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When Joe Zeugma sees nuns in their eighties, Now Hugh, that old sock, always has He swam fifteen lengths of the pool, Alice Liddell thought Charlie was funny, Joe Zeugma's a bloke who would take Also after his dad and a hint Joe Zeugma could not get a date, The girlies I fail to impress, Does Chris bite in an epileptic fit? Miss Griffey just got a new job, The news from limland is not good! And when at Joe Zeugma's, midst howls, From Gosport comes versatile Jen; With a headache that hardly would quit, That reminds me of Wanda the WAC. Christina is one of those lovers A desperate man, Jack, wants to marry The moonlight upon my lake, nightly, It's the morning right after the race, Joe Zeugma buys crack on the docks, Joe Zeugma was feeling no pain, For cash-strapped young Anthea Falls, He dreams of wild sex with Miss Griffey Joe Zeugma's jalopy is stricken Joe Zuegma's the wisest of wenchers, Joe Zeugma had just shot his rocks, The ZEUGMA unites disparate words, Joe Zeugma was less than alert An acronym coiner of Lyme The ampersand's such a h&dy device, A man we chall only call "Mr." There once was a sporty young Mr., The method I use to alleviate The limerick writer's soiled pp All persons of higher degree, (the damn degree sign is too hard to make - McW)
A musical lady from Ga., Her birthday loomed high as a mt. When an amorous Mr. first Kr., When a girl fits a shirt to a T, There are plenty of people in Md. There was a young man from Mich. She was peeved and addressed him as Mr., ABBREVIATIONS--tricky biz! There once was a pretty young Mrs. A man hired by John Smith & Co. In the Senate are several pp. There was a young lady from Ft. Lee, There was an old lady named Clark There once was a husky young Mr. A gallant and social Mr. For the Third World and all those within it, That brevity's usually preferred He would chug-a-lug whiskey by qts., As a horny guy walked down the av., Mr Washington got a degree. A young English woman named St John She frowned and called him Mr. She always addressed him as Mr., There once were a couple of chums An anagram solver from Loo Adolph Hitler in history had his part, Clinton likes to give 'em a whirl, To an actor who's hard to surpass, He bullies those weak MPs with flair; A steaming turd he couldn't pass; It started incredibly brash, There have been, from young Britney Spears,
He streaks like a fiend out of Hades.
And batting his lashes,
He suddenly flashes
His lantern, a smile, and the ladies.
--- Hugh Clary
Been mouthy and all of that jazz.
Too often he lipped
So that's why I snipped
His limerick, his post and his vas.
--- Anon
As he climbed out, he felt such a fool.
He looked down, grabbed a towel,
Swore in language most foul,
As he'd lost both his trunks and his cool.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
So witty, facetious, and punny,
That when near him she dwelt,
He frequently felt
Her lovely, her trust and her cunny.
--- Hugh Clary
His time and some pills and a break
And Broadway by storm,
And a crap where it's warm,
And a bribe and the fifth and the cake.
--- Hugh Clary
And five and a nap, but he din't
Much take after his mum,
Who, too fond of her rum,
Hit the sauce and the skids and pavement.
--- Peter Wilkins
Which left him a pitiful state.,
But with help from his name,
He finally came
Into money, her bedroom and Kate.
--- Anon
Instead, then, I roger old Bess.
It's fine, I will tell,
To come with the smell
Of mud, bovine shit and success.
--- Anon
Is that convent a dark, dreary pit?
If she's bound, though she's fierce,
We may happily pierce
The mystery, the gloom and her slit.
--- Anon
Writing sermons for Reverend Bob;
Though the salary's smallish,
Each morning she'll polish
His oration, his shoes and his knob.
--- Anon
He's ruining the whole neighbourhood.
Slash Par is a pain,
Destroying again
The peace and the quiet and my wood!
--- Archie Q
She rearranged his soaps and towels.
And behind a locked door,
She moved even more:
His pictures, his rug, and her bowels.
--- Observer
A barmaid and stripper, ex-Wren!
