia Now sweet Lydia would often wax comic "My Dear Sir (or Ma'am): I just love it! The sketching was Dear, Old Ma Bell, "Oh I see, now Ma's torn asunder, 'Twas on her last day she did linger, This lady named Lyd was a Queen He's driving me nuts; he's a jerk! I'm sure that Boss Man has you stewing Bleeding Hell! He's a chauvinist pig; Go in Saturdays, do vast overtime, You probably don't care but my boss In handy, this comes, around four The traffic is bad on the way Well now, if your boss is a droid, I'm sorry about the confusion. ...And live in the local convent, The drugs that you take is for numbin' She discussed her past work in detail, In the ensuing days of her hiring, "M' Lard", said the sweet English maid, That method of payment in lieu, "We'll done, Hon, I'm happy for you; It's Saturday - time for a break; By Sunday, refreshed I should be; Another week working away It's five days till Friday -- Goddamn! Your bored seeing tits, my young Nik? (BC - Cockney rhyming slang for "big titties")
I see those same tits every day; I hate your young white male guts; Offending the old Mother Grundys
But then others joined up to kiss ass.
With manner OBSEQUIOUS
They formed a clique wi' us
To line up and salute the brass.
--- Norm Brust
From this asshole, you will be free.
And roles you will switch
'Cause payback's a bitch:
Cutting, crushing, choking... What glee!
--- Anon
When you ask leave to do things your way,
Then you better ask soon;
Don't delay until June;
'Cause permissions are granted by "May".
--- Peter Wilkins
Does your boss still treat you like poo?
I don't mean that Bear,
But it's so unfair;
Why can't he take on someone new?
--- Anon
Who advanced kind of quick at his job.
The others were jealous
'Cause Rob was so zealous,
When he polished the boss's big knob.
--- Anon
Of having his ideas mired
In red tape. He roared
At the head of the Board.
He's now older, wiser, and fired.
--- Eos P8503
The same crap we looked at before.
It has not been changed;
It's not rearranged.
Next week, we'll go look at some more!
--- Anon
The Boss will her way again stray.
For work she's no time
I think he's a slime.
She played, but now I get to pay.
--- Anon
Responsibility I shirk.
When my boss comes by,
I look in his eye
And give him a shit-eatin' smirk.
--- Anon
And I'll throttle him slowly, the slob.
I'll enjoy the surprise
And the fear in his eyes,
As I slice off his bollocks and knob.
--- Anon
Between posts, it seems he can hop.
So Carol, quit mopin';
His old post is open;
Apply, and suck his lollipop.
--- Anon
Caught her husband in bed with the maid.
She told the maid, Mabel,
"It's the dining-room table,
Not my husband, I want to be laid."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Who always was able to earn
A very good living,
Despite her misgiving
That her bosses considered her stern.
--- Lims Unlimited
"If you dare invite just one more
Darn boss to dinner,
We'll all be thinner.
We can't feed them -- we are too poor!"
--- Marty TP9807
Of energy, fusion, and fission.
The words were just fine,
In fact, quite divine,
But the content was met with derision.
--- Dena Norton
Has enriched our sad lives in some way.
Don't we learn as we work?
(If we don't go berserk)
Still I'd rather they 'enrich' our pay.
--- Lynn
The manager, I think he's a jerk.
Such a trivial offense!
Due to traffic dense,
I was frequently late for my work.
--- Funny Bone
My boss was the typical jerk.
"Do that and do this --
Come give us a kiss."
Makes me wish I was the file clerk.
--- Anon
They can stick it where Sol never shines!
So, let's you and me hug,
And we'll go cut a rug,
At a pub, chug-a-lug from our steins!
--- Anon
One secretary he just ditched
His wife had found out
What he was about
He went home like it never itched.
--- Anon
Nasty ghastly hotel; I could weep.
Yes, I've been there before
And I said never more
But the boss says I've got to; the creep.
--- Anon
On account of the mould and the damp
On the ceiling and walls,
And I singed my poor balls
With electrical shocks from the lamp.
--- Anon
As tarts and their punters went sneaking
Upstairs in the gloom
To the very next room;
I couldn't sleep for the bedsprings a-squeaking.
--- Anon
For there wasn't an en suite at all;
And I queued for an hour
For a pee and a shower,
Which was colder than ice, I recall.
--- Anon
I complained but they told me to cease;
If I didn't stop my noise,
They would send in the boys
And the tanks and the chief of police.
--- Anon
I'll be there for the rest of the week.
Bet the bedroom is cold
And the sheets full of mould,
And the ceiling above springs a leak.
--- Anon
Did you notice the cute chambermaid?
If you played your cards right,
You would find that she might
Be inclined, for a fee, to get laid.
--- Anon
But I cannot pay to get laid.
If she charges by night,
She just might bite,
And of shots I am deathly afraid.
--- Anon
He whined, "Boy, I'd sure like to smack her
Right into a ditch.
My boss is a bitch."
Here Jon, have some cheese on your cracker.
--- Carol
Could win "Most Detestable Cunt!"
