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She'd two other ships in her train, Near 2000 fine men were lost, Under Cromwell and such horses' necks, That old English stud, Walter Raleigh, Young Ethelred Beowulf Jackson Talking of Scots, there's Robert Bruce; There once was a maid from Lancaster; The pendants' gripes flew like a shotput: I really do note with disdain, The Vikings were ready to flee; "These Saxons are up to their tricks," Duke William decided for kicks, It stirs feelings of strong Scottish pride, William Wallace said, "Och aye the noo." A young man once went to Dundee, (Attributed to Winston Churchill)
In the Great War, the British-led nations The Ancient Empire once thought Ancients dozed when tactics were taught. The Ancient Empire loved war, "Sarge," said the Knox marine bruiser, It was tricky for Ben Mussolini Girls! Beware of Boccaccio, Peace once again is undone. Of course you've heard of Casanova: Casanova, as minstrels have sung, Charles Martel at Tours Don Rodriguez del Mar Y Posada Children and mothers in fright The robin said to his mate, I remember as autumn nights fall, (Don Juan speaks)
Garibaldi gained global renown Those "statesmen" who sat in Versailles A lady from way down in Georgia Old Bill was in Moscow with Putin, Old Ras was not appreciated; Discovered while harvesting barley, Personally, it's Scotch I like best; If it comes down to slinging the dirt, Scots, what the hell with that Wallace, We Scots prefer to be called Scottish, When the Romans came over from Gaul, King Phillip the Second of Spain The Feast of Saint Bunstable, brewer, Just as much of south Britain has claimed But I choose to believe it was Erin, For an abbey to stay spic-and-spandy, The Fingalls (the Norse) had a liking "Dear Monks," said the Vikings, "since you're While all of this trouble was stewing, "Lest the Fingalls should pillage my store, "Shtand back...men of war," he intoned, With these words, at their torches he blew; Now some say that ball of blue fire But I heard that Bunstable stayed When he passed, in reply to God's call, St. Valentine I would not fart on; Victorian folks were protected, I'm truly a long-time admirer When Abelard near Notre Dame Abailardus of old Notre Dame, When her uncle caught up with poor Abelard, President Charles de Gaulle once said, Says the Frenchman, "You'll pay us for sure." While seated one day at the bidet, The French have so long proudly boasted I guess that just everyone knewed,
Both speeding full sail 'cross the main.
They spotted too late
Their admiral's fate,
And the crabs further protein did gain.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Off Scilly their bodies were tossed,
'Cause the man misconstrued
The right longitude,
Which failure they learned to their cost.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The puritans managed to vex
Sports and theater fans
With numerous bans,
Till their only diversion was sex.
--- A N Wilkins P8605
Was always remarkably jolly,
Particularly
When it happened that he
Was in bed with a buxom young dolly.
--- Isaac Asimov
Had sex with a flaxen-haired Saxon,
Announcing each pillage
And subsequent spillage,
By giving a blast on a klaxon.
--- Peter Wilkins
Another who like barley juice.
While watching a spider,
Someone stole his cider,
So he said, "Aw damn, what's the use?"
--- Tony Burrell
The red rose was the mark of her master.
Till she rolled in the hay
With a Plantagenet,
And embraced Richard's arms ever after.
--- Pedro J Saavedra P8601
Prepositions at ends gave a hotfoot.
And Sir Winston replied,
In a tone rather snide,
"That's a thing, up with which, I will not put."
--- Scott Oliver
At the lack of a British domain.
So here I am now,
And I make a vow
To make the Union Jack fly again!
--- Staffordshire Scribbler
They'd plundered, would now put to sea.
While they'd been invadin',
A young English maiden
Was smitten, and cried, "Wait for me!"
--- Anon
Growled William. "But one thing I'll fix.
They'll remember the year
That I landed here."
They have. It was 1066.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
To give Harold's army some licks.
Dunno why; maybe bored
In the year of our lord
Anno Domini 1066.
