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A word to the wise is sufficient, There was a young man from Bangkok, The comedian lives under a strain A comedian fellow named Downing There was a house builder from Choorley, I've been delivering the Yellow Pages A doctor of orthopedium The comments on work are quite true -- Jeffery Archer, a self-indulged slob, They say work never hurt anyone, Though Todd by the circus was hired, While working there's no time, I fear Bert, the man who's in charge of our bin, There was a young woman from Glasgow, The item I find that annoys, Listen-up there's a new handyman, Work! Did I hear someone mutter, An old cleaner and dyer named Pappy, I went to the staff room one day, The office informer is slinky, The eyes of inspector McGore There was a young mail clerk called Vic; He said he's an entrepreneur; My wife works hard all day, Commuting to London ain't funny I'm in need of some cash, The holiday workload was large; We all know what follows from Sunday: I once worked with a young girl, Noelle; I hired a young man who could paint A Corner Brook citizen said, The Kitten sho'nuff must be foxy, A slow-moving fellow named Bickly The two Perrier trucks broken down A personnel person named Chester, Monday, arriving at work There once was a corpulent slob An avid young novice named Wings Young lads, who in college learn things, A ball-player, Henry McGee I've lived and worked in the East; Sixty five! Retirement? It's time! There was a bee-keeper named Sonny, The project's behind, what a shame! A scarecrow once stood on the Weald; (area of Sussex &
Kent) I once knew a butler named Brewster; Fear of work is so bad it can keep A TV sportscaster liked games; Our Master of Arts was a wreck; I never dreamed work I would miss; Now sir I can see that you tire, There is a strange man they call Burks My vacation concluded too fast; Mechanics are putting on tires My notepad is one great big doodle; Live large, and have fun is my motto -- You filthy despicable turd! At the thought of work, my stomach turned -- Oh damn bloody bollocks, I'm pissed Your building key, W-4, There was probably no explanation Though you've signed away your right to sue, Though work is a four-letter word, All hail to the four-letter word! It's great when your work seems like play. So morning has come to the Earth;
If you'd become rich and proficient.
You'd choose your vocation
With deliberation
And see that your work is efficient.
--- Coded Limericks P8403
At his work always stared at the clock.
Each day, dead on four,
He'd race all for the door.
If he lost, they would all be in shock!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
As the audience reacts with great pain.
If he has a good style
Half his jokes get a smile,
And the rest he is forced to explain.
--- Albin Chaplin
Spent his life being onstage and clowning.
After blowing one-nighters,
He called to his writers:
"Throw me a line, guys--I'm drowning!"
--- Writerman
Whose motto was slowly but surely!
As he built an estate,
The owners would not wait.
They left him. The builder's now poorly.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
And some roads seem to take fucking ages.
When I knock on the door,
And they choose to ignore,
Makes me come down with deliverers rages!
--- Anon
Thought life with one wife, one of tedium.
They decided to part
When he discovered art,
To be a new happy medium.
--- Macsam
Here's another that I'll share with you:
I cannot, I confess,
Enjoy idling unless
I have plenty of work still to do.
--- Mike Dale
Spent far too much time on the job.
To avoid an enquiry,
He faked his own diary,
While perpetually dunking his knob.
--- Tony Burrell
But I say, neither does fun.
So, if given a choice,
I'll raise up my voice
In favor of play, ten to one!
--- Kaylin
Of his flying fear they'd become tired;
Now the Canonball King
Has had his last fling,
'Cause now he has really been fired.
--- Val Burns P0510Q
For limericks. But some blinkin' queer
And bad luck conspired
To get my ass fired,
So now I am goofing off here.
--- Anon
Emptying out what some others put in;
He is always so smart
With his regulation cart;
On his face there is always a grin.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Whose party proved quite a fiasco.
At 9:30 about,
The lights all went out,
Caused by lapse on the part of the Gas Co.
--- Young Lady Alice P0104
Which causes me loss of my poise,
Is to see now and then
A department of men,
Which is run by good scouts -- namely boys.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2424
Who make things amazing and grand.
And if you don't pay,
He'll come back one day,
And grind your face into the sand!
--- Anon
That four letter word makes me stutter,
It's made me feel ill,
I must take a pill,
My heartbeat is all of a flutter.
--- Anon
Would sing limericks which some folks called crappy.
Every day at his work,
He dyed clothes with a smirk,
While exclaiming, "I'm sure to dye happy."
--- Al Chaplin P0302
For a nice cup of tea during play.
But a troll had got in
And was making a din,
Even though he had nothing to say.
--- Anon
With conduct repugnant and stinky.
He will point without shame
To the man who's to blame,
While the snot hangs in strands from his pinkie.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2796
A downward direction did bore.
Said the boss, "I suspect
That you cannot inspect."
Said McGore, "I'm inspecting the floor."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2694
In the office he's called Mister Quick.
When coming or going,
His to-ing and fro-ing
Was at speeds that made other clerks sick.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
He convinced them he was a real do-er;
But,if the ladies had money,
It always seemed funny,
His main role became that of a woo-er!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Our income is ample, they say.
But all of our bills
Are high as the hills,
And my hair is turning gray.
--- Al Willis P9508
On days like today when it's sunny;
I'd much rather do
Things with Debbie and Sue,
But I need to go earn me some money.
