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The daily routine was a bore Said a horny young fellow, George Borgia, There was a young lady from Chad A naughty young girl from the sticks, The first troops under Spanish command, There was a young lass named Theresa, A man had a beautiful daughter, Then 'Mick the mule' happened along; A young lassie from sweet Ballybunny There was a young harlot named Bunny, A hardworking waitress named Cora, A promiscuous lassie of Charlotte, Said a foot-weary waitress in Nashville: A lissome young woman from Lansing A hot little lady named Sission Jan was a hooker, a rookie. Roses? They wilt and they die, Losing her mind, what a waste! A tightfisted farmer named Drange She-adults as adulterous as Mae As her navel lay brimming with sweat There was a young lady named Riley I knew a girl who was Dutch. There's a Cleveland teenager named Welling; There was an Old Man of Marseilles, A lady by name of Dundee, The youthful Miss Molly McGee A fabulous chick in Grenader, On hearing young Kiki's confession, A post office clerk named Miss Flounce A cute fun-loving senior co-ed, There was a young woman named Bunny, Said a crusty old colonel named Waters, There is a young hooker named Kubik A rather shy call girl named Sue, The poor husband was caught in a fix; Ten good reasons I never got sex An ugly young hooker named Milly A magician and wife had a daughter A young girl who raised poultry, Miss Knox, That famed candy family, the Reeses, "Did you ring for me, Mr. Quayle? "Too hot for us sisters!" said Sally; A trick-turning girl from the 'hood, A luscious young trollop named Troll An embarrassed young lady (not Charlotte), Said Henry de Vere, "In a phrase, The girls from the town of Calmore I know of this woman named Liz; A round-heeled young floozie named Trilling A hopeful young starlet named Flo A sexpot in East Tennessee, A hapless young lady named Burke There was a young poppet named Babs There once was a woman named Muffy A sex act of passionate Janet "I can make my own way," said Miss Cid. A virgin I claim not to be, As her hooker walked past me with grunt, A once-laid once-lady once found There was a young gal from Brewster The farmer who lived in the sticks, A merchant of rubies and jade, No longer bereaved is Ms. Kidder; I'm sorry to say that it's true; I'm afraid it was worse than it sounds, I'm afraid it gets worse yet, my lad --
For a lady who managed a store.
With her business depressed,
She was somewhat distressed,
So she joined the Piece Corps and made more.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1454
"Listen, babe, when you seem me come toward ya,
Just swallow your pride
Then spread your legs wide,
And I'll slip you ten bucks to reward ya."
--- Armand E Singer 212
Whose morals were terribly bad.
She'd screw for a quid
Any spotty faced kid,
But oldies she'd leave feeling sad!
--- Anon
Cavorted with local young hicks.
She was good at the job
Of bobbing the knob;
She's now in New York turning tricks.
--- Archie
To set foot on Floridian sand,
Found a Seminole maid,
Who took trinkets in trade,
And gave them the lay of the land.
--- John Ciardi
Whom the fellows all longed for a piece a';
But she isn't for sale
To some lustful old male.
You can't buy her -- but money will lease her.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who performed just as he had taught her.
But when she left home
And started to roam,
She performed just for men who had bought her.
--- Anon
He was famed for the size of his dong.
Yes, it was a tight fit,
But she took all of it.
He bragged that she weren't tight for long
--- Anon
Had kisses much sweeter than honey.
The Irishmen galore
Would line up at her door;
All willing to pay her some money.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Whose kisses were sweeter than honey.
Her callers galore
Would line up at her door
To take turns in paying her money.
--- Anon
Discovered that drummers adore a
Titty that's ripe,
And a cunt that is tripe.
Now she doesn't work hard any more-a.
--- L1001
Didn't know the real meaning of "harlot;"
But once she'd looked it up,
She so heavily booked it up,
She hauled cash to the bank by the carlot.
--- John P McKnight P0303
"Sure and ruin my arches this hash will.
