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Big Bertha's a weapon of mass I dreamed of the horrible sight Malodorous - dark as a drain; If it's Bertha of whom you've been dreamin', I told her I squirted a liter And the size of that twat like a Boeing! Big Bertha buys bras by the score, Big Bertha's determined to slim Oh damnit! Oh damnit to Hell. You'll soon learn to relish the smell Poor things, if you all lost your way My grumble is not that her twat But my friend, you're a Brit, not an Asian, Big Bertha, the girl with a figure The hairs on her organ were sparse, With buttocks so huge and well-crafted, Still, old Bertha Butt was so sweet, So maybe I'll give it a go If you, Peter, do lust for a go Miss Bertha has dumped her collection I doubt even Roger could fill Huge as Roger is, he's not jealous; But surely the RCMP I'm missing the hot summer nights; Prepare then, for serious ripping; Our Bertha is very well built, In Lafayette Square there's a lady For instance, on Saturday nights, On Sundays she goes to two Masses, Each Monday Bev's normal routine On Tuedays Bev goes to Wong Shu's But Wednesday Bev sure has a lot When Thursday comes, Bev's at the zoo; Friday's the day Bev loves best; Bev Grady's a very fine lady, Beware Travis, dear Bev, he's a bugger! A limerick for loverly Beverly? So Beverly's fifty at last, The limerick you've written for Beverly Don't charge me with buggering Beverley, There was a young woman named Claire My dearest darling sweet Claire, An eager young French girl named Claire, The rise of her bountiful pair There once was a beauty named Claire The first time I ever saw Clare, I know a young lady named Clare; Oh, my dearest sweet Claire, A curious young woman named Clare, There was a young woman named Claire. A magician who called herself Claire 'I think God uses bathrooms," sighed Claire, There was a young girl called Clarisse I'll get no more visits from Claire, It's a slovenly state of affairs There once was a young blonde named Claire There was a young lady called Claire, The patriot lady named Claire, While wooing the stunning young Claire, My Claire never came, only swooned; A friendly young hippie named Clare There once was a lady named Claire There was a young woman named Claire; There was a young woman named Claire; By now we know all about Claire; There was a young woman named Claire, "So where is your G-spot, my dear?"
Seduction. Her mountainous ass
Has hundreds of folds,
Each one of which holds
A cock in a grip, lewd and crass.
--- Randog
Of Bertha's huge cunt 'tother night;
It sank to my face
In a slimy embrace,
And extinguished the remnants of light.
--- Anon
I struggled and fought it in vain.
And damn well near drowned,
'Til I woke and I found
I'd been chewing my pillow again.
--- Anon
The thought of her leaves my mind steamin'.
Man that malodorous stench
Issuing forth from that wench,
Is not rotting flesh, it's dead sea-men!
--- Anon
Of goo from my 18 inch peter.
She said: "I care not.
I've a 10 gallon twat."
It would take more than I had to beat her.
--- Anon
So don't let her juices get flowing.
Better lie and play dead
And not give that tripe head.
When she comes it smells just like she's going!
--- Anon
But wears them just once, and no more.
A day at the most,
Then they give up the ghost,
As her funbags flow WHUMP on the floor.
--- Peter Wilkins
Since losing her lover-boy Jim.
He vanished from sight
With a scream in the night,
While munching her cavernous quim.
--- Peter Wilkins
I slipped into Bertha and fell.
As around me I peer,
I see that I'm here
With Tiddy, and Peter and Nell.
--- Archie
And, as in the story of Hell,
You'll forget what offends --
So many old friends!
And look! There's old Bessie as well!
--- John Miller
In Bertha, for sure it's okay
To grumble and grudge,
But as far's I can judge,
It is best you're enjoying your stay.
--- Ulla
Is dark and exceedingly hot,
But lack of umbrellas
To shelter us fellas
For when she bobs down for a squat.
