I was wrong! You're a good caring teacher.
I am such an ungrateful young creature!
Will you teach me 'bout sex
Since the time of T Rex?
Please have mercy on me, your beseecher!
--- Ward Hardman

I just got the name of a teacher,
It's difficult, though, now to reach 'er;
She's quite in demand,
As I understand,
Because she's a lovely, young creature!
--- Anon

I felt a certain alarm
When I first became a schoolmarm.
In front of the class
Just like a jackass,
I somehow felt I lacked charm.
--- Baxter Sperry P0111

"I now know that it wasn't cool
To call you, dear teacher, a fool.
I'm sorry I said it,
And now I regret it.
So please let me come back to school!"
--- Observer

To his teacher a student once said,
"Sir I think you are out of your head.
What a fool you must be
If you criticize me!
I should be teaching English instead.
--- Ellsworth Barnard P9802

"I perceive," was the ready reply,
"There's a Biblical beam in your eye.
You had best pluck it out,
Or without any doubt,
In this course you will never get by.
--- Ellsworth Barnard P9802

"It occurs to me, though, thinking twice,
That you're just trying not to be 'nice'.
And if such is your aim,
You're not too much to blame,
Although insults more mild would suffice.
--- Ellsworth Barnard P9802

"Or it may be that psychoanalysis
Would display me entangled in fallacies.
That through passions repressed
And desires unconfessed,
Your politeness has suffered paralysis.
--- Ellsworth Barnard P9802

"At any rate, hark to a fable,
And interpret it if you are able,
Of the dinosaur bold
Who existed of old
And had manners like Cain's toward Abel.
--- Ellsworth Barnard P9802

"All the rest of the creatures would flee 'em;
'Twas a fearsome experience to see 'em.
But his brain was unused,
And to learn he refused,
And his bones now are in a museum."
--- Ellsworth Barnard P9802

How many times must I tell you?
How difficult it is to sell you.
Education is grand
Anywhere in the land.
The one that it helps is, well, YOU!
--- Old Gal

One time my Lit teacher, Ms. Mello,
Was wearing a tight blouse of yellow.
I could see her nips,
Bulging like pinky tips,
So I asked for help with my Longfellow.
--- Jon Gearhart

Said the pretty young teacher in Meacham,
"Young students -- it's so hard to reach 'em.
The girls primp their hair
Like they really don't care,
But the boys don't forget what I teach 'em."
--- John E Mayhood P9805

A teacher of music, Miss Blatt
Gives good lessons although she is fat.
With patience and prudence
She sit on her students --
If they don't C# they'll B flat.
--- Irving Superior P8811

A young student who went to night classes,
Found that he didn't even rate passes.
When he paid his next fee,
He said "I don't see."
His lecturer said, "Try wearing glasses."
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A bevy of beautiful teachers
Astonished the crowd with some features.
Then the cheerleader died
While getting pie-eyed.
Not a dry handkerchief in the bleachers.
--- Andy Sorenson P9009

At my junior high, no one cares
About violence, drugs and affairs,
But a teacher's on hand
With a swift reprimand,
When a student is caught saying prayers.
--- F R Duplantier

Our teacher, who's called Fiery Fred --
Is someone us kids learn to dread.
He got crepe-soled feet
And a nose for a cheat,
And eyes at the back of his head.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

At an exam an invigilator
Was asked, "Please Miss, what's the equator?"
She replied "I don't know."
The kids told her to go;
She went straight to her defibrillator!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A flaxen-haired cookie named Hoople
Is a smarty-pants kid as a pupil;
Her teacher, a man,
Won't paddle her can,
But some of the rest of her group'll.
--- Alsops Foibles

When he snuck up and sprayed her with paint
Johnny's teacher had little complaint:
"Though hardly too gallant
Little Johnny shows talent
And the choice of his canvas is quaint."
--- Anon

