A young airline stewardess, May, There was a young woman named Meg There was a young woman named Melanie So where is the lovely Michelle? A girl named Miss Fortune sighed, "Oh, There was a young woman named Myra I've always felt sorry for Myrtle, I'll tell you the story of Myrtle, I know a lass named Myrtle, too, A turtle that lies on its back That's right, son, you've nothing to fear "A supine chelonian's unwise That Myrtle you know is my aunt, Her sister, so lacking in poise, An impetuous she is Nadine There was a young woman named Nancy, Pat is a jolly good screw; A woman there was named Pauline, A young college nympho named Prudence A delightful young woman named Rita Said Joe to his lady friend Rose, There once was a girl named Rose, There was a young gypsy girl Rose A big-busted beauty named Russell There once was a gossip named Sadie Although the telegrapher hid it, Our gorgeous receptionist, Sandy, I thank you all for your nice sharin' There once was a lass named Sharyn; There once was a woman named Sharyn; I once dated a lass, name of Sharon. There once was a young girl called Sharyn, Next time chose a girl named Bug
This is file gal
There was a young woman named Shirley, In 1960 there was born There once was a surfer named Stella, An equal rights leader called Sue A pickle-packer named Sue Look at our lovable Lou; A young flight attendant named Susan, At Dante's each night there's a prize; "Oh Father, I have a confession, There was a young lady called Twat, Juanita who lived in Espana, I'm jolly, I'm nice, I'm Virginia, A young girl who was named Yvette I've telephoned Bertha to say I've started preparing for tea Two-forty I fear was too late That's why, when Big Bertha arrived, Resisting of course my intention Dear Peter, there'd not be a struggle; Your kisses I'm sure would be grand I've found that Big Bertha simply can Most joes run as they scream Godzilla, It's easy for folks to lose track With Bertha, there's never foreplay. Big Bertha, when out for a drink, Big Bertha, who's massively large, Big Bertha, whose bulk is her boast, Big Bertha, while lacking in grace Upon the cold days of last winter, And then came the summer heat hissing, But don't feed her curry, guys, please. Big Bertha's old granny, Ma Baines, They thought they might opt for cremation,
Has achieved liberation today.
She screwed without quittin',
From New York to Britain;
It's clear she has come a long way.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Who liked all her boyfriends to beg.
She found it in keeping
To have them start weeping,
When she stopped them halfway up her leg.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who was asked by a man, "Do you sell any?"
She replied, "No siree,
I give it for free.
To sell it, dear sir, is a felony."
--- Isaac Asimov a
That Gal with the heavenly smell.
My trousers grow tight
With muscular might;
Now she's got me under her spell.
--- Anon
My name's a misfortune, I know.
Miss Takes's just as bad;
Mis Fits is quite mad.
And that Miss B. Haviour should go!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who said to an ardent admirer,
"If you've really planned
To meed my demand,
You'll become an exhausted perspirer."
--- Isaac Asimov
With a face that resembled a turtle;
I just can't abide it,
And Myrtle can't hide it,
But someday we all know that dirt'll.
--- Alsops Foibles
Who laid on her back like a turtle,
As I primed my rod,
Awaiting the nod...
Then into her crotch I would hurtle.
--- SFA
Though she's more like a large kangaroo.
Puts you on your back
And goes on attack,
Up and down and almost right through.
--- Anon
Is vulnerable to attack.
For rhyme did you do it,
But you should eschew it,
And find for yourself a new crack.
--- Cyber Wizard
And need give no thought to your rear.
It's true that we're odd
But don't want your bod.
We all make our own cracks in here.
--- Anon
And prone to attack!" Cybe R. cries.
But I think SFA
And Myrtle would say
That's the point of the whole exercise
--- SFA
A woman both sallow and gaunt.
Although she's a hag,
She enjoys a good shag;
So, thank you, Sir! You're most gallant.
--- Jeanie
Was more the lop-sided Tortoise.
And though I did well
To blast through her shell,
Her quim made a terrible noise.
--- SFA
Who doth bring men to heights near obscene.
She can ride till you groan...
And beg, "Leave me alone!"
Oh, you'll ache as you clutch your ball, peen.
--- Mara
Delightful and sweet and romancy.
Yet your try will be vain,
If you want your sex plain,
For her style of performance is fancy.
--- Isaac Asimov
She really does know what to do;
Has a sensuous mouth,
And there's plenty down south.
But I didn't say that, did you?
--- Anon
Who's always been terribly keen
On kissing and wooing,
Indiscriminate screwing,
And anything else that's obscene.
--- Isaac Asimov
Spent the night in a frat with the students.
By the dawn's early light,
She slipped out of sight,
And she left not a single protrudence!
--- Sex to Sexty P8808
Knew the ropes when a fellow would meet her.
Discreet were her ways
If nothing took place,
And if something did, still discreeter.
--- Isaac Asimov
"I'm sure you can hardly suppose
It is pleasant for me
That invariably,
When we screw, you fall into a doze."
--- Isaac Asimov
Who'd suck a golf ball through a hose.
She'd open her legs wider
Than a funnel-webbed spider
Whilst performing lewd acts with her toes.
--- Sandman
With obsessions for gentlemens' hose;
Up her pussy, her rear,
In her mouth and each ear,
And her cute little freckle-tipped nose.
--- Peter Wilkins
Delighted to dunk a love-muscle.
"Man, I'm lucky," she said,
"For guys come to my bed,
While other girls go out and hustle!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 115
Who lived her whole life rather shady.
"Talk is cheap", said the broad,
And my friend, with a nod,
Said, "It is, but then so is the lady."
