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These words from the Nizam of Tyre, A pimp toured his whore through ten nations, And then there's the guy named Morello Hey Psst! Dirty pictures, your Grace? "Oh fuck it! I knew they'd appear; A bone-tired young wastrel named Hale There was an old pander from Perth My mind is just fading away, Today is the day that you swore Today is the day that you need Rumor has it, a satyr named Ben Said a whoremonger, mongering whores: Said a pander who lived in Saskatchewan, In need of a man, widow Cotter There was an old pander from Perth A wealthy whoremonger named Paul To overaged harlot named Weiss, A hapless young lady named Black, Would you like to play skittles or darts; Bar-billiards or skittles are fine. Your welcome to her, if you like; A hungry young lady was Krupp; Sue Ellen sold sex from her trailer. There was a young fellow name Bart There was a young woman from Charlotte There was a young girl from Madrid An old harlot inept named McClure, There was a young fellow named Schiller; An old hoar had her business embossed A raunchy old hooker from Norway A harlot with crotch muscles pliant An aged old whore from the West A hard-pressed young lady was Bounting; A destitute prostitute, Star, An overaged hooker named Scot The club for the social elite Said a tired old trollop named Bryant, There was a young madam named Schickel, A whore who turned nun, felt a lack A poor Aussie gal named Miss Dunder A bulgy old harlot was Bassett; There once was a girl named Tess A destitute prostitute, Lou, Promised well-oiled old barfly, Ms Kate, A thrifty old harlot discerned A shepherdress, pretty but poor, Said a glamor-puss in Pecan Gap, A girl short of cash was Miss Kitty; A Bohemian painter named Starrett There was an old harlot named Post A gloomy old whore of St. Claire I once wandered out to L.A. In the fog, a young man of Cologne A Scot from Rossdunphy Named Sandy A scrupulous whore name of Koppers There was a young lady from Rhyll "You're the crook! You light-fingered my purse! You coarse little squirt of a vamp! And when you have earned what you owe, There was a smart tart named Felicity, There was an old whore name of Gail, Said a happy young harlot named Prue, There once was a whore from West Loring The richest old whore in Bengal, A call girl who trafficked in Randall The call girls call daily next door, There was a young lady in Reno,
Who put his dear wife out for hire;
Said he, "Don't begrudge it,
This way the state budget
Will come in just under the wire."
--- Armand E Singer 601
Selling various and sundry sexations.
When asked his position,
He said, "Pushing coition--
I handle her pubic relations!"
--- G1841
Who opened a lively bordello;
Its success is amazing;
The income it's raising
Has made him a rich fucking fellow!
--- Cap'n Bean P0106
"Well .." Nice souvenirs of this place?
"Well .." ten cents a dozen,
Or come screw my cousin?
"OK then; same price?" Yes, she's ace.
--- Anon
Those damn papparazzi, I fear."
Don't panic, your Grace,
They won't notice your face...
"But I'm wearing my usual gear."
--- Anon
Said, "For sex there is always a sale...
Which is all for the best...
I can stay home and rest
Since I have my wife out selling tail."
--- Grand Prix Lim 424
Who thought it's a source of great mirth,
Selling sister to brother,
And twice his own mother,
And freaks from all over the Earth.
--- John Miller
Can't think of anything to say.
My brain's turned to mush;
I can hear it slush;
Somebody tell me...what's today?
--- Anon
You'd come here and act like a whore
To all of my neighbors,
And out of your labors,
I'll take ten per cent, nothing more.
--- Anon
A good fine hard fucking, indeed.
I'll start from the front
And I'll plunder your cunt,
And flush out the mush with my seed!
--- Anon
Keeps twenty fat whores in a pen.
"They're real handy," he'll say,
"When I want a quick lay,
Or for loaning to friends now and then."
--- G1740
"When mongering whores, nothing bores.
I love testing tails
In a batch of new frails,
Before they get loose on the floors."
--- G1888
"You haven't a hope if it's snatchewan.
'Cause the ladies 'round here
Can run fleeter than deer;
But for twenty-five bucks I will catchewan."
--- Hugh Oliver 82c
Went to bed with a fellow named Potter.
She was no good in bed
So she said to him, "Fred,
You can finish the fuck with my daughter."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0095
With a phallus of thumping great girth.
His whores would look on
As he stroked his hard-on,
Then greedily lap his quart's worth.
--- TuttaGioia
Disclosed how he managed it all.
He began it in Thrace,
And his very first place
Was at best just a hole in the wall.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1625
Retirement was not paradise.
As her funds did decrease,
She paraded for piece,
And she'd take it at any old price.
--- Albin Chaplin
In poverty lived in a shack.
So she took to the street,
To be back on her feet,
But she found herself back on her back.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1448
Or bar-billiards, poker or hearts?
Or be terribly gallant
And eye up the talent.
Oh look, there's a couple of tarts.
--- Peter
(How about a glass of red wine?)
And those two bits of fluff?
Yours looks a bit rough.
The blond with big knockers is mine.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But be warned, she's the neighborhood dike.
And the other old bag
Is a regular slag;
She likes threesomes; she's know as the Trike.
--- Peter
She often had nothing to sup.
So she took to the street
And established a beat,
And her business is now picking up.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1572
For fifty, a fellow could nail her.
The judge allowed no bail;
Gave sixty days in jail;
She did thirty by fucking the jailer.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408
Who picked up a flatulent tart.
Though she lacked fucking skill,
Yet she gave him a thrill,
By producing an exquisite fart.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1437
Who didn't start out as a harlot,
But she mortgaged her tail
To a banker at Yale,
And was promptly foreclosed by the varlet.
--- Limber Limericks
Whose fucking was worth but a quid.