She charms all the bulls,
And expertly pulls
A pint, off her knickers, and men.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Joe Zeugma decided to split.
Some downers he copped,
So quickly he popped
To the bathroom, the pills, and a zit.
--- Hugh Clary
She answered an ad a while back
For a clerk of the Guild
Of Satyrs and filled
The position, their hopes, and her crack.
--- Hugh Clary
Where a heap of new suitors oft hovers.
But, "Their jewels I'll plunder,"
She always says under
Their protest, her breath and the covers.
--- Anon
A virginal tease known as Sherri.
Champagne is his prop
As, kneeling, he'll pop
The question, a cork, and her cherry.
--- Randog
Illuminated just how politely
A lady can spread
The quilt from her bed,
Some lies, and her pussy-once-tightly.
--- Travis Brasell
And Joe Zeugma has smiles on his face;
Life's all that he dreamed
'Cause he finally creamed
His rivals, his tea, and in Grace.
--- Anon
Where he smuggles in diamond stocks,
And, they've harlots there, yet,
So he's sure he will get
His rocks and his rocks and his rocks.
--- Hugh Clary
Which his fortunes today would explain.
After doing his best
On the Algebra test,
Scored an A, then some dope, and with Jane.
--- Hugh Clary
It's great when a gentleman calls.
His passion she'll heighten,
And very soon lighten
Her spirits, his wallet, his balls.
And sleeps very lightly, so if he
Has eaten bran flakes,
Joe Zeugma awakes
With a start and a fart and a stiffy.
--- Anon
with engine malfunctions that sicken
His gals, since it smokes
And they know that he chokes
His throttle, back tears, and the chicken.
--- Hugh Clary
Who embarked on some novice adventures
With the nun most devout,
When he quickly took out
The trash, and his dick and her dentures.
--- Hugh Clary
When he noticed the sign that read, "Pox
Has infected these sheep."
And he found himself deep
In trouble, and thought, and its box.
--- Hugh Clary
Like nest that is sharing stange birds.
Betwixt and between,
Each set in the scene,
Thanksgiving of Turkey and Kurds (turkey and curds)
--- Chris Papa
When the flu had him weary as dirt.
So he called on Nurse Wonder
In the hope to be under
The weather, her wing, and her skirt.
--- Anon
Had a penchant for letters sublime.
Yet the ones he'd essay
Caused widespread dismay,
Or spelled some abominable crime.
--- William J Wilson P0607
Because it's compact and concise.
As in Jessica T&y
Or Mahatma G&hi.
Okay. it's not gr&. But it's nice.
--- Brandy Brandon P9506
Grabbed and attacked his own sr.
Dad spotted the scene;
Wow! Did he intervene...
And the young sibling's backside did blr.
--- Jane D Hughes P9104
Who said to a girl when he kr.,
"Won't you please be my wife?"
She said, "Not on your life,
The most I can be is your sr."
--- Stanton Vaughn 1906 P9104
Misspelling a word is to deviate
From rules learned in schools
That graduate fools,
Who'd rather misspell than abbr:.
--- Travis Brasell
This is file hfl
Grew gradually cleaner for aa,
Till he started conceding
His wit was receding,
By mucking out cc for ww.
--- David A Brooks
Are proud of a long pedigree,
And even the masses
Of inferior classes,
Unless they are misled, agree.
--- Harold C Bibby
Once sang in "Lucretia Ba."
Said a friend the next day,
"I'm sorry to say
That high note in C major fla."
--- Anon
Of youth she could not find the ft.
When asked re her yrs.
She fought back the trs.
And said, "39... but who's ct.?"
--- Jane D Hughes P9102
On her lips he encountered a Blr.
Since she couldn't be Mrs.,
He refocused his Krs.
At her Sr, which thouroughly Pr.
--- Cunning Linguist P0501
Every man flits around like a B;
They tries hard, just like U,
To be first in the Q,
And to manage to make her say G...
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9104
Who think that their state if a fd.
It seems odd to find
That they really don't mind
It's Wis., not Md. is Dd.
--- Anon (Cerf) (Bibby)
Who used to wish and wich.