--- David Morin
To see Englishmen run far and wide.
But they chopped off his head;
Poor Willy was dead;
And he went off to follow his bride.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And painted his face Scottish blue.
He fought with the Brits
And made them look twits;
Celebrated with Young's Special Brew.
--- Tony Burrell
And said to the voters, said he,
"No house is complete,
Unless I have a seat;
My initials are W.C."
--- Anon A
Looked poorly on Kraut appellations,
Renaming their pets
With staunch epithets:
German Shepherds turned into Alsatians.
--- Rory Ewins Q
It could break treaties it sought.
The Knox were well armed;
Ancient HQ grew alarmed.
Their fleet was eventually caught.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The battle they lost was poor fought.
Ponder what they have learned,
Or share what they've earned:
Treachery always comes to nought.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Till its leader of losing grew sore.
His curses were English,
Messages quite fiendish,
Sore losers are really a bore.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"The Ancients are really poor losers.
We might stop our taunts,
And our victory flaunts,
But never our fast battle cruisers!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When the word got around he was teeny,
But he garnered a laugh
From his General Staff,
When he flashed them a breaded zucchini.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8303
His favorite dish is fellatio.
All the young girls in Florence
Drink his semen in torrents,
So be sure you stay off his patio!
--- G0979a
Bosnians talk with a gun.
It may seem far away,
But it should all dismay.
Don't forget, they began World War One.
--- John K Roberts P9303 a
His wife, too, had passions that drove her.
She tried ten thousand men,
And then started again--
Don Juan! Casanova! Move over!
--- G0625a
Was arrested and never got sprung.
But how could they say,
"He just withered away,"
When we all know he must have been hung.
--- Cyber Geezer
Said, "Boys, the odds are poor,
But take a chance
For sunny France -
Ain't gonna reign, no Moor."
--- History Pun Chimera P0108
Commanded the Spanish Armada,
But was quite indescreet
With a lad in the fleet,
And was hanged by the ...er... neck in Granada.
--- G1032
Huddling, their temples alight.
The explosions of glass!
A death knell, alas,
For millions...Dread, Damned Crystal-Night
--- Tutta Gioia
"It can't be something I ate.
It must be from germs,
Not the Diet of Worms
Martin Luther said was just great."
--- Dorman Grace John P9504
My springtime of cock and of ball.
My ruddy John Thomas
Made plenty of mamas;
My motto: FUCK ONE AND FUCK ALL!
--- G0062
Storming Sicily's shores for the crown.
His men wore shirts of red
To hide wounds when they bled;
On this basis, their trousers were brown.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9502a
And carved Europe up like a pie,
Caused Adolf to rise
With his brown-shirted guys,
And declare "Deutschland wins the next try!"
--- John E Mayhood
Became quite a notable forger.
But she faded from view
With a quaint I. O. U.
That she signed, "Miss Lucrezia Borgia."
--- Anon (Cerf) (Bibby)
This is file fwm
Debatin' with grins and refutin'
'Bout missles and stuff.
Will it be enough?
Our Chief needs the prayers of Rasputin!
--- Tiddy Ogg
His monk-ing around was abated.
It has been reported
That someone resorted
To making his life 'breviated.
--- Travis Brasell
With their hair all disheveled and gnarly,
"Young Nicholas II
Is my lover; It's true!"
Admitted Rasputin bizarrely.
--- Hugh Clary
Without ice, as you probably guessed.
For other things Scotty
I'd really be dotty,
To be in the least bit impressed.
--- Ogni Gioia
Let's write of the highlander's skirt.
And Englishman true
All kilts would eschew,
If he's not a transvestite pervert.
--- Bob Mornington
And that bloody Bruce equally lawless?
Moping about,
So ready to pout!
Remember, you fought with Cornwallis!
--- TuttaGioia
It's a subject that's often quite hottish!
