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An inheritance from Great Aunt Judy Though she dreaded a week's separation, Your mama could not give a fig To daugher said mom, "Your room's cluttered! Said mom, "I'm the property owner! My mother is cruel and unkind; My mom placed on me a curse; In a heart-to-heart talk, mother faced I'm not superstitious, but then, There once was a young man called Roddy There was a young man from Calcutta An artful young fellow named Fred School days have started they say; Now frost means an end for the mum, A creamy farm lady named Myrtle, Well, virtue is all well and good, Now, chastity's alright for a nun, A stylish young gent in St. Pierre My momma once had told me: A grandmum's the best thing to be; My grandmother never had sex; Once child-care was left to the Mothers; There was a young lass named Lee, Hey, People! It's Mother's Day, Folks! Well your mom's pussy has mice; It's not right to pick on our mums; Picking your snot-ridden nose, What they said was the truth, Some things are sacred, you know, There lives a loose lady in London; Don't ever neglect your poor mama Said a boy to his brother at Lynn, As I sit down here nursing my beer, Though Pearl was his regular girl, My mother in flesh is not here; The touch of her hand I do miss, So today as I think on September, A tolerant man named Carruther "My daughter is drowning, I knew it!" A mischievous young boy named Hugh If Politically Correct had their druthers, She felt like a prophet of doom Though your mother is lacking in grace, To ladies, most men are but pests; "Mom made me that way", Maggie dear, That 'maternal feeling' comes when, A lad should not bellow an oath The flop is not natural you know, Step aside you ugly young whore, The mother-in-law, built like a truck, Big troubles in life, yes, we've got 'em; My mother-in-law is a witch; A teenage delinquent named Frank Despondency, gloom and despair. Clever people invented The Bomb, Once the substitute womb comes to pass, An old North woods logger named Hank, I know I'm a mother adoring, Said a wife with twelve kids, Mrs. Shay, "I've twelve children," said old Mr. Court, The telephone rings as I bathe; "No mother, I'm taking a soak Oh Gioia mia, your mum... To her daughter a lady named Tate Today I'll pay homage to Mother A professional corporate mom
Made Joan think of her own legal duty.
To the lawyer she went
And left every cent
In her Will to her new baby, Trudy.
--- Paula Linden P9412
Molly knew it was time for vacation,
When her husband inferred
Bottles, burps, and Big Bird
Were her main topics of conversation.
--- Paula Linden P9412
That you might think her ass is big.
But you can take pride
'Cause her ass is that wide,
From once giving birth to a pig.
--- Anon
Please keep door closed and windows shuttered.
It's like a pig sty!"
Child's poignant reply,
"I learned it from you, Mom!" she muttered.
--- Observer
To you, daughter dear, it's a loaner.
Have you ever thought
That you should have not
Volunteered to be a brain-transplant donor?"
--- Observer
She berates me and smacks my behind;
And she washes my mouth
Out with soap, north and south,
For the thoughts that spring into my mind.
--- Peter Wilkins
Speaking with voice loud and terse:
"I hope you have one
Child just like you, son!"
For curses, there ain't any worse!
--- Chris Anton
Her daughter and said, "Remain chaste,
For a boy can bring shame
Which would sully our name.
If a boy lays on you, I'm disgraced."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2036
I walked under a ladder at ten.
It felt oh so neat,
So cool and so sweet,
And Mum says I should do it again.
--- Lady North TP9807
Whose mother was awfully shoddy.
She groaned and she whined,
But when she was dined,
She surrendered her voluptuous body.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was not very nice to his mother.
He tore all her clothes,
Put a ring in her nose,
And forced her to beg in the gutter.
--- Peter Hodge
Maneuvered his girl into bed.
When she altered her mind
It created no bind --
He screwed her dear mother instead.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0154
In school houses children must stay.
Do math and read books,
Endure teachers looks,
While Mom and the gardener play.
--- Anon
So the gardener will no longer come.
So if mom gets an itchin',
She stops up the kitchen
And invites the plumber to plumb.
--- Anon
Whose womb was exceedingly fertile,
Said, as she sat
On her twentieth brat,
"I must get me a chastity girdle."
--- Macsam
And listen to mother, you should;
But once you are grown,
With a mind of your own,
New things you can try, if you would.
--- Anon
But vice is a whole lot more fun.
(And Mom knows this, too,
But she doesn't want you
To do all the things she has done!)
--- Anon
Had a girl friend and oft went to Sierre.
She was Gladys by name
And one eve when he came,
Her mother said, "Gladys St. Hierre."
--- Roy Baldridge P9210
"Believe only half what you see,
And not one word
Of anything heard,
Until verified emphatically!
--- Anon
Experience much more and you'll see.
Some little chippy
May make you go Whoopie!
But a grandmum's satisfaction guarantee.
--- Azul
As a youngster I knew that's a fact.
And now that I'm grown,
If the white hair is showin',
I can't get a sexual reflex.
--- Azul
We revered them above all the others.
Now a gal with career
Is the one we revere,
Thinking, house-wife a life-style that smothers.
--- John Miller
Who debauched on a wild long spree.
Now she writes to the papers,
Condemning such capers,
And signs herself, "Mother of Three."
--- Anon
So where are the vile, tasteless jokes?
Say at least something raw
'Bout your mother-in-law:
Insult the old bat 'fore she croaks.
--- John Miller
Blowflies with maggot and lice.
To clean out her cooter,
She called Roto-Rooter,
And they had to ream her out twice.
--- MrMalo A
All they did was to make our dads comes.
It's you who're obscene
And cruel and mean,
And now you just sits on your buns.