--- Peter Wilkins
So what good do you think, does evasion?
A true British fella,
Where is your umbrella?
You should rise, my dear, to the occasion.
--- Ulla
Resembling a whale, only bigger,
Enjoys masturbations
With deep excavation,
By means of mechanical digger.
--- Peter Wilkins
But Bertha possessed a great arse.
And each time she whined:
"Take me from behind!"
Good coitus would turn into farce.
--- SFA
Four helpers would have to be drafted
To pry them apart,
Before one could start
The process of getting her shafted.
--- SFA
That none of her aides missed a beat,
In helping her spread,
'Cause she'd give them head
And somewhere to soften their meat.
--- Marlene Lewis
And offer Big Bertha a hoe;
She might be more weighty
And squidgy than Katie,
But far less inclined to say no.
--- Peter Wilkins
With a girl: from the streetwalkin' ho'
To fair Miss Golightly
Invited politely,
We are scarcely inclined to say no.
--- Anon
Of men. Her new aim of affections's
The todger of Roger,
That wicked old codger,
Who sports an enormous erection.
--- Ulla
Miss Bertha and give her a thrill,
For most who have tried
Have gone missing inside,
Where I fear they are languishing still.
--- Peter Wilkins
Joined by his RCMP fellas,
They're doing their duty
On the cavernous beauty
Of Bertha -- yes, Mounties are zealous.
--- Ulla
Are more like those lumberjacks be,
A-dancing and prancing
In dresses entrancing,
While singing falsetto in C.
--- Peter Wilkins
The ripping of Big Bertha's tights.
The resolute quest
To get on her nest,
And cover her neck with love bites.
--- Peter Wilkins
Her tights have been know to snag shipping!
It's murder, my friend,
And I doubt at the end,
You'll have owt what it takes for a dipping.
--- Peter Wilkins
And can cause any fellow to wilt.
But she'll get a shock...
A big plastic cock,
I'm hiding here under my kilt.
--- SFA
Whose name (I just learned) is Bev Grady;
She's really attractive
And stays very active
In dealings that may be deemed 'shady.'
--- Anon
Bev stands under street corner lights;
She shows off her thighs
And waits there for guys,
Who dance for their living in tights.
--- Anon
And sits with twin freckled-faced lasses;
When both twins are kneeling,
Bev's fearlessly feeling
Their tits and the cunts and their asses.
--- Anon
Finds her at the old Dairy Queen,
Where she lets the cook
Take one lasting look
At her cunt through a torn window screen.
--- Anon
And buys some fake nails in dark blues;
While Wong Shu is gluing
Her nails, Bev starts viewing
Some pictures of Wong screwing ewes.
--- Anon
Of fun at her burial plot;
She goes there at seven,
Pretends she's in heaven,
While strumming a harp with her twat.
--- Anon
She feeds all the lions -- apes, too;
That night she engages
To enter their cages,
And jerks off the males 'til they spew.
--- Anon
This is file gzl
It's better by far than the rest;
She goes in disguise
To old homeless guys,
And pays them to come on her chest.
--- Anon
Her actions, though, are a bit 'shady',
As you can well see,
But take it from me,
Bev's mild next to her sister Sadie!
--- Anon
He'd assure her he never will mug her.
But why should he fear
Bobbitt's loss if he's clear
Of a lusty intention to fug her.
--- Edward Leer
But there's only one rhyme, and that's "cleverly."
To continue the beat,
Her name must repeat
Thus--Beverly, Beverly, Beverly.
--- Anon
And her pension kicks in -- what a blast!
May she take as much pleasure
In her future leisure,
As she naughtily took in her past.
--- Anon
Was loverly and crafted quite cleverly.
But I think the beat
Set to music'd be neat,
Then submit to those song Brothers, Everly.
--- Anon
For I'll say, "Oh, hell no, not neverly!"
I'll lie to the end
To keep my old friend
From meeting with Bobbitt's fate, severley!
