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Said Napoleon, "Zoot alors! "Jo, I'm off to the Elba, forthwith. Said Josey, "Oh my Nappy dear, "What, me be unfaithful to toi? The father of lovely Briseis Sing Goddess, the wrath of Achilles, (shades - spirits)
Birds and doggies ate warriors, yea, (lay - narrative poem or ballad)
Who was it started their quarrels? He came to the ships of the Achaeans, Said Chryses, "The God you will please And then the Greeks cried out in favor Old Chryses was bad as his word. Achilles and Aggie for Briseis To Achilles as he sat in his tent, There was a young man from Thebes, (ephebe - young man)
There was a fine lady from Sparta, In assembly poor old Thersities There was a young man from Troezen, There was a young man from Troezen, (terrine - earthenware bowl, tureen)
There was a young man named Patroclus, There was an oaf called Theristes, Auf trat voll Hass der Thersites, Alexander took boys on a date, That illustrious boy Alexander Simple living was clearly the nub Archimedes, the early truth-seeker, That scholarly Greek, Archimedes, Archimedes' ordeal was a trial, In Peloponesia you When he demonstrated his lever, An ancient Greek prelate named Arius (founded Arian heresy)
Tragic plots concerned with ones rear, The philosopher named Aristotle, P. Terentius Afer On the other hand, Maccius Plautus M. Terentius Varro Q. Horatius Flaccus P. Vergilius Maro P. Ovidius Naso Here's to T. Lucretius Carus C. Plinius, surnamed Secondus, D. Iunius Iuvenalis C. Valerius Catullus L. Annaeus Seneca (need translation for last line)
After three thousand years under wraps, A long time before Super Bowl frolics, The typical Greek city-state A Cretan without any couth, There once was an island named Crete, Said their Ruler, the wily old Midas, So they called through the Labryinth door, Then out of the dark Labyrinth, Then all through the town of Knossos Diogenes lived in a tub, Attempts by the scholar, Eudoxus Phryne was a harlot unchaste (callipygian - nice looking ass)
Archimedes, with a beaker, The Greek Argonauts said, "It forebodes To the ancient Greek writer, Herodotus, Hippocrates noticed a growth While Homer was writing the Illiad, Said the doctor, (no common clod he) A young trollop named Lysistrata's Tired of the quarrel with self, I The Oracle of Delphi, ambiguous, As Persians faced Spartans, aspersions
Never seen nothing like this before.
Hey, my Josephine!
Let us quit this scene.
These Brits're biting me to the corps."
--- Tony Burrell
Can't find it in me to forgive.
If I'm to be exiled
Then I'll expect I'll
Need someone with whom I can live."
--- Tony Burrell
I'll come with you and hold you near.
But you'll have to part
From that other tart
You've been screwing for almost a year."
--- Tony Burrell
Why are you so cruel a' moi?
You know I am French.
Now you hear me, wench.
Bring me, toute de suite, Stella Artois!"
--- Tony Burrell
Sought her return from the dais.
Agamemnon said, "No!
I shall not let her go!
She both cute and a wonderful lay is."
--- Christian Kopff
Which gave the Achaeans the willies.
And sent into hades
The numberless sha-dees
Of heroes laid under the lilies.
--- Edwin E Moise
To give Zeus in Heaven his way.
So zero in now
And make the wild row
'Twixt King Ag and Achillies your lay.
--- Peter Green
Apollo, the god with the laurels.
Since Chryses they slighted,
The army was blighted,
And Ag found his love-life in snarls.
--- Elizabeth Vandiver
Singing some prayers and some paeans.
To ransom his daughter,
He went out and bought a
Big ransom to the rash Europeans.
--- Alexander Kozak
If my dear daughter you will release.
May you sieze Priam's town
And win much renown,
(And those are some good-looking greaves!).
--- Eric de Beus
To respect this entreating behavior,
But Ag on that day
Just sent him away,
With an order which made the priest quaver.
--- Scott Garner
He prayed, and Apollo he heard:
So the god was displeased
And the Argives diseased
Because Ag had done something absurd.
