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'Twas me, sir, I must confess; An old trollop adept at phraseology, There was a young lady of Erskine, An intrepid old oilman named Jude Antoinette was a beautiful whore, A naked young tart named Roselle A homely streetwalker named Bess When asked what she did for a living, An antichurch harlot named Rhonda, (golconda - source of great wealth)
A fellow once met a young whore, In Wall Street a girl named Irene, Last week at the Japanese Diet There was an old harlot named Whaling, I did feel obliged to friend Fife The passionate ass on Fife's wife I think I must speak to my wife, In Alabama there is a guy Today at my ranch, there's a sale, The wife of a jailbird -- none finer! There was a young harlot named Schwartz, Her pimp, a young fellow named Biddle, Her brother, a bastard named Ben, Her other young brother, named Saul, "Your humping I find mediocre," Arrested was pimp, Lucky Brink, Troops who served in Manila all swear "It's my job," aid the pimp, Gargi Goyle, A beggar I met in Beirut, "I've money," I said in a wheesper, "This picture is her -- named Soraya, His offer I therefore declined, But folks here, who like our old Bess, The next time you meet Millie Day, Superpimp, as he combed Philadelphia, The most famous prude in our town, There was once a decorative ponce (ponce - pimp)
A nympho, sweet Mary McKay, You may think this arrangement is rank Says the Pander suggesting a tryst The erotic desires of Miss Hyers For this tart from the streets of Laredo, I met an Egyptian pimp wallah, I told him, "You are making pretense. "...And that's for your sister, you wart. There was an old pander from Perth Jack don't pay girls with amateur status; But the patrons will give you some "tips"; When modesty's gone, feel a spark; Through your loins, you'll get higher than kites, As you dance, you will make the dudes stare; There's a vertical pole, bless our souls! Said husband to wife, "You're demented His neighbors all envy old Burke, There was an old pander form Perth, An ingenious pimp name of Boring A pimper of hookers named Beauregard A fellow named Farthingale Frimp, The pimp of Maureen Ann Meadow I'm Picker from Parsons and Nose; When a hooker cost only a dime, The panderer just shit in his britches, There was a young husband named Dan, It's a whimsey of Barnaby Frimp Says an underage hooker named Susie, There once was a fellow from Goring, I doubt that much more will be heard
Your papa I did not let rest.
First time I had
Your dear old dad,
He told me that I was the best!
--- Arden
Stood disrobed for the Dean of Geology.
When he lectured with gravity,
On the depth of her cavity,
She extended her deepest apology.
--- Albin Chaplin
And the chief of her charms was her fair skin.
But the sable she wore,
(She had several more)
She had earned while wearing her bare skin.
--- L1015
Told a colored whore, "Strip to the nude."
When her clothes fell away
He exclaimed in dismay,
"Why, it looks like a barrel of crude!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0495
Who wore fifty-six beads, nothing more.
They sneered, "Unrefined!"
When she wore them behind,
So she tactfully wore them before.
--- L1558
Walked the streets while ringing a bell.
When asked why she rang it
She answered, "Gol dang it!
Can't you see I have something to sell?"
--- Anon
Would walk till her feet were a mess.
Now she's great fun to meet
For she walks on the street,
With her face covered up by her dress.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1445
The squaw said, "Receiving and giving."
Interjected Judge Rose:
"But you do it sans clothes!"
"I'm into," she said, "going nativing."
--- Ken Leonhardt P9208
Keeps tempting our young monks to wander,
From true rectitude
By walking in nude,
And saying, "Behold thy Golconda!"
--- John Ciardi
Who wore nothing behind or before.
He looked at her well,
Said, "Whatever you sell,
I must say I like the decor."
--- Isaac Asimov
Made an offering somewhat obscene.
She stripped herself bare,
And offered a share,
To Merrill Lynch, Fenner, and Beane.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A nude geisha caused a near riot.
"Come one and come all;
Give me a call,
I live at the Tokyo Hyatt."
--- Tom Patton P9504
Who drummed up new business by mailing.
She removed all her clothes,
And the men that she chose
Were invited to view the unveiling.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1696
For the overnight use of his wife.
But he dropped in today
And insisted on pay --
Such sordidness sours me on life.
--- G1785
Should provide me free fucking for life.
The notch on that bitch
Gets so hot it'll twitch:
It will wear out both me and friend Fife.
--- G1786
For she's giving free tail to old Fife.
It isn't the screwing
I mind the fool doing,
It's the "free" bit that's causing the strife!
--- G1787
Who keeps on his ranch a supply
Of whores, by the mass;
A good old boy with class,
Fucks only in tux and black tie.
--- Carol
To benefit guys at the jail,
Whose wives, by the scores,
Now work here as whores;
Please buy you a cheap piece of tail.
--- Travis Brasell
Pick a wench whose man ain't a short-timer.
When her dude gets paroled,
By surprise, she's cornholed;
They lose all their taste for vaginer.
--- Allen Wolverton
Whose cockpit was studded with warts.
And they tickled so nice
She drew a high price
From the studs at the summer resorts.
--- L0225
Was seldom hard up for a diddle.
For according to rumor,
His tool had a tumor,
And a fine row of warts down the middle.
--- L0226
Could rotate his pecker, and then
He would shoot through his rear,
Which made him the dear
Of the girls, and the envy of men.
--- L0227
Was able to bounce either ball.
He could stretch them and snap them,
And juggle and clap them,
Which earned him the plaudits of all.
--- L0228
She said, and I wanted to choker her;
But instead introduced her
To Jarvis and Brewster.
I'm better off now as her broker.
--- John Miller
Whose girls strut the street furred in mink;
Once in the Bastille
The cops made him squeal;
And now the whole lot's in the clink.
