MORE
She smiles at him; says "Yes, that's fine."
Gets him ticket 609,
And gives him one part.
With trembling heart,
He says, "Well I'm off up the Rhine...
I
"...I'm sure that it won't take a week. The ship it got lost in the fog. The voyage it goes on ten year; At last, home! With nerves all a-blaze, A call from telemerchandise, For all of its whistles and bells, A salesman out on Route 64 The farmer, from good country folk, A door-to-door salesgirl called Tina A frugal young lady named Lee The vending machines trapped Miss Beth, The warning is clear: Do not chaffer I called up my service provider Fair Julia, who sold Christmas candy, By bad luck, my life has been moulded. To farmer Jones came Sam McQuaid. A prime head-hunter wizard is Hiram There once was a lexicon hack I'll be giving my thanks with cheer, But why wait till next year my dear? You're hired if a horse you can break, That's me, I fell into your lake, A thousand dear pardons, me begs, "Ah yes, Mr Ogg, please come in. She wore a white lab coat, and showed To the office, where, as we arrive, She sat on a high stool; her thighs Her fingertip tickled her mound, I later await her reaction. This last remark had my mind reeling. She said: "See, our girls get so stressed, So now I have got me a job. At lunch to his health we all drank, As the economy takes some dips, Well, do like an old friend of mine; The victim of job elimination? The jobs on my ranch, as most know, Cowpox we now have and cowflies, I know you ain't saying my thighs, Forget the damn saddle -- ride bareback! I'm sorry to hear of her plight; That's exactly right where his brains are; Like some skinflint scroogie mean beast, That damned SOB boss of yours If job-hunting tips you still seek, Said the orchardist, "You're young, but I'm If you feel you're beginning to drown, A professor that everyone knows, That teacher you saw in the clink, A major in English is she -- What!, You called your teacher a fool! The geometry teacher's particular, The headmaster said, "Boy, you're lazy. The unruly class all fell mute Quite quickly, my ear she had caught. Our school teacher, Miss Busy Lizzy, My teachers, all born with a pair There was a schoolteacher from Costessey, There was a young teacher confessed, If you want to learn how, join a class. Once when a teacher named Leach, Learning is fun, not a curse, There was a young infant called Jules, I remember a teacher named Peel, A teacher who taught in Darjeeling How gross an effrontry I made.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And when I return I shall seek
To come to the door
Of this excellent store.
For while I'm away, 'twill be bleak."
--- Tiddy Ogg
The helmsman gets drunk on his grog.
They land in Batavia,
Sudan and Australia,
And then through the Doldrums they slog.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And though all his shipmates do jeer,
Our Charlie won't sport
With the tarts in each port.
His love is so pure and sincere.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To the shop, on her face he doth gaze.
He gives her the stub,
She sniffs, "Hang on, bub,
Don't push. Give us fourteen more days."
--- Tiddy Ogg
I answer "You have a surprise.
I'm a 900 number.
Let your lust disencumber;
I'm Bull-Stud, let's phantasize."
--- Jim Jambor P9105
Most modern technology smells.
The creed, "Do it fast
E're the market is past;
Barely saleable quality sells!"
--- John Miller 0032
Finds a farmhouse, and knocks on the door:
"I've a bit of a plight,
Need a room for the night."
Now stop me is you've heard this before.
--- Tom Accousti
Thought a moment or two 'fore he spoke.
"Sure, you could share a bed
With my teenage boy, Fred."
"Your son? Damn, I'm in the wrong joke!"
--- Tom Accousti
Tried to sell all her clients a cleaner.
As the front doors she pounded,
Rejections abounded.
She gave up as her waistline grew leaner.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Washed all of her clothes in the sea,
Because all of the splash
And the Surf and the Dash
And the Tide could be gotten for free.
--- Lims Unlimited
And left her devoid of all breath.
She bought coffee and cokes,
And parking and smokes;
They nickled and dimed her to death.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2445
When paying for shelter much safer.
At the front you will save;
At the end you will rave:
"You always get crap that you pay fer!"
--- Anon
And said, "Wish my bandwidth was wider."
A rep, Martha Mabel,
Then hooked up my cable --
My bandwidth got wider inside 'er!
--- Gearhart
Said to Scrooge "Try my sweetmeats - they're dandy"
"Bah Humbug!", he snorted,
To which our heroine retorted,
"No bars, only drops - they're more handy!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And today, unemployed, I'll be scolded."
My wife thinks I sank it,
(The factory (blanket),
I don't know about that, but it folded.
--- Doug Harris P0511Q
"You got any work that's well paid?"
The farmer said, "How's
Your skill milking cows?"
"Great! Conning rich women's my trade!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who is also soon called on to fire 'em.
In between, you might ask,
What's the point of this task,
Since there's not even time to perspire 'em.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Unemployable because of his lack
Of grammatical knowledge;
(He'd spend most of college
Conjugating all day in the sack.)
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
For plenty of good wine and beer,
And food that I'll share,
And my tits I'll bare,
If you'll give me a job next year.
--- Carol
You've always a job waiting here
Just hop on a bus
And your pay we'll discuss
As your stuff buffs the length of my gear!
--- Anon
And dredge out the slime from the lake,
And run a barbed wire,
And build a huge fire,
And if my 12 inches you'll take!
--- Anon
While dredging the slime and the slake,
Hoping to get work,
As a new ranch clerk,
Now where's that horse I'm s'pose to break?
--- Anon
For leaving you dredging the dregs;
And, "Where is that horse?"
You know where, of course,
It's here -- right betwixt my old legs.
--- Anon
You're here for the job; we'll begin
By touring the site.
It's all clean and bright,
But the motors do make quite a din."