--- Brian Donovan
Engaged in some mighty fierce disses
Over who'd say he won her,
Saved some of his honor,
And got to enjoy all her kisses.
--- David Snider
Came an old King with his clothing rent.
Achilles said, "Priam
Is really like I am."
So he finally agreed to relent.
--- Kurt Bray
Who was just the perfect ephebe.
But Dionysus was mean,
Dressed him like a queen,
But at heart, he was really a plebe!
--- Martha Davis
Who behaved not as good as she oughter.
She eloped with a boy,
Took to living in Troy,
And presided over the slaughter.
--- Diane A Svarlien
Had the brass to mouth off to the mighties.
When his hump got a whack,
He crept back to his shack
With an earful of monarchist pieties.
--- Bill Hutton
Who to Phaedra caused quite a commotion.
But women he hated,
And loudly berated,
So Poseidon sent a bull from the ocean.
--- Peter Green
Whose stepmother caused quite a scene.
He said "Yuck" as a jape,
She accused him of rape,
And a bull turned him into terrine.
--- Peter M Green
Who didn't see what the big joke was.
"Achilles," he said,
"I'll wear your gear instead.
If I don't, then the Trojans will choke us."
--- Diane A Svarlien
Who asked, "How will we fight these
Trojans when we
Are done death by degree
By leaders who are hypocrites.
--- Ed Nelson
Sein unschoenes Aeussers verriet es.
Doch gegen Agamemnon sein Zorn
Ging durch Odysseus verlor'n
Bei dem Heer des Danaer-Gebietes.
--- Anon
To indulge his bisexual trait.
He was more than a bugger:
A superlative hugger,
So the lads called him "Alex the Great."
--- Anon
Was, of all the known world, The Commander;
He said: "Country, or maiden,
If you'd be invadin',
Part flanks, and break ranks, and then land her!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8406
Of the teaching of one who could snub
Alexander the Great
With: "Move along, mate!
You are taking the sun off my tub."
--- Joyce Johnson
Leapt out of his bath, cried "Eureka!"
And ran half a mile,
Wearing only a smile,
Thus becoming the very first streaker.
--- Stanley J Sharpless
Who deduced geometrical treaties,
Would enjoy, it is said,
Calculating in bed
New positions for screwing his sweeties.
--- Alex Heydon P0504
Which was nothing about which to smile.
By his works he was hurled
To the top of the world,
But began then his long downward spiral.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0109
Should be quiet, if out of the blue
Comes a sudden loud shout
Of "Eureka!" No doubt
Archimedes is having his screw.
--- Peter Wilkins
There was none who was not a believer,
For he chose as his test
The use he thought best:
Its employment to pry open beaver.
--- Peter Wilkins
Did something that proved tererarious;
Took a crap in the grass,
Blew a vein in his ass,
And died, showing life's sure precarious.
--- Armand E Singer 249
In the end were especially dear
To old Aristotle,
Who sipped on a bottle
Of Ouzo, and found life quite queer.
--- Christian Kopff
When humping his girl at full throttle,
Enquired (with a puff),
"What will be enough?"
She yawned as she answered, "A lot'll".
--- Alex Heydon P0504
This is file fum
Was a clever, contentious young gaffer;
He wrote several plays
Whose language we praise,
But he never was much of a laugher.
--- Sarah Aleshire
Never cared very much what he taught us,
And, as one might expect,
The comic effect,
Is worth very much more than the thought is.
--- Sarah Aleshire
Was scholarly right to the marrow;
No man could make sport of;
He still was a sort of
Big bibliographical wheelbarrow.
--- Sarah Aleshire
Was as sharp as the point of a tack is;
He was fond of hell-raising,
And preaching and praising
Augustus and Venus and Bacchus.
--- Sarah Aleshire
Celebrated the plow and the barrow,
And lovers and cattle,
And more than one battle;
You can't say his interests were narrow.
--- Sarah Aleshire
Wrote of love as delectable play, so
The Emperor said,
With a shake of his head,
"It's true, but it's treason to say so."