--- Armand Singer
They are certain that whorehouses there,
As the army directed,
From each peso collected,
Paid Douglas MacArthur a share.
--- A N Wilkins P9205
"To find young debutantes to despoil:
Dirty job? Sure, I knew it.
But then, someone must do it,
And don't ask me for whom the belles toil."
--- William N Nesbit P9511
Claimed he was blind, deaf and mute.
But he let out a yell,
And cursed me to hell,
The moment I trod on his foot.
--- Anon
He opened his eyes and said "Meester,
You know I could feex
You with much dirty peecs,
Or else you can jig-jig my seester."
--- Anon
For only five bucks you can lay her."
She looked like an ox
That had died of the pox,
In the fever-rich swamps of Malaya.
--- Anon
And thanked him for being so kind,
To make me the offer,
But I'd rather not boff her.
I'd rather fuck his foul behind.
--- Anon
If ever you're out east, then I guess
If you see that old fraud,
When he pimps for this broad,
Some of you may well say yes.
--- Anon
And she lures you to bed for a lay,
Remember, you simp,
I'm her bona fide Pimp,
And get half the cash that you pay!
--- Anon
This is file hwm
Told recruits, "Now get out there and selphia!
And to live like a duchess,
Just give them as muchess
They ask, and their penises swelphia."
--- R A M A103B
Awoke to find herself all tied down.
The townfolk, you see,
Paid her guardian a fee
So they all could have her once around.
--- Straydog
Who designed cards in several fonts,
To advertise whores
To perform dirty chores
And satisfy old fellow wants.
--- Alexander Baron P9209
Mistakenly married a gay.
But he's treating her itch
With nary a hitch;
He rents her for fifty bucks a lay
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0407
But they each have the other to thank.
She screws til she's sated;
Her passion abated;
And he skips all the way to the bank.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0407
To the elderly gentleman, "Hist!
I think we can flush
Two birds in a bush.
If you care to partake, I'll assist."
--- Gents Alphabet Book P9601
Required a great many suppliers.
When she found, in late years,
Far too few volunteers,
She got her a pimp, who got buyers.
--- G1807
All the cowboys were eager to pay dough,
Since that time when her sly
Pimping husband came by --
And they speedily made her a wego.
--- Keith MacMillan A115A
Who said, "You want girls, meester? Follah
Me. Only ten quid
Will get you this kid,
Or a camel for only a dollah.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You must think me terribly dense.
A buck for a hump
Of that bumpitty lump,
I won't give you more than ten cents.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A camel!" For that I'll pay naught.
Those buggers will spit,
And spray you with shit;
Besides, they refuse to be caught.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who bought up young girls at their birth,
Whom he raised with great care,
For use here and there,
And thus greatly increased his net worth.
--- John Miller
For your own id, just flaunt it right at us;
You just dance, babe, you ought to
Like MGM's motto
Which goes: "Arse arts (ya HOO, baby!) gratis!"
--- Anon
If they're pleased by your love-zone and nips;
Crouching low, show your "muff",
And some greenbacks they'll stuff
In a garter way up near your hips!
--- Anon
Spot-lighted, you'll dance and strip stark;
What a thrill it will be!
Looking down, all you'll see,
Are eyes glowing red in the dark!
--- Anon
While you flash us the greatest of sights;
You'll display such great "talent",
Old Jack will be gallant;
With a contract, your name up in lights!
--- Anon
Electricity's right in the air;
There's a forest of woodies,
Brought on by your goodies,
While heat builds in your sweet snare!
--- Anon
Squirm and writhe on it, stir up your coals!
So the brass may be cold
On your tenderest fold,
In the crowd, you'll find much warmer poles!
--- Anon
For selling your pussy!" then hinted,
"You'd earn so much more,
My darling sweet whore,
If you would be smart and just rented!"
--- Travis Brasell
The no-good and pot-bellied jerk.
His young wife found life boring,
So she spends her time whoring,
And he can stay drunk and not work.
--- G2282
Who had the best girls on this Earth.
He kept investing
In silicone breasting,
And enlarging his girls' chest girth!
--- Archie
Got richer than Gates off of whoring.
Grabbing half of their take,
From his hos on the make,
And tight as a drumhead when scoring.
--- Armand Singer
Was held in contemptuous low regard;
He kept back, so they say,
More than one-half their pay;
No wonder they held him in no regard.
--- Armand Singer
Who at sex orgies always stays limp,
Said, "I CAN enjoy 'em,
But you see, I employ 'em...
I'm the guy with the dough, I'm their pimp!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 281
When asked, "How's business ?", he said, "O-
nly one man and his dog -
It says here in my log -
Went to Mo A. Meadow."
--- Anon
I can help you and thusly propose,
For a mere five percent
I will represent
To ensure no free rides on your hose.
--- Anon
A guy could get laid all the time.
When it went up to twelve bucks
For a couple of fucks,
It was the start of organized crime.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
When that asshole ran off with his bitches.
"What'll I do
Without my cunt crew?
I guess I'll just have to dig ditches!"
--- Tutta Gioia
Who set up his wife in a van,
And sent her to park
Behind bars after dark.
It is hard to think well of the man.
--- John Ciardi
To spend his spare time as a pimp.
In lieu of their checks,
He takes payment in sex,
And staggers home dizzy and limp.
--- Grand Prix Lim 166
"I've really no need to be choosy:
The creeps and the bummers,
I service all comers--
My ten-year old pimp has an Uzi."
--- Norm Storer P9601
Who, finding inflation was soaring,
Thought up a good way
Of increasing his pay--
He pimped to his grandmother's whoring.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of Agatha Margaret McBird.
She was last seen in Berks,
With two businesslike Turks,
Who were peddling her off to a third.
--- John Ciardi
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