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The food of the chef, they'd reject it. A midwife, while poking around We're still singing in praise of Joe Hill It shouldn't cause any surprise McGahey and Daly will soon I once met this little green man, The old printer knocked out his pipe, A printer (commercial) named Norm There was a Trade Union Leader There was a young workman whose creed (As shop steward, he's bound to succeed.)
The long term UAW plan (UAW - United Auto Workers)
"What's that odor and what is that stink?" (Q.W.L - Quality of Work Life)
Though tycoons think the union a weed, The union will struggle all night I've wondered sometimes, haven't you? (Ronald Reagan strikes again)
We love our great union, oh yes -- Our union is quite full of zest Remember the day in Union town In our modern industrial phase, There once was a fellow named Wayne But his boss was a Psychic old "B"; There once was a barber named Ware To the barber I went for a haircut, There was an old barber from Hythe, A barber in old Galipoli, (sconces - flat candlesticks)
There once was a barber of Kew, A lion emerged from his lair A barber who hailed from Connecticut, The ad said his shop was palatial, There was a fat barber from Spain; A barber by the name of Jim I always scrunch down in my chair In a boarding house there lived a lodger, A barber exclaimed, "I declare. There once was a barber named Nick; The retired Navy plumber, Armstead, A plumber called the householder's friend Once a generous girl named Elaine After Plumbers School, loyal alum, Roan, A plumber in sweet Donabate, Young "Ladies of Various Stripes", A plumber by name Jimmy Riddle, On Sundays, that some Jimmy Riddle Said Ali to his buddy, Kareem, A lively young lady named Kate The plumber, a man I admired, A good journeyman, my plumber, Mr. Bauer, I just met this tap-dancing plumber I just met this tap-dancing plumber A plumber while holding his pipe, A jack-of-all-trades, in Saint Peter, Good journeymen, I'd like to say, In the bathroom, the wife let a squeal; The plumber next door is named Jack. There was an old plumber of Hocking, A toilet plumber from Peru The plumber is fixing the plumbing; Turn apprentice; it's one way to learn. My new 'temp-assistant,' Miss Mertz, A dildo that's made from a stick There was a young drop-out named Dirk, The Powells were losing their mind. This work ethic we have is crazy; Professions prepared for in school Despite all the purse-strings it plucks, Whenever I hear the word "Works" A carpet installer name Bynna
The maggots and flies did suspect it.
There was no garbage man
From New York to Milan
Who would lower himself to collect it.
--- Albin Chaplin
The depths of a patient's wide mound,
Was caught by surprise
When she saw beady eyes;
And that's how Jimmy Hoffa was found.
--- Jon Gearhart
For his memory stays with us still.
But if Joe didn't die,
We are wondering why
The members still pay for his bill.
--- Neal Wilgus P8608
That newspaper strikes are not wise;
For the people soon dread
If they are not misled,
And they seek other sources for lies.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8608
Be checking for mines on the moon.
If there's men at the face,
Oot there in space,
They'll have them on strike before June.
--- R F Oglivy
By the name of Eddie McMahon.
A bridge painter was he.
Spraying paint, don't you see,
He got more on himself than the span.
--- Anon
And the ink off his hands, did then wipe.
"You're not my elite,
More gothic than pic-
aresque. Dear you just ain't my type."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Wouldn't follow the rules or conform.
He said, "I must confess
I love my printing press."
Then proceeded to start up a form.
--- Tom Patton P0206
Too ready to be a conceder.
When asked, "Shall we strike?"
He said, "Do as you like."
So they sacked the incompetent bleeder.
--- John Dole P9604
Was wholly untainted by greed; (painfully tainted)
More work for more pay (Less work for more pay)
He considered fair play, (The trade unionist way.)
But nobody followed his lead.
--- Punch (Arthur Deex) P9104
Of great benefits for each man,
Has had the direct
And lasting effect
Of moving Detroit to Japan.