--- Peter Wilkins
So off to work I must dash,
From nine to five
Just to survive,
And stop my life becoming trash.
--- Funny Bone
Enough E-mail to sink a large barge.
The lesson from this?
Don't go out to piss,
And don't leave a woman in charge.
--- Anon
That back-to-work feeling of Monday.
It's nose to the grind-
Stone and blankness of mind;
How I wish every day was a fun day.
--- Anon
With her lovely red hair, she was swell.
Regarding her dates,
She'd not date with her mates;
The boss too, did not do so well.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
To freshen my house -- it's quite quaint;
And through a nice trade
The young man was paid,
But his nozzle sprayed white on my taint.
--- Anon
As he looked at the clouds overhead,
"In spite of this vapour,
We make pulp and paper,
Without which this couldn't be read."
--- Alice M Keys, Ontario 20d
The Paperboy, well, he got moxie.
She takes the subscription,
'Cause she like the description
Of what he will stuff in her boxie.
--- Anon
Appeared to be haggard and sickly.
He at work was not well
Till at five rang the bell,
Then amazingly Bickly moved quickly.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2447
This is file iam
Clogged the busiest highway in town.
In the heat, this was certain:
Neither driver was hurtin',
For their thirst they could easily drown!
--- Limerick Man
To every employment requester,
Would give a fine job
On his thing-a-ma-bob.
Wasn't friend Chester a jester?
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
At eight, the phone rings...it's a jerk!
Ignored all last week,
By this shit of a geek,
Who phones back at a time meant to irk.
--- Acetous
Who desperately needed a job.
He ranted and raved,
His fortune was saved,
By exploiting the ignorant mob.
--- Anon
Was eager to learn a few things.
He said he had hopes
If they'd show him the ropes,
But they told him to first pull some strings.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2838
Are told that in life they'll be kings.
It is fine to have hopes
When you know all the ropes,
But it's best if you start pulling strings.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2813
Retired when he just couldn't see.
He was told, "We will hire
You as an umpire:
You'll make a superb referee."
--- Anon
I've lived and worked in the West.
Now if you don't mind,
I'd sure like to find
Some laurels upon which to rest.
--- Monique de Plume TP9804
Even if one feels at one's prime!
It's now time to rest;
The next years are the best.
To continue to work is a crime!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who made aa big fortune in honey.
His golden desire,
Was just to retire,
Stay home and count all of his money.
--- Teen Angel
(You know who the bosses will blame)
Deadlines must be met,
We're overworked, yet,
Our salaries stay just the same.
--- John Miller 0093
The crops from predation;
He won approbation.
Outstanding he was, in his field.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Butlers I am not very uster.
He was stealthily quiet;
Could have done with a diet.
I felt that he needed a booster.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Other people as timid as sheep;
But I tell you right here,
I have so little fear,
I can lie down beside it and sleep.
--- John Miller
He mixed with the most famous names.
When back on the air
His manner was rare;
He felt he appealed to the dames.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Said "Job hunting's a pain in the neck!
While rhyming is fine,
The job offers I find
Go to fellows who studied hi-tech!"
--- Robert S Kast
I thought three weeks off would be bliss.
Just hanging around
In this old nightgown,
But already I'm tired of this.
--- Carol
It's hard work being the town crier.
So come take your ease,
Drink wine, have some cheese,
And rest yourself here by the fire.
--- Anon
And nobody know where he works.
In a mood of confession,
He said his profession
Was umpiring big circle jerks.
--- David Miller
Three weeks in the big city passed.
I saw lots of shows;
The weather? It froze!
But mostly I had a great blast.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And firemen are putting out fires.
While butchers discreet
Are beating their meat,
Electricians are pulling their wires.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2336
I'm bored and not using my noodle.
'Cause I am a wo-man,
The totem pole low-man --
The work structure here is quite feudal.
--- Marlene Lewis
Party hard, love long, and get blotto --
Go out with a bang --
Work can go hang --
It's something I never do, 'less I gotto.
--- Kaylin
To use that foul four-letter word!
W O R K!
Just take it away,
That sort of stuff's for the birds.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
All my life, it is something I've spurned.
My folks worked for their bread,
And now they're all dead --
There's a lesson there to be learned.
--- Kaylin
Off with working from home. I'll persist
Under sufferance 'cause
The alternative was
To commute (but I think I'll resist).
--- Anon
Insurance forms, and just one more --
A form interfering
With right to a hearing,
If unjustly you're kicked out the door.
--- Dr Limerick 01-15-02
Beyond sign here and go to work station.
By signing it, you
Have no option to sue,
But instead must accept arbitration.
--- Dr Limerick 01-15-02
The EEOC, helping you,
Can take it to court
And thereby may thwart
The boss's scheme for a friendly venue.
--- Dr Limerick 01-15-02
It still makes some grow wealthy, I've heard.
But it makes paupers cuss
In disgust at the fuss,
That they go to for wages absurd.
--- Jon Gearhart
More pleasant ones cannot be heard.
"Love, glee, luck and play,
Keep me happy all day.
At work, they have even occurred.
--- Randog
If you love it, you life's A-OK.
With minimal luck,
You'll gleefully fuck
At a company sponsored soiree.
--- Randog
To some this means fun, joy, and mirth.
But to some it's no perk;
We must head off to work,
And get screwed there for all that we're worth.
--- Gearhart
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