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Joan of Arc was renowned as a Maid. The parents of rowdy Jeanne d'Arc Too busy as savior of France, The English circle Joan of Arc She again set the French Army straight Joan of Arc was a frigid young bitch, It's reported, King Louis Le XII, (ten, twos) For those who don't speak any French. Louis Quinze had an organ so huge, In Quebec, that impregnable fort, A fat fetid fart named Laval AT Trafalgar, a jolly Jack Tar Madame Defarge found it neat A reporter in search of a headline The Royal Baker cried, "For Gods sake! Marie Antoinette, eating steak, Marie-Antoinette use to cash in "I think they should all have some cake," Marie Antoinette, it is said A Queen named Marie is now dead, Marie Antoinette got some heat Marie Antoinette on her knees, Dumb Dora -- Marie Antoinette. If Marie Antoinette had been sly, A farmer there was who read Dickens Marie Antoinette said one day: "Oh yes," said Marie Antoinette, If history's not made a mistake, "And Lou, I find screwing so pleasant, History's mistakes are not mad; This myth is almost superstition; A revolution it could not really be called, To tell more of the French Revolution Marie Antoinette must have been There have been many illustrious whores -- Said Napoleon, emperor serene, The wily Napoleon Bonaparte The French will now fete their Napoleon, (interpreter of the Rosetta Stone)
Dick Dauntleess did deeds DERRING-DO, It was clear that Napoleon's Queen It's bizarre," said Napoleon's wife, On a lavatory door, the top part, The peace talks went bad for 'Nap' Bonaparte, (duke-a-bores - Canadian religious sect)
When she took off Napoleon's hat, When Boney ate out Josephine, Napoleon just loved to conquer Napoleon conquered a slew (Newsweek ad for Oasis water coolers)
Bony said, "Merde! Waterloo! Napoleon, with hand in his coat, Napoleon was a quaint little runt; I'll tell of a Corsican chap; He'd stand with his hand in his coat, He hated his women too clean, He called himself Emperor, and Queen; A military man, he was crushin' But Nap didn't know he was through. And I think that the message is clear. Napoleon and Josie had grown apart, Jo said, "Oh, Nap, how we've grown apart. Napoleon stands hand in vest. I recall having read in a tome, Napoleon a weary being, Shed a tear for Napoleon Bonaparte, When Napoleon came back from the war, Young Josie would rant and she'd moan, Napoleon, man, was he kinky! Said Welly to Nappy, "How do?
That means she had never been laid.
She wore iron britches,
With stainless steel stitches,
Which is why she was never afraid.
--- Anon
Frowned on her ungirlish lark.
But what with the fame
She brought to their name,
Well you just couldn't keep it Darc.
--- History Pun Chimera P0108
No time did she have for romance.
At men in her town,
Joan saintly looked down,
Not seeing the bulge in their pants.
--- Irving Superior P9307
And then they light the fatal spark.
Outside the circle wait
Some French who urinate,
But none of them could reach the mark.
--- Irving Superior P9401
Which then showed the English the gate.
And drove them from France
By the curious chance
That St. Joan of Arc didn't menstruate.
--- A N Wilkins P8909
Her pussy gave never a twitch.
Refusing to whore,
She strode off to war,
And they burnt the poor girl as a witch.
--- G0144
Told each of his consorts, "I choose
As King of all France,
To examine your pants,
And savor the smell from your cooze."
Translation: "I'll delve in your trench;
Le droit du Seigneur
Just serves to insure
I get into the trench of a wench.
He spurted a torrent of splooge,
When his nuts became bloated.
And often he gloated
When he came, "Apres moi, le deluge!"
There was wild merrymaking and sport;
Cried Moncalm in alarm,
"Mes amis, vite aux armes!
There's a terrible Wolfe a la porte!"
--- Sylvia Mead, Victoria 42b
Served Hitler instead of a gal.
One night down at Vichy
Adolf said, "It's too itchy--
Your moustache, my bisexual pal."