--- A N Wilkins P8608a
Asked the labor and management link.
He could tell by the smell
It was Q.W.L. --
"It's a threat to my business, I think."
--- Neal Wilgus P8608
For the working man it fills a need.
It wouldn't have flourished
If it hadn't been nourished
From the start by the businessman's greed.
--- A N Wilkins P8608
As it seeks to get everything right.
But read the contract
And you'll find that it lacked
Any hint of some depth, breadth, or height.
--- Neal Wilgus P8608
What the union'd be likely to do
If it made it's big pay-off
To obtain the no layoff --
Then got busted by old you-know-who.
--- Neal Wilgus P8608
Although sometimes it may be a mess.
We have meetings, pay dues,
We get drunk on the booze.
We might even work -- more or less.
--- Neal Wilgus P8608
As it goes about feathering its nest.
It gets great benefits
From the picking of nits
With our goddamned employer -- the pest!
--- Neal Wilgus P8608
When labor its greatest genius found.
A "walk-out" was planned;
Then up rose his hand,
"United we stand; let's sit down."
--- Irving Superior P8608
The concept which labor conveys
Is that if in one day
One man makes so much hay,
It ought to take two men two days.
--- A N Wilkins P8608
Who was planning an office campaign.
"We're working like fools!
We must make some rules!
United we'll stand and complain!"
--- Bob Leclerc
He could sense there was trouble, you see.
So he threw the first punch
And he nailed the whole bunch.
Now they're working more hours for free.
--- Bob Leclerc
Who was sadly allergic to hair.
When customers called,
Unless they were bald,
He would sneeze them right out of the chair.
--- Ogden Nash
I told him I wanted a fair-cut.
I woke from a snooze,
Jumped out of my shoes
When I saw I was shorn to a bare cut!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who shaved stubbly chins with a scythe.
He said, "It comes cheaper
Than using a reaper,
Though it does make the customers writhe."
--- Anon A
Who shaved only heads of the holy,
Grew tires of sconces,
And Latin responses,
And switched to maternities solely.
--- Anon
Who went very mad at the zoo;
He tried to enamel
The face of the camel,
And gave the brown bear a shampoo.
--- Cosmo Monkhouse
For a short summer cut to his hair.
But the barber he wept,
While the customers slept,
As they waited their turn in the chair.
--- J G Francis
Had a terrible problem in etiquette:
To each patron he coo,
'Why hello there! It's you."
For he'd never remember whose head he cut.
--- Stargazer
His clients found it comfy and spatial,
Just sit in the chair,
Get cream in your hair,
And then next you can have a free facial.
--- Anon
A customer gave him a pain.
He then took a snip
From that customer's lip,
And never was bothered again.
--- Ray Gessler
Was prone to act upon a whim.
He nicked his ears
With the garden shears,
Giving himself quite a trim.
--- Silvan Jones P0209
When a barber called "Bob" cuts my hair.
But with tits in the offing
And fake elbow-boffing,
I perk up with Joyce, Fay, or Claire.
--- Tutta Gioia
Whose customers called him "Old Roger".
As he cut their hair
In the barber's chair,
They thought: "He's a chatty old codger."
--- William K Alsop Jr
This is file ibm
This boy has some very long hair.
I have terrible fears
I have cut off his ears,
And I can't find his nose anywhere."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
He had a large stash of STYPTIC.
He never would stop
His razor to strop,
So a Nick shave caused many a nick.
--- Norm Brust
Charged exorbitant prices, it's said.
"Not an arm and a leg,"
Many clients would beg.
His fee? One leg, two arms for each head!
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0306
Would send the householder 'round the bend.
When fitting a new pipe,
His language was too ripe,
He tried, when at work, not to offend!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Loved a hard-hearted plumber, Jack Wain.
"I've spent all I can
On that greedy young man,"
Sighed Elaine, "but it's cash down the drain!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Dreamed a dream he could not leave alone.
So he right then and there,
Endowed the school a chair.