--- Archie
With shit on your fingers and those
Fly-blown clapped-out balls
Whose smell really galls;
What's left of your dick ain't a rose.
--- Archie
You west Aussies are so uncouth.
He insulted your mum,
So you kicked his bum.
But belittle his dick...Gods Truth!
--- Jule
And you dealt the man a low blow.
You downsized his nuts;
Now that really cuts.
Your mean streak is starting to show.
--- Jule
Reproductively, she's a fecund 'un.
To count all her children
Is simply bewildren--
And the Health Service covers the fundin'!
--- Norm Storer P9209
Or use any device than would homma.
For you'll find in the end
She's a fella's best friend,
!.,
--- Brandy Brandon P9506
"Watch your step when Ma asks where you've bin,
You might git a hug,
Or a lip on the lug, (box on the ear)
Depending on what mood she's in."
--- Archie
'Tis only one thing that I fear:
That her highness should call
From way down the hall,
That her mother's next visit draws near,
--- Anon
This is file gcl
It's her mom made his pulses awhirl.
Now he knows that her oyster
Is hotter and moister,
So now he screws Mother of Pearl.
--- Peter Wilkins
I wish that her voice I could hear,
Just once more with its love,
Cooing like a lone dove,
Watching over her young without fear.
--- Travis Brasell
And the smell that belonged to her kiss.
All her life she was there
Giving me all her care,
Even pain she could make seem like bliss.
--- Travis Brasell
When the glow dimmed like a fading ember,
And my heart said goodbye
To Love's personify;
It is my mother whom I remember.
--- Travis Brasell
Claimed one man was good as another.
But he soon changed his tune
When he saw a buffoon
Fucking away on his mother.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2863
Hysterically cried Mrs. Hewitt.
Said a man who was brave,
"Your dear daughter I'll save."
She said, "Don't take your clothes off to do it."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2646
Put glue in his mom's oyster stew.
She was a bit addled,
Then caught him and paddled
Him till he felt like a canoe!
--- Observer
We'd say only kind things 'bout our Brothers.
Never mind that our Brothers
Think we're Fuckers of Mothers,
The Politically Correct more than others.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And sat just as still as a tomb.
Then the baby went boom
As it came out of her womb
Not a dry handkerchief in the room.
--- Andy Sorenson P9009
With a pussy the size of a vase,
And her assholes disgusting
With hemorroids crusting,
I can still shoot a load in her face.
--- Hugh Clary
All are loathe to leave their child nests.
To women they cling
And sure have a thing
That centers around wondrous breasts.
--- Chris Papa
Is the constant refrain that we hear.
I'm sure the 'soft sex'
It's certain to vex;
They raise 'em, each 'pain in the rear.'
--- Chris Papa
Flushed with female estrogen,
Dear dames' DNA
Will show them the way
To spoil brats who later are "men".
--- Chris Papa
When mother appears somewhat loath
To let daughter stay late
With the lad on a date.
He should simply remain and fuck both.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0281
I can't get it up over ho's,
Like you and you sister,
And girls with big blisters,
But your mother can get me to go.
--- Anon
Let me bugger your mum on the floor.
Her anus is tight,
In fact, its just right,
Bring me more mums by the score.
--- Anon
Came with the wife, just my luck.
So much flesh on the bone,
Her shadows's 4 stone;
When she greets me, I always duck.
--- Anon
I wish though, in your case, you've not 'em;
Tell "Mom" to get well,
Then go give 'em hell!
This comes from the heart of my bottom!
--- Anon
Can't wait just to bury the bitch.
But we try not to show
Our anger, you know,
'Cause the silly old biddy is rich!
--- Kaylin
Said, "Mother, I'm too old to spank."
She said not a word,
But grabbed the big turd
And beat his ass red with a plank.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It would seem I have lost my sweet Claire.
She's in love with another;
But wait ... there's her mother
Who's gagging for shagging, I swear.
--- Anon
Mars Rover, Pc, Cd-Rom;
They won't be contented
Until they've invented
A full scale replacement for Mom!
--- John Miller 0050
Virgin birth will be common as grass;
With the women deserting,
The men will be hurting,
Converting to substitute ass.
--- John Miller 0050a
He smoked and he cussed and he drank.
When asked why he had
All these habits so bad,
Said, "I have my old Mother to thank."
--- Frank Ward P9310
With stories most others find boring.
But if your kids were like mine,
You pride would soon shine,
And I'd be the one who was snoring!
--- Half Plume
"I'm expecting my thirteenth in May.
I am done playing games
'Cause we are all out of names.
I think I'll call this one 'A-day'.."
--- Michael F Ellis P8902
And my wife has refused to abort.
This makes thirteen to date
And the hospital's great.
I call it my private "heir-port."
--- Michael F Ellis P8902
My mother to scold and to scathe:
"Are you washing the dishes
Or feeding the fishes?
Is it too much to ask you behave?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With heavenly bubbles," I croak.
"The vodka has ice;
My book lots of spice;
Just leave me in peace, okey-doke?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Really her timing is dumb!
We've so little time
For our furtive sex crime,
Will she call once again 'fore we come?
--- Anon
Had suggested her sex life should wait,
Unaware she'd been laid
By the fire brigade;
So the Tate tete-a-tete came too late.
--- Hugh Oliver A039Aa
Who bore me a sister and brother
And seventeen more
(My God -- what a chore!)
By Pop, neighbor Joe, and some other.
--- Travis Brasell
Told her sad little eight-year-old Tom:
"I'll be busy all day;
If you've something to say,
You can reach me at Mother.com."
--- Tom Patton P0609
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