That spring would come
So he could bum
Around and go out fich.
--- Anon
Not because of the fact that he kr.
But because, just before,
As she opened the door,
This same Mr. had just kr. sr.
--- Langford Reed P9104
Mr., Mrs., Miss, and Ms.
The female--three of four
Providing you ignore
That Mr. maybe "missed her" is.
--- Irving Superior P9104
Who tearful but short story thrs.
Her mind lost it grasp --
Now she thinks she's an asp,
And just sits in the corner and hrs.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Loudly declared he would tho.
Man that he saw
Dumping dirt near his store.
The drivers, therefore, didn't do.
--- Mark Twain P0108
Who are paid above minimum ww.
To kneel in a bbl.
Wearing women's appl.
And satisfy whimsical ss.
--- Hugh Clary
Whose figure was fetching, but Pt. Lee.
She said, "Try to heft
The breast on the left.
I'll toss you the other one Sht. Lee."
--- William F Orr TP9802 a
Who rose from her bed -- to bark.
They say 'twas a trauma
When the dog bit her, (comma)
Now can you tell me why? (question mark)
--- Albin Chaplin Appeal 1670
Who hugged hard each girl as he kr.;
And he kissed with such glee
That his girl exclaimed, "See!
Your lips upon mine raised a blr."
--- Stanton Vaughn 1906 P9104
On meeting a fair damsel kr.,
She called for a Dr.
The thing had so shr.,
And on her red lips raised a blr.
--- Stanton Vaughn 1906 P9104
Where governments constantly spin, it
Is life to be treasured
Where time isn't measured
In mere r.p.m..
--- Laurence Perrine P9407
When writing, it's sometimes inferred.
It might then perplex us
To note in our lexis
'Abbreviation's such a long word.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9104
This bibulous fellow named Schwts.
He would then drive his car
From tavern to bar,
And he's coo-coo, I've heard from repts.
--- Al Willis TP9804
To a chick he said "I would love hv."
When she said, "I abstain
'Cause sex causes pain,"
He assured her, "Well I'll put some salv.!"
--- Jane D Hughes P9104
There was something he wanted to see:
The patients who'd jeer
And the cracks he would hear,
At the office of Washington, D.C.
--- Don Moore P0112
Met a red-skinned American In John.
Who made her his bride,
And gave her beside
A dress with a gaudy bead Fr John.
--- Anon
Because he boldly kr.
And so in spite,
That very same night,
This Mr. kr. sr.
--- Isaac Asimov
Until he took courage and Kr.;
But now that they're wed,
Like a brute he has said
That he wishes to goodness he Mr.
--- Illustrated Lims P9604
Who were playing with long words and sums.
When they looked to it further,
Anagram for 'A McDonald's Burger,'
Turned out to be "Real dog and crumbs!"
--- Mick Tully
Said, "This is too good to be true!
'A Wendy Burger' rearragned,
The snack that is famed
Becomes: "Beware. Dry gnu!"
--- Mick Tully
Annexed Sudetenland for a start.
A right little raver,
Was his girlfriend Eva,
Who each day, greeted him: "Heil, old fart!"
--- Larry Brash
And Gore makes their tongues unfurl.
When their anagram's written,
"Al Gore/Bill Clinton"
Becomes "Ball lot on nice girl"!
--- Anon
I propose that we all raise a glass.
Who else could this have been?
Star of stage and of screen,
Alec Guiness. He's "genuine class"!
--- David Bourke
They complain hourly that he's not fair.
With no preamble,
Alistair Campbell?
His response is: I'm a pest? Call Blair!
--- Anon
It was the height of bathroom farce.
'Cause this was the issue:
Andrex Toilet Tissue
Anagrams to "Insulted exit to arse!"
--- Mick Tully
But its fortune started to crash.
Its fate? It was sealed
When British Leyland revealed
The letters: "Indelibly trash!"
--- Mick Tully
Publicity stunts, down the years.
Down the aisle, all in vain,
Oops! She did it again!
She has the "best P.R. in years"!
--- David Bourke
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