When her cunt was ajar
You could go just as far
As Byrd on his polar trip did.
--- G1830
Sold five thousand fucks that were poor.
But complaints did her in
And she paid for her sin,
Since a recall she had to endure.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1603
The harlot he screwed was a thriller.
'Twas an overmatched flop
For she came out on top,
Which left Schiller no choice but to bill her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1656
On a card, and a man did accost.
He exclaimed, "What the hell,
You can't even spell!"
Said the hoar, "It's because of the frost."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1503
Would peddle her ass in the doorway.
She always said, "Honey,
Ya gotta have money,
Cause I only fuck in the whore way."
--- Lims For Year - 01
Was asked by a promising client,
Could he pay her the fees
In fresh carrots and peas;
He was jolly and green and a giant.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1633
Could still give a fuck with great zest.
Though her ashole was loose
And her cunt had no juice,
She still managed by keeping abreast.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1694
Her debts were beyond all accounting.
She thought pay for coition
Would improve her position,
But she found that her problems were mounting.
--- Albin Chaplin 3-24-1455a
This is file hvm
Is willing to go pretty far.
For the price of a blow,
She also will mow
Your front yard and wash off your car.
--- Norm Storer P9611
Is patently still hot to trot.
But what seals the whore's doom
Is a prolapsing womb;
She needs Chapter 7, like as not.
--- Armand Singer
Is where crumbs from the upper crust meet.
But their lust they don't fetter;
Their behavior's no better
Than the hookers picked up on the street.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
After ten days with nary a client:
"Can it be that the men
Hereabouts lack the yen?
Or perhaps my equipment's gone pliant."
--- G1749
Who found that she was in a pickle.
She had customers pay
As to what they did weigh,
And some days she could not make a nickel.
--- Albin Chaplin
And sought out her old madam's shack.
Said the madam, Miss Hood,
"Have you come back for good?"
She said, "No, it's for evil I'm back."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1574
Had so many debts, it's a wonder.
She divulged in confession
That she tried the profession,
But could not work her way from down under.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1498
Her derriere was her finest asset.
She was fucking old Pierre
Who explored everywhere,
But he failed to exploit every facet.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1438
Had herself in a terrible mess.
She offered a fuck
For a fresh U.S. buck,
But found she was worth even less.
--- Anon
Is willing to travel with you.
If you pay for her ass,
She'll cover the gas,
And all of the tunnel tolls too.
--- Norm Storer P9611
"If you pay off my tab, wipe the slate,
Then give me a call
And I'll fuck you all,
Under half of the whores' union rate."
--- Armand Singer
Small savings were not to be spurned.
From her callers, so many,
She'd request one more penny,
For penny she saved was one earned.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1489
Found sheeptending largely a bore.
Till a shepherd stopped by
And -- this is no lie --
By day's end she was richer, but sore.
--- Macsam
"My bank account's here in my lap...
When I run short of kale
I just peddle my tail...
Man, am I glad I've got a mantrap!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 717
She drove a sand truck for the city,
And at night she would work
For old madam McGirk,
But the clients complained she was gritty.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1567
Kept some wine-sodden whores in his garret,
Which occasioned much static
In the poor fellow's attic
As to who'd get the screw or the claret.
--- Armand E Singer 395
Who was, by a man so engrossed,
That she paid him the fee,
For undoubtedly he
Was the master and therefore the host.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1635
Was fucked by a man debonair.
She told sad tales of woe
Which depressed the man so,
That he plunged in a slough of despair
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1649
In search of a wench who would lay;
Well, the smog made me choke
And foul up my stroke --
But still she insisted I pay.
--- Norm Storer P0011
Took a walk in the park all alone.
From out of the fog
Came a slut, a real dog,
And he figured he'd throw her a bone.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2000
Said, "Tail in this town isn't handy.
In Dundee there's stores
Where it's sold by fat whores,
But it's too far to go when you're randy..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 440
Would cater to opulent shoppers.
But she said, "I confess
That in times of distress,
My asshole's for tradesmen and paupers."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1570
Who tried to run out on her bill.
A meal on the house?
Well, take off your blouse!
You'll work off what's owed to the till!"
--- TuttaGioia
It's a trap! I will not reimburse
With a strip, or a lick
Of your stale old breadstick.
So get lost or you'll leave in a hearse!"
--- Lucy
You're known far and wide as a tramp!
You work on your back!
You live off your crack!
Go ply your trade...'neath the street lamp!
--- TuttaGioia
(At your rate that's two bucks a blow)
You can pay your small tab,
Then get into a cab,
And go home to your sap of a beau!
--- TuttaGioia
Who well knew the worth of publicity.
Her big ad on TV
For the 'haute bourgeoisie'
Made much of the joys of lubricity.
--- Armand E Singer 254
Who bailed an old man out of jail.
By a strange stroke of fate,
He became Head Of State,
So he made her the Head Of All Tail.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1525
As her bank account mushroomed and grew:
"Milking prick's a delight
When the customer's right--
It's a business doing pleasure with you!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 597 G1855
Who was so incredibly boring,
She'd net piles of cash
Without spreading gash,
Yet leave them contented and snoring.
--- Anon
For Rajahs was ready on call.
But a Hindu from Delhi
Claimed he laid on her belly,
When her house was a hole in the wall.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1440
Remarked, as she blew out a candle,
"A fresh blown hot wick
Is as good as a trick,
And it's twice as convenient to handle."
--- Grand Prix Lim 883
And counting them all makes me sore.
I could break down and cry
At the guy's lush supply,
For I drive twenty miles to a whore.
--- Grand Prix Lim 396
Who lost all her dough playing keeno.
But she lay on her back
And opened her crack,
And now she owns the casino.
--- L1050
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