--- The New Lim 992 G0992
Spotted Boney's fleet yon and afar.
Those afloat on that boat
Were not fooled by Red Coat;
The brown cords were favorite by far!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To knit while the blade kept the beat.
To spend Halloween
At the guillotine,
For her was a real tricot treat.
--- History Pun Chimera P0108
When approaching his afternoon deadline,
Conceived of a twist
That Queen Marie missed:
THE MAYOR SERVES CAKE IN THE BREADLINE.
--- Limber Limericks
I cannot decide what to bake.
New ideas? No way
For this special holiday."
Then the Queen replied, "Let them eat cake."
--- Chairman Steve
Was asked to give poor folk a break;
They were all out of bread,
So Marie smiled and said,
"I guess they can go eat some cake."
--- Albin Chaplin
On her faded old charms, much in fashion.
From lovers and sweeties
She got favorable treaties
In the throes of testicular passion.
--- G0146
She said while she dined upon steak.
So they stormed the Bastille
In search of a meal,
And they gave her a pain in the neck.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0103
In reports from the land of the dead,
Suffers torturing ache
On a diet of cake,
While she yearns for a slice of French bread.
--- Laurence Perrine P9004
Because someone cut off her head.
'Twas not a nice sight,
But rather a fright.
She had asked "Was it something I said?"
--- Deena Trouten
'Cause she thought unemployment was neat.
But she made a mistake;
She said "Let them eat cake."
And they threw her ass out in the street.
--- Anon
Her kerchief in hand whispers "Please",
(Kerplunk-guillotine)
Continues the queen,
"Do I have enough time to sneeze?"
--- Irving Superior
Her "Let them eat cake." In effect,
If more sense she had,
She'd know just how bad
A nation with toothaches can get.
--- Irving Superior P9003
She'd have lived till the sweet by-and-bye.
She'd have saved her poor head
Through some mob head, instead,
If she'd only said, "Let them eat pie!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
To all of his cows and his chickes.
The hens seemed to hear
Marie Antionette with fear;
"Off with her head" made hearts quicken.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Those peasants, there, what's that they say?"
Her courtier said:
"Madame, they've no bread,
And that's why they won't go away."
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Dear Louis, I'm feeling quite wet.
It's not cake you eat,
Each time that we meet,
But pussy; come here, man, and get."
--- Anon
These next were the words that she spake:
"Remove, please, my pantie,
Insert a french fancy,
Then let them come in and eat cake."
--- Tiddy Ogg
So don't pay no heed to those peasants.
You say they've been screwed,
But now they want food;
Like me, their demands are incessant."
--- Anon
The one you refer to is sad.
The story so bold
For a hundred years has been told
Before Marie was supposed to be bad.
--- John Miller
First told about a princess disposition,
With no proof at all.
Even she got the call
To answer questions of the Inquisition.
--- John Miller
For innocents really got hauled.
They all got a trial
But all of the while,
Most of them wound up gutted and mauled.
--- John Miller
Would prove to have no real solution,
For Louis and Marie
Were the targets, you see,
For the troubles and the French evolution.
--- John Miller
This is file fvm
Quite a strong breed of royal blue gene.
There just wasn't a way
To feel good on the day
She encountered a mean guillotine.
--- Nawahl Razak
Salomes, Nell Gwyns, Pompadours --
But none so notorious,
So lovely and glorious
As the mistress of Louis Quatorze.
--- G1889
While scouting around for a queen,
"I'd much rather squeeze a
Maria Louisa,
Than sleep with that bitch, Josephine."
--- G0194
Took powerful Louis's plush throne apart.
But the weak Josephine
With her frontal fur screen,
And central attack, took Nap's stones apart.
--- Douglas Catley
Who rivaled Khan Genghis (Mongolian).
But the best thing he did,
And this fact is oft hid,
Was bringing to Egypt, Champollion.
--- Ward Hardman
He fought the French "froggies", a few;
In 1812 war
When old Nappy swore
He'd swallow the British Isles, too.