There once was a tutor named Mercer,
Who said, "You're a failure, I fear, sir.
Your spelling is dire.
Your writing's haywire,
And your grammar get worser and worser."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

I've studied conventions grammatical,
And pondered on theorems mathematical,
Till I'm fit to burst.
Now I've a great thirst
To chuck it and take a sabbatical.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I've opened the door twice today;
Gone out, heard the children at play.
An uplifting sound,
Wind-borne from the grounds
Of the school that's a half-mile away.
--- Anon

So come sir, we'll go a bit closer;
No, not the girls' changing room, no sir!
Watch Sally and Claire,
A mischievous pair,
With Kevin, who's quite a young poser.
--- Anon

Well, really he's just a young wanker;
He's pullled out his youthful palankrt,
Now look, Sally's kissed it;
Watch Claire pull and twist it.
He's come and he won't even thank her!
--- Anon

And over there - Thomas and George,
With marbles, a new game they forge;
Veronica's lied
With legs open wide,
And the marbles they aim at her gorge.
--- Anon

And here is the teacher Fred B.,
He loves taking girls for PE.
He'll stroke each young bottom,
Through shorts of thin cotton,
And gets them to fondle his tree.
--- Anon

And outside the gate is old Scraggs,
Who sells the kids pot and cheap fags,
And offers to each,
All those things they can't reach,
From the newsagent's top-shelf porn mags.
--- Anon

And currently, he's a top seller,
A mag showing pics of Miss Stella,
The history teacher,
With Arnold the preacher,
And dogs, having fun in a cellar.
--- Anon

So really, an average day,
There's really no more I can say.
We make our own fun.
When all's said and done.
A boring old time down our way.
--- Anon

If you want to be part of the team,
You will have to abide by our theme;
Kids don't really need
To learn, reckon, or read,
as long as they have self-esteem.
--- F R Duplantier

My teacher in Primary one,
Had breath like an old badgers bum;
Her teeth were all yellow,
And Mrs Goodfellow
Was no singer, but she could sure hum!
--- Anon

This is file icm

Abby loves dearly to teach;
She'd rather teach than to preach.
Assumes her teaching pose,
Glasses far down on her nose,
The conclusion we reach, she's a peach!
--- Thomas Ratliff P0304

Said the middle-school teacher Miss Kemper
To her students: "Who shouted, 'Sic semper
Tyrannis in ludo?'
Then ran through class nude-o?
He'll soon have me losing my temper!"
--- Vassar Smith P9712

An advanced electronic computer
Was hired by a girl as a tutor.
Her previous tries
Had been college-trained guys,
But for work, she required something neuter.
--- Isaac Asimov

A teacher of boys in Dundee
Has no classroom disruptions. You see
He's found the corrective
That's proved most effective;
--- Vassar W Smith P9305

A cute little Sunday-school teacher,
Who was saintly in manner and feature,
Was cautioned to teach
Way out of the reach,
Of the organist, sexton, and preacher.
--- Lims Unlimited

A tack that weighs less than an ounce
Makes a teacher most readily bounce
From his dignified chair,
Seize a boy by the hair
And give his a terrible trounce.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A lewd latin teacher named Marts
Knew how to impress female hearts;
He taught the girls verbs,
Explained nouns like "urbs,"
And showed them his principal parts.
--- Armand E Singer 780

My young schoolteacher's all about joy;
What a tutor for this horny boy!
In the cloakroom, my fuse
Sure gets lit; we abuse
My erect educational toy!
--- Anon

Now some may show their dismay
At my rather pornographic display;
I learned from a teach
The freedom of speech,
And frankly, that's all I can say.
--- Anon

Mrs Browning went to the zoo;
Her class went with her too.
They stayed there for ages,
Locked up in cages--
Come see the exhibit; it's new!
--- Michelle

There was a young teacher of Breaulieu
Whose pupils were wild and unruly.
"Be silent!" he mewed,
"You are terribly rude
And are causing a riot unduly!"
--- Anon