The Scottish are kind,
But it's hard to find
Someone English who's not at all snottish!
--- Ogni Gioia
They wisely built Hadrians's Wall.
So only England and Wales
And culture prevails;
The Scots weren't civilized at all.
--- Bob Mornington
Sent his ships off to England to gain
Both its crown and its land;
His armada, though grand,
Found the target too hard to attain.
--- Anon
Is attended by hundreds, no fewer;
There stories are heard
How his sainthood occurred,
In versions both older and newer.
--- C M Joserlin
Local towns once were Camelot named,
Or they had Merlin's cave
Or King Arthur's grave,
So this tale was on many sites blamed.
--- C M Joserlin
County Limerick, or someplace therein,
That a monastic Celt,
Brother Bunstable, dwelt
At a hall many monks said their prayer in.
--- C M Joserlin
Every monk at some task must be handy,
So this brother devine
Made the scrament wine...
And the beer...And the ale...And the brandy.
--- C M Joserlin
To go raiding -- as they called it, "Viking",
Once they'd sought out the word
Of this brewer they'd heard,
In order their drinks to be spiking.
--- C M Joserlin
Supposed to be sober and pure,
We'll help you by taking
The brews you've been making...
For we've come to SACK you for sure!"
--- C M Joserlin
Our good brewer his duty was doing;
"I am PORTly and STOUT,
But I canna' run out
On all of these drinks I've been brewing."
--- C M Joserlin
All the brews down my gullet, I'll pour!"
Thus he emptied the kegs,
Then on unsteady legs,
He confronted the Norse at the door.
--- C M Joserlin
"Shack my abbey? I sahy you won't!
I am filled with the shpirit,
So don't you come near it,
Or I'll BREATHE on you -- shee if I don't."
--- C M Joserlin
And the fumes from his spiritous brew
Made a great ball of flame
So the thought to all came:
"He breathes fire!" -- and the Vikings withdrew!
--- C M Joserlin
Took Bustable higher and higher,
Till he vanished away,
In Heaven to stay:
A feat that we all may admire.
--- C M Joserlin
On Earth, where he brewed and he prayed,
And lived out his days
In a jolly old haze,
And a well-preserved Abbot he made.
--- C M Joserlin
The good monks of Saint Bunstable's hall
Laid their stout-hearted peer
To rest on his bier...
But his spirit's alive in us all.
--- C M Joserlin
His life you don't want me to start on!
No stud, I'm afraid;
The man never got laid;
He just walked around with a heart on!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
'Cause all nasty thoughts were rejected.
But all prudes forgot
A Trafalgary plot --
A column, in public erected.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8708
Of historian William L Shirer.
The Reich rose and fell
And the facts he did tell,
In prose to which I'm an aspirer.
--- Donna Lee Dom
Had taught his fair pupil the game,
Her uncle, the wag,
Cut off Peter's bag,
And his lectures were never the same.
--- L1203
Was proud of his scholarly fame,
'Til he got him a piece,
Of the canon's sweet niece,
And lost both his stones for the same.
--- Anon
Their romantic relations were rudely marred.
His efforts to please
The fair Heloise
Were restricted to leaving his card.
--- Edwin L McFalls P9008
"I've a really big nose and bald head;
But I am consoled
That 'though growing old,
I'm better off than if I was dead."
--- David Miller Q
Says the German, "We can't for we're poor."
So Fritz with a whine,
Sings "Watch on the Rhine,"
While Perrot sings, "Watch on the Ruhr."
--- Joseph Kennedy
My thoughts drifted right back to D-Day.
On Omaha beach
I enquired of this peach:
"How about it?". She said: "Quelle bonne idee."
--- Kevin Hale Q
Themselves that they cannot be roasted.
Though typically pickled,
They still are quite tickled
Whenever they're glowingly toasted.
--- John Miller
The one that we Brits barbecued.
She tasted like pork,
That gal, Joan of Ork,
When frogs and us had a wee feud.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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