--- Sarah Aleshire
Who cheers and consoles, from afar, us,
With his atoms pell-mell
Demonstrating that Hell
Can't ever conceivably char us.
--- Sarah Aleshire
Wrote at length about natural wonders;
He'd be very amazed
To find he's dispraised
For quite inexcusable blunders.
--- Sarah Aleshire
Maintained a poetical gallows.
He was sure he was right
And took ample delight
In Envy and Hatred and Malice.
--- Sarah Aleshire
Found verse a great game, and a solace;
His love and his hate
Were equally great;
He was prickly as any portcullis.
--- Sarah Aleshire
Was a master of things ecumenic; a
Brief letter from Nero
Reduced him to zero
Polypragmosynes dethen heneka.
--- Sarah Aleshire
The Phoenician-made body-part maps,
Are still just as risque,
As they were on the day,
Aphrodite said, "Hermes, perhaps...."
--- Izzy Cohen
Ancient Greek fans cheered Castor and Pollux,
From a corporate box,
For executive jocks,
To the one-drachma seat alcoholics.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Had men of more substance and weight.
Where they had their Socrates,
We have mediocrities.
No wonder we're no longer great.
--- DC Dave
He sentenced himself, and forsooth,
Epimenedes lied,
So he lived -- therefore, died;
So he must have been telling the truth!
--- Lassie's Lover TP9901
Whose people were somewhat effete.
When invaded by Greeks,
Inside of two weeks
The Cretan effete faced defeat.
--- Bob Maximoff P9010
"If those Greeks really hanker to fight us,
Call the Minotaur out--
Get that bellowing lout,
Though his bark may be worse than his bite is!"
--- Bob Maximoff P9010
"Oh you terrible, great Minotaur,
The Greeks storm our beach,
And we humbly beseech
That you drive them back off of our shore.
--- Bob Maximoff P9010
A delicate bull-man did minth.
He seized a young Greek--
They went off cheek to cheek,
And no one has heard from them thinth.
--- Bob Maximoff P9010
A cry of despair loudly gnaws us.
The people fell down
In the streets of the town
And expired of collective thrombossos.
--- Bob Masimoff P9010
A think-tank, and place for a scrub.
When the Cynic got out,
He started to doubt:
Was the dirt in or out? That's the rub!
--- Drogo Montagu P9709
To logically solve paradoxes,
Were diverted by lasses
With nice tits and asses,
And schemes to get into their boxes.
--- Alex Heydon P0504
Who Greek playwrights futtered in haste.
What delighted Euripides
Were her swelling callipyges,
And her asshole assorted (to taste).
--- G1881
Was specific, but far meeker
When he breathed in deep,
Near a smelly sheep,
And shouted out, "Ewe-reek-a!"
--- Val Burns P0511Q
Though its style does reflect our proud modes.
Watching over our fleet
Yet maintaining dry feet,
We've nicknamed it 'Galoshes of Rhodes'."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9803
Said a pretty young thing, "My, how hard it is."
Said he, "Do you fear
I will hurt you, my dear?"
And she said, "Are you crazy? Thank God it is!"
--- Isaac Asimov
On his phallus and testicles both.
On discovering warts,
The record reports
The very first Hippocratic oath.
--- Adam
He went quite as balmy as Gilead.
But his doctor was sure
He'd effect a quick cure,
With the aid of a marvelous pill he had.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"We will soon sound mind and body see."
And the doctor was right,
For the very next night,
Old Homer embarked on the Oddessy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A habit of giving head gratis.
We hear her enthuse,
"I give thanks to Zeus,
That my mouth's not as loose as my twat is!"
--- Conch TP9901
Toiled up to that high mountain shelf: I
Gazed down at a world
Where no self lay furled,
And rejoiced to hear no voice from Delphi.
--- Conrad Aiken
Would often use misleading figuous
Of speech to confuse
Beseechers of views,
Whose skepticism was none too meticulous.
--- Dan McKinnon
Were cast at the morals of Persians.
As Persians these rancid
Aspersions they answered.
(Thermopylae -- see Persian version)
--- Irving Superior P8406
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