A teacher of English from Surrey,
Whom nothing could fluster or worry,
Recited conjunctions
At dinners and functions,
Which made people leave in a hurry.
--- Anon

I hate to get up every day.
I'd much rather stay home and play,
Than go to that school
And teach some darn fool.
But what keeps me going? -- The pay.
--- Julia Strawn P8808

There was an old teacher, Miss May,
Whose brain had begun to give way.
Pupils' names she forgot,
But that bothered her not,
For she simply addressed them as "Hey!"
--- Anon

One thing can be stated as fact:
More teachers have now been attacked
Than ever before.
Still it is poor
To call the whole thing, a class act.
--- Macsam

A teacher whose name was Haldane
Thought his class was a terrible pain.
He ranted and raved,
But they jumped, stamped and waved
And drove him completely insane.
--- Anon

There once was a lama from Asia
Whose students said, "Nothing dismasia.
You seem quite at home
In Stutgart or Rome
With effortless paranomasia."
--- The See Saw P8912

A pretty young teacher named Beecham,
Said, "These awful boys! How shall I teach 'em.
I try to look grave,
But they will not behave,
Though with tears in my eyes, I beseech 'em."
--- Anon

There once was a fine music teacher,
With one undistinguishing feature.
Whether young or old,
All her students were told,
They were good, and all did believe her.
--- Larry Dahl

I suppose you could call me a teacher,
That misunderstood, underpaid creature;
This profession's a bummer,
But you're free in the summer --
That's the job's most enjoyable feature.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8503

Our schoolmadam's feelings were tender.
Some topics of talk would offend her.
If we talked about sex,
She'd be down on our necks,
Yet she constantly talked about gender.
--- Laurence Perrine P8802

'Stead of English and Science, and History,
(And Math, which is too much a mystery),
We resolve to keep teaching
The crap that we're preaching,
As long as we keep it P.C.
--- John Miller

Now that's the old Tiddy we've known,
Not averse to give clergy a bone!
His filthy perversions
Make perfect diversions
From studying textbooks, alone.
--- Big Mick

Do you think that my English teacher,
Even though she's as calm as Saint Peter,
Would possibly flip
Or perhaps start to trip,
If I wrote my thesis in meter?
--- Anon

At school on my French teacher's chair
I once placed a small thumb-tack, aware
He would sit. When he did,
He fair blew his lid,
Shouting, "Zut! Venez ici, Pierre."
--- Anon

Our teacher's a funny old cuss,
All of a flap and a fuss;
He's got curly hair
And paws like a bear,
And a face like the back of a bus.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

There's a teacher from old Monterey
Who can lecture all night and all day
On topics diverse.
And what is much worse,
He really has nothing to say!
--- Lynn Mostafa

A young English teacher of note
Wore a new hole in his coat
At the elbow, it seems,
Grading poor English themes.
How awful them kids must of wrote.!
--- Yarg TP9802

U.S. workers sometimes are "downsized,"
Meaning "sacked" euphemistically disguised.
U.K. employees
Suffer "redundancies";
Irish workers, it seems, are "pint-sized."

(Guinness severance includes daily two pints for 10 years)
--- Dr Limerick

A bricklayer, his jowl in a scowl,
Wore as work clothes, a towel with a cowl.
Fellow workers were miffed,
Even on the first shift,
When he'd howl, "This is my night to trowel!"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh

There was a young man from Oporta,
Who daily got shorter and shorter.
The reason, he said,
Was the hod on his head,
Which was filled with the heaviest mortar.
--- Lewis Carrol

The wife of a young man named Forrer
Implored him to be an outpourer.
He was forced to confess
He was just a drill press,
And she tried to make him a jig-borer.
--- Albin Chaplin

When a charged electrician named Doug,
Had trouble inserting his plug,
He'd shove it and jerk it,
And cause a short circuit,
And the juice would make marks on the rug.
--- Pierce Evans