Truth be told, it was more like a throne.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0302
After marriage set off feeling great.
He got to Brighton alone,
And emitted a groan.
He'd completely forgotten his mate.
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
Will certainly never have gripes,
If given the number
Of a local plumber,
Who'll willingly ream out their pipes.
--- Anon
Was often called out in the middle
Of matins for plumbing
And tongueing and thumbing
The Nuns of Perpetual Diddle.
--- Peter Wilkins
'Neath cisterns and u-bends would fiddle
With wrenches and screws,
Mending leaks in the loos
Of the Nuns of Perpetual Piddle.
--- Peter Wilkins
"I suffer from low self-esteem.
Thought I'd be a plumber,
But Oh, what a bummer!
It turned out to be a pipe dream."
--- Observer
Said, "The leak in the bath, it can't wait".
Came the plumber next minute
While she was still in it;
Now she's a cute plumber's mate.
--- Arthur Askey
Lamented, "Oh why was I hired?
Fixing faucets and such
Keeps me working too much.
You know, I am really plumb tired!"
--- John Dohner P8711
Fixes leaks but oft leaves me sour.
'Cause he makes me pay
For his whole day,
Even though he's just here for an hour.
--- Norm Brust
And I've never met anyone dumber.
While he worked, he would dance,
Leaving open to chance
That his work would turn out a bummer.
--- Yarg TP9802
Who'd been bumped on the head in the summer.
He said, "The concussion
Was the sole repercussion,
But the lump sure was a dinghummer!"
--- H Myers T9801
Thought sexology nothing but hype.
Then along came a whore
With a bastard sized bore,
He would fit -- but she wasn't his type.
--- Professor
Hooked the main water line to a meter.
But alack and alas!
The meter was gas,
And the water came out of the heater.
--- Limber Limericks P9701
Are worth every bit of their pay;
And some even double.
Except that the trouble
Is few can be found here today.
--- Chris Papa
"Here's a problem devoid of appeal;
On the floor's a wet spot;
This damn gasket is shot!
Call the plumber, to fix the loo's seal!"
--- Anon
When bent over, he shows hairy crack.
He did a few tricks,
And my toilet was fixed.
I just hope that he never comes back!
--- Anon
Who took off a young lady's stocking.
Then he raised up her dress
And he said, "I confess
That your cunt is in need of some caulking." (cocking?)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2979
For a laugh, renamed himself "Lou".
But in the end
He went 'round the bend,
'Cause nobody thought it was true.
--- Anon
While he worked I could hear mommy humming.
I did not hear him say
But guess he's going away,
'Cause I heard mommy shouting, "I'm coming!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408
And while you are learning you earn.
But don't be a chump
And work for D. Trump;
Mickey Mouse got a better return.
--- Mimi
Wears nothing beneath her tight skirts;
Each morning she dashes
In late and then flashes
Her cunt into which she inserts...
--- Anon
Of peppermint she's made me lick;
Then she'll sit and type
Without any gripe
For hours while she sucks on my dick.
--- Anon
Who hated the thought of hard work.
If someone said that word
He'd skip like a bird;
It was as if he had gone quite berserk.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
They needed a way to unwind.
They went on vacation
And had much libation,
But now it's just back to the grind.
--- H Welchel
Why not blow in the breeze like a daisy.
No ambition? Stay loose,
For it is an excuse
For not having sense to be lazy!
--- H Myers TP9804
Equip one for life, as a rule.
Whoever thinks college
Encompassed all knowledge,
Will blunder through life like a fool.
--- R J Winkler P8503
Most modern technology sucks.
The creed's "Do It Fast!
Ere the market is past;
And we lose our big chance at big bucks."
--- Zola
Ergasiophobia lurks;
Without any job
I ain't got a bob -
I miss out on all the good perks!
--- Anon
Has dreams that cause him angina.
His worst dream of all --
In one day install
Berlin to the Great Wall of China.
--- Irving Superior P8503
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