--- Slade Grout
And was too mortified to admit it,
His daughter, sweet Sandy,
Was ever so randy,
And did it, and did it, and did it.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9407a
Is yours for a small shot of brandy.
And if in the day
You get trouser affray,
You'll find Sandy obligingly handy.
--- Peter Wilkins
You tips regarding this Sharyn.
For now I can see
Through limericks I'll be
A happy man carin' 'bout Sharyn.
--- Captain Chaos
For her, my heart had much carin'.
But some other bloke
Got her by a poke
And now a frown I am wearin'.
--- Jeff
For this lass, my heart had much carin'.
But she got a pokin'
From a bloke in Hoboken,
And now it's a frown I am wearin'.
--- Anon
She wore plungin' necklines so darin'.
But by a lucky stroke
I found she was a bloke.
So now I'm just limited to starin'.
--- Tom Allen
Who thought that carin' was sharin'.
She thought of herself
And got left on the shelf,
For carin' and sharin' is pairin'.
--- Michelle
And no doubt she will give you a hug.
A hug is designed
With two people in mind.
A hug may just come with a FUG!
--- Michelle
With eyes blue, cheeks pink, and teeth pearly.
Her figure curved nicely
Where it ought to precisely,
And when she said "No", men grew surly.
--- Isaac Asimov
A young lass by the name of Siobahn.
To her family's displeasure
She took as her leisure
Learning how to play the English horn.
--- Big Mick
Who searched on the net for a fella.
She'd lurk in the forums
And chat auditoriums,
With no luck, so she played 'a capella'.
--- ROE
Goes to church every Sunday, it's true.
When the priest say, "Amen",
He get furious when
Sue shouts loudly, "AND AH WOMAN, TOO!"
--- Sandy Lunde P8407
When asked if she'd like to screw,
Said, "I'm not partic'lar
'Bout who is my pickler;
Fact--sometimes I make a dildoo!"
--- JLMB
She's sure to be looking at you!
Her innocent eyes
Are big with surprise,
And she looks, and then looks, till she's through!
--- Florence E Scott P0900
To whom all thing's were confusin',
What she lacked in her head
She made up in bed,
For the rest of her was good for usin'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A raffle, much loved by the guys.
The winner each night
Will have the delight
To get his head twixt Suzie's thighs.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But I won't tell with whom I've been messin'."
He replied, "Is it Sandy?
Or Julia? Or Mandy?"
And I got three good leads from one session.
--- KJR
A name she disliked quite a lot.
So she changed it to Gash,
A word with panache,
And a much better moniker, wot?
--- Hugh Clary
Came to Israel to live in Netanya.
Her name was too shrewish;
It didn't sound Jewish.
She looked through the list and chose Vanya,
--- Arthur Pattaffy
And my thinking is pleasingly linear.
If you look a bit green, I'll
Just class you as senile,
Then so long, au revoir, I'll be seeing ya.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Took on cricket teams for a bet.
After counting her winnings,
She declared second innings,
And the last man is still not out yet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'd love her to visit today
For afternoon tea
At around about three,
And she's eagerly answered okay.
--- Peter Wilkins
And possible nookie at three.
With some trepidation
With justifation,
For Bertha's far bigger than me.
--- Peter Wilkins
To cancel my afternoon date.
I felt out of sorts,
Thinking horrible thoughts
Of a squidgy peculiar fate.
--- Peter Wilkins
A feeble excuse I contrived.
"Too bad," she announced
With smirk, as she pounced...
But I struggled like hell and survived.
--- Peter Wilkins
To rudely or otherwise mention
My kind invitation,
Is borne of frustration
And bothersome underwear tension.
--- Peter Wilkins
Just kisses and maybe a tuggle.
You're sure to survive,
I can be there by five,
If you'd invite me for a snuggle.
--- Carol
And a tuggle or two'd cause a stand.
After which I'd be yours,
Dearest Carol, because
I'd be up for your every demand.
--- Peter Wilkins
Put under the table any young man
For just a small while;
You see vertical smile,
Wide enough to consume all Japan.
--- SFA
Cause that girls gash can be killa.
But me I dove in;
I'd had enough gin;
Inside I think I saw a flotilla!
--- SFA
Of what's hidden in Bertha's front crack.
They say someone's seen
A squad of marine-
S seeking WMDs from Iraq.
--- I R Canuck
We're screwing by night and by day.
She don't have to coax;
Just shorten my strokes,
By rising to meat me halfway.
--- SFA
Can sink 'em as fast as you blink.
And when she is pissed,
She cannot resist
My pinkie that tickles her pink.
--- SFA
Needs dildoes the size of a barge,
Mechanically shaking,
Vibrating and quaking,
And always on permanent charge.
--- Peter Wilkins
Will squat on a telegraph post
To fill her vagina
When earthquakes in China
Send, globally, shocks coast to coast.
--- Travis Brasell
Is blessed with voluminous space,
So unwashed and ill-bred,
But I still lost my head
That night that she sat on my face.
--- SFA
Ten lumberjacks trekked to the hinter-
Land where they found Bertha
Had hung 'round her girth a
Sign reading: "IT'S WARM INSIDE, ENTER!"
--- Travis Brasell
And one lonely lumberjack kissing
The ground where he knelt
With 'thanks', but he felt
Much sorrow for 9 who'd gone missing.
--- Travis Brasell
It causes intestinal breeze.
That when it's released,
Causes sheep to be fleeced,
And will knock down a wood full of trees.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Expired and it took twenty trains
To haul her dead ass
Though Pluggersnatch Pass
And drop her remains on the plains.
--- Travis
But greenies throughout the whole nation
Claimed smoke that would rise,
Would cover the skies,
And lead to the world's termination.
--- Tiddy Ogg