But only because
She won't wash her fuzz,
When she fucks the whole crew as a stunt.
--- Jon Gearhart
There will be no payroll advances.
You will workd double shift,
Never cause us a rift,
Or retire and have no pension chances.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
There will be no increse in your pay!
Your pension? Get real!
Your life blood I steal!
And you'll do whatever I say!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had an assistant who often annoyed 'er.
Complaints came in volumes,
And were stacked up in columns,
Till she wished she had never employed 'er.
--- Anon
Had a mistress who often annoyed her.
Whereon she would swear,
In a language so rare,
That thereafter no one employed her.
--- Anon
To go with my agoraphobia;
And something else lurks
And it really irks --
Oh no! Ergasiophobia! (behavior? - McW)
--- Anon
Means labouring you can't endure.
I've had that from birth,
But it fills me with mirth,
As to why you would try for a cure.
--- Anon
Whose employer inclined to perfidia.
With a timing all wrong,
A note came along:
"Dear Lydia, So sorry -- We're rid o'ya!"
--- Chris Robinson
Over various parts anatomic.
And so to her reply,
(to remember her by),
She appended a drawing mnemonic.
--- Chris Robinson
I would think myself too far above it!
In a manner so rude
I've never been screwed!
See attached, for where you can shove it!"
--- Chris Robinson
In a posture so lewd - I must tell -
Rather daintily built, her
Skirts tossed a-kilter,
Stooped coarsely, bare cheeks all a-swell.
--- Chris Robinson
What department was it I was under!
A shame there weren't more of us,
Neath her nethermost orifice,
The more to feel more moribunder!
--- Chris Robinson
Just to call up H.Q. on the ringer.
In her melifluous way,
With a smile, she did say:
"Reach Out... and Get Touched... by THIS finger!"
--- Chris Robinson
(If not what she once might have been)
For though older a year,
She kept what is dear:
Eye Bright, and Wit Sharp (if obscene).
--- Chris Robinson
He's giving me all the shit work.
If he wants to live,
From now on he'll give
All this kind of crap to the clerk.
--- Anon
With the shit-load of work that you're doing.
To be perfectly clear,
You're out of luck, dear,
'Cause the Clerk is the one he is screwing.
--- Anon
At my boss I will take a huge dig.
I work so hard, I sweat;
But what do I get?
My boss doesn't give a damn fig.
--- Michelle
But then try to claim what is mine?
Oh sure, there's reductions
And plenty deductions,
But extra? Not even a dime.
--- Michelle
On his lunchhour-and-a-half hits the sauce.
After his three martinis,
With a beer in between, he's
With matters of time, at a loss.
--- Baldy
O'clock when we head for the door.
We're up to our tricks --
The clocks all say six!
He thinks we've slaved two hours more.
--- Baldy
To work, and I'm late, so I say:
"Hey boss, don't be surly,
Tonight I'll leave early.
I can't be late twice in one day.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'm sure that he won't be annoyed.
But if he's a brain,
You'd better refrain
Or else you'll soon be unemployed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I think it must be that contusion
I have on my brain;
It makes me insane.
Perhaps I should go in seclusion.
--- Carol
Take vows of silence and repent
My sinful gum chewing,
My constantly screwing
My boss, to torture and torment.
--- Carol
Your brain so no thoughts it can summon.
There's one more solution
To numb that contusion --
My tongue on your clit 'til you're comin'.
--- Tongueman
With a voice that was soft as a fine ale.
And the shape of her thighs
And the squint of her eyes,
Made it hard for me not to be male.
--- Anon
She was provocatively inspiring.
All my needs she would meet
With an air so replete,
That in time I would pay for desiring.
--- Anon
"I wonder if I could get laid,
In lieu of my wages,
I'll fuck you in stages,
A non-taxible way to get paid."
--- Anon
Alas, now we must bid adieu.
Those taxmen, the jerks,
Will charge for such perks,
And screw you for every such screw.
--- Anon
There's none more deserving than you.
You've done very well
By working like hell,
And being your boss'es best screw!"
--- Anon
No commuting to keep me awake.
That snooze until seven
Was absolute heaven;
Another mid-morning I'll take.
--- Peter Wilkins
A-jumping and humping with glee.
But dammit - my boss
Says we're making a loss;
I'll be gone again well before three.
--- Peter Wilkins
("Oop north" as Lancastrians say).
It's time I retired
Or I got myself fired
And escaped from this working affray.
--- Peter Wilkins
I'm tired of bosses and them
Reports, meetings, fits,
My young colleagues' tits
And lunches of beer and stale ham.
--- Nikita
Then your company's not what I'd pick.
For boobs, bosom, titties
And even Bristol Cities
Go through my eyeballs to my prick!
--- Archie
Bouncing, jiggling away.
We need some diversity
In my university
To lead us young white males astray.
--- Nikita
Would you rather have floppy-ass butts?
It's all I see here,
Only taut one is queer.
I'd matriculate to view those chestnuts.
--- Chubby
Is what we do best on our Mondays,
Perversions on Wednesday
Make that our fun hensday,
While priests are maligned on our Sundays.
--- Anon