--- Anon
With genitals lacking in hair.
What caused the affliction
Was sexual friction,
Which left them the worse for the wear.
--- Isaac Asimov
Will you suck me off 'down there'?
Standing up or in bed,
Just give me some head,
And it sure will answer my prayer!
--- Gearhart
Endowed with beaucoup pubic hair,
Begged her date, "Darling please,
Put it in me - don't tease!"
He replied, "Oh, I want to, but where?"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Of breasts are breathtaking, my Claire
Of fair pubic hair,
Lifts up from the chair
As long as I keep blowing air!
--- Anon
Who had a devine derriere.
She'd eat cocoa beans,
Then poop some pralines,
And sometimes a chocolate eclair.
--- H Welchel
From her head to her toes she was bare.
Although, completely nude,
She could never be crude,
For her charms are beyond compare.
--- Joe Reichardt
Scent of flowers permeates her hair.
One glance at the ass,
Of this glorious lass,
Brings yearnings way beyond compare.
--- Joe Reichardt
I love to play with your hair,
But not ones on your head,
And I refer instead
To the ones that lurk 'way down there.
--- Anon
Always slept with her feet in the air;
One night she awoke
With a gasp and a choke,
And found them tucked under a chair.
--- Alsops Foibles
She'd take a 'lit cigar' on a dare.
He wanted to shove her
But he'll soon recover.
Mistaken, he gave her a flare.
--- Rod Hardon
Made all her audience stare,
When she uttered commands
To her mammary glands,
And they floated right up in the air.
--- Cap'n Bean
"But it makes Daddy angry and swear,
If Mommy is slow
When he's wanting to go,
"God! What are you doing in there!?"
--- Anon
Who'd rather be called Miss Harris.
Or "Sweet Mam'selle"
Would please her quite well
If ever she travelled to Paris.
--- Anon
Ever since I tied her to a chair;
And while we were playing,
My dick started spraying.
Now she can't get me out of her hair.
--- David Miller
With that lazy old husband of Claire's;
He's a terrible slouch
And he sleeps on the couch,
'Cause he can't get his ass up the stairs.
--- Cap'n Bean
Who would do anything on a dare.
She crossed over the street,
Was quite quick on her feet,
'Cause she heard there was cock over there!
--- SFA
Who often won't wear underwear.
On days with a breeze,
You saw more than her knees,
And all the blokes did was stare.
--- P Copeman
Has abundant and thick pubic hair,
Which she parts in the center
With a sign, "Soldiers Enter",
As she farts to the tune "Over There".
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0511Q
And applying my tongue with great care,
My beard got entangled
And I nearly strangled,
As Daddy approached on the stair.
--- John Miller Q
Dad shot me and had me marooned.
My pubes turned snow white
From the pain and the fright,
And my ass is still sore from the wound.
--- John Miller Q
Found a robin's nest built in her hair;
She worried a while,
Then said with a smile,
"The hell with it! Let it stay there!"
--- Lims Unlimited
Who hated the hue of her hair.
As she bleached it, she yalped!
When it fell from her scalp,
And now she has no hair to bear.
--- Coleen Ebbert
Her breasts she did bare on a dare.
At the bar it was late;
Her annoyance was great
When no one around seem to care.
--- Rod Hardon
A staff meeting once was a dare,
With vibrators inserted,
Clamped nipples, short skirted.
Wrong date though, nobody was there.
--- Rod Harden
How well she can handle a dare.
"She's blonde," you surmise,
But I'm being wise.
To tell you just wouldn't be fair.
--- Rod Harden
Who gave blow jobs all day on a dare;
She didn't quite make it;
No way she could fake it;
Forgetting to come up for air.
--- Rod Harden
He said, stuffing it in, "Is it here?"
"No it isn't," said Claire
In the depths of despair,
"And isn't, you fool, up my rear!"
--- Peter Wilkins
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