I'm tired to the bone--
I'd much rather work prone--
Make an offer, love, please don't be bashville.
--- G1840
Was sorely in need of financing.
So she marketed shares
In her saleable wares,
And began a career of romancing.
--- Limber Limericks
Developed wild needs for coition.
She gave it away
Until yesterday
When she learned men will pay for admission.
--- Grand Prix Lim G1867
When a man asked to eat her sweet nookie,
She said, "That isn't nice,
But if you ask twice,
I'll give you some milk and a cookie."
--- Writerman
And chocolates build up on the thigh.
Wine makes me drunk,
Perfume smell like a skunk,
So hand over the money, big guy!
--- Faerie
Thank God she's no longer chaste.
She can work on her back;
For funds she'll not lack,
And those labia, so nicely spaced!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Took care of some lass in the grange;
After having his thrills,
He proferred two bills,
And groused when she gave him no change.
--- Armand E Singer 215
Never go a whole day with no lay...
She waves it at me,
But since it ain't free,
There it waves, I must be on my way...
--- Grand Prix Lim 306
Edna sighed, "I may yet, Pet, regret
That I let you lay me
And not even pay me...
But I don't feel that hookerish yet!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 889
Who valued her virtue so highly,
That she turned down a shilling
In a manner most chilling,
But accepted a pound very shyly.
--- Lims Unlimited
She played with my penis and such.
She'd come on the floor,
Like a good little whore,
But now we don't speak or say much.
--- Anon
What she does late at night there's no telling.
She works the side streets,
Stops the men that she meets
And it isn't scout cookies she's selling.
--- Larry Wilde
Whose daughter did it for pay.
They caught several fish --
The Nouveau Riche --
The kind who will pay for a lay.
--- Edwardian Leer 013
First gave it away all for free.
You can still get her stuff,
But times, they are tough,
So now you must pay her a fee.
--- Lims For Year - 01
Used to screw all her boyfriends for free.
The religious right
Changed her mind overnight;
She still screws, but she charges a fee.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408
Flashes truckers, and other girls hate her;
She says "I don't care,
'Cause I part soft hair,
Those sows have bristles 'round craters!"
--- Anon
Father Boyle made a grave indiscretion.
His convictions were loose
About self-abuse,
Now she works at the oldest profession.
--- Jesse
Had titties with plenty of bounce.
It was frank up her ass,
But her cunt was first class.
It was thirty-one cents for each ounce.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1514
Spends her leisure time with her legs spread.
Upperclassmen? It's free!
But a green freshmen? She
Charges twenty-five dollars per head.
--- William N Nesbit P0107
Whose husband found life quite unfunny.
He said, with a pout,
"Why don't you put out?"
And she answered, "I do it for money."
--- Isaac Asimov
To his sheltered and virginal daughters:
"If you're offered a buck
To go out for a fuck,
Just insist you're restricted to quarters."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
This is file hxm
Whose face is supremely cherubic.
I confess my surprise
When I first laid my eyes
Upon her display of parts pubic.
--- Armand E Singer 513
Cut slits in the covers she drew
Up over her head,
When she got into bed--
Three marked "Service" and one "Peek-a-boo!"
--- John Ciardi
The truth would have knocked him for six.
Her note on the frig
Said "I'm out playing bridge".
A half-truth - she was picking up tricks.
--- John E Mayhood
From my girlfriend Marie (she's my cx):
Numbers one, way past nine,
Standing tenth in the line
Of rich suitors who plied her with checks.
--- Armand Singer
Had the best trade in all Picadilly.
She had hair on her tits;
And her ass was the pits;
But her pussy, now that was a dilly!
--- Anon
They trusted much more than they oughter.
The ending is tragic;
They thought she learned magic,
When they heard she turned tricks for a quarter.
--- Pierce Evans
Had a fortune stored up in a box.