--- Chris Papa
Was referring to army routine,
When she said, in flummox,
"Marchons-nous sur nos stomachs?"
And was told, "Not tonight, Josephine."
--- Moss Rich
"That we know nothing real about life.
This enveloping mystery
Makes us women feel sistery,
While our men tend to formulate strife."
--- James Drinard P9802
After I had only managed to fart,
I spied written up there
"This is the place where
Napoleon pulled his bone apart."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When, once again, he couldn't control his fart.
The Duke (a bore)
Went on with the war;
The incident broke old Napoleon's heart.
--- Mr Blister
And his coat and his pants and all that,
What was left for her cunt
Was a circumcised runt
And some balls that were running to fat.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8303
She wished Marshal Ney'd intervene.
"You're a Corsican twit
With a tiny took kit!
With Michel I'm a slot machine!"
--- TuttaGioia
Both countries and girls, the old wonker!
He'd show, for a start
His famed "bony part",
And when she surrendered, he'd bonk her.
--- John E Mayhood
Till he lost his oasis - mon dieu!
Then along came a foe
Who compounded his woe -
And Bonaparte met Waterloo.
--- P8212
What in the hell could I do?
With Ney, that bean sprout,
Against that fat Kraut...
That Blucher, he really came through."
--- Raceway
Stood glowering on the banks of a moat.
He'd just lost a battle
And grumped at his cattle,
"I feel a right tit -- Please take note."
--- Tony Davie
He always was chasing some cunt.
But when he gained fame
Things weren't quite the same--
The cunt now came chasing the runt.
--- G0147
A strange little fellow called Nap.
Though almost a midget,
His genital digit
Would fill any young lady's gap.
--- Anon
Or so the historians wrote,
Not over his heart,
But a far larger part -
Caressing the end of his choat.
--- Anon
When playing his games nost obscene,
To Josie he'd send
A note, by a friend,
"I'm coming; Don't wash, Josephine."
--- Anon
Josie would still make him cream.
He'd come home and start
To flash his bony part,
And yelled "Twat tonight Josephine."
--- Anon
The Austrians, Poles and the Prussians;
But over-extended,
His victories ended...
He lost 18-12 to the Russians.
--- Anon
He thought one more campaign he could do.
So he hopped on a ship,
And gave Elba the slip.
Had a poor time at old Waterloo.
--- Anon
You should stay home and use your love gear.
If with Josie he'd stayed,
And kept her legs splayed.
He would have had nothing to fear.
--- Anon
While Emperor he'd often known a tart;
Still his, "Not tonight, Jo!"
Was a terrigle blow
And she threatened to blow his old bone apart.
--- Ann Gasser P9004
I lie with my thighs hotly thrown apart.
Yet you stand there and dote,
With your hand in your coat.
Napoleon, please with you boner part."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9307
Though 'heartburn' is the friendly jest,
Perhaps he hold a glass
From which he drinks fast
When Josephine or Moscow stress.
--- Irving Superior P8403
When Napoleon practiced to roam,
"Josephine," he would say.
"Please don't use the bidet
Until long after I return home."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9706
So "Not tonight," he Josephine'd.
Blown out of proportion
And into distortion,
To "Not tonight", he Josefiend.
--- Irving Superior P8405
Josephine, his dear Empress, was such a tart;
Nightly she made him beg.
After he sat on powder keg,
His imperial organ was blown apart.
--- Ward Hardman
He reached home and opened his front door.
"You're ill," Josie said,
"You must go straight to bed."
Nap said "Not tonight, dear, my head's sore."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Impatient to feel Boney's bone.
He come home, of course,
Shagged out, on his horse,
And told her she's sleeping alone.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And now lately historians think he
Often stuck his right hand
In his coat when he'd stand,
Because that's where he'd hidden a Twinkie.
--- Don Moore P0504
My lads here will stick it to you.
My well-known boot's
Going right up your shute.
Sorry son, this is your Waterloo.
--- Tony Burrell
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