--- Anon
Me 'round, then along up the road
To where girl technicians
Adjusted precision
Devices, and past these we strode...
--- Anon
She said: "We need people with drive,
Who'll play the detective,
And find their objective,
And boldly then on it will dive."
--- Anon
Exposed as the coat opened. "Guys
That we will appoint,
Will need just a point-
er, then to the challenge will rise."
--- Anon
And thus within seconds she found
My face in her lap,
I needed no map,
To guide me to this fertile ground."
--- Anon
"Yes Ogg, seems you give satisfaction.
I'll just have to see
If my colleagues agree
With the efficacy of your action."
--- Anon
How could they all know of our dealing?
Then heard through the door
An appreciative roar,
And the camera I saw on the ceiling.
--- Anon
And sometimes get too much distressed,
And research has stated,
'Tis best 'leviated,
If genitally they are caressed."
--- Anon
The work's pretty hard on the gob,
But I'll not complain
'Til my tongue's racked with pain,
'Cause most of those gals lick my knob.
--- Anon
This is file idm
As we sipped and said farewell to Frank.
He quit his job's pain,
When he saw he could gain
A career and more bucks in the bank.
--- Virge
The NASDAQ starts doing flop flips,
Making truck sales slump,
So I need a jump;
I'm looking for job hunting tips.
--- Carol
She's out every morning by nine.
And on her two feet,
She takes to the street,
With "I'll work for food" on her sign.
--- Travis Brasell
Go south, girl, and end the frustration
Of men, with the broads
That hang out at Maudes,
But guard against insemination.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Require all the girls to stoop low,
And build an erection
Without much direction,
With job skills like 'hand' or a 'blow.'
--- Travis Brasell
And pasturelands full of cowpies.
But I've just one regret;
That Carol ain't yet
A cowgirl who'll spread her cowthighs.
--- Travis Brasell
Are as big as a cow's in size.
So hon, if I straddle
Your fine leather saddle,
Will it help me to get a nice rise?
--- Travis Brasell
And hold on to the mane and then rareback.
To raise on the rise
By squeezing your thighs
And pulling your short, curly hair back.
--- Travis Brasell
We ought to go visit and smite
Her boss on the head,
Though Carol has said,
It's stuck up his ass, out of sight!
--- Tiddy Ogg
Stuck up his ass very far.
His whole head is brown;
He will shut us down;
Runs the company like he's the czar.
--- Carol
He canceled our Thanksgiving feast.
And no Christmas party.
He stabbed us in the heart, he
Said the company's Santa's deceased.
--- Carol
Sounds as if his boat's short a few oars.
When they gave out brains,
He missed all the trains,
To the place where they gave them, of course.
--- Jon Gearhart
And prospects are looking too bleak,
Just hop on a bus
And come and discuss
Positions with me for a week.
--- Jon Gearhart
Quite desperate for workers who'll climb.
Can you pick lemons?"
"Yes", said Ms Clemens.
"I've been divorced for the bloody third time!"
--- David Miller
And your life gives you reason to frown,
I too was outsmarted;
I feel like I started
At the bottom...and worked my way down!
--- Doug Harris P0511Q
In places where nobody goes,
He dreams of a meeting,
No matter how fleeting,
With a real anthology of pros!
--- Sam Pittman
Was arrested by pundits who think,
"By failing our kids,
You injure their ids.
We're OK, they're OK, but you stink!"
--- Cyber Geezer
Dotting each 'I'; crossing 'T''s.
Assuming illiteracy
If you're over age three,
I know she will never catch me!
--- Karyn Robbins
In front of the rest of the school!
Why, off to his office
Where you'll duly service
His fetish for schoolgirly tool.
--- Anon
Choosing guys for things extra-curricular.
While standing inspection
For teacher's selection,
Their peckers must stay perpendicular
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
You have no more cares than a daisy.
By use of your power,
You could be a sunflower."
That's right, the old duffer was crazy.
--- Tiddy Ogg
While meeting the new substitute.
Except I was bold
When I stood and told
The class that I thought she was cute.
--- Frank TP9807
No matter how hard I had fought,
She pulled me from the room.
But all wasn't gloom,
'Twas sex education she taught.
--- Frank TP9807
Drove us all into a tizzy.
For out in the yard,
She made us run hard
In circles, until we were dizzy.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Of eyes in the rear, 'neath their hair,
Could identify havoc
Whene'er I'd run amok.
It used to seem very unfair.
--- Anon
Who was chased from class for being bossy.
She led a good race
At a really fast pace,
But was finally caught by the posse.
--- Anon
That she might, just the once, have caressed
Or perhaps made a pass,
At a lad in her class;
She gave marks out of ten to the rest.
--- Richard Long
To cook, speak, or potter in brass.
An apple for teacher
May help you to reach her.
If you're lucky, you might rate a pass!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Tried good grammar her students to teach,
She said, "Quick as a wink,
I can tell what you think,
For your thoughts are betrayed by your speech."
--- Don Monson
Especially when its taught in verse.
Because if you don't learn
It'll be harder to earn
A paycheck. Now what could be worse!
--- Tom Campbell
Who decided to break all life's rules.
When told "That's not done,"
He said "He wanted fun,
Whatever they taught him in schools!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who looked very much like a seal.
But her heart was pure gold --
That's what I was told...
So I sold her and made a good deal!
--- Sandra Ziegler P9803
Was totally lacking in feeling.
She would smack little boys
When they made too much noise
And send them all home loudly squealing.
--- Peter Hodge
The real fool was something I played.
I must be off-center,
Insulting my mentor.
I hope that it won't hurt my grade.
--- Richard Hurwitz
MORE