Through the day she raised chickens
And made cash like the dickens,
But at night she made more raising cocks.
--- Albin Chaplin
Had loose-moraled daughters and nieces;
They'd play in the hay
For ten bucks a lay --
Which started the term, "Reese's pieces."
--- Armand E Singer 796
Which is it...dictation or tail?
Mixing up two professions
Confuses our sessions...
Am I retail or am I wholesale?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 414
"We've just got to move from Death Valley,
And live in New York,
Rent free, on guy's stalk...
And that would be right up our alley.
--- David Miller
What she shouldn't, she said that she could.
She's too young and too neat
To be out on the street,
So she wouldn't, but said that she would.
--- Snaggletoth
Has a crotch that is many a man's goal.
Most clients go crackside,
Though some prefer backside--
She charges the same either hole.
--- G1878
Made her income by playing the harlot.
But when something would stink,
She would blush a bright pink,
So the harlot's nickname became Scarlet.
--- Phred
This family's seen better days.
We've hocked the Cezanne,
And now Lady Diane
Is selling herself in the maze."
--- John Dole P9609
Will rarely remain very poor.
They sell all they've got,
Including their twat,
To the boys of the First Hampshire Corps.
--- Anon
She sucks all the commoner's jizz.
On the couch, in a chair,
In a car, everywhere!
Her son knows not what his mom is.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Said, "I've sold my rep for a shilling."
Well, who's made of teak?
My poor flesh is weak,
And God knows my spirit is willing.
--- Armand E Singer 605
Went whoring when show biz was slow.
Her address was, forsooth,
A telephone booth.
A sign hung outside: S.R.O.
--- Irving Superior P9208
Who began giving samples for free,
Thought all men were her friends,
But found friendship ends
When she started demanding a fee...
--- Grand Prix Lim 457
Had failed in her search for some work.
A profession was offered
By a pimp name of Crawford,
And she launched her career with a jerk.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1462
Who travelled the city in cabs.
For friendship she looked;
Sometimes she'd be booked,
And drivers got stuck for the tabs,
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who everyone thought was quite stuffy.
But when paid enough money,
She'd screw like a bunny,
Though her little pink tail wasn't fluffy.
--- Stark
Once failed through her failure to scan it.
A novice street whore,
Whe was shocked to the core
By a soft one she'd taken for granite.
--- Tucker D Ott P9003
"I made ten bucks and a dime, Mr. Quid."
"Who was the cheap slime
Who gave you a dime?"
"The price was just right! They all did!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For chastity's no fun you see.
The gents all pay cash;
To my bed they do dash,
For they can't wait to dally with me.
--- Anon
Madam explained, in her manner quite blunt,
Inserting a thumb
In a new hooker's bum,
Sparks performance -- feels empty in front.
--- Rick Kaplowitz P9205
Herself getting suspiciously round.
Feeling more than just miffed
By her error, she sniffed,
"I was silly to charge just a pound."
--- David A Brooks Q
And when the Town Clerk seduced her
Said: "You must pay my rent,
Every dollar and cent,
For that's what the Mayor used ter."
--- Ethel G Berenko P811
Who's one of those country-type hicks,
Told the Holy Cross Mission
"My daughter's a magician."
When informed that his daughter turned tricks.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
With a millionaire, managed to trade
Some finely-cut stones
For some fragrant colognes,
And a night with the millionaire's maid.
--- Cap'n Bean P2005
She's feeling her oats as a widder;
She bared her whole torso
And worse, if not more so,
She sold it to more than one bidder.
--- Armand E Singer 387
Your sister was here before you.
She was so nice,
We each had her twice.
She said we were better than you.
--- Les Stewart
We paid her in dollars and pounds.
No orifice was tight
At the end of the night --
That Naomi bitch made the rounds.
--- Frank Fazed
I hope that his won't make you mad --
But I must tell you this,
While they screwed your sis,
Someone else was screwing your dad!
--